loving him was like trying to tame a wild animal; dangerous and impossible. but why did fate bring the tamer and the animal together then? if love was impossible between the two, why the trouble?

-

if you told youngjae two years back that he’d be out exploring a new world, he would scoff at your words. how could he, the most organized and change-hating person to ever live, break his cycle of mundane but tolerable lifestyle to go wander around the unknown?

likewise, if you told daehyun two years ago that he would have a companion by his side that he swears he will never leave, you would be taken as a ing joke. how could he, a person who cannot be tied down no matter what, a person who leaves a part of him everywhere, will actually swear to not leave behind a companion? a companion? daehyun would laugh. the day i have a companion will be the day the moon turns blue.

and blue the moon did turn; on a cold winter night in late january, when the wild meets the tame, when silent promises were made.

-

they met at an inn far off the countryside where nobody knows. despite it being nonexistent to the outside world, the inn surprisingly had many people frequenting it, mostly by travelers who would spread word of it.
now, you would think what was youngjae doing there - sitting in a dark corner and sipping on his hot tea, listening to the loud chatters of the travelers who boasted their stories for the world to hear. a person like him who lived his life covered in a shroud couldn’t have known this place existed. well, now he does because his company had sent him there to recce the area for development plans. he completed his job earlier than expected but for some reason decided to stay on, and he would later thank his decision on that day for many years to come.

sitting at the opposite side of youngjae was daehyun, his boisterous laugh filling up the inn as he mingled around people. see, this was a problem. daehyun was loud and wild and everywhere, while youngjae just stood meekly in the background, not wanting more or less. it was a miracle that day that daehyun spotted a lonely youngjae, and urged him to mingle around as well.

“no thanks. I’m better off here.”

he had rejected daehyun’s request, but the other seemed to not know what was giving up. in the end, youngjae got up in frustration and went up to his room, shutting himself from the open and laid himself to sleep.

-

the next morning, he went downstairs to get breakfast and was a little surprised that the annoying man who kept urging him to talk last night was there too. he chose a seat furthest to the man after he ordered and began fiddling with his fingers. a shadow suddenly loomed beside him and thinking that it was the inn's owner with his food, he looked up and smiled slightly, muttering a ‘thanks’ - before realizing it was the annoying man. he huffed and looked back down.

"hey, what’s wrong? you look better when you smile you know," annoying man chuckled.

youngjae didn’t bother replying. the man was a traveler, and he himself was leaving the inn in two days’ time. they didn’t need to communicate at all because they would never see each other again. which was what youngjae thought.

annoying man sighed. "you're tough to crack. people would usually let up and talk to me after i approach them the second time." he adds on with a whisper, "guess my looks didn’t work this time huh."

youngjae thought about the times he had seen annoying man's appearance briefly. messy pink hair, thick lips, a mole on his prominent eyebags, defined muscles based on his arms and a few centimeters taller than youngjae, he didn’t think that annoying man was anything special.

"you think so highly of yourself, don't you?" youngjae had muttered the words so softly that he was certain even a bat wouldn't hear it but somehow or rather, annoying man heard it and was immediately hyped, taking it as youngjae had started a conversation and started yapping non-stop that youngjae was sure his ears would bleed if annoying man didn't stop.

it was afternoon and youngjae wondered why he was still with annoying man - no - daehyun. the man had told youngjae his name somewhere in the middle of his yapping and youngjae was berating himself for remembering daehyun's name. he had refused to tell the other his name no matter how many times the man asked, to daehyun's dismay.

you don't need to know, youngjae had told him, and daehyun wondered if this was how the people he had left behind felt when he rejected them.

youngjae learned a few things about daehyun while listening to him; that he was wild-spirited and never meant to stay in one place, and that youngjae could never trust him or get attached to him. it was all too dangerous. daehyun was change and he hated it. he hated how different he was from daehyun. he felt sick thinking of how it would be like if he were daehyun, free and messy. he hated it. but there was something deep down in his heart, a painful scratching that wants to get out - a reminder to youngjae that he had once wanted to escape, only to be tied down by his fears.

"hey. hey!"

youngjae snapped out of his thoughts and turned towards daehyun, who was looking at him worriedly. "you okay there? i think i talked too much."

youngjae nodded and stood up. "yes, you did. now goodbye while i take a walk and clear my head." he walked off, leaving daehyun sitting where they have been for the past four hours.

-

youngjae sighed as he walked aimlessly around the town. he followed a trail leading to the beach and settled down by the boulders next to the sea. he stared into the vast waters, thinking of the huge unknown out there. he had once dreamed of conquering it, but his fears crushed and threw him into the abyss of his current lifestyle. he hated daehyun for being able to live his dreams, and thought maybe- just maybe, daehyun could be the one saving him.

he shook his head. impossible. how many times had he ventured off in search for the wilderness, only to run back into the arms of monotone with his tail between his legs? how many times had he hoped for someone to take him away and go on an adventure of a lifetime because he can never do it alone? he had given up and submitted himself to stay boring forever. if life didn't want to give him lemons, he would take plain water forever.

"knew i'd find you here."

daehyun's voice cut through his shroud like a knight cutting through a monster's belly to save his princess.

"how?" youngjae wanted to reach out as daehyun sat beside him. the desperation to escape had returned stronger than ever for some reason when youngjae caught a whiff of daehyun- woody, citrus, floral and weirdly, home all at once.

"you look dead. people like you always sit by the sea. they look into the horizon and hope for a better tomorrow when they realize the world is so big, and they're only a tiny speck." daehyun looked at him and youngjae thought he felt his heart skip a beat. "don't worry man. you'll get through whatever you're facing."

youngjae looked away and scoffed. "why, aren't you being ignorant here? assuming i need reassurance from the sea." he curled up and laid his head on his arms, feeling the tears well up and threatening to fall. "but i think you're right."

there was silence between them as the waves crashed against the boulders. youngjae was thankful that the waves were loud enough to cover up his sniffles while he desperately tried to clear his mind, a little ashamed that he was emotional.

he felt daehyun tug at his sweater. "let's go and explore the area, shall we?" he could almost see daehyun smiling that stupid default smile that youngjae noticed he had. "it's my first time here and... i wouldn't mind having a companion."

-

daehyun wondered why he had said 'companion'. he thought about the times he laughed when someone mentioned the word. he thought he would never associate with it, let alone say it first. he was a loner in a sense and intended to keep it that way, but seeing the nameless man he had been so intrigued with for some reason really did mess up his plans.

he brought the man around, telling him things he had learned and something about seeing the man's eyes light up in amazement wants him to bring the man all over the world. as the day went by and the sun sets to allow the upcoming blue moon to shine on the unsuspecting duo, daehyun found himself enjoying the presence of the nameless man, getting more and more drawn into the other's shining eyes which seemed to be brighter and brighter with every new thing he discovered. it was just like lifting a dark veil over a precious stone and by the time night arrived and they were back at the inn, the man looked as if he had just been reborn. daehyun wants to live in the other's bright eyes forever.

he had offered to send the man back to his room, and while they were climbing up the stairs, the man told him his name.

"youngjae. my name is yoo youngjae. thank you for saving me from the boringness even if it's just for a day. i really appreciate it."

daehyun felt his heart tightened as he hears youngjae's words. sure, he was happy to know the latter's name but saving him only for a day? daehyun wants to save him forever. take him away. he thinks he's crazy, for a wild soul could never be tamed. but there he was, wanting to be taken by a leash.

he never told anyone this because he didn’t want to admit it, but there were times he hated himself. he hated how careless he was. he hated how aloof he was. he hated how he just couldn’t find his footing to land on the ground. but today, today youngjae appeared. he appeared like the salvation daehyun had yearned. he kept daehyun in his safe zone, without letting go of his leash. daehyun was sure they could never be together, but with youngjae telling him that he saved him, daehyun wanted to make it work out.

"it doesn't have to be only for a day."

youngjae stared at daehyun, a faint rosy tint on his nose and cheeks, as he appeared to be tearing up again at the realization of daehyun's words.

"i recalled you saying earlier in the morning that if you had a companion then the moon would turn blue," youngjae replied teasingly, voice a little shaky.

daehyun closed in on the distance between them and said softly, "so let it be blue."

-

that night youngjae rolled around on his bed, a blush sporting his face while thinking about what daehyun had said. he was sure they were going to kiss if not for the interruption of other guests climbing up the stairs. he had pushed daehyun away and the latter coughed and gave youngjae a piece of paper containing his room number, telling him to think about it.

youngjae hides his face behind his hands, suddenly thinking about the moment daehyun closed in on him. he had quite liked it, and if he followed daehyun he may have chances like this again. he sighed, kicking the bedpost. he then looked out of the window and gasped.

-

daehyun, on the other hand, was also contemplating his life decisions. he doesn’t know if his feelings towards youngjae were just pure infatuation or pity. he had thought the concept of love was pathetic. love ruins everything. if he really started loving youngjae, his life may be ruined too. earlier on, he had allowed youngjae to be in his life, a world where he had been alone for many years. he looked up into the night sky and smiled sadly. would youngjae come with him? the risks were all there but at least the both of them will be able to save each other.

he hears frantic knocking at his door.

"daehyun!" youngjae had exclaimed as he barged through the door when daehyun opened it. "have you seen the moon?" he turned to face the older. "it's ing blue!"

daehyun watched as tears streamed down youngjae's face. "it's... it's really blue. are you sure... that you want me?"

daehyun's heart ached at the sight before him. not because it was sad, but because it was beautiful. with the moonlight shining in and onto youngjae, his tears seemed to sparkle and the man seemed to glow. he looked so ethereal and daehyun wants to bask in this moment forever.

instead, he walked over to the sobbing man and embraced him.

"yes," he whispered into youngjae's ear and he felt the younger shiver a little. "i'm sure. we can save each other, forever. you keep me safe, i'll keep you wild."

that night as the moon shined every shade of blue possible, the wild and the tame became one, with daehyun engraving promises onto youngjae's skin with his lips, and the latter whimpering daehyun's name like a chant.

-

youngjae had called to quit his job the morning after their night spent.

two years later, they're still together, holding each other tightly.

both of them never regretted their decisions, because though it was a rash one made, they couldn't agree more that it had changed their lives for the better.

although youngjae sometimes feels too afraid out in the unknown, all would be fine with daehyun's presence.

and although daehyun still thought love was a little pathetic and held people down, he knew that he needed it and if in this lifetime he had to love someone, it would be yoo youngjae.

[love is yoo] ♡

and also,

{love is a serious mental disease}