It’s not that Nichkhun hadn’t suspected it before. He’s even confronted the younger boy once months ago. The boy had laughed in his face and told everyone about his ridiculous accusation, making him feel a bit foolish.

Yet there Wooyoung was, leaning against his study table with his pants pooled at his ankles.

Nichkhun’s eyes widened at the scene before him. He felt blood rushing to his face in embarrassment and actually bowed in apology before hastily leaving the room.

He avoided eye contact with the boy kneeling in front on Wooyoung.

--

Three days passed and neither of them had said anything about it. Things were awkward between them and Nichkhun feels a bit guilty about it. He wasn’t even supposed to be there! His photoshoot was cancelled because the photographer couldn’t make it. How many has Wooyoung brought to their house? Nichkhun shudders.

A part of him wants to hug his bandmate and tell him it’s okay, I don’t care what your ual preference is. I have gay friends and it doesn’t bother me at all. Nichkhun tries to muster up the courage to say all this but always ends up chickening out.

Because Nichkhun knows it’s a lie.

It does bother him.

He wished he knew why.

--

When their manager announced he was stepping out for a smoke, leaving the two boys alone in the van to wait for Taecyeon, both of them tensed. Wooyoung quickly took out his ipod and plugged his headphones in. Seconds later Wooyoung was bobbing his head, eyes glued to the view outside the window. This annoyed the hell out of Nichkhun because he knows for a fact that his ipod ran out of battery 2 hours ago.

The silence made the van feel stuffy. Nichkhun decides he can’t take it anymore. It’s snowing outside and he hasn’t eaten in the last 12 hours. The next thing he needs is his best friend giving him the cold shoulder.

So he reaches out and grabs Wooyoung’s wrist, making the younger one jump in surprise. Their eyes meet for the first time in days. Wooyoung shifts uncomfortably and Nichkhun feels his pulse quickening under his fingertips.

“Wooyoung, I-“

A sudden knocking on the window interrupted the moment as Nichkhun lets out a high-pitched squeal and jumps onto Wooyoung’s lap. They could see the outline of a tall figure banging his fists on the van’s door. Wooyoung pushes Nichkhun off gently and bravely opens the door to reveal a smiling Taecyeon. The two of them started yelling at him as he climbs into the car, attacking him with random objects they find in the car until their manager comes back to pull them off him.

Nichkhun turns his head to smile at Wooyoung. His smile falters as the younger turns his attention to his phone, pretending he didn’t see the peace offering.

--

The rest of the week went by fast. Nichkhun drags his tired body to their living room sofa and sits himself down. He eyes the TV remote, contemplating whether or not he should turn it on. Chances are, he’d find a new family drama or a music show on. He holds up the remote and points it at the TV but just as he was about to press the on button, he remembers a show about celebrity news that should be airing around this time. Nichkhun sighs deeply and puts the remote down.

He was so sure she was interested in him. They’ve been out several times, just the two of them and he’d made sure she knew he wanted more than just friendship. So why was she getting married to someone else?

Nichkhun feels a hand on his shoulder and lifts his eyes to see Wooyoung offering him some popcorn. He eyes the bowl suspiciously and takes a handful, eyes not leaving Wooyoung’s. The other then proceeds to put in a DVD in the player and a familiar movie starts playing on the screen. Nichkhun is confused by his actions but decides not to question it.

30 minutes into the movie, Nichkhun decides to break the ice.

“I was so sure there was a spark between us.”

Wooyoung turns his head slightly and lifts his eyebrows at him. He stops munching on his popcorn but still remains silent.

“This . You know what; I don’t think I was ever in love with her. She was just another chick I’d like to bed.”

Wooyoung snorts at this and rolls his eyes. Nichkun smiles bitterly and continues.

“Love doesn’t exist.”

At this, Wooyoung pause the movie. He turns his body to face Nichkhun’s and takes his hands in his.

“Hyung, don’t be like this. Love does exist. Someday you’ll find someone who makes you happy and you won’t even remember her. Trust me.”

Nichkhun didn’t know what to say. Wooyoung has always been the cynical one in the group and now he was telling Nichkhun to not give up on love? Was he…

Nichkhun looked deep into Wooyoung’s eyes and saw it - that dreamy look.

Wooyoung’s in love.

He lets go of Wooyoung’s hands and pushes play. The boy onscreen who was currently in midair finally lands on his toes.

“Why are we watching your favourite movie if you’re trying to cheer me up? Shouldn’t we watch something I like?”

Wooyoung turns up the volume, muttering something about Junsu sending him to cheer him up and not wanting to do this at all.

When Junho comes into the room in nothing but his boxers and gives Nichkhun a sympathetic hug, Nichkhun forgets why he was even angry in the first place.

--

It wasn’t long until everyone starts commenting on how Wooyoung was always on his phone. He never gives them a straight answer whenever asked who he’s texting; he’s manipulative and uses his cuteness to get himself out of it. Chansung manages to get a glimpse of his text to his mysterious friend and confirms to everyone that yes, Wooyoung definitely has romantic feelings for this person.

(Well, Chansung had used ‘girl’ but he doesn’t know.)

Wooyoung was spending less and less of his free time at home with them and Nichkhun was starting to feel lonely. That is, until Junho started hanging out with him. Then he didn’t mind so much.

They were supposed to do an interview an hour ago but Wooyoung shows up late. The look their manager gives him tells Nichkhun he wasn’t late because of work. He tries to make eye contact with him but Wooyoung was too busy bowing in apology to everyone. As soon as the camera man rolls the camera, the worried look on his face morphs into a happy, carefree one.

The interviewer asked them numerous questions, ranging from their music to their love life, sometimes needing the translator’s help as their Japanese still isn’t fluent enough.

“Chansung-San pointed to Wooyoung-San. That’s wonderful! Does this mean you have a girlfriend? Or perhaps, a boyfriend?”

This question though, Nichkhun understood perfectly. Junsu’s laughter rings in his ear as he tries to keep a calm composure, maybe laugh a bit.

“A girlfriend, of course!”

“Yes, definitely!”

Nichkhun turns his head to look at Wooyoung, just to fit in with everyone else.

He sees Wooyoung swallow nervously and he too feels like something’s stuck in his throat.

“I’ve tried explaining this to the members but they wouldn’t listen. This person is just a friend.”

The interviewer doesn’t seem convinced, but at least she thinks he’s in a relationship with a girl.

Nichkhun thinks it’s a million times better than suspecting he’s gay.

--

The showers on the 1^st floor of the JYPE building are broken again. The boys have no time to go back home so they decide to share the very few on other floors that are working.

Wooyoung says nothing when Nichkhun pulls Taecyeon into the shower stall instead of him. Taecyeon, however, feels the need to ask and starts talking fast in English.

“Well, this is a first. Why’d you bail on your shower buddy?”

“I’m not. Why can’t I shower with you? And since when did Wooyoung become my shower buddy?”

“Um, since like, forever. We don’t shower together because the stalls are too small to fit the both of us comfortably.”

Nichkhun tries to glare at Taecyeon but the cramped space made it impossible for him to turn around.

“You can trust him, you know. He won’t start groping you or anything. He never did, why start now?”

Nichkhun turns suddenly and elbows Taecyeon’s stomach.

“. Sorry, man. I just…why would Wooyoung me? Of course he wouldn’t! He’s not –“

“Come on, man. I know you know. That’s why you two were weird with each other a couple of weeks ago.”

The steam was making it difficult to see if Taecyeon was bluffing but Nichkhun could tell from the tone of his voice he wasn’t. His mouth was open trying to think of something witty to say but nothing came out.

“Stop being a homophobe, man! I thought you’d be cool with it.”

“I am! I…I don’t know why but for some reason, I’m not comfortable with it yet. I mean, I have friends who are of the LGBT community. You’ve met Sam the transvestite! I don’t have a problem with them but Wooyoung…I just can’t accept it.”

Taecyeon turns the shower off and looks at him disappointingly.

“Maybe it’s because they’re open about it? Maybe you’re uncomfortable with it because Wooyoung is having relations with a man despite being in the closet. Well, it shouldn’t matter. If it does then maybe you need to figure out why it bothers you so much.”

Taecyeon walks out of the shower and joins the others in their towel whipping. Nichkhun gets dressed quietly, thinking about Taecyeon’s words.

--

Things get more serious.

A member of a rookie boyband claims to be close friends with Wooyoung, puzzling everyone because not only is Wooyoung reserved while this kid was a party animal, they were never in a show together before and there was no opportunity for them to meet during work.

Rumours start circulating. It worries Nichkhun because they are true.

It worries him more that Wooyoung was too in love to see the dangers of his claim. He sees it as a blessing and starts going out in public with his lover.

Their tweets to each other seem very intimate too. Nichkhun is also sure that he’s not the only one who notices how Wooyoung didn’t use to tweet much, yet alone upload pictures of him with his new ‘best friend’.

Even selcas with Junho can’t make his uneasiness go away.

--

The moment he stepped into their house he knew something was wrong. He could hear Junho’s voice booming throughout the house, overlapping Junsu’s telling him to calm down.

He finds them in the kitchen. Wooyoung is cornered, three pairs of eyes on him.

“Hyung, I need you to talk Wooyoung out of this.”

Nichkhun glances at Junho, his eyes are still on their prey and gulps nervously.

“Junho, stop it. Look, Wooyoung. This isn’t just about you. This could jeopardise the band! Is that what you want? I don’t care what you do in your free time but for God’s sake keep it on the down low. No one needs to see your disturbing lifestyle. Do you hear me?”

“Shut the up, Junsu.”

Everyone turns to see Taecyeon by the doorframe. He walks up to Wooyoung and pulls him away from the crowd. Junho scoffs.

“Taecyeon should stop protecting him. Wooyoung needs to stop!”

A meek why escapes Nichkhun’s lips. It’s quiet but the others still heard him.

He doesn’t give Junho a chance to finish his explanation. Sometime between it’s disgusting and he’s going to hell something inside him snaps (he suspects it’s his heart snapping in two) and the next minute he sends his right fist to Junho’s face.

“Khun! The is wrong with you?!”

Nichkhun’s fist hurts but that’s not why he’s tearing up. He sees Junsu assisting Junho to the bathroom while Chansung stays with him.

“I never understood why either. I think everyone should be allowed to love whoever they want. It’s just unnatural. My family would disown me if I was like that. Junho and Junsu love him as a brother but please understand. We were taught that a man should love a woman. Anything else is just wrong.”

Nichkhun wants to comment on his speech but his sobs muffle his words. So he lets Chansung leave him to find Junho.

--

Taecyeon finds him in the underground pub near their house. He hasn’t even touched his first drink, remembering his promise to Wooyoung that he’ll stay sober from now on.

“This is where I found out. He was drunk and made out with that scrawny boy from that new group. I told him to wait because the kid was still underage at that time. I can’t believe he did.”

Nichkhun holds up his drink close to his lips but doesn’t take a sip.

“Hmm…probably why he swore off alcohol. He’s in love, you know.”

Taecyeon nods slowly and joins him. They chat the night away, ordering non-alcoholic beverages and a bowl of chips to share. By the end of the day Nichkhun felt a lot better.

“What do you think of two members in the same group dating each other? I mean, no one would know. They get to see each other all the time too.”

“It’ll be too messy if they break up. Besides, I think Wooyoung made the right decision not to try his luck. Well, he didn’t because of the language barrier but –“

“Wait. What? Oh my god, Taec, Wooyoung had a crush on…”

Taecyeon’s eyes widened when he realised Nichkhun didn’t know about the crush. He got up from the stool flustered and left Nichkhun without saying another word.

OH. MY. GOD.

--

It’s one in the morning when Nichkhun arrives home from the pub. He tries to make as little sound as possible but fails when he walks into Wooyoung and sends them both to the ground. Wooyoung laughs heartily as he gets up and offers Nichkhun his hand.

Nichkhun thinks Wooyoung just wants to touch him. He gets up by himself.

“Wooyoung, I need to talk to you about something. I…uh…spoke to Taecyeon tonight and the subject of your, ahem, past crush for a member of this group came up.”

Wooyoung looks shocked but not at all embarrassed. Nichkhun wonders if he’s that good an actor.

“It’s in the past. It wouldn’t have worked anyway.”

“Language barrier?”

“He told you? I can’t believe him! Whatever, I was young. Just…don’t tell Jay about this. Ever!”

“Why Would I tell Jay…Oh! Oh…”

Nichkhun wants to crawl into a hole and rot there.

Wooyoung looks at him amused and smiled knowingly.

“Khun, who did Taec say I had a crush on?”

“Um, see, he didn’t really say exactly who it was. He said it was a member and that you couldn’t speak to him and…yeah.”

Nichkhun rushes to his room and ignores Wooyoung’s giggles and his cute “I love you too baby!”

This is a part of why he hates being so attractive. He gets delusional and thinks everyone is in love with him.

--

Junho has been eyeing him for an hour now.

Nichkhun apologised for the black eye the night he punched his face in but the younger refused to acknowledge him. He knows it’s childish but he’s pointedly ignored the other too ever since. Eventually, Junho realised he wasn’t the one giving the cold shoulder but was receiving one.

Now he’s been hanging around him just to have Nichkhun look in his direction.

Nichkhun wants nothing more than to spend time with Junho again but not until he apologises to Wooyoung.

--

Junsu tweets a picture of him and Wooyoung’s lover one day. They met on set and the kid complimented his music. Nichkhun knows he still doesn’t acknowledge their relationship but at least he and Wooyoung are talking again. It comes as no surprise when Chansung gives in too and starts acting normal around him again.

It saddens Nichkhun to learn Junho is still looking for a cure for Wooyoung’s ‘disease’.

--

One night when Nichkhun is in his bed in Thailand, he thinks about how although he’s attracted to women 90 percent of the time he couldn’t deny that at times, he finds some men (especially Junho) very attractive as well. This scared him out of his wits. He decides to go to the temple the next day and asks to be free of these inconvenient feelings for men.

--

Something’s wrong. Something is very, very wrong.

For one, Wooyoung hasn’t been on his phone for the past 5 hours. He hasn’t even glanced at it since they left the house.

Secondly, Wooyoung’s eyes are really puffy.

Lastly, Wooyoung has been binging a lot. Ice cream, crisps, ddubokki, fried chicken. You name it, he ate it.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. It gets confirmed when one of the stylists asks Wooyoung if his boyfriend is dating someone else - a famous actress. He simply nods and whisks away while she gushes over the couple.

Nichkhun offers no words. He simply puts on Wooyoung’s favourite movie and sits through it with him.

--

Junho sees the kid who cheated on Wooyoung on the set of a variety show and wonders what the hot actress saw in him. Deep inside he’s glad he’s not dating Wooyoung anymore. He has a beautiful and successful lady by his side now. Who wouldn’t want that?

Still, there is this nagging feeling in his heart telling him he shouldn’t be grateful to this guy. Sure, he’s got an even more successful partner to leech off but what about Wooyoung? All he got was a broken heart and a whole lot of self hate.

Junho doesn’t think twice when the MC of the show asks if his best friend’s ex-lover has made new friends. He butts in.

“He may be making new friends now but he’s avoiding Wooyoung. He’s asked it from you so many times before in private and you ignored him. So now I’m going to ask you here to please pay him back. The amount of money you borrowed from him is a lot. Now I heard you’re dating a successful actress and have been telling others you’ve got her eating out of the palm of your hand. You should have no problems then paying him back.”

The boy denies the accusations and that part was not broadcasted later on but the audience believed Junho and started campaigning against him. His popularity surely took a hit as he steadily gained anti-fans.

When Wooyoung finds out about it, he goes straight to Junho’s room and nags him. When he finishes and calms down a bit, he leaves the room with a quiet thank you.

Wooyoung goes back to watch his movie with Nichkhun in the living room.

fin