When Irene was young, she swallowed a butterfly.

Well, not a butterfly, and not just butterflies. There was a whole bunch of insects—dead, of course, and hastily flavored at first—that went through .

See, when Irene was young—well, she went by the name Joohyun then. So, when Joohyun was young, she was adopted by someone named Boa. Like the snake, because she tamed them.

Boa was—is—a trainer at the SM Circus, and found the young Joohyun freezing in the alley during one of the circus tours. So, she adopted her. Or, well, they like to say the circus adopted her and every other homeless person they come across.

Everyone needed an act in the circus, especially when they were still a small fledging of a circus and didn’t have small booths of different kinds of food and games that sponsors put in.

Joohyun needed an act, and a little girl swallowing up dead—the slight of the hand would obviously make it seem like they were alive—insects seemed like a good idea.

There was a name ready for her: Little Big Mouth. Not the most flattering, but names in circuses rarely are.

But her organs just couldn’t do it. So, one day of training, she swallowed five butterflies, puked out four, and Boa looked at her sadly before patting her back and pushing her towards the acrobatics team.

The last butterfly never went out of her body.

 

-

 

The circus rolls into another city just as Irene is nudged awake. She isn’t sure which one it is, she doesn’t try to remember each city or small town’s name anymore.

Joy, or Parksoo, short for Park Sooyoung and a little pun for the applause she gets every time she makes a tiger purr, looks out the bus window at the dreary gray clouds and drab buildings once before going, “I’m gonna hate this city.”

Yeri, the magician Heechul’s assistant who has a sass that equals his, shrugs and drawls, “Looks like a less sophisticated London. I like this place.”

Irene, as usual, is indifferent. She’s been through more cities than those two combined and has learned that not all cities have beautiful secrets. Not all cities are romantic.

The skies are different in each city, maybe, but Irene got tired of that, too.

Or maybe she’s just drained.

She doesn’t offer much to the conversation and just sips the cold cup of coffee she left half full when she fell asleep and let the banter turn into that of a TV in the background as she scouted the coffee shops and little shops she’d like to visit later.

She misses the thrill of being in the circus, of travelling to new places. She misses the throbbing of her heart at the applause, the unconscious smile as she swings just a little too close to the audience, seeing the awe in their eyes just before she swings back.

It’s draining these days and she doesn’t even like going around the cities and towns as much anymore, but she just doesn’t know how to bring her love for her work back.

She’s afraid the day will come she quits the circus like the older ones did.

 

-

 

The routine whenever they arrive at a new place starts with them transferring everything from the buses to the place they’ll set camp up at. They’re lucky if the buses stop somewhere inside the place—usually a park or an arena of some sorts.

But most of the time, the places are too small to fit all the tour buses, the booths, the miniature rides, and the huge stage tent, so they have to stand in lines from the buses and trucks to inside the place and pass boxes of props to each other.

Today is like most days.

Irene grunts as she takes one of the boxes of props from the truck. She side-eyes Joy, who had faked an injury Irene didn’t bother listening to just to get out of working, and grunts once more. “You really amaze me sometimes.”

Joy raises the cup of frappe she bought from a nearby coffee shop. “Thanks,” she says before trapping the straw between her lips and sipping, even adding a wink because she is just that infuriating.

“I hope you choke on that straw,” Yerim says, jumping out of the truck with her arms full of poppers. She wobbles a little on her feet and Irene almost drops her box to catch her.

Joy, however, immediately laughs right after. “I think you’re gonna blow yourself up first, Yerm.” She takes a huge sip of her frappe before adding, “Come on, losers, I’m gonna grace you guys with my company anyway.”

“No one needs your company.” Irene rolls her eyes. But Joy just shrugs and Irene knows it’s time to stop giving her the attention and satisfaction of irking others that she wanted. So she keeps shut and adjusts her grip on the box so she can hand it to Taeyeon, one of the musicians, waiting beside her.

Taeyeon looks at her like she knows what Irene’s going through, and Irene looks back just as exasperatedly, knowing Taeyeon has another Sooyoung under her wing who’s part of a comedic foursome and is just as annoying as Irene’s Sooyoung.

The look doesn’t come unnoticed by Joy. Her eyes widen in that way that says ‘I’m offended’. But when Taeyeon turns to hand the box to another person in line, Irene spies her smiling a little before taking another sip.

She smiles a little, too. The two Sooyoungs and many others may be infuriating, but they do makes everyone smile and laugh, and that’s one thing Irene wouldn’t get tired of in the circus.

“Did I just make the stoic Bae Joohyun smile?” Joy whispers mischievously.

Irene rolls her eyes at her before turning to take another box from Amber, a unicyclist. “Don’t be so full of yourself, Joy.”

“How can I not be when the stage name the circus gave me means I bring happiness to others?” she asks haughtily.

The reason why Park Sooyoung was given the stage name Joy isn’t because she brings Joy, but because that’s what they wanted her to bring to the wild animals. But Irene doesn’t bother replying, handing the box immediately to Taeyeon.

There’s no use arguing when Irene doesn’t think it’s a huge lie anyway. Joy does give joy to others.

“Joohyun.” Only one person calls her that around here. She looks up and finds Boa eyeing Joy and her frappe. “We’re getting three new recruits, okay? You’re in charge of touring them around and teaching them.”

She nods, smirking slightly at Joy’s uncomfortable shifting eyes, obviously avoiding Boa’s gaze. “Joy can help me.”

Joy’s eyes widen as Boa turns to look at Irene. “Oh, okay. Yeah, I, uh, I actually talked about wanting to help the three new recruits with Irene just a few moments ago.” Her smile is tight and eyes are burning as she stares at Irene. “They’re art students, aren't they?”

“Yeah, the kind that goes to huge art schools with expensive tuition and are joining the circus for ‘experience’,” Taeyeon answers with a scoff.

It’s no secret among the crew that they dislike that kind of recruits most. SM circus is in no way small. In fact, one might even say they’re the biggest circus in Korea. They have their own space by Han river, but, due to popular demand, tours half a year.

Those performing art students usually just join the circus to brag about the experience when they go back to their just-as-privileged schoolmates and director fathers. And more bragging rights if they joined the circus.

And it’s no secret Joy hates them with passion.

(She still haven’t even warmed up to Taeyong, who left his mansion in Gangnam and his mother sobbing into her silk hankies to perform in the circus a year ago. He's nice, Taeyong.)

But Boa’s smiling silently and you don’t say no to a Boa like that.

She pats Joy’s shoulder and looks around proudly at the line of people handing boxes to each other, then says, “They live around here so they’re going to see first if they like being in a circus before deciding if they’ll join the rest of the tour. Give them a blast.”

And with that she leaves, half of the line watching her.

“Give them a blast? How do you even give privileged little kids a blast in a circus tour where we have to sleep in suffocating tour buses?”

Irene’s gaze flicks to Yerim. “I wonder if they’d sleep in a tour bus too, or just sleep in their own houses.”

A mischievous glint makes Joy’s eyes look even more devilish than usual as she grabs a popper from Yerim.

“How ‘bout we make them sleep in the tour bus with us? It isn’t the real deal if they don’t, and we should be allowed to not accept recruits so we don’t end up with half-assed street magic.” Yerim practically growls as Joy sends her a wink; Joy raises the popper. “And we can give them a blast.”

Irene knows that look, Yerim does too. Heck, even Boa would know that look on Joy—it means she’s about to make someone’s life miserable. That’s the look she had on when Taeyong first joined, and that look only vanished when the poor boy cried to Leeteuk.

Joy having that look today can only mean bad news for the three recruits, but weirdly enough, Irene doesn’t scold her.

Taeyeon’s emo even laughs.

 

-

 

Since they’re a huge circus, they sometimes sell tickets so people can watch their practices. Obviously they can’t show the behind-the-scenes of magic tricks, so those are for in between practices instead.

Irene watches as Yerim manages to make a rose appear from behind a girl’s ear. It’s that girl who goes to all of their shows to watch Yerim but never actually talked to her—and Yerim, that little girl, just flirts with her all the time during magic tricks in practices because that’s the time Heechul lets her take over the show.

And, magically, an expensive VIP ticket always makes itself to the girl’s purse.

Yerim enters backstage with a sly smile. “Did you see that?”

“You flirting with the girl?” Irene asks with a roll of her eyes as she adjusts her clothes. “When will you ever ask for her name, anyway?”

“Not that,” Yerim says, completely ignoring the last part. “I just stole one guy’s wallet.”

Irene did see that. It was that guy beside the girl Yerim is crushing on, and she saw how subtly Yerim took his wallet as she leaned in towards the girl to flirt excessively. “You’re gonna have to give that back, Yerim.”

“Says who?” is her snappy reply.

“Says me.”

They both turn to find Victoria standing tall with her hand on her hip. She’s one of the acrobats and does trapeze with Irene.

And it’s no secret Victoria’s the second most intimidating lady after Boa, just above Irene. Yerim’s face darkens as Victoria holds out her hand, and she reluctantly hands her the wallet.

“Her name’s Kim Saeron,” says Victoria, looking out the curtains.

Yerim’s eyebrows twitch a little but she purses her lips and doesn’t reply.

So, Irene does it for her. “How did you know?”

Victoria smiles her way. “This little girl’s crush on that girl is the talk of the circus, ain’t it? Being the most loved—” she pinches Yerim’s cheeks, a habit of hers, “—little girl, people are bound to go out of their way to give her happiness.”

Taemin arrives with Ten, another two of the acrobats who stay on the ground as Victoria and Irene fly around on ropes. “Heechul stole her wallet and took a picture of her identification card.”

At this, Yerim turns to glare. “You can’t do that!”

Chuckling, Victoria waves the wallet in the air. “You can’t do that?”

Yerim’s face darkens once more and Irene laughs at the pout that appears. Victoria does too, and Taemin and Ten chuckle to themselves before getting ready to run into the stage.

“Amber asked her out on a date for you,” Victoria says, nudging Yerim. “Lake, later this night. I’ll prepare a meal, Taeyeon will serenade, and we’ll even light up lamps.”

“Okay, but don’t you think I should at least meet her parents first before I ing propose?” Yerim steps back to glare, face bewildered. “This is going to be our first date and you’re lighting up lamps, and preparing a meal, and serenading? A simple movie date would suffice.”

“Acrobats team, please get ready,” Leeteuk’s voice booms from the speakers.

Ten and Taemin stand taller, waiting for the cue. Even during practices, they give their all — especially when there are audiences.

Yerim grabs onto Victoria’s arm pleadingly. “Don’t embarrass me in front of her later, please. Just… I don’t know. A movie would be enough.”

“Who said we won’t be setting up a projector under the stars? Who said we won’t be preparing Minho’s pick-up truck so you can sit on the trunk?”

“Don’t you think it’s too much?” Yerim asks, this time to Irene.

She shrugs. “You’ve always been one to overreact, Yerm. Sweep her off her feet on the first day. Besides, you’ve been flirting with her this whole tour and she’s been to all of our shows just to see you. You’re both extra.”

“A perfect pair,” Victoria adds just as Taemin and Ten run in.

Yerim stays quiet, gaze darting around—in deep thought. Then, just as Victoria and Irene walk closer to the curtains, says, “Fine, but I remember she once said that she likes seafood.”

“How do you even know that?”

Sheepishly shrinking away, Yerim admits, “I ask her questions before magic tricks and keep track of them for when I finally ask her out.” She smiles widely as both Irene and Victoria stare at her before running away.

“She’s…”

“Whipped?” Irene offers.

Victoria smiles, nodding. “Too whipped. And also, stupid. Why did she never ask for her name and number, then?”

Irene shrugs. “She can’t think straight when she’s in front of that girl—Saeron, is it?”

“Ah, young love.”

The beat changes. Suddenly, Victoria’s eyes change and she’s not smiley and motherly anymore. She throws the wallet to Chanyeol, who is manning the sounds.

Then both her and Irene take a deep breath, wait a few seconds as Taemin and Ten finish their opening sequence.

And then run out to the cheers.

 

-

 

Even practices are crowded.

They only sell the lower seats, but the lower seats are always sold out. Sometimes, Kangta sells the seats in the middle, too.

Today, the seats in the middle are just as crowded, the stage isn’t even decorated yet, and the seats aren’t arranged properly.

But it’s a full house, and Irene’s heart swells at the children with their parents, pointing every time she and Victoria meet in the middle to hold hands and twirl around before letting go. She stares amusedly at the girls squealing as Ten and Taemin do flips and their dance routine.

But it’s a head with purple hair that catches her eye.

Seated in the middle of two extremely happy looking people—one a girl with a really pretty smile, another a boy with awe in his eyes—she’s clasping her hands together as Taemin throws Ten to the air to grab onto Victoria’s rope.

There’s concern in her eyes that disappears the moment Ten’s safely holding on to the rope. He raises his arms and waves his hand, smiling cutely at the audience.

And that’s Irene’s cue.

She jumps off her platform, all fears of high places gone as long as she’s holding onto her trapeze, and swings down to get to the other side, landing on her feet right in front of the three.

As if on slow motion, the girl looks up, still awed, and Irene’s met with beautiful wide eyes and a really pretty face framed with purple hair.

And, when her gaze meets the girl’s, she thinks maybe the butterfly is still alive somewhere in her stomach, wings fluttering around her insides, tickling her into a smile.

 

-

 

Victoria taps her shoulder when they enter backstage. “You blanked out for a moment there, Bae. What happened?”

Her mind immediately goes back to the striking green contact lenses that go so well with the purple hair and pale skin. And the half second she spent staring before swinging back so Taemin could grab her ankles and they could end practice.

She shakes her head. “Lack of sleep. Joy and Yerim were talking too loud in our bus.”

Victoria eyes her for a moment before shrugging. “Get some sleep before our first show tomorrow night.” She throws a look over her shoulder at the door leading outside the arena. “Although I highly doubt any of us will be able to sleep.”

“At least we’re not parked near a forest this time.” Their last stopover was in an unknown town with little space and Irene couldn’t sleep at all knowing there’s a huge forest right behind them. “It’s the sea, this time.”

Yerim appears behind Irene and throws her arm over her shoulder. “Why don’t they just rent good hotels for us? We’re raking in money, anyway.”

“Because renting good hotel rooms for more than thirty performers—add in the crew in charge of the booths—every night for half a year just isn’t ideal.”

“Also, Kangta won’t spend that much money on us, ever. He even got our tour buses secondhand.”

Irene nods at Victoria. “I’ve known Kangta since I was ten and he’d rather sleep outside than sleep in a good hotel room and spend money. It’s one of those things brought to you by living in the streets for too long. You just learn to be thrifty.”

“That’s not just thrifty.” Yerim sighs. “And I always get the worst case scenario which is staying in a bunk above Joy’s. She speaks in her sleep, Irene, and you’re lucky enough you sleep across our bunks. ‘Tigers are just oversized kittens,’ from below me every 3 am.”

“At least I don’t stay up all night waiting for some girl to text me when she doesn’t even know my name,” a new voice interferes. Joy walks towards them with a scowl directed at Yerim, her pet tiger right behind her.

Exhaling haughtily, Yerim raises her chin. “I’m having a romantic first date with the said girl later tonight, though. So, to be you.”

“ to be you. You didn’t even ask her out yourself, and Amber didn’t even tell her she’s going on a date. She just told her to go to the lake later tonight for a surprise.” Joy smirks. “Suspicious, and anyone with enough sense would rather not go than risk getting murdered.”

Yerim’s chin slowly lowers until she’s glaring up at a cocky Joy. “I hope your dog bites you,” she spits before turning around to walk away.

Victoria shakes her head before leaving them, and Irene just laughs as Joy screams, “Changie is not a dog! He’s a tiger!” after Yerim.

She pushes Joy’s shoulder to get her attention. “Meet me right after you finish your practice, okay? We gotta tour the newbies around.”

“Can I order Changie to maul them?”

“Changie’s a kitten,” Irene says, stepping back from the huge animal. She’s scared of them, and only trusts them a few steps away from her with either Joy or Boa in between. “And I’m pretty sure ordering your pet tiger to maul a stranger is against the law.”

“Not if no one ever finds out,” Joy says under her breath, thoughtfully. Something tells Irene that Joy’s not thinking of mauling the newbies, but Yerim instead. Joy adds, “I can’t believe she called him a dog.”

Assumption confirmed. Irene rolls her eyes. “Right after you finish your practice, Joy. I won’t wait for you.”

“I don’t even want to be there.”

“Boa wants you to be there,” Irene reminds her, making her frown. “In the common tent, okay?”

“Fine, mom.”

“Call me that one more time and I’ll poison Changie.”

Joy glares at her, stepping closer to Changie protectively. “Don’t even joke about that. Go away!”

Irene sticks her tongue out at her before leaving backstage and making her way towards the common tent.

The common tent is kinda like a hang-out tent right behind the stage tent. It’s where they rest in between shows instead of going back to the buses, and is filled with chairs of all sorts bought from thrift stores in every city. There’s a whole truck just for the stuff inside the common tent.

Irene enters the tent, pulling her phone out of her pocket as she walks towards the biggest couch in the middle. She plops down and opens her contacts, looking for the number Boa had sent her earlier. One of the pros of Kangta being ‘thrifty’ is they get to keep their whole salary and not give up a fraction for the betterment of the circus.

A con is that they were made to grow up thrifty and none of them—even though they’re what you can call ‘rich’—are willing to pay for their own hotel rooms and stay complaining in tour bunks.

She sends the number a text (‘please meet me at the common tent’) before opening her Instagram account and mindlessly looking through the pictures. She’s not one to post pictures, but she always did like looking through pictures taken by other people.

Not to be cheesy, but it’s like looking through the eyes of another. And Irene likes that.

She gets a text just when she’s about to hit the heart on Boa’s post of the whole crew from their last show at their last stop.

Unknown number: who is this?

So maybe Irene should’ve introduced herself first.

I’m Irene Bae. Boa assigned me and a friend to tour you around and help you out.

Not even a moment later, she gets a reply. And filled with lots of emojis at that.

Unknown number: Oh!!! I’m Son Seungwan! My friends and I are watching the practice, we were told to do so. Should we finish this animal act? ~~~ Seungwan

Seungwan sounds like a boy name. Irene already hates them. She saves the contact as SON Seungwan before replying.

Please meet me now. I’m going to tour you around the common tent while we wait for my friend.

She gets an ‘okokokok ~~~Seungwan’. She immediately swipes that off her notifs and goes back to looking through her feed.

Since she follows mostly the crew, the feed is filled with pictures from their last stop. There’s a video of Heechul drunkenly trying to make everyone else drink, calling everyone ‘oppa’ and ‘unnie’, and Irene quickly presses the heart before saving the video. There’s a picture of the crew packing up from Leeteuk, a whole paragraph underneath about how much he loves being the MC of the show and being part of the family or whatever.

And there’s a series of pictures of Joy, from her biting into a sandwich, spitting it out, looking up, standing, and then glaring into the screen from Yerim with the caption ‘moments before I died, through my eyes. Ps, can’t post the vid because there was a LOT of profanity and gore and death’.

A text arrives just as Irene presses the heart.

SON Seungwan: uhhhhh, we’re lost ~~~Seungwan

She replies: back of the huge tent, tell the guard you’re the newbies.

SON Seungwan: ohhh, thanks ~~~Seungwan

SON Seungwan: but we don’t know where we are ~~~Seungwan

Sure, the arena is huge and booths are already scattered around, but the tent is too big to not notice. Sighing, Irene stands and calls the number. She paces around, careful not to wake up a sleeping Haechan she just realized was there.

The rings stop and she almost yells into her phone, “Hello?”

“Hello?” the voice is timid and soft, and Irene’s anger—frustration—slowly disappears, taken aback at the voice that obviously belongs to a woman.

She bites back a sigh. “Where are you?”

“Uh, I think we’re in the middle of, uh, metals. And stuff.”

“What do you mean?”

“This looks like a dump for broken parts of amusement park rides,” the voice says.

Irene sighs. “You’re in the middle of working amusement park rides yet to be pieced together.” After hearing a small ‘oh’, she asks, “How did you get there? That’s outside. The crew won’t be putting those together until later this afternoon.”

“A girl with short blonde hair told us to go out towards the buses. I think she’s the magician? The one who conjured the rose?”

It’s obvious who Seungwan is talking about. And that girl walks in the tent as if on cue, focused on her phone and unaware of anything else.

“Kim Yerim.”

“What?”

She ignores Seungwan and glares at Yerim instead, who looks up lazily from her phone. “What?” she drawls.

“What did you do to the newbies?”

Yerim blinks, looking really confused. Then she opens and nods. “Ah, them. Sent them to the tour buses, why?”

Irene raises her phone and sets it to speaker mode. “Seungwan, how did you ask for help?”

Yerim quirks an eyebrow at the phone.

“Uh, she was standing outside and we knew she was the magician, so we asked her where the common tent was.”

“Is this not the common tent, Yerim?”

Unfazed, Yerim shrugs. “I thought they meant, like, common area. So, I sent them to the tour bunks. It’s not that far away anyway, and they can easily make their way in.”

“Go bring them here, Yerim.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re the one who brought them there, bring them back.”

“Uh, someone already found us and is leading us back to the tent. Don’t worry.”

Irene glares at a smug Yerim. “Okay. Bye.”

“B—”

She hangs up then throws her phone to the couch. “Why would you do that?”

“I don’t like art students,” Yerim answers easily, shrugging. She sits on the couch, going back to doing whatever it is she was doing on her phone.

“I don’t like them much either, but at least try to hide it, you asstwat. If Boa finds out we’re pulling pranks on the newbies, she’d lock us in with her boa.”

Yerim groans. “I’ll try to keep the pranking to a minimum, geez. Don’t tell Boa.”

“New meat coming through!” Yerim, Irene, and Haechan all look up abruptly to find Heechul grinning widely at them. “Don’t you just love Mean Girls references?”

“That was hardly a reference,” Yerim grumbles.

Haechan sits up and glares at Heechul. “Thank you for waking me up.”

“You’re welcome,” Heechul replies cheekily, waving a hand in the air. He turns around to face the entrance. “I present to you, the newbies.”

A tall guy with the softest looking hair that falls over his sharp eyes walks in. He’s familiar, in some way. Probably in the crowd earlier.

“This is Johnny, but you can call him daddy.” Johnny smiles timidly, cheeks tinting red; Yerim snorts as Irene just rolls her eyes. “He’s a dancer, will probably be added to the dance crew.” Heechul snaps his finger and another person walks in.

This time it’s a girl, and more familiar. She has a smile that makes her eyes disappear and she’s looking around shyly. Irene’s heart beats louder.

“This girl is Seulgi. I’ve seen her dance during her audition, and I honestly think she’d fit in best with the fire breathers.” He grins. “Also ‘cause, you know, she’s a hottie.” He pushes her towards Johnny with a wink, then snaps his hand once more.

And Irene’s heart almost beats itself out of the cage at the last person. Of course. In walks in the purple haired girl, looking as breathtaking in the ugly lights of the common tent.

“This is Seungwan, a singer. Boa’s thinking of making her perform with the other singers, but they perform musical type songs and it’d take weeks to learn them and they might only stay for this two weeks in this town, so she’ll be performing with Taeil in between acts.” Heechul smiles, guiding Seungwan to the side with his hand. “Purple hair looks amazing on you, by the way.”

Seungwan shyly makes her way towards the other two, muttering, “Thanks.”

“Did you have to introduce them so dramatically?” Yerim asks.

“That was hardly dramatic, Yerm.” He turns to the newbies. “These are Yerim, Haechan, and Irene. A street magician, a dancer, and an acrobat. You’ll have to meet about thirty more of the crew, so you don’t need to remember all their names.” He claps his hand all business-like and fake. “I gotta go. You children go socialize.” He twirls around gracefully before exiting the tent.

Irene looks away from the entrance with a frown and finds the three smiling at them, and Seungwan looking at her. The butterfly flutters around once more, because that smile should be a whole act itself. It’s magical.

She clears . “We’re waiting for my friend,” she says, trying hard not to stare at Seungwan. “Her name’s Joy and she’s the one with the tiger.” Her gaze flicks unconsciously to Seungwan, and she looks away just as fast.

“That’s fine. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Glad you know,” Yerim muses. Haechan snorts.

Seulgi blinks. “What?”

“Glad you know you’re an inconvenience.” She smiles sweetly at the confused look Seulgi gives her and the quirk of the eyebrow from Johnny. “How did your parents react to you three joining the circus?”

“They supported me wholeheartedly,” says Seulgi in a proud voice.

Johnny shrugs. “They don’t really mind.”

Everyone’s attention turns to Seungwan, who slightly sways backwards in shyness. “Uh, they don’t know I’m joining the circus.”

“A rebel,” Yerim breathes out, pointing at Seungwan. “I like you, because you’re probably going to be kicked out of your mansion and need to live with the circus. Don’t worry, we get huge pay and can be called superstars—especially since people are so into circuses these days. You’ll manage.”

“The only bad side is the tour,” Haechan adds. “We sleep in tour buses, live off of convenience store food, share Wi-Fi between all half a hundred of us.” He squints, leaning against the back of the couch. “Can you royalties handle that?”

They all say yes in unison, staring back at Haechan determinedly.

Haechan shrugs, plopping back down the couch behind the bigger couch. “You’ll regret it once you room with Baekhyun. All that boy does is chatter all night long. Rumor says Do Kyungsoo’s ears even bled one time.”

“Stop scaring the newbies,” Irene scolds tiredly. It’s really hard to tell off Haechan and Yerim when they’re being s, but even more so when they’re together. “Circus is fun,” she says dully.

“That might be the most lifeless statement from you, Irene,” Yerim points out with a smirk. “Even more lifeless than that time you were asked by an interviewer if you had time for dating in between tours and if you thought any of the male crew is cute and you said ‘oh yeah, men,’.”

She chucks a pillow at Yerim, but the girl is still grinning madly when the pillow falls. “Where is Joy?”

As if on cue, Joy arrives with Changie. “Missed me, Bae?”

Yerim bolts out of her seat and walks towards the farthest armchair, glaring at Joy, who only laughs amusedly.

She doesn’t have time for whatever is it Joy did to Yerim, or whatever it is she said—or anything that involves both of them, so she just steps back from the tiger and gestures towards the newbies, who are staring wide-eyed at the tiger so near them.

“They’re the newbies: Johnny, Seulgi, Seungwan.”

Joy walks Changie to the far right of the tent, where his cage is. She secures the lock, ruffles his fur, then stands to scrutinize the newbies. “James, Selene, and Sooyeon, was it?”

“Johnny, Seulgi, Seungwan,” Seungwan clarifies with a smile, as Johnny glares at Joy.

Joy disregards both of them with a wave. “The name’s Park Sooyoung, called Joy when I joined the circus, and now called ParkSoo by my fans. I tame wild animals, dance with them and all that—if you touch a whisker on Changie, I will make sure you don’t get to come home to your castles unscathed.”

“That will obviously happen if anyone touches Changie, he’s a full grown tiger.”

Once again, Joy disregards whoever it is talking to her—this time, Irene—and takes a step towards the three. She points to Seungwan. “What’s your act?”

“I’m a musician,” she answers, and Irene almost nods. Her voice is undoubtedly music.

Joy scoffs. “We have way too many musicians now.” She points at Johnny. “You?”

“I dance,” he replies, even waving his body with a grin.

This time, Joy sighs. “That was the worst body wave I’ve seen.” Her finger moves slowly and this time, she points to Seulgi. “You?”

“I also dance, and they’ll put me in the fire breathers crew, they said.”

Joy’s eyes darken. “I hate fire.”

“Everyone hates fire,” Seulgi says meekly. She shrugs. “They’re… scary.”

“And my whole family died in one when I was 10, leaving me orphaned and scared in the streets. I lived in a zoo from when I was 10 until one of the baby cubs escaped and I was the one who got it without needing to kill, and Irene just so happened to be there. I was thirteen.”

Seulgi shrinks back a little at every word, and by the time Joy’s done, she’s behind both Johnny and Seungwan. “I’m so sorry.”

The tension is thick and Joy is breathing heavily. Haechan and Yerim are quiet and that’s a clear indication of them being uncomfortable. Family is a pretty sore topic in the circus, where people are either orphaned from young or disowned. There are few lucky ones who are here with supportive parents.

She speaks, “We’ll tour you around when the rides are up. Uh, food is free, we have snacks here in the common tent and in the buses. Practices are every morning until early afternoon. We have a tight schedule, so you better be here on time. If you miss a meal, they won’t give it to you.”

“Are you going to sleep in the buses?” Yerim asks.

“We are, I think,” Seungwan answers for all three. “We packed clothes and everything, but we’re not so sure if you have space for us.”

“We have too much space in our bus, but Johnny might need to look for a bus with an empty bunk.” She takes her phone from the couch and gestures for Yerim and Joy. “Let’s go take them to the buses.”

“We’ve just been there,” Johnny grumbles under his breath.

Irene scowls. “Are you complaining?”

“Yeah, it’s her fault we went there, anyway,” he says, pointing to Yerim.”And if it wasn’t for Heechul, we would still be there.”

Yerim grins infuriatingly. “Shouldn’t you blame Heechul for bringing you here, then?”

“Just shut up, please,” Irene begs with sigh. It’s not even an hour yet and she’s already tired of everyone all together like this. “Let’s go to the tour buses and get you three settled in. We’re supposed to help decorate the stage later.” Her gaze flicks to Yerim. “And help a lovesick turtle on her first date.”

 

-

 

Irene somehow ended up having Seungwan as her bunk mate. There are three bunks on each side of the bus, and Yeri already has the highest bunk of the right side, and Joy has the one underneath hers. Seulgi chose the one above Irene’s, and Seungwan was left with the one directly across Irene’s.

With the curtain rods broken on all bunks except Yerim’s, Irene has no choice but to see Seungwan every night for the rest of the two weeks sleeping across her, with too little space between them for Irene to handle.

Not that she likes Seungwan. She just thinks she’s pretty. And Irene’s gaze is dragged on like a magnet to girls as pretty as Seungwan.

And girls who have the same voice as Seungwan.

Her ears perk up as she’s making sure the ropes are in the right places. One of the many cons of a moving circus is having to arrange everything once they get to their destination and make sure everything looks tight while also adding something new every time they move to another place, so people keep going even though they’ve seen it once or twice.

Irene always hated the designing part. Most of the performing crew usually gather together to help out, and that makes the work easier; but that also makes it noisier.

For example, just during their pack up last destination, Taeyeon and Heechul ended up screaming at each other about god knows what that started with Heechul stealing a few of Taeyeon’s gummy bears. The stop before that, Changmin had made everyone sing along to Bohemian Rhapsody and made them all start from the top every time the harmonization was off.

This time, Yeri and Haechan are bickering over who finished one pole and who’s going to decorate the other alone, and Kyungsoo’s glaring at a screaming Chanyeol who’s faking his agony as he grabs onto his side.

But Seungwan’s right beside her, helping Joy with the chairs nearby, and she’s singing softly to herself calmly, and Irene’s just tired of straining her ear to hear more.

“Why are you whispering?” she asks.

Seungwan turns to her with wide eyes. “Me? Is it bothering you? I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not,” she assures immediately, almost shyly. Joy furrows her brows at her. “I just… what’s the song?”

“The one I was singing? Uh, it’s by Trevor Wesley.”

Irene an eyebrow, waiting for the title.

Seungwan’s eyes widen once more, and it’s just adorable how they keep doing that. “Title’s Boom Chica Boom.”

She nods, feigning disinterest. Joy’s lips curl at her before she rolls her eyes and goes back to decorating. “You have a nice voice,” she tells Seungwan quietly, gaze on the ropes secured. She peeks through the corner of her eyes to find Seungwan grinning.

“Thanks. I mean, it’s not the best, but thanks.”

“I never said it was the best,” she says sharply, meant to be teasing but she was taken aback by the adorable stuttering of the purple haired girl. It’s almost like her purple hair’s the only badass thing about her; everything else just screams adorable. “But it’s one of the best I’ve heard.”

Seungwan turns red again, but she can’t fight the smile on her lips. “That’s such a huge compliment considering you’re in a circus with all these talented people. I don’t think I deserve that compliment but both Johnny and Seulgi have chastised me before about not accepting compliments, so thank you.” Her hands fly all around, eyes expressive, almost breathlessly.

It makes Irene’s lips twitch. “You talk a lot.”

“I’m sorry!” she almost screams, alarming Yerim, who’s sitting on one of the chairs and talking to Joy.

This time, Irene lets the smile appear. “It’s not annoying.” After some thought, she adds, “It’s cute.”

“Get a room,” Yerim snaps at them as she walks past them, phone in hand. “You’re making me sick.”

Irene’s eyes roll upwards for the thirteenth time that day. “Sorry for talking, Yerim.”

“Apology accepted,” Yerim says, patting Irene’s head teasingly. She hops off the chair and lands right beside Haechan, frowning at the ribbon he’s tying around the pole. “The ribbons should be at 30 degrees, that’s 35. Honestly, it’s like you’re not even trying.” She tsks as she sashays away and leaves the stage.

Haechan glowers after her. “One of these days, I swear I’m going to poison her sushi.”

“I sincerely hope that’s sometime soon,” Joy quips, making Haechan, Irene, and Seungwan turn to her. “Pro tip, I heard from someone that they’ll be having sushi later on her date. Falling during the best moment of her life, romantic, ain’t it?”

Irene laughs at the amused expression on Seungwan’s face. “You’re amused now but when Yerim gets comfortable enough to disturb you all day long, you’d volunteer to join.”

Seungwan’s eyes dart around the stage, at everyone working together—not in perfect harmony, really, but in a more chaotic way, still in harmony, though. Then, she says, “It’s, uh, the circus is fun.”

“Did you think it won’t be?”

“No,” Seungwan’s gaze snaps back to Irene, but she doesn’t seem embarrassed anymore “I expected this, but it was so much more than what I did expect.” She clears . “It’s a pretty sight.”

“What is?”

Seungwan gestures vaguely around the stage. “Everything.” She gets an almost melancholic look on her face, lips pursed but smiling, eyes soft.

“It is a pretty sight,” Irene mutters, staring at Seungwan. The butterfly is making her say this, but Seungwan is a pretty sight.

 

-

 

Saeron, as it turns out, is a mess.

Even from the little wooden boat Seungwan and Irene are sharing, they can see she’s as much of a mess as Yerim is.

She arrived exactly the moment it turned 7:30 pm, a bundle of nerves and scarves and red cheeks. Yerim had stood up, opened as if to say something, then gestured to the seat before sitting down.

It’s been five minutes and they’re still trying not to look at each other and not touching the food. Irene can hear Victoria whining about the food being better hot, and can see Soojung drowning out the whines by plugging in her earphones.

“This is frustrating,” Joy says as the boat she’s sharing with Seulgi and Johnny floats to where Seungwan and Irene are. “Are they just going to sit there doing nothing? Can we at least start the movie while they’re dealing with the awkwardness?”

“I think it’s cute,” Seulgi mutters beside her, smiling up at the two girls still fiddling with their hands under the table. “They’re acting that way because they genuinely like each other. Look at their cheeks, they’re pinkish.”

Joy frowns at her. “You think everything’s cute. You called Changie cute, you called Boa’s snake cute. You called Jisung cute.”

Seulgi frowns back at her, but in confusion. “Changie is cute, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Joy scoffs, “but if you keep on calling everything cute, then nothing is cute.”

Nodding, Seulgi smiles. “You’re cute, too.”

Irene coughs at the shock that appears on Joy’s face, her cheeks tinted pink. Joy quickly recovers and flicks her hair off her shoulder—which is stupid because her hair doesn’t even reach her shoulders. “I am, thank you.”

Seulgi just grins amusedly at her, and Johnny—poor him—just hugs himself tighter.

There’s movement by the corner of Irene’s eyes and she swivels to find Haechan getting off his boat and on land. The lake quiets down as Haechan makes his way towards the table, everyone waiting for whatever it is he’s going to do to sabotage the date.

But he takes a white towel off his back pocket, takes off his jacket to reveal a pressed suit over his shorts, and steps in the platform with the table with the towel over his forearm. He leans closer to Yerim, says something, then nods at Saeron before leaving.

“Hi,” Yerim finally says as Haechan steps off.

“Hi,” Saeron replies.

Yerim reaches out a hand. “I’m Kim Yerim, magician.”

“She’s not allowed to call herself a magician yet,” Joy mutters. “Wait ‘til Heechul hears about this.”

“Kim Saeron,” Saeron replies, shaking Yerim’s hand. (“This is making me cringe,” comes Joy’s unnecessary commentary.) “A huge fan.”

“Me too.”

Saeron’s lips quirk upwards. “Of what?”

“You.”

“Oh my god,” Joy and Seulgi simultaneously exclaim. Even Irene’s jaw drops.

Seungwan chuckles softly, clasping her hands together. “That’s so annoyingly cute. And you said she didn’t ask her out herself?”

Irene nods. “Just flirts with her all the time during paid practices. Where did she get the courage to say that?”

It seems to have worked, though, because Saeron’s cheeks turn a deeper shade of red and she swats at the air shyly. “Shut up.”

And then they’re laughing together, and Yerim says sorry for not asking her out herself, and Saeron just replies with a soft ‘at least we’re on a date now’.

Victoria raises a hand in the air, and all the other boats float near the table. Seungwan positions herself against her guitar. Everyone prepares themselves, and at Victoria’s cue, Taeyeon starts singing, and Irene and the others light up their lamps.

Saeron flinches back at the sudden sound, and her lips slowly turn into a smile and she’s staring quietly at the lights and swaying lightly to the song. “This is beautiful.”

Yerim turns around on her seat to watch the others, and that might be the most loving gaze Yerim had ever given them. She smiles at them, mouths a thank you, then says, “They are.”

Irene sways to the music, too, softly singing along. They’re all trained to sing because they do special musical shows every tour. Taeyeon leads them well, voice louder than the others’. Taeil is strumming his guitar as he sings, Seohyun’s playing the keyboard near the table, and Chanyeol’s tapping on his beatbox.

Seungwan’s playing her guitar while also singing along, and Irene can’t help but stare at her as they all sing, can’t help the smile lifting her lips at Seungwan feeling the song. There is passion, there is love. It reminds Irene of herself when she first joined the circus.

Irene is almost jealous that Seungwan’s still passionate about her craft, but she can’t force herself to be jealous when it looks so pretty on Seungwan.

She smiles to herself as she sings along, sways along, and keeps her gaze on the singing Seungwan.

A pretty sight, indeed.

 

-

 

Seulgi snores in her sleep.

Yerim is still awake in the living room of the tour bus, texting with Saeron or whatever; Joy is asleep with her earphones plugged in; and Seungwan is lying with her back to Irene.

It seems like Irene’s the only one bothered by the helicopter sounds above her.

She gives up on trying to sleep and gets off her bed, scowling at a peacefully sleeping Seulgi as soon as she stands. “I know you have a pretty voice, but you don’t need to use it when you’re sleeping,” she whispers exasperatedly.

She checks her phone and finds it’s a few minutes before midnight, and her stomach is growling. Yerim didn’t leave them any food and made Saeron take home what was left, and everyone who went to the lake had missed dinner.

Off to the trusty convenience store, then. She grabs her jacket and her wallet before making her way to the exit.

But a voice stops her. “Can I come with?”

She turns around and finds Seungwan peeking out of her bunk. “You’re awake.”

“It’s hard to sleep when there’s a war in Seulgi’s throat,” Seungwan deadpans, sliding out of her bunk. She stands and faces Irene, face devoid of any makeup and hair up in a messy bun.

What an unfairly pretty look.

“I’m going to the convenience store to get something to eat. We don’t have anything left on the fridge.”

“I’ll come with.” Seungwan pokes her head back in her bunk and later emerges with her phone and wallet. When she stands and finds Yerim’s bunk empty, she asks, “Where’s Yerim?”

Irene shrugs. “Probably flirting with Saeron on the phone. She sleeps at 4 am anyway.”

“Don’t we have practice at 8?”

She shrugs again. “She’s one of those who get away with anything. If it wasn’t obvious enough, she’s the baby. Not the youngest, but the baby. Explains why everyone was so willing to help with her date.”

Seungwan nods, following Irene down the hall. “Yeah, she does seem like the type.”

“Type to what? Be a baby?” Irene queries with a chuckle. They stop by the end of the bedroom, both staring at the sight before them.

There, on the couch, is Yerim bundled up in a baby pink blanket, phone in her hand as she lies against one of Joy’s plushies—the one that looks like a rolled up panda, cheek squished against it.

“She’s so cute,” Seungwan gushes softly.

Irene scoffs, stepping in the living room. “Only because she’s asleep.” She smiles to herself, though, as she pries the phone from Yerim’s hand and places it on the table, making sure it’s plugged in, before fixing the blanket and making sure she’s not sleeping in an uncomfortable position.

She spends maybe a few seconds staring fondly at her and mulling it over how this girl grew up with the circus, a few years after Irene joined—the youngest recruit ever, and she has grown in front of their eyes. And now she’s going on dates and talking to girls and actually being a softie.

Then she gets a grip of herself and walks towards the door, ignoring the smile she feels Seungwan directing at her as she opens it.

The cold air hits her immediately and she digs her hands in her pockets. Seungwan jumps off after her and breathes out. “Wow, the stars are so pretty.”

Irene glances at her before looking up at the stars, all sprinkled above and endless. “Yeah, they are.” She rolls her shoulders, stuffing her hands deeper, before asking, “Where’s the nearest convenience store?”

“Follow me.”

 

-

 

The convenience store, a five minute walk from the arena, is as empty as Irene had suspected.

Convenience stores make Irene vulnerable. She spent more time spilling her heart out here than anywhere else, especially at night. This is where she first opened up to Joy and Yerim. This is where Joy first talked about the fire the killed her family.

Convenience stores, with the lull of the radio playing in the background and the busy street outside, does something to Irene’s heartstrings that makes her soft.

She tells Seungwan this as they arrange their chips, coffee, and noodles on the table between them.

Seungwan looks around the store: at the laughing cashiers behind the counter, talking animatedly to each other; at the couple sitting way too close to each other and whispering like they’re scared anyone else can hear—because the words should only be to each other; at the group of friends seemingly shopping for a sleepover, arguing over the kind of drinks they want to buy; and then, lastly, at Irene, who’s smiling at nowhere in particular, chin digging on her palm.

“It is soft. I’ve always had chats with friends in coffee shops, but this is soft, too. And it’s… it’s real, I guess.”

“Real?” Irene prods.

Seungwan nods. “Real. Like, in coffee shops it’s too quiet. People are afraid to speak louder than a soft hum. There are laptops on tables and pens on floors. Cakes and coffee between people. It all seems superficial to me. Too formal.” She takes a deep breath, almost like inhaling the scent of the store. “This is more intimate.”

Irene leans back on her seat, cup of coffee in her palms. She raises the cup, hiding her smile, then says, “You get it,” before taking a sip.

“You know what I’ve always wanted to do?”

“What?”

“Talk to a stranger about everything I’ve never got to tell anyone else.” Seungwan’s tongue darts out, her lips. “I want to tell a stranger about my biggest fears, about the things that hurt me the most. I want to tell a stranger about every small anecdote I have. Spend the whole night talking.”

She pries her gaze off of Seungwan’s mouth, then smiles. “I’m a stranger.”

“No, we’re going to be spending the next two weeks together.”

“I’ll tell you mine.”

Seungwan looks up. “What?”

“A story for a story. I’ll tell you mine, you tell me yours.”

Seungwan squints, mulling it over. Then she shrugs. “You start, then.”

“Okay,” she says softly, trying to think of anything she can say, “I was born as Bae Joohyun, but I left that name when I joined the circus. Only Boa calls me that these days. Sometimes Joy and Yerim does, too.”

“Why don’t you use Joohyun anymore? It’s a pretty name.” Coming from Seungwan, it doesn’t seem like a lie at all.

She laughs softly before pursing her lips in a pout. She sighs. “It reminds me of home. Not circus home, but home that I left.” She blinks. “Home I was asked to leave,’ she corrects herself.

“You were asked to leave?”

“My parents were fighting, they always were. So, one night, they told me to leave. So I did.”

Seungwan blinks, nodding. She leans closer, eyes wide and sincerely interested.

Irene bites back the ache in her heart. “So, I did. I was nine, and I left. They didn’t come after me, and it was Boa who took me home. To the circus, of course.”

Getting courage from the way Seungwan is prodding her with her eyes, Irene continues her story. She tells Seungwan about Little Big Mouth, about having to stretch her legs over her head because Victoria is too flexible and she needed to keep up. She tells her about their first sold out show, about Boa crying her eyes out and hugging them all tightly one by one.

She tells her about the others joining, little kids picked up from alleyways, grown adults auditioning for free food, and how each one of them somehow ended up being part of the family, like they always were. She tells her about how proud she feels every time the news talks about their circus beginning their tours, and the shows in Han river selling out quickly every time.

In turn, Seungwan talks about her passion for music. She talks about how she joined several musicals despite not knowing how to act or dance at first, and Seulgi teaching her every time. She talks about auditioning for the arts school with her singing and getting smiles from the judges, and the judges talking to her parents to let her enroll in the said school.

And Irene listens, and Seungwan listens. There are blank spaces in between, stuff they’re not going to tell even after the talks of ‘everything I’m scared to say’.

Irene understands. She’s too familiar with wanting to keep the deeper secrets underneath the shallow ones, making sure there are three groups of secrets: one to toss to people wanting to be friends; another to toss to friends wanting to be there for you; and the last group that can never be touched by another soul.

By the time Irene’s phone beeps, signaling her to wake up so she can watch the sunrise, there are tear tracks on their cheeks and they’re laughing way too hard about Irene’s story of Joy having a pet monkey once who always slept beside Yerim and scared the girl every time. There are four empty cups of coffee between them, empty packages of chips and snacks. The sun is about to rise outside, and Irene’s heart is beating too loudly thanks to the coffee.

But Seungwan’s laugh is addicting, and talking about everything is addicting, and Seungwan doesn’t feel like a stranger anymore. It’s rediscovering each other through stories. Painting lives before yesterday. Being friends. And Irene never thought she’d be able to be friends with someone so fast, but she never thought anyone like Seungwan existed before either.

It’s the butterfly talking, intoxicated with coffee and lightheaded from no sleep, but Irene says, “I hope you decide to stay with the circus.”

And Seungwan smiles back at her, then says, “I hope so, too.”

Irene doesn’t know what that means, but she smiles back, gathers all the trash to throw, and walks out the store with Seungwan, gaze on the rising sun, still chattering with each other.

The butterfly reproduces, though Irene isn’t sure how, and now there are at least three swarming around her stomach, all excited and high, giggling to each other every time Seungwan barks out a laugh.

It’s the butterflies talking, but Irene really thinks Seungwan might be what she can be passionate about in the circus, because the way passion oozes out of Seungwan’s eyes, the way she automatically smiles at the mention of the circus—Joohyun finds herself mimicking her each time.

A/N:

So I decided to make this a two-shot instead. It’s gotten too long (I wrote maybe 10k words for the first draft and now,,, we have 9k for one (1) chapter). The next chapter’s draft is still undeveloped, but I might update next week. I’m also halfway done with the next chapter of Peek-A-Brew, so I might update that next week, too.

I first got the idea of the butterfly thing from Munimuni's Sa'yo. It's a Tagalog song and there's a line that goes "not once did I ever eat a butterfly, but why does my stomach feel so full of it". It goes well with the theme of a circus, so.

Leave a comment! I hope you guys liked this. Thanks!