i was listening to Kodaline’s All I Want while writing this and i think it would be nice if you listen to that song as well while reading this chapter :)

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“Jeonghan... I-I’m sorry...” her voice cracked, shedding a few tears. “I had to keep it from you because that’s what he asked...”

Jeonghan slams his fist against the wooden table as he lets out his loudest no.

“That’s not happening.” he continued, walking towards Joshua’s mother. “Please... please tell me that isn’t true.”

“He lose over Benign tumor.” she continued, “The doctors tried to remove them... but it was too late. The tumor was already pressed on his blood vessels and nerves.”

Jeonghan falls on his knees, tears streaming down from his eyes as Seungcheol pulls him into an embrace as Jihoon rubs his back. “No... no... this can’t be...”

“We were still talking a few days ago...”

“It was me, Jeonghan. He wanted me to reassure you that everything’s..." ..."f-fine...”

“He wasn’t fine! I saw him! In his eyes! There was pain! There were pain drawn on his eyes....”

Tiny voices was soon filled the room. Hansol went to comfort Seokmin and Seungkwan who were crying silently on the corners of the room.

Jeonghan never cried in front of other people before –not even in front of Seungcheol– but he cared less. They lost Joshua— he lost him.

Joshua’s mother sighs deeply, pulling Jeonghan into a tight hug as she hands him a folded paper, “hon, he wanted me to give this to you.”

Jeonghan sobs silently as he looks at her with pain both envisioned in their eyes, unfolding the piece of paper.

—To the one who taught me wonderful things, Yoon Jeonghan:

   If you’re reading this, I probably didn’t make it. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to thank you before I left. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to teach you more of those hand signals that you asked me, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I hid everything from you. I wasn’t sure why I kept this one from you. I was afraid– afraid that you might make fun of me again. haha, I’m kidding, alright? 

   I hope through this letter, you’ll be able to feel the heartfelt gratitude I’m expressing. You taught me beautiful things. You have been patient with me. You opened up my ears, and my mind. And most importantly, you opened up my heart. I may not be able to tell you this personally, but I wanted to let you know that I’ll forever be grateful meeting someone like you. Thank you, Jeonghan. I know it’s late but for the first and (definitely) the last time, I wanna let you know that I love you. I am deeply in love with you.

                                                    —Shua 🐰

“Where is he?” Jeonghan’s voice cracks, breaking the silence.

“He’s gone, Jeonghan.” Seungcheol replied, tapping his shoulder.

“I know he’s gone!” his voice rose, “Stop rubbing it in, Cheol!” he continues, grasping a fistful of his hair. “I... I just wanna see him... for one last time...”

“Morgue. 24 hours before they set him off.”

Without any hesitation, Jeonghan stood up with the unfolded letter tightly gripped by his right hand, storming off.

“Jeonghan!”

Various voices were following him, trying to stop him but he ran— he ran fast, as fast as he could.

All these times, Jeonghan! The signs were there, right in front of your eyes! He was in pain! That one weekend that he skipped. That goddamn kiss. He wouldn’t do that if he had much more time! Those remaining days... Those ing remaining days while he was out. Why wasn’t I able to comprehend any of those? I should have check up on him. That little . Goddamnit, Joshua Hong!

Soon as he was lead by the nurse into the morgue, his knees went weak as water began to form through his eyes, “Joshua!” he yelled. He yelled repeatedly. “Damnit, Joshua! Wake the up!” he continued, resting his forehead against the younger’s chest, hitting his arm lightly while shaking him off, “Shua... Wake up...”

“J-Jeonghan..” Jun said, catching off his breath. “Please... you’ll just hurt yourself...”

“I am already in pain, Junhui. I... I should have treated him good since day one. He was everything I’m not. He... changed me.”

“He sure did.” Minghao spoke from behind,  wiping off his tears as he stares down the pale figure in front of them. “He was a wonderful person.”

“Hyung... you... you could have told us everything!” Seokmin broke out, screaming as he cries on his palms.

“Shua...” Jeonghan spoke with the tiniest voice left, “I never believe in God as much as you do but... just one... miracle...”

“Please, Shua...”

“I have fallen for you too.”

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thank you to everyone who supported this short series of mine. i hope you enjoyed this one hehe. til next time, of course ❣