The smell of cologne from his jacket fills the air I breathe, and while it’s not bad, I struggle to get him off of me. I succeed, but he still seems unable to stand up. I hold the sides of his body and look at him. “What are you doing?”

         “I did wrong.” he tries to straighten his posture. “To you.”

         I get my hands off, and he’s fortunately on his feet perfectly. I hear faint thunder sounds outside, and I press my lips together.

         "First, get inside." I open the door widely, and Jongin walks in. He succeeds to reach the sofa and looks to the ceiling after he takes a seat. After taking off my sunglasses I take a glass of water, and hand it to him. "How much did you drink?"

         "A little bit over my tolerance level." he sounds soberer after he drank the water.

         I stand in front of him with my hands folded. "Are you sure you’re going to talk now?”

         He directs his sight to me, and his eyes widens a bit. At first I was wondering why he’s like that, but I quickly realize my eyes. He’s known anyway, I don’t think I need to cover them in front of him.

         “It’s been awhile.” he says.

         “What?”

         “You look really different without your contacts.”

         I don’t respond, and sit on the floor. “My mother told me everything.”

         Jongin finishes his water, and looks emptily at the closed door. “Lee Aria, I… I’m sorry.”

         I look at him without a word. As someone who’s expected this, I actually feel a bit guilty that I seem to not find the right emotion to set right now. I’m not mad, but I’m not completely okay either. I don’t know how to properly react. “Jongin… It was a long time ago. And with how you’re able to confess and apologize to me like this, I have no reason to reject.”

         Jongin lets his head down, and exhales.

         “But I hate how you dragged this for so long, though. Making me curious and stuff…” I click my tongue.

         “I actually wanted to tell you during the summer camp.” Jongin says. “But the accident happened… And… How would you feel if you hurt the same person in the same way twice?”

         I have my mouth open a bit. “Jongin, what happened in the night course wasn’t your fault.”

         “Sometimes, when my mother is really, really mad, she would say that I cause nothing but harm to people.” his voice lowers down. “I don’t know what she would say if she found out about the accident.”

         I have my lips closed tightly hearing about his mother. “Hey.” I stand up, and move to the spot beside him on the sofa, though two feet away. “As you said, it was an accident. There’s nobody to blame.”

         “I was being a coward, collecting the courage to talk to you was extremely difficult. I backed down every time. I don’t know how you would respond, but I can’t just do nothing. I did a mistake. Mistakes.”

         “Jongin, please. Stop.”

         “I—”

         His word is cut by the doorbell. Who is that again, at this time? I stand up, and sunglasses ready on hand. I take a peek, and gasp. Oh God.

         I turn around, and Jongin looks at me questioningly. I rush to him, and grab his wrist. “I think you have to hide.”

         “Why?”

         I drag him to my bedroom, and push him inside. “My father is here. Do me a favor. Stay there, don’t make any sound.”

         Jongin looks puzzled, and I close the door. The doorbell rings once more, and I run to the entrance. I throw Jongin’s shoes inside a plastic bag and hide it on the side so it wouldn’t be seen when the door is opened. I finally unlock the door, and put a surprised face. “Dad?”

         “What took you so long? Are you already asleep?”

         “No. Bathroom.”

         “Oh.” Dad goes in, and I swallow nervously. “I was meeting my friends and bought you some food.” he puts what he brought on the table. “I will just check a bit and go home.”

         “Oh, thank you.” I trail behind him, and anxiously follow his move. He’s examining the kitchen, windows, and the ventilation and he nods after checking each of them.

         “Quite good. How about your room? Anything uncomfortable?” he heads to the bedroom door, and I soundlessly panic behind him.

         “Ah, Dad! Why the bedroom? So embarrassing!” I make my voice louder on purpose. He reaches the door knob, and my soul flies as he swings the door open. I’m finished.

         “Ha, as I expected. You haven’t tidied the room.”

         I loosen up my fists. Dad chuckles, and closes the door. I slightly see, and my bedroom is empty.

         “Well then, I’m leaving. Be well here, contact us immediately if something happens. Also…” Dad stops as he’s wearing his shoes. “At school, it’s better if you don’t meet the kid we talked about at home. I don’t want you to get reminded of something unpleasant.”

         I just quietly nod, and Dad leaves. I plop down to the floor, and rub my face. I gather my strength to stand up and go to my bedroom. It’s empty. I carefully walk to the bathroom inside of it, and open the door slowly. Jongin is sitting above the closed toilet lid, and we awkwardly look at each other. Looking at his damp bangs, seems like he washed his face. “Let’s go, it’s safe.”

         We go back to the living room, and give Jongin another glass of water. “Where were we?”

         Jongin immediately drinks, and exhales. “I just feel so guilty every time I see you.”

         “Oh, come on, don’t. Listen, tonight, I forgive everything. We’re cool. Okay?”

         “Really?”

         “To be honest, I only know so little from that time. Technically we only met once. Of course I didn’t remember you.” I support my head with a hand. “Now I feel strange after knowing you’ve been carrying all the burden by yourself.”

         The air is quiet for some time. It’s interrupted by the sound of gradually increasing raindrops outside, and I blink twice. Such a déjà vu. I eye the food Dad brought and look at Jongin. “Have you eaten?”

         “I did.”

         “Well.” I stand up to put the food in the kitchen. “You can wait for the rain. We have no morning class tomorrow, right?”

         “Yeah.” Jongin answers.

         As I organize my fridge, I think hard on what to do next. I suddenly think about how Jongin hugged me about an hour ago, and I shudder.

         “Lee Aria.”

         I tremble for the second time, and turn around. Jongin is standing behind me, and I fix my expression. “Yeah?”

         “I just want to know… If I can lie down on your sofa.”

         I close my eyes. “Oh God, you startled me. Do whatever you want.”

         He goes back to the living room, and I also come back after washing my hands. Jongin is lying down on the sofa, his eyes half closed. “Um… You can rest here. I’ll be in my bedroom. When the rain stops, you can leave. It’s okay to go without telling me.”

         Jongin sighs. “I drank to enhance my courage. I’m such a trouble.”

         “Well, at least it did help. Okay, I’ll go inside.”

         Jongin nods, and I enter my bedroom. I’m locking the door, just in case.

         I lie down in my bed, and think of the events that just happened. Jongin really wanted to apologize. He did. I forgave him. Then what? It’s finished, right? We’re good?

         I close my eyes, and the rain prompts me to fall asleep immediately. I’m dreaming that I’m going up a hill in a sunny day… with Jongin. We reach the top, and it’s actually the edge of a very high cliff.

         And then, without any trigger, touch, or movement, I’m falling into the cliff, and I’m facing the bright blue sky. Jongin is screaming my name from up there, and I continue to go down.

         I open my eyes, and I shiver on my own bed. I actually need to gasp for air, and after I calm down, I grab my bed sheets. Why is this getting worse?