Minhyun POV

I saw her with her members, talking and laughing with another boy idol group. They look close. I heard her laugh. She look happy. She look beautiful with that dress, more beautiful than ever. Her face is shining.

It's been a year since our relationship ends. I am not sure why, maybe both of us grew tired of each other. 

I can only see you from far, your back are my view. You never look at me. 

Can i be selfish a bit? Please turn and look at me. Smile at me. Please

But she never spare a glance. I walk away to my team members, end of year shows used to be my favorite but now i feel like running away and stays at home. The music is too loud and i felt suffocate with the crowds. 

"Hyung, i haven't seen you for a while, Where have you been?" Daniel hug me. 

I let him hug me, i stood without having emotions. I knew everyone is worried about me. My used to be members, Wanna One and my current member Nuest are worried. They have been questioning my whereabouts. My routine was simple wake up, eat and sleep. Finish my schedules, i will went straight to home. I never went to meet up my friends. Jonghyun will come to my house and bring food when he is free. If not i will only eat my ramyum. 

Daniel must have saw my face, pale and lifeless face. I saw his worried face, he must be questioning why i became like this.

"Hyung please stop this, We miss our Minhyun" Daniel whisper to me.

Daniel hold my hand tightly. I let him hold my hand. I never respond to him. He never leave my side. I look around, the backstage are full of other artists, i saw my team members talking to other idols from other group. I used to play around with them, joking and teasing. I miss it but i don't feel like doing it now. I just want everything to end so that i can get home. 

I want to be alone.

I close my eyes tightly, i felt another pair of patting my back. 

"Minhyun hyung.." 

I look at my side and saw my favorite dongsaeng Woojin. He pat my back, he look at me with pity. 

I gave him a soft smile. I want to pretend to be fine but today i felt weak. My dongsaengs knew me as a strong person. But today i can't seem to keep my facial expression. I didn't know why. I am actually glad to have them by my side now. Even though we are not in the same team anymore, i am glad they are here with me. Daehwi hug me from back, Woojin holding my left hand while Daniel by my right side. I saw the other members came to us one by one. They hug me one by one telling me they miss me so much. Some members were trying to control their tears but today i don't feel like crying. I am just tired with everything.

I have not seen them for the last seven months, giving them ton of excuses. They tried to cheer me up at our group chat but i never reply. Some try to call me but i never answer. 

The Nuest member look at me from far, especially Jonghyun. He was worried for me, i knew he's the bridge for everyone and me. I am glad to have them in my life. Even though it is hard for me now, i hope they can be patience with me. 

 

At last everything ends, it's a new year. I sat alone at the sofa in the waiting room while reading a book. I have been reading this book this past few months. But i never read the last chapter, the story was similar to mine. I don't want to read the ending, i don't want to know what happens to the main character so i left it. I keep reading the first few chapters again and again.

My other members are out, not sure where they went. I have asked the stylist and manager to leave me alone. They never disobey or asked me. 

I close my eyes, tears rolled down on my cheeks. The struggle and the pain i am having, it's too much.

I don't understand, why am i hurting so much

Is it because she was my first real love or have i gone too far in loving her. Isn't this is what i wanted?

I heard her voice, she was talking to someone, i am not sure who. They were talking outside. I can only hear bits of bites. I am curious to know who is she talking to. Her waiting room is just right beside but does it feel so near

I want to ran out and hug her.

I want her to tell me she's hurting too same as me. 

I want her to tell me she needs me more same as i need her.

I just want to hear that words.

 

I decided to not be weak, i stood and walk towards the door. I was about to turn the knob when i heard her question.

"Jonghyun ah please help me pass this to him."

"Sure Wendy, Don't worry." 

I heard Jonghyun saying bye to her.

I wanted to open the door but i don't have courage. I don't want to look pitiful. I walk away and sat back at the sofa, waiting for Jonghyun to come in. Few minutes pass but he still haven't come in. I was curious why.

Jonghyun turn the knob and walk towards me. He sat beside me.

"Here, she gave you." Jonghyun said while passing a box to me.

She gave me a box? Why?

I took the box from him and open up. I look at Jonghyun questioning him but he just smile at me, nodding his head. 

The box contain paper crane folding, i was astonished to see how much it was, more than 100. 

Did she make it herself?

But Why is she giving me?

I realise there's a card below the folding.

Minhyun ah, there is 200 paper cranes inside this box.

I fold it for every time we met. I wrote down our memories at the paper crane.

I am giving away my memories. I am not sure if you want to read it or not. Maybe you can help threw it away.

 I am sorry for every mistakes i have done.

This Noona is still newbie for love, please understand my childish behaviour.

But one day when we accidentally bumped into each other, please greet and smile at me.

If we are meant to be, we will meet again in our future or maybe in our next life.

Thank you for all the memories, Minhyun ah

Please take care of yourself.

Eat more, you look skinny.

 

Those words, giving away her memories.

I broke down, holding her letter to my heart.

Jonghyun pat my back.

"Jonghyun ah, why is it so painful? You never tell me love is this painful. Why?" Minhyun sob harder.

He lost his first love, he let her walk away. 

He was a newbie in love, he didn't know anything about heartbreaks, he only knew the sweetness of love.

For the first time in his life he got a taste of bitterness. 

As a man, he never cries this much, the last time he cries this much was years ago, Wanna One last concert, the last day of their dorm life. He cries hugging other members but this time is different.

He is crying because of love. 

"Minhyun ah, i want to tell you to forget about her but i know it hard, but please stop hurting yourself. You are not hurting yourself only, you are hurting others. Your family, your brothers, your friends and people around you who loves you." Jonghyun comfort words makes him sob more. 

"I am sorry, I didn't realise that. I am sorry but bear with me for a few more days. I promise to be myself back, wait a while." 

 

Minhyun brought the box to his bedroom. He open the crane one by one by number. Wendy has states the number at the cranes, he realise there's 3 colors, Pink, Red and blue. He took the number 1 and open.

Our first day, it was windy night. We sat at our favourite spot. You confess to me and kiss me. My heart flutters.

Reading the first, makes me remember our first day. We were walking around the park near your dorm. Talking about our daily life. I realise i love this girl in front of me. I wanted to make her mine. I remember everything that happens on that night.

"Noona, to be honest, i am glad you are here with me. But i want to stop calling you noona, i want you call you by your name. I want you to be mine." 

I still remember my confession to her. She was everything to me. Her soft lips meet mine.

I took out the second crane.

You came to my dorm and brought me food. You brought me food. I am glad to meet you after a week of not seeing you in person.

I smile, i remember running away for 30 mins from practice just to meet her. She was shocked to see me and hug me when i told her i brought food. 

Opening one by one reminds me of my memories with her. Small little details that i missed, she remember everything. She wrote it beautifully and detailed. I knew Wendy is delicate but he didn't expect her to write like this.

On the 187 crane,

It's been awhile right? I hug you tightly, don't want to let you go. I threw away my ego. Did we reconcile? Our is it my wish only?

188 crane,

I slept at your place waiting for you to be back, but you gave me your cold shoulders, Why? What did i do wrong? You hug me but i never felt your affections anymore. I left before you woke up...

189 crane,

You came and find me. I was waiting for you for 5 days, you didn't answer my call. You told me you are sorry but you never tell me your reasons. Maybe i was selfish wanting you by my side the whole time. Our kiss were soft but i felt empty. Why? Minhyun ah maybe we should stop. I kept telling myself to tell you but i can't. Looking at your face makes me weak. Cuddling at my bed the whole night but i woke up with you gone...

200 crane, the last crane

Both of us decided to part ways, i gave up. You are not fighting for my love. How can you be this cruel? Our last hug, my heart felt heavy. I walk away first without looking at you. If i turn, i will see your face, i don't know what will happen next. This must be the last crane then. My wish to make 1000 cranes with you but i gave up at the 200. I am tired of this relationship. Goodbye Minhyun. ILYSM 

I my wipe his tears, those 200 cranes that i open up have its own meaning, the pink for fluttering moments, the red for the fights they had and lastly blue for sadness, her hurt feelings towards me. There's more blue and red, i never realise they quarrel more. I thought our relationship was normal.

I was the dumb one, i am the one who hurts her.

Now she's happy, i should not hope for her to comeback to me. 

She deserve better man, who loves her more than she loves him.

In my relationship with her, it looks like she loves me more than i love her. 

I lay down on my bed, thinking about her.

Why did she give me after a year?

Did she move on?

With who?

Those thoughts were playing on my mind. If she really move on, i should wish her happiness right. How can i move on after reading all of this? 

Is she punishing me? 

I didn't sleep that night, later I have another schedule. My eyes were red and the eye bags makes it worst. I drove himself to the next schedule, my favorite is playing. The song makes me think about her, i was lost in my own thoughts.

"BOOM!" 

I didn't see what happens next, i saw darkness overcome me. My tears streaming down, i try to move my hands but failed. Is this the ending for me? I thought to myself, the happy moments and the sad moments can be seen. 

Those happy moments with my family, produce 101, wanna one, nuest and her. Am i leaving now? I didn't get to tell them i love them. I didn't get to hug them the last time. I pray god to give me another chance. Please i wish too correct my mistakes. Please i don't want to go.

My heart hurts so much, i close my eyes. 

Everything went black out.