"So, this is it, right? You're going to leave me here to rot. Until today becomes a forgotten yesterday for you, but my heart would loop around to this day as if today is everyday..."


Minseok takes a sharp intake of breath, Jongdae's words were always sharp like the paper he writes all his art on. And Minseok can't find the will to respond because what he said was simply true. They have spent a good three years together already, and Minseok knows that Jongdae always had a hard time in moving on from things. Be it death or anything just as tragic, he'd only stop when he feels like his heart has emptied from the sorrow; but that usually took too long. Minseok did not want him to suffer, they're having this conversation now to avoid that.


Think long-term, here, Kim Minseok. Think of Jongdae's possible future. With that in mind, the older fakes a smile, "Th-that's right, Jongdae. I can't ever twist the truth from y-"


"Tell me why." 


"Why what?"


"Why are you leaving me?!"


His love usually never snapped, but in the few times he did, it was only because the situation was too much to handle. Minseok wants to scoff at them; he felt pathetic for doing this but he had to. If not then Jongdae would be... Minseok's eyes squeeze shut, no, Jongdae won't die. Not on his watch. He won't die if he does this, he won't die if he forgets Minseok he will live happily after he gets over him, "Because I don't love you anymore!"


Futile, that was the best word to describe his attempt at making Jongdae believe his words. His heart was simply too strong and too determined to deter the words his brain sends to his lips. Jongdae laughs bitterly, it was that sound he always makes when Minseok tries to joke with him after they finish those dramas where one of the mains would die, Minseok knows because Minseok once vowed to try to lighten up the tone every time they finish a drama.


"You're lying! I don't believe you."


"Then don't!" Huffing defiantly with artificial arrogance, Minseok turns around and leaves the scene, knowing very well that if he were to stay longer, he'd shed actual tears and prove Jongdae right, he's lying.









Why can't you stuff it in your head that I love you. The you who always takes care of me on post drama watching times, the one who always walks with me out of our apartment to take out the trash because our apartment block has ty lighting and you who knows that I can't stand the dark on my own. You who would scold me if I left rice on my plate over our low dinner table and you who would then pick up the leftover grains and feed them to me as if I were a child. You who would weekly take me to the park where you first asked me on a date. You who had been the owner of the shoulder I cried on when my parents died. You who bought a lightbulb at 3 o'clock in the morning because the one in our bedroom broke. You who stayed up that one time to read all my drafts then surprised me the next day with a published manuscript. 

The Kim Minseok who promised to love me 'til death even though we never made it to the altar because you said that a certificate that said we're connected legally did not matter, as long as we had each other.

The Kim Minseok that said he'd be forever there even when the world perished around us.


Jongdae rips out the page from his writing notebook. Even the notebook reminded him of his ex-lover, it was the notebook Minseok gave him way before they even started dating- he said that since he was an extremely unorganized person with chaotic thoughts and heeded that a notebook was necessary so he wouldn't have to write on his forearm and palm anymore. Surprisingly, the notebook never became like it's fellow stationary comrades that succumbed to Jongdae's habits of manually breaking things out of boredom. Because it's blue, snowflake printed cover was still in tact, even the spine wasn't harmed and his handwriting was a lot better when he wrote there than to any other paper.


Thinking of this only bring salty drops to Jongdae's already blood shot eyes. It had been a week since Minseok, and a day since he started coming