Intro

“It was a rough night, wasn’t it?”

Navigating through shadows with nothing but a moon-like outsider’s guidance, sensitive fingers flicked the switch of a small lamplight. Lo and behold—it all came to view. A wooden desk was covered with a disarray of yesterday’s and today’s items: an old typewriter, a dusty disc Walkman, a couple of empty soda cans, unfinished snacks, candy wrappers… and balls after balls of crumpled paper. Discarded, unfinished sketches and letters trailed the floorboards, telling story after unfinished story without a conclusion—without an ending. Down in the darkness—the unlit space beneath the table—were piles of dusty postcards and notebooks snugly housed by two cardboard boxes. One was labelled “cabbage.” It probably used to carry farm produce before being recycled for stationery storage use. Right before those two boxes lay a toppled picture frame—faced down and partly lit by the light emanating from the small lamp.

Slim fingers grabbed the ends of the tiny frame, flipping it to reveal a polaroid photograph. With a sigh, a soft, breathy voice whispered, “Oh, Seulgi...”

The two smiling faces behind the protective glass of the picture frame looked too surreal. How can carefree happiness and warm tenderness radiate from a tiny photograph, and yet make one feel… nostalgically sad? The way one held on to the other for a warm embrace, and the way the other gazed at the former with those loving eyes…

“It’s been a while,” the gentle, raspy voice mumbled in the silence.

The moving figure continued to take light steps, navigating through the mess of the old room. At the other end, opposite the door was a sliding glass window. Fingers pulled down the lock and slid the window open. Yes, that bright ball resembling the moon was in fact a street light. Under the false moon was a symphony of sorts—crickets sung to the warmth of the tropical night, and trees rustled upon greeting a warm breeze. Other than their song, everything else was calm and quiet, as if they were all listening to their lullabies. It was a peaceful night.

Out from the shadows beyond the window, a floating yellowish light flew into the room. It went in a circle. It flew high and low. The light bobbing with the breeze faded in and out like a magic spell, eventually landing on the bed by the window.

A gasp. “Oh dear, an uninvited guest…”

Part 1

March 2014

Dear Irene,

I made this drawing for you. I hope you like it. I’m not the best artist, and it doesn’t quite look like you, well, at least from how I view it. I think the more you stare at it the more it just looks like a whole different person, so I guess you shouldn’t stare at it for too long. It’s a pretty bad drawing, but

Then the paper was snatched from the typewriter—crumpled and tossed into the bin.

“Ugh, maybe I shouldn’t say that,” Seulgi muttered. “She’ll just make fun of me.”

Then she stared at the drawing she had finished, still attached to the sketch pad leaning by the wall next to her desk. Then she glanced at a small framed photograph on the desk. “It’s not good enough.”

The girl grabbed the sketch pad, with one quick pull, ripping the artwork to shreds. “I need to do this again.”

Suddenly, there were a few beeps and the door swung open. In came a tall young fellow, who began to look confused at the sight of this messy room. “What is this mess?”

“Get out, Joy. I need to concentrate. I’m trying to make Irene a birthday present,” Seulgi told her.

            “Are you going to give her a pencil drawing and write her a letter with that stupid old typewriter from the dinosaur age? Gosh, you’re such a hopeless romantic,” Joy sarcastically scoffed. “What’s next? A hundred paper cranes or paper hearts using all this trash? Her birthday isn’t even until the end of the month, and the month just started!”

“Get out.” I really should change my flat passcode. But Seulgi always forgot to change her passcode. Her best friends know the passcode to her flat by heart.

***

March 2014

My dear beloved friend Irene,

Thrown in the trash. “That intro sounds cheesy. Irene doesn’t like cheesy.”

***

March 2014   

Dearest Irene,

Do you know that I really liked you from the start? You were quiet, but I found you intriguing from the moment we met. Your eyes were so pretty it was just so captivating and

Binned. “Why am I even typing that for? It has nothing to do with my gift or her birthday…”

***

March 2014

Hi Irene! Seulgi here. Happy birthday! You’re another year older, you old person!

Garbage. “She’ll kill me when she reads that one.”

***

March 2014

Deer Ireen ,.

She typed too fast. “Ugh, I can’t have mistakes.”

***

March 2014

To Irene,

If you were not born, we would not have met. That’s upsetting, because I don’t know what my life would be without you being there for me. It was all because the day was good, and because the circumstances were just right, that fate brought us together. I’m so glad you’re in my lif

Once again, the paper was snatched from the typewriter—crumpled and tossed into the bin. “It sounds like a sappy drama script for some reason.”

While she was thinking, her phone began to ring. “Hello?”

“Seulgi! Are you up for karaoke night?”

“I can’t, Wendy. I’m busy. Maybe some other time.”

“Okay! Some other time it is! But you must promise, or I’ll roast your !”

“Alright, alright. I promise.”

***

March 2014

Dear Irene,

You know that last trip we had in Yeosu together a few weeks ago? We took a lot of pretty polaroid photos, didn’t we? It was such a fun weekend with the girls. But honestly, the best part for me was walking with you and admiring the night view by the ocean together, just the two of us. You smiled and laughed a lot that day, and I did too. I never wanted it to end. I loved seeing you smile and I really want to capture it forever. That’s why I made this drawing of yo

 Seulgi stopped typing. “Maybe I shouldn’t babble too much about that vacation,” Seulgi mumbled. Then she took a long, deep sigh, and held her temples with her fingers. “There’s so many things I want to say, but I don’t know exactly what to say. I’m going insane here!”

Seulgi yanked the paper and crumpled it, tossing it back along with the rest of the pile. Finally, she got up and picked up every single piece of trash she could find until her room was once again spotless.

Part 2

            “Happy birthday Irene!” Everyone cheered upon the entrance of the birthday girl. Her eyes widened, and she covered her gaping mouth with her hands in surprise.

The taller girl named Joy ran up to the petite birthday girl and pulled her closer, as she affectionately ran her fingers through the celebrant’s hair. One of the three other girls in the room named Wendy held a home-made birthday cake with five candles stuck to it—candles colored red, yellow, blue, green, and purple.

            “Happy birthday Irene, happy birthday Irene…,” sang the other tiny girl named Yeri whom was supporting the cake with Wendy to keep the dancing flames burning.

            “Seriously guys, we’re having a birthday party at a karaoke place? I can’t believe it but thank you all!” Irene’s eyes slightly curved up and her body leaned back as she shrieked in sheer laughter. “You guys are the best, always!”

            “I made this cake for you. You deserve it for being the best, most amazing, most honorable, most wonderful—the absolute greatest—woman of this generation! I love you, so much!” Wendy said in all her exaggerated cheesiness.

            “Hey, hey! I came up with the idea of renting this karaoke! Don’t forget that!” Yeri shouted through the microphone.

            “It was my idea to do a surprise party though!” Joy retorted through the other microphone.

            “Okay, guys, don’t fight,” Irene said, smiling so brightly at the sight of her best friends in one room, all here to make her special day extra special.

The birthday girl then gave each of her best friends a big hug. When it came for Seulgi’s turn, Irene stared into the gentle eyes of Seulgi’s mellow countenance and giggled. Seulgi gave her a soft smile back. There in the shadowy room with so many resonating voices and studded strobe lights, the very person who worked the hardest—the very person who wanted to make the most impressive gift since day one—had nothing to give to the birthday girl. That was why when Irene came in and everyone began to sing, Seulgi was not as thrilled. She stayed back lifelessly clapping to the birthday song. She watched from a distance as the candlelight was blown out to nothing but smoke. She did not want to show her face. She was disappointed in herself for wasting so much energy, time, effort, and resource unable to produce the perfect sketch, unable to write the perfect letter. And yet, here was the birthday girl, with a smiling face sweeter than a thousand candies, staring straight at her and finally, leaning in for a warm embrace.

            I don’t deserve this, Seulgi thought as Irene wrapped her arms around her. I can’t even make her a stupid gift.

 For an hour or so, everyone took turns singing and dancing to songs in their private karaoke room. Apparently, Yeri was already short of money, so Irene eventually offered to pay for the extra drinks and snacks. Another hour passed, singing rounds after rounds, with Wendy gaining the highest scores.

            “It’s my turn to sing.” Yeri stood up as her requested song began to play.

In the midst of this, Seulgi briefly excused herself and left the room. Outside the streets lined with shops and flashing neon signboards, Seulgi breathed in the cool night air. Across the street was an awkwardly placed children’s playground atop an upward slope. Seulgi then ran to the other side of the street and climbed the steps to the small grassy park, where she eventually seated herself on one of the hanging swings. No one else was there.

As the cold breeze gently blew, a small cherry blossom drifted its way to the lone girl’s lap and sat there before her with the gentlest landing. Seulgi carefully held the blossom with her fingers and examined it under the dim streetlight. The bud was smaller than her thumb. Its soft, delicate petals were smooth and thin—almost paper-like. Seulgi bit her lip as she stared at it.

“Can I join you?”

Seulgi looked up and saw Irene slowly coming toward her. “Is the party finished?”

Irene sat on the metal swing beside Seulgi and replied, “Nah, Wendy and Yeri are still singing 90’s pop songs, but I swear, Joy is now slightly tipsy after one can of beer. She’s denying it, but she’s tipsy alright.”

Seulgi slightly chuckled. She looked down on her tiny cherry blossom once again, making it twirl between her thumb and forefinger.

“Are you upset about something, Seulgi?” Irene asked, her breath puffing up like smoke in the unusually cold night. Seulgi could feel her staring at her, but she could not make herself face the birthday girl. Seulgi just sat there and nodded. Then Irene changed the topic. “I heard from Joy that you wanted to make me a drawing.”

“Yeah. I made you more than one, actually. I drew a lot because I wanted it to be the perfect gift, but they’re all trash.”

Irene chuckled. Although Seulgi did not share the same mood, the birthday girl seemed to be in her blithest state right now. “So, you’re not even going to show me your trashy artwork?”

Seulgi finally lifted her head up to look at the smaller girl sitting on the swing next to her. Then she muttered in a low voice, “You’re really something, Irene.”

“What’s up with that comment?” Irene slightly leaned back and propelled herself to swing forward.

“We’ve known each other for so long—since we were children, and you still haven’t changed at all,” Seulgi told her as she watched her swing back and forth under the light of the street lamp. “You act like nothing’s changed—like nothing will change. You’re still very bright and happy and smiling.”

With a little help from the power of friction and her short legs, the swinging motion stopped. “It’s not like you’ve changed all these years either. I’ve seen a lot of your trashy drawings, but you’re still embarrassed to show them to me.”

Seulgi looked down on her tiny cherry blossom again and said, “Well, you always find a way to make fun of them.”

Irene sighed and looked up to the star-less night sky. “You’re not really scared that I’ll make fun of your drawings again, right? You’re just upset because I’m—”

“You’re not wrong,” Seulgi said, not even letting Irene finish her sentence. “I tried my best. I wanted to come up with the best thing that can capture what you mean to me—what you and I mean to me. I’d make every , every detail perfect, but I can’t. It’s just not good enough. Everything we ever did—everything we ever had—cannot be contained in one picture. If anything, it’ll be nothing but the very last time you’ll ever make fun of me.”

Irene chortled at the final sentence out of tension—not because she found it funny. “Of course, this is the Kang Seulgi I know. You act like you’re upset when I make comments about your drawing but at the end of the day, deep down you like it when I make fun of you.”

“I’d rather you make fun of me try and try over and over, than come up with something perfect for you for the very last time,” Seulgi said, her voice about to break. With a blink, drops of tears fell on her palms and even on her little cherry blossom. “I… I can’t believe you’re leaving. You’re moving far away, and I won’t get to see you anymore…”

Irene stood up and went to cup Seulgi’s crying face with her dainty hands. She lifted the crying girl’s face and gently wiped the tears streaming down her soft, round cheeks. With a wry smile, Irene said in a soft unsteady voice, “Seulgi, I’ll miss you too, but that doesn’t mean we won’t see each other again. Besides, I won’t be leaving until the end of spring! Come on, you big baby, don’t cry…”

Part 3

July 1999

Deer Diery, today, I meT a new frend. her Name was SulGi. She was veeerrrrry nice. We playd wid Tedy bear toogether at the playgrownd. I like to play on the swing! its a nice Day. YAy Fun fun daY but hot. We ate icecreem to.

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Friday. October 2007. Weather: Cool and a bit windy. The autumn trees are changing colours!

Dear Diary,

Seulgi’s sleeping over at my house today. We ate chicken and pizza, and I’m lending her my pajamas because she doesn’t have her own. (Who doesn’t have pajamas? Maybe next time I’ll have to gift her!) Also, earlier, while exploring the attic, we found an old typewriter. It was my mom’s and it still works. We ended up playing with it. Since nobody’s really using that typewriter, Seulgi asked my mom if she could have it and wow, my mom just told her to take it. Just like that!

Right now, Seulgi’s here reading this while I’m writing. And she’s eating Pringles, as usual. Sneaky fool! She won’t stop reading hahaha. She’s literally breathing down my neck, smelling my shirt. And she says I smell nice. Gosh what a weirdo! And creeper! Stop reading!

Anyway, I can’t believe she brought along that teddy bear we played with the first time we met back in kindergarten or something. Gosh, we’ve been friends for a long time. It’s crazy.

I LOVE SEULGI!!!!!!!! SEULGI IS THE BEST!! AND SHE’S NOT A WEIRDO. SHE JUST LIKES NICE-SMELLING PEOPLE. ESPECIALLY IRENE <3 <3  <------ (Seulgi wrote this crap, not me. This is actual proof that she’s a weirdo.)

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Monday, March 2010. Weather: Rainy Spring Day

Dear Diary,

Sorry I forgot to write to you the past few days.

Anyway, I’ll have to fill you in on the first week of high school. I was a little nervous on the first day, but I’m glad I have Seulgi with me. We’re in the same class again. Nothing could be better. At least I won’t be so lonely. I need that girl dummy in my life.

We also met some new friends during the past week: Wendy, Joy, and Yeri. Wendy has such a great voice. She’s so good at singing! And she’s also good at baking! She invited us to her house and just hung out. Joy is kinda weird, and she scares me a little when she smiles. I don’t know but she’s a little creepy sometimes. But she’s nice??? Kinda??? Yeri… well there’s Yeri. She’s SO savage, and I LIKE IT. Ok, maybe I don’t like it when she’s being savage to me, but when she’s savage to everyone else, that’s when it gets interesting. Hehe Seulgi and Wendy got destroyed by Yeri EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

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Thursday, November 2012. Weather: ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL <3

Dear Diary,

Today, I found out that the guy I dated was a total jerk! I never had feelings for him, but since everyone thought we looked good together, I kind of just went along with it. I thought this was going to be a thing, and that maybe, just maybe this was going to be love, but hell no. Just when I thought I was having feelings for him, he betrayed me. I feel used and awful. I can’t believe it still, but I should have known. I don’t want to go over details. Let’s just say he broke my heart. Period.

I cried for a long time in my room, but then some unknown weirdo somebody started throwing acorns at my window. I ignored it, but then a rock the size of a baseball came breaking the glass. When I looked out I realized it was Seulgi. She was like, “Hey, you want to come out and see the sunset?” So I went, “You just broke my window!” I swear, she can be such a moron sometimes. She probably didn’t notice I was in a bad mood. And man, if she was desperate to see the sunset with me, WHY NOT RING THE DOORBELL?

But that same moron took me out to see the sunset by the river, and I forgot all about the stupid boy in an instant. The weather was so nice and the sky was so pretty!! I’ve never seen the sky so pretty <3 I’m really glad Seulgi dragged me out. No regrets. Ahh, Kang Seulgi, my cure, my sweet medicine. Thank you for all you do. I love you so much! This moron is better than any boy out there. Probably.

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Saturday, February 2014. Weather: Cold and a bit windy in Yeosu.

Dear Diary,

Today was our graduation celebration getaway! Just like planned, the squad and I are staying here in Yeosu to see the ocean and just unwind. The five of us had great meals today and even went fishing during the evening. Yeri, Wendy and Joy caught some fish, but Seulgi and I are apparently the losers at this whole fishing game. I DIDN’T CATCH A SINGLE FISH. ONE FISH ATE THE BAIT AND JUST SWAM AWAY!! WHY WON’T THEY JUST GET CAUGHT? I was so frustrated I just had to take a long walk out. It was cold, but Seulgi went with me. At least I have Seulgi <3

We went to the harbor and just talked about life and growing up and stuff. It’s a shame I’m moving out of the country. I’ll really miss her. I’ll miss Wendy, Joy, and Yeri too. But Seulgi has always been special. I don’t know how that sore loser will survive without me. We’re talking about the big loser who ran into a tree while playing tag. The same sore loser who thought Antarctica was in Europe. Who thought babies were gifts from cranes until the age of 14—and you wouldn’t believe how she reacted when she found out the truth! (Seriously, I don’t know why I had to become the one who had to explain that very awkward topic to her back then. I’m not her mom!) She’s an idiot. My idiot. <3

But honestly, I don’t know what I’ll be without her. I’ve known her since forever. It’s weird to think that we’re going to be separated…

***

“I had plenty of great memories,” Irene said as she looked over her old diaries. Finally, she closed her notebook and placed it in the cardboard box labelled “cabbage.”

With a sigh, she pulled her desk chair and grabbed a pen. After browsing through her stationery collection, she chose a purple stationery with matching envelope, and began to write.

Dear Seulgi,

These are all for you…

Part 4

            Seulgi sighed, leaning by the open window of her little studio flat. The weather has gotten warmer months after Irene’s birthday celebration. The trees that were once dotted with buds of off-white to pinkish hues were now replaced with lush green leaflets. The orchestra of critters provided the new season’s soundtrack, paving the way to summer. However, none of these changes fascinated the lass like they used to. She used to love seeing the seasons change, but no, not this time. When spring ends, she knew, Irene—the friend she cherished with all her heart all these years—was going to leave. Far away. Very far away. Just like those unreachable sparkling things in the night sky.

            As she was blankly staring into the star-dazzled night, one particular spark seemed to be glowing in a distance. It did not twinkle like the stars; it glowed with a soft illumination. The yellowish light faded in and out, and it seemed to be moving. Seulgi rubbed her eyes and squinted, wondering if it was just a frame of her odd imagination. It was not imagination though. As she stared at it, she realized it was actually coming closer, until it flew past her head and went into her room.

            “Wh-what is that?” she thought out loud. The light danced in circles in the dimly lit room until it landed on her bed. The curious cat had to look closer. “Is… is that a firefly?”

            It was her first time ever seeing such a creature in her life. For a moment she had no idea what to do. Touch it? Shoo it away? But with that bright glow it felt so wrong to smash it like you would a blood- mosquito or a dirty fly. Seulgi slowly crouched down by the bed to take a closer look and awkwardly greeted, “Hello, little firefly…”

            Since the firefly was just sitting so still on her bed, Seulgi quickly grabbed the mason jar on her desk and threw the remaining water out the window. Then she stealthily crept close to the glowing insect and successfully trapped it in the glass. With a swift motion, she succeeded in covering the mason jar’s lid with the lightning bug still inside.

            “Ha! Caught ya!” Seulgi exclaimed with a grin of accomplishment as she admired the glowing insect inside the jar.

            Knock. Knock. Seulgi turned her attention to her bedroom door. “Gosh, who could be knocking so late at night? I swear if it’s Joy again, I’m gonna—”

            When Seulgi turned the knob and swung the door open, she saw someone, she did not expect to see. “Irene? What are you doing here?”

            “I came to see you. I hope I’m not bothering you. Can I come in?” The petite girl was carrying a box full of notebooks in her tiny arms.

            “O-of course!” Seulgi stepped aside and let her uninvited guest in. Irene went inside and placed the box on the floor near Seulgi’s bed. Seulgi gently placed the mason jar on her desk and turned her attention to Irene. “What’s with that box?”

            “I’m giving these to you. They’re my diaries since I met you. They contain all my deepest darkest secrets,” Irene said with a mischievous wink.

“You’re so strange. You’re really going to let me have all of this? Why? You never liked it when I took peeks at your diaries.”

            “It’s better than being used as fuel for a campfire,” Irene aloofly told her while she sat on the bed looking at her nails.

            “That’s mean,” Seulgi sulked.

            “What is?”

            “You can’t burn any of this.”

            Irene glared at Seulgi as if she just said the dumbest thing ever. “I know, that’s why I’m giving them to you.” Seulgi did not really know how to respond to that awkward sequence.

            As Irene’s gaze wandered around the tidy room, the glowing little light in the mason jar caught her eye. She got up and held it with her hands. “Hey, what is this?”

            “It’s my uninvited guest, Mr. Firefly,” Seulgi said, thinking her words to be so clever.

            “How do you know it’s a Mr. and not a Ms.?”

            “I don’t know,” Seulgi shrugged. “It’s a 50-50 chance either way. I could be right by that assumption. A 50 percent chance. That’s math, right? Maybe. Let’s just call him ‘Mr.’ for now.”

            Irene just giggled. She always found Seulgi to be cute because she says the most random nonsense sometimes. Then Irene added, “And you’re making Mr. Uninvited Firefly your prisoner? Won’t it die in here?”

            “I don’t know what to do with it. I want to watch it for a while. I’ve never really seen one before.”

            “Well, you better let Mr. Rare Firefly go,” Irene advised. “I feel bad for it. You don’t want to be part of the reason why Mr. Firefly's species become extinct, do you?”

            Seulgi frowned. Irene twisted the lid and left the jar open by the window. Slowly, the critter crawled up the jar, and flew away into the dark night.

            “You’re just going to leave me like that stupid bug, aren’t you?” Seulgi grumbled. It seemed like every time she saw Irene, she felt angry. As much as she loved the girl, she just felt upset and betrayed at the fact that her best friend had to leave.

            “Look, I’m not excited about leaving you either. But you can’t keep me in a jar either,” Irene told her in an emotionless matter-of-fact tone. “Some things can’t be helped.”

            “Why are you like this?” Seulgi stood up and angrily grabbed the empty jar and placed it back on the table. “I’m here having a hard time and you’re just playing it off so coolly like it’s all natural and totally not painful to leave a friend behind! It’s not easy for me, you know! You act like you’re all okay, and it’s driving me insane! After all these years, don’t you ever think that I’d be afraid of losing you? Do you even care about me as much as I care about you? Or are you just okay that you’re leaving me to go far off to who-knows-where?”

            When Seulgi finished her rant, she noticed that Irene’s rosy cheeks were drenched, and a stream of tears was flowing from her eyes as she sat there on the bed, staring at Seulgi. The crying girl looked down and wiped one side of her face. Then she stood up and headed for the door. Before grabbing the door handle one last time, Irene sternly spoke. “Well, after all these years, I guess you still don’t know me at all. Goodbye, Kang Seulgi.”

            When the door was slammed shut, Seulgi stood there, open at the loss for words. She rarely saw Irene cry. The Irene she knew never let her tears fall down her face like that. What have I done? She immediately regretted her outburst. Finally, Seulgi plopped on her bed, buried her face in her hands and began to cry. When she lifted her head up to stop crying, she noticed something lying on her bed that wasn’t originally there before. It was a purple envelope with the words, “To Seulgi” written on it.

            Seulgi opened the envelope and unfolded the contents.

Dear Seulgi,

These are all for you. I know you liked reading my diaries, but I didn’t like showing them to just anyone. Now, I’m actually going to let you have all of it. You’re my best friend and I trust you with my heart, my feelings. But I’m not really letting you have the diaries for good. I promise you I will come back. I don’t know when, but I will come back and see you again. These precious memories just needed a place to stay. You’ll hold on to them for me, right? This is to make sure you don’t forget me! If you forget me, you’re dead!

All joking aside, I know you must feel awful right now. Trust me, I feel awful too. I may not look like it, but I’ve never felt this awful in my life. I’ve never been good at expressing emotion, so I’m not sure if you could tell when I’m upset. The truth is I cry almost every night, thinking of everything. Sometimes, I can’t fall asleep, because I am a little scared. I don’t know what my new life in this new place is going to be like. I don’t know what my life without you or our squad will be like. I had plenty of great memories with you, and I don’t ever want to forget any of them. That’s why I wrote down everything in my diaries. If it weren’t for you, my diaries would have probably been the most uninteresting pieces of trash in the world. Worse than your “piece of trash” artwork. (I love your art though, in all honesty. I just like teasing you and making you feel uncomfortable. Think of it as an odd love language, but I’m sorry if I’ve ever offended you. You know I love you, right?)

 As much as I hate to feel this way, I try to convince myself that everything will be alright. It’ll be alright, right? Let’s think positively! We can still contact each other, with the internet and all. Or if you’re feeling old-fashioned and want to use that typewriter we got from my mother’s attic, you can send me an old-fashioned snail mail too. However you want to contact me. It’s all good. Just please, never forget me, okay?

Don’t be too upset. You know I’m never going to forget you too. You’re my one and only, Kang Seulgi, my idiot best friend since kindergarten. When I see you again, I’ll be sure to give you a big hug like I always do! And I want us to hang out again like we used to. Maybe go to Yeosu again with the squad someday. Or just the two of us and we can keep it a secret from the other 3 hohoho. Luv you <3 Take care. Til we meet again.

Xoxo Irene

“Irene, I’m sorry I yelled at you. I didn’t mean to make you cry or anything,” Seulgi typed in and pressed send on her phone’s messaging app. She waited through the night but there was no reply. What could she expect though? It was already a quarter past midnight and she made the girl cry.

That long sleepless night, Seulgi read page after page, diary after diary. What Irene said was true. After all these years, how come she didn’t know how Irene would truly feel? Written entries with her name in almost every single one—Irene truly did saw her as an irreplaceable, special person close to her heart. By reading those entries, Irene’s true feelings about their relationship was revealed. She wasn’t as aloof as she made herself out to be. She loved Seulgi and the girls, although she never vocally expressed it.

Part 5

            The night ended with a sharp ringing of a siren-like alarm. “Hello?”

            “Seulgi, you moron, where the heck are you?!” yelled Wendy’s loud voice through the phone’s loud speaker. “It’s 9 AM! Get your lazy- moving if you want to make it to the airport! Today is Irene’s flight! We’re sending her off, remember?!”

            She immediately got up and made her way to the airport. When she finally made her way to the right area of the extensive departure hall, she saw her three other friends talking with Irene.

            “Sorry, I’m late…” Seulgi bent down trying to catch her breath.

When Seulgi looked up, her eyes met Irene’s, but this time, she saw that hint of sadness—that hint of longing for a proper closure. However, Irene just stood there without any words, just staring at the girl gasping for air after a long jog. Seulgi straightened up and pulled down the hair that got caught in her lips.

“Took you long enough,” Wendy greeted the late-comer. “Irene just finished checking in.” Then Wendy turned to Irene and said, “I think you better head off into Immigration. The lines could take long. You don’t want to miss the flight.”

Irene just gave the light-haired girl a faint smile and said in a low voice, “Thanks, Wendy.” She wanted to say more, but she knew it would probably sound unintelligible at this point. Feelings sometimes were difficult to translate into words. Her expressions were getting a lot harder to control at this point, and slowly it was becoming more obvious that her emotions were starting to slip through the cracks.

“Oh, come on, let’s all just have a big group hug one last time!” Joy exclaimed, opening her long arms to engulf everyone in reach. Wendy held her arms around Irene, Yeri hugged the two, and Joy—who towered over them—finished the burrito-like group hug. Seulgi stood there awkwardly, not knowing where to position herself. When Joy looked up, she saw Seulgi and yelled at her. “Hey you, come over here!”

Seulgi went to Irene’s side and wrapped her arms over Wendy’s and Yeri’s putting Irene at the very center. When they all broke off from the hug, everyone noticed that Irene’s face was drenched in tears, her mascara running down her cheeks. They always saw her as the strongest one among them emotionally, so this was the first time they saw her look this sad. But then again, this was the first time they ever going to get separated too.

“Irene! Don’t cry! We’ll see each other again!” Wendy said, grabbing some tissues from her navy hand bag and gently dabbing them on the crying girl’s cheeks. But as if it was some contagious disease, Wendy also started crying and everyone else began to cry too.

“Oh, no, Irene!” Joy exclaimed going back to rub Irene’s back for comfort.

Yeri, who hadn’t been speaking the entire time, suddenly cried out, “I’ll miss you so much!”

In the midst of all this, Seulgi—face and eyes also swollen red and tears falling with every slow, painful second—just stood there, not knowing what to do. And before she could even do a thing, Irene already got herself together and did what her kind soul usually did—comfort everyone else. She took Wendy’s tissues and dried Wendy’s tears; she told Joy to stay strong; and she held Yeri and whispered a little comfort in her ears.

Finally, Irene approached Seulgi and pulled her in for one last embrace.

“I’m sorry for last night…,” Seulgi whimpered. “I didn’t think… I didn’t know… I just… I didn’t want you to leave… I hate goodbyes… I…”

Then Irene softly whispered to her in a chant-like repetitiveness, “I’ll miss you more than you’ll ever know, Seulgi. I’ll miss you a lot. I’ll really miss you. I’ll miss you, Seulgi.”

When she let Seulgi go, she told everyone, “I probably need to go.” And so, Irene waved everyone goodbye as she disappeared into the crowds of passersby—crowds of travelers just like her. ‘Til we meet again.

Part 6

            Four years passed and honestly, not a lot of things changed. Seulgi stayed in the same studio flat, occasionally visited by the other three girls. They would hang out from time to time, but it was never the same without Irene. Sometimes, they talked over Skype, but not often. Wendy did it with Irene more often, but Seulgi had no guts to find the perfect timing, especially when they were time zones apart. She also had nothing much to say anyway.

But Seulgi missed Irene; she truly did. During long, sleepless nights when the thought of her best friend loomed over her thoughts, she propped herself up on her desk chair and began to type away on the old typewriter, composing letter after unfinished letter. She would grab a sketchbook and draw line after detailed line, drawing the image of a face she did not want to forget, but they were all left unfinished.

            However, as seasons continued changing and a year turned to years, familiarity could not help but settle. Irene would call or message less often, her postcards to the girls also dwindling in number, and their interactions were reduced to getting notifications of “likes” on social media and greeting a “happy birthday!” or a “Merry Christmas” on specific times of the year. Everyone’s lives got busier, and everyone in their little squad also ended up living separate lives apart from each other. Sometimes, Seulgi would find some day to meet with Wendy, Joy, or Yeri, but not as often as they used to during high school. Soon all those times together had been reduced to memories, more often brought back by the more nostalgic character of the group on lonelier days.

            Sometimes, just for nostalgia and a little ease of pain after the exhausting day jobs, Seulgi would take out one of Irene’s diaries and just read. On her worse days, she would compose rants and letters addressed to Irene telling her about her day, but she never sent them to her.

            One day, on the final days of spring, exactly four years minus a day since Seulgi last saw Irene at the airport, she received something in the mail. It was a postcard with a scenery of a forest lit up by fireflies. From Irene.

I miss you. I’m coming back soon. Around this year. A month or so? More than that? Shorter than that? Maybe? I hope you still have my diaries. You didn’t use them as fuel for a campfire, did you?

            As soon as Seulgi read the letter, she grabbed her phone and sent Irene a message on social media. “Are you really coming back? When exactly? I still have your diaries!”

            Ever since Seulgi sent that message, she checked whether Irene has read it or replied to it yet. She also took a photo of the postcard and sent them to her old high school squad. Wendy, Joy, and Yeri would surely be glad to see this!

            Although Seulgi sent Irene a message, 24 hours passed and there was no reply. But the odd thing was, Irene has “seen” it according to the phone application. So then, she sent more messages like “Irene?” “Hello?” “Why aren’t you replying?” but Irene never replied.

            Seulgi also met with Wendy, Joy, and Yeri the next day, discussing Irene’s return. They talked and talked and each of them also messaged her, but she didn’t reply to any of their messages. Because of that one postcard, Seulgi became nothing short of restless. The insomniac ended up typing letters and drawing rough sketches late into the quiet hours of the night, for she had no better use of the time she could not sleep. Her friends thought she was overreacting, and maybe she was, but she has not seen Irene in years. What is it going to be like? She has seen pictures of her on social media but that’s not the same.

            One night a few days later, Seulgi came home after a long day doing whatever her life had on demand. She pressed the four-number lock combination and pulled down the door handle. A dim light seeped through the opening. That’s odd. Did I leave my lamp open or something? Seulgi pushed the door inward and entered the flat.

            “I see you still use the same passcode.”

            Seulgi stood flabbergasted by the door. Across the small room was a woman with long dark hair, wearing a white blouse and simple jeans. Her eyes had adjusted to the shadows, yet it was very hard to believe what she was seeing with her very eyes right now. There standing before her, amidst the disarray and clutter of her messy room, was none other than Irene. Seulgi’s lips quivered open, but nothing came out. She was totally speechless. As she stood there, a speck of glowing light flew past her line of sight and circled the room before heading out the window.

            “Well, you scared away the firefly,” the girl by the window added, her face slightly lit by orange tones of the dim lamplight, the top of her head kissed by the light from the moon-like streetlight from the open window. Then she stared down Seulgi’s unconventional matching denim from top to bottom, before meeting her eyes again, hidden behind round glasses. “Wow, after all these years, you haven’t changed. Still very… Seulgi.”

“I-Irene?” Seulgi’s eyes never left the uninvited guest. “What… what are you doing here?”

“I promised you I’ll be back, didn’t I?”

“You said… I… Y-you didn’t tell me it’s t-tonight… I, er, um…” Seulgi had a horrible time speaking.

“Unexpected, isn’t it?” The girl by the window said with a gleeful chuckle. She then took a few steps closer. “I wanted to surprise you.”

Seulgi took a deep breath and sighed to calm her mind. There standing before her, was the best friend never wanted to let go of; the friend she was so afraid to lose; the friend she missed so very much. “You… You’ve never changed either. It’s been four years. You’re still… You’re still very you.”

“I know. And you still make a lot of trashy artwork. Literally,” Irene said, referring to the balls of crumpled paper and empty soda cans and snack bags all over the room. “I don’t know if you’re trying to make this room your trashy exhibition or something, but this type of art doesn’t really suit my taste.”

Ignoring the sarcastic remark, Seulgi just breathed out, “I really missed you, Irene.”

“I missed you too, Seulgi.”

Dear Irene, I miss y...........

끝

Author's Note