Kibum is still at home when Taemin gets back. That’s expected, since his filming only starts in the evening. What is unexpected is that he’s not reading through his script like he always does.

“Eh, hyung, you’re not rehearsing for your filming?”

Kibum shakes his head. “We were supposed to film in a building that’s under construction today, but whoever was in charge didn’t give the right date to the developer and we couldn’t go through with it. I’m free until tomorrow. Do you have anything you want to do?”

Taemin thinks of confessing then. He imagines saying ‘I have Hanahaki and I’m going to get the surgery tomorrow.’

But then he thinks of how disappointed Kibum will be, not with him but with himself – how Kibum will store this away as yet another sword of self-doubt to stab himself with – and Taemin can’t bring himself to do that to Kibum.

“Something fun?”

Kibum pulls a face. “Oh, that’s so helpful. Really, you couldn’t be more specific than that, could you? Fun.”

Despite everything, Taemin giggles. And then he gets an idea. “Oh, hyung, let’s go to a water park!”

“Are you twelve?” Kibum shakes his head. “Okay, let’s go to the water park.”

~

They don’t go to the water park. Instead, Taemin takes Kibum to the lake that Jongin took him to last year, that Jongin in turn had been taken to by some of his EXO members. It’s a long drive and it’s ridiculously expensive to rent a boat and gear, but it’s all worth it from the moment Taemin dips into the cool water of the lake.

The speedboat zips by as he comes up for water, just in time to see Kibum expertly balancing himself on the waterski board being tugged along by the boat. Kibum never bothers with the gym as much as any of the other members so he always looks the least toned, but moments like this serve as a reminder that his physical strength is nothing to laugh at.

Taemin waves at him.

Kibum waves back, grinning widely.

The boat takes him away, until he’s a speck in the distance. Taemin takes a deep breath and slips underwater. He stays under for as long as he can, until his vision blurs and his lungs are screaming for air.

Is this how it will feel?

~

Just before sunset, the man operating the boat gets them out of the water and deposits them on the dock.

Taemin’s body feels so leaden outside of the water. He feels winded. The last time he came here, he had played for a whole day and didn’t even feel tired. The pills are doing a very good job hiding the progression of his Hanahaki, but these little things give away just how bad it has become.

“You okay?” Kibum asks.

Taemin nods.

“Good.” It’s an odd response, but before Taemin has any time to contemplate what he means, Kibum grabs him by the straps of lifejacket, yanks him forward and kisses him.

Well, it feels less like a kiss than Kibum smashing his face against Taemin’s, but dear god, it’s such a turn-on. His limbs feel like jelly, like his body just wants to submit and let Kibum take whatever he wants.

Just as he’s about to at Kibum’s lips, to deepen the kiss, Kibum pulls away. Taemin opens his eyes when did he close them disgruntled and then he remembers where they are. The boatman is just a few feet away, still with his back to them as he ties the boat and honestly, they’re both too experienced as idols to be kissing out in the open like this.

“Yah,” Taemin says, feeling his face turn red “that was too reckless.”

Kibum blows him a kiss. “Live a little, babe.”

~

Just like he took Kibum to the lake, Kibum takes him to a jokbal restaurant that’s not too far from Jonghyun’s place. It’s pretty nondescript, but the customers are all elderly people who don’t give them a second glance and the jokbal is both delicious and plentiful. What more could Taemin want?

“Let’s get soju,” Taemin suggests.

Kibum, who’s busy wrapping a slice of jokbal in a salad leaf, pauses. “We both have to work tomorrow. And we have to feed and walk the dogs when we get back. I don’t mind getting one bottle, but you know that we never stop at one.”

“Really, just one,” Taemin wheedles. “We went swimming and now we’re eating something hit and meaty and it won’t feel complete if we don’t have alcohol.”

And Kibum gives in, just as Kibum always does. He’s so easy. Taemin didn’t even have to do aegyo this time.

~

“Can we trade children?”

Kibum looks at him like he’s grown two heads.

Taemin is struggling; Eve is so excited that he won’t stay still long enough to let Taemin clip the leash onto his collar.

“He won’t listen to anything I say,” Taemin pouts.

Kibum rolls his eyes. “C’mere, let me do it.”

~

In the park, Kibum reaches for Taemin’s hand like he always does. Taemin drinks in the first touch of Kibum’s palm against his own, the slow slide of their fingers lacing together.

Tonight, Taemin doesn’t worry about fans or reports catching them walking hand in hand.

~

“Can the dogs sleep with us tonight?” He’s asked for a lot of things today. Kibum has given him each one, but this request might be a bit much. Kibum is very strict about Comme des and Garcons not sleeping on the bed. He’ll let them on when he’s working or reading, but that’s about it. “Please? I have to take Eve home tomorrow. Umma says Adam is depressed without him.”

Kibum sighs. Taemin tries not to smile too widely. Really, Kibum is too soft for his own good.

“Fine. But you’re cleaning the bed tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Taemin agrees, promising something he knows he’ll never deliver tomorrow will be a different world.

Kibum opens the bedroom door and clicks his tongue, and all three dogs come running. They jump onto to the bed, uncaring of where they land. Luckily, they’re all small dogs. Garcons and Eve both come to Taemin, stepping on his legs under the blanket as they do so, and Taemin laughs.

The bed dips as Kibum climbs in next to him. “Stop playing with them, or they won’t settle down.”

“Oh, would you prefer that I play with you instead?” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Taemin wants to slap himself. It’s such a stupid, cheesy pick-up line. Kibum starts laughing; that loud, wild cackle he does when he’s genuinely amused, and he topples to the side.

“Oh my god, Taemin-ah,” he gasps, breathless. “I can’t even…”

Taemin watches him, commits this moment to his memory. He can’t imagine a world where he doesn’t love Kibum. When he feels tears start to well up, he shakes his head and flops over Kibum. As long as he keeps talking, keeps playing, he can keep tomorrow away.

“You’re heavy,” Kibum grumbles, pushing at him. “Piglet.”

Taemin gasps loudly, theatrical. “Oh my god, take that back.”

Kibum pinches his waist. “Oh, what is this?” He pinches another spot when Taemin bats his hand away, ticklish. “And this? oh, it feels like a spare tyre.”

Taemin sits on Kibum and catches his naughty hands. “Do you want me to find your spare tyres, hyung?”

Kibum just shakes his head from side to side, making that face that he does when he’s playing at being superior. “I’m not in denial about my spare tyres, babe.”

There’s no winning against him, not that Taemin wants to. He just giggles, bends down to hide his face against Kibum’s neck. “Ahhh, Key-hyung.”

“I love you,” Kibum whispers. Taemin slides off him, nestles into his side while Kibum pulls the blanket over them. He wishes he could thank Kibum for trying so hard. He almost believed it today.

He wants to believe, just for a little while more. He says an internal apology to Kibum and leans in to kiss him. Kibum makes a happy sound when their lips meet. Taemin greedily tastes his lips the lingering hint of soju and lip gloss until he’s breathless too quick, far too quick.

He settles against Kibum. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“How did you get over Sikyung?”

He feels Kibum tense. “Well, after the surgery, I stopped going to the orphanage. I didn’t see him and I guess the feelings didn’t come back. Why are you asking?”

“Would you want them to?”

This time, Kibum thinks for a while before answering. “I guess I don’t. I don’t believe in soulmates or anything like that. If you like a person and if they don’t like you back, you move on. There’s other people out there. As much as I like Sikyung, I like you too. If I had stayed hung up on Sikyung, we wouldn’t be together. You know that thing you said in an interview once, if you want something you have to give up something else? It’s like that. Why are you asking?”

“I was just wondering.” If you want something, you have to give up something else. Taemin had said that in a moment of frustration, but the statement still holds true; truer than ever, given the magnitude of the choice he has to make.

“Don’t worry, I don’t have any feelings left for Sikyung.” Kibum kisses his forehead, tugs him closer. “I’m all yours.”

I’ve always been yours.