It was his fault. Everything was his fault. He knew his dried tears wouldn’t remake the past. He wished he was the one who was hurt; he wished he was ready enough to protect him from the explosion; he wished he never asked to go watch the star that night from their terrace; he could only wish.

“I’m sorry...” he choked his own tears as he vaguely caught a glance of his pale face,” Yoochun ah...Please wake up...Please forgive me...It’s all my fault...”

“You shouldn’t talk, Junsu,” Yunho’s figure got into the room as he warmly held Junsu’s trembling palm and wiped the tears away,” You should get some rest...”

“But...Chun...He’ll---“ Junsu lost his consciousness as Yunho made sure the blanket kept the poor boy warm. Sighing, Yunho walked to the other bed, next to Junsu’s. Yoochun was sleeping so silently as the beeping machine that kept him alive made irritating noise.

“You can’t die,” Yunho spoke in stern tone,” You’ve made two people suffered so much and I won’t forgive you if you’re just running away like this...Especially because you’ve hurt Jaejoong...”

There was no answer. Yunho sighed.

“Yunnie?” suddenly the door opened as Jaejoong’s voice echoed,” Can we talk?”

The cold brezze blew his hair softly, it’s a breathtaking view for Yunho but he knew now wasn’t the right time to think about his feelings. Jaejoong softly sighed as he leaned on Yunho’s shoulder. They’re on the rooftop of a hospital.

Thinking back, Yunho was glad they could make it alive. After the explosion, Jaejoong lost his sense for a few minutes. Yunho managed to bring Yoochun and Junsu out of the burning apartment as Jaejoong followed him blankly; tears were streaming down on his face as they rushed to an ambulance nearby and went to this hospital.

They’re strong, Yunho knew. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t die. Yoochun took the explosion with his bare body as he protected Junsu. It gave completely bad injury to his whole body. Moreover, Yoochun’s power was ice and it’s completely contrary to the explosion. 

“Jae, he’ll be fine,” Yunho didn’t realize his voice trembled a little. Jaejoong hid his face inside Yunho’s embrace as he broke down. Yunho could only panted his hair and hoped it would send the pain away, Yunho hated himself for unable to do anything.

“I’m sorry, Yunho ah,” Jaejoong cried out.

“You don’t need to be sorry, my love for you is unconditional after all,” Yunho smiled softly as he stole Jaejoong’s lips; silencing the heartbroken sobs.

“Please…make me stop loving him like this…Please make me stop blaming Junsu for everything…Please make me fall in love with you…Please make them stop hurting us…Pleasee…” Jaejoong cried out,” Why? Why can’t we have our freedom? Why, Yunho ah?”

Yunho couldn’t answer. He couldn’t find one. Caressing Jaejoong’s hair and securing the broken man between his arms were the only thing he could do. He pulled Jaejoong deeper into his embrace as he leaned their bodies on the wall. 

Time passed and the sobs stopped. Yunho covered the sleeping Jaejoong with his coat as he thought deeply. To be frank, he wanted everything to stop. Yunho admitted he wasn’t a saint or something like that; he felt he was a jerk, a bastard because some part of him wanted Yoochun to be killed in the explosion. He wanted to conquer Jaejoong’s heart entirely, but he knew he couldn’t.

Rubbing his own hair and sighing desperately, Yunho shooed the negative thought. He really wanted everything to stop, especially seeing his precious Jaejoong cried. He wanted to stop the tears, the pain. That was when an idea got into his tired mind. He needed to stop the fallen ones and the government; it’s the key to everything.

Three day passed since the ambush and he could barely walk. He wasn’t completely cured but he could care less; he just wanted Yoochun to open his eyes. He sat on an empty seat next to Yoochun’s bed. The man still hadn’t wakened from his coma. Without realizing it, tears began to flow again. Like a child, he wiped them as he told himself to be strong. He needed to be strong for Yoochun.

“Junsu,” Jaejoong’s voice echoed as the man entered the room,” Don’t cry. Yoochun will be sad if you cry….”

Junsu nodded. He knew it, he understood it but his heart felt a tremendous pain. First, because he couldn’t do anything to help Yoochun cured. Second, because he felt so guilty that Yoochun was hurt because of him. Third, because Jaejoong stopped calling him ‘Junchan’; he missed the nickname but he knew he didn’t deserve it. He knew silently inside his heart Jaejoong blamed him for everything that happened. 

He felt the guilt was like eating him alive; he thought he couldn’t bear it for another second. He wished he would just disappear. He wished he never came between Jaejoong and Yoochun; he even wished he never met them if that would prevent Yoochun wounded like this.

“Hyung,” he called in trembling voice,” I’m sorry…”