Sana didn't sulk often.  She had nothing much to worry about; money, fame, it was all anyone could ask for.  She tried to do as Chaeyoung would, and live freely.  No problems, no concerns.

(sometimes there were problems)

Bouncing back and forth between Korea and Japan hadn't helped her speech.  Suddenly she felt put back four years.  At night when everyone was asleep she pulled out one of her old textbooks (it was buried somewhere in her suitcase? huh.  she didn't remember packing that) and glazed over conjugations once more.  

"Hey."

Sana jumped, her textbook clattering loudly on the floor.

Mina rubbed her eye blearily and tugged at the back of Sana's shirt.  "Come back to bed."

Sana's shoulders relaxed, "okay," and forgot about her textbook, and her language problems, and smiled wrapping her arms around Mina's tiny waist.  She always had the hardest time of all the members getting used to sleeping in a new place.  Mina wriggled around for ten more minutes before her breathing slowed again, and Sana placed a little kiss on her temple, finally sending her off into sleep.

So Sana could live freely.  Take her friends on food tours in Japan that made her feel smart and important, especially when their eyes would light up at the automatic ice cream machines, and wasabi-flavored everything.  As Chaeyoung would have it, no problems, no concerns.

(there were concerns)

Sana didn't want to burden the other members, but lately she hadn't been feeling well.  Her stomach wobbled uncomfortably on every drive, and she ate less at lunch to avoid feeling pukey by the time they got on stage.  It was a small thing, and when it would probably eventually spin out of her control, they would chastise her and coddle her and comfort her until she got better.  

Except everyone was busy lately and even Sana forgot she hadn't been eating well until one night she was taking a long bath and nearly passed out before she even made it in the tub.  Nayeon found her drooling on the porcelain and dragged her, chiding her all the way, to the bedroom.

She kind of nodded and stared through the whole lecture until Nayeon had changed her into different clothes and tucked her into bed.  

"Take care of yourself, please," Nayeon asked.  Sana hummed.  Nayeon rolled her eyes and then leaned in to kiss her forehead.  "I usually don't have to worry about you.  Takes a huge load off my chest since we have four other children in the group.  Please don't make me have to worry."

Sana hummed again, smiling a little, and Nayeon kissed her again, like she was drilling the point home.  Then she left and Sana sighed a little, letting the blankets and pillows lull her into sleep.

As Chaeyoung would have it.  No worries, no burdens, no overcomplicated thoughts.  Sana closed her eyes and tried to savor her ice cream, and push away the niggling concerns that would come up every once in a while.

While her eyes were closed Momo leaned in trying to swipe some ice cream.  Sana opened her eyes just in time to catch her, shrieked and jerked her cone away.  Momo didn't even look sorry, she only pouted and batted her eyes long enough to get Sana to give in and share.

"I don't know why I do this for you."

"Because you love me."

Sana snatched the cone back, taking a long to smooth over the bite Momo just took.  "False information," she took another , "don't know where you heard that."

Momo smirked at her and Sana fought to keep her expression level.

"Let me have another bite."

"The last one took up half the scoop."

"I'll do it smaller this time."

Sana stared at her pointedly and Momo jutted out her lip and they went on like this until Jungyeon approached, took the cone from both of them and snickered as they immediately broke out into whines.

"Give that back it's mine!"

"I was just about to have some!"

Jeongyeon held up above her head and Sana felt too tired to move so she let Momo try to wrestle for the cone, while she some of the leftover strawberry off her teeth.

She wasn't paying attention to them anymore when something cold was suddenly pushed up against her lips.  She looked up; Jeongyeon was smiling at her sheepishly.

"Sorry.  You are too fun to tease."

Sana opened , took a , and then pushed the cone back over.  "You can have it," she said, "I'm not that hungry anymore."

"For ice cream?"  Though Momo readily accepted another bite, she was bewildered that Sana would give up her one true love.

Sana shrugged.  She watched Momo take three more bites in quick succession, and bit into her cheek, smiling, as Momo's eyes lit up each time.

"I'll get you another cone," Jeongyeon said, getting up to go to the ice cream machine.  They were on set and it quickly become the big hit of the catering spread.  Sana didn't refuse her since she seemed a little reprimanded.  She felt bad sometimes for not playing along as well with Jeongyeon's teasing as Momo did.

Speaking of the devil, Momo snickered.  She offered up the cone to Sana, and wouldn't let up until she took another , then commented, "you're good.  Jeongyeon never apologizes for things but you always make her so flustered.  It's funny to see her get teased back."

Sana shook her head.  "I don't do it to ."

Momo grinned.  "That's why it's so funny."

Sana sighed.  She couldn't keep her head in one place today.  She started to pick at the tablecloth, and didn't notice Momo switching chairs to sit at her side.

"Whatever's going on in there, just..." she furrowed her brow, lost for words.  Sana smiled slightly -too tired to laugh- and nudged Momo's arm with her elbow.  

"Just-" Momo continued, "-don't let it bother you."  She couldn't figure out how to explain what else she was thinking so she just leaned in and let Sana wrap her arms around her and hold her.  "I can't remember how to say what I wanted to say.  I'll tell you later."

"That's okay."  Sana had her head turned so her lips were permanently resting in Momo's hair.  "I think I got it already."

(Jeongyeon's expression when she came back, seeing the two of them spaced out staring at the tablecloth was priceless.  Even more priceless than the ice cream comically dripping over her fingers.  "the machine broke," she complained, and then screamed when Sana tried to eat it off her fingers.)

So maybe being "carefree" wasn't Sana's thing.  She could get close, like when all the members would grumble about it raining she would be the first to run out without an umbrella, and even if the others wouldn't join her, they'd all be laughing by the time they got inside the building.  Or how she would laugh at all the pointed jokes Nayeon would make, even the ones that would otherwise be borderline offensive.  She could even put up with Dahyun's mood swings, and her sudden dead silence after dinner, swearing she was too sleepy to speak after they had all watched a movie Mina and Jihyo were intent on discussing.

As she wrapped her arms around Tzuyu's waist, penguin walking behind her to keep up as they travelled to the parking lot of the venue, she felt Tzuyu relax, and when they stopped walking, she leaned her head back on Sana's shoulder.

"I don't know how your shoulder is so soft. You're as skinny as me, Unnie."

Sana giggled.

"Thank you?"

Tzuyu nodded.  "It's a compliment."

The other girls were filing into the van, and Sana and Tzuyu were last.  Tzuyu got in before her, then held out her hand to help Sana get in.  She assured her she didn't need help, but accepted the hand anyway.  As they sat down in the car Sana heard the other girls bustling about, fixing their clothes, moving their bags and unnecessary items away so they could be comfortable.  She leaned back in her seat.  closed her eyes.

(she didn't dream.  her friends told her that she talked a lot in her sleep but she didn't remember any of it.  when she woke up, the members were giggling, saying she was talking about a dinosaur chasing them all, and jeongyeon had video evidence to back it up.  sana laughed good-naturedly along with them.  she followed them out the car back into their dorm, and rubbed her eyes tiredly.  she never remembered the dreams, she only remembered the feeling.)

Shaken, Sana went straight into the bathroom, and closed the door and started a bath.  Soon enough the other members would come knocking, swearing she was taking too long, but until then she just wanted to be alone.

After an hour Nayeon dragged her out, scolding her, and Sana nodded and sighed and waited for Nayeon to kiss her to sleep.  Tzuyu joined her, sharing her bed for the first time in a while.

"You shouldn't be alone," she said, wrapping her arms around Sana's waist.

"Okay."

"You're not good at it."

"I know."

Tzuyu thought some more, and Sana was falling asleep quickly.

Eventually she settled on this, brought Sana closer to her and nuzzled into her neck like a baby.  "You're not alone, Unnie."

Sana sighed.  She put her hand over Tzuyu's and tried not to think too hard, after all.

"I know."