The door to Irene's room creaked open. She peeked outside, listening to where the muffled sobs were coming from. She walked over to the couch to see Yeri sleeping soundly. The door to Joy and Yeri's room was ajar. As she opened it, Joy looked up to her with swollen eyes.

She rushed to her side and hugged her. "Joy-ah, what are you doing crying at 2 in the morning?" Irene felt Joy hugging her tighter. In between sobs she answered, "Unnie, it's Sungjae...it's my fault...oettoke?"

"Hush, Sooyoungie. Let me fix you up some hot choco, and tell me all about it," Irene said comfortingly. Joy nodded while wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

------

Two cups of hot choco lay on the coffee table. Joy and Irene sat on the floor in front the couch. Yeri still slept soundly, cuddled in her blanket. Joy picked up her mug and blew lightly above it. "Sorry I woke you up, but gumawo unnie. This hot choco is comforting."

Irene smiled warmly at Joy while her back. "It's okay Joy-ah. Just don't ever cry alone, jebal. Now, tell me what's bothering you."

In the midst of Joy talking about her visit to BTOB's dorm, Yeri woke up stretching. She saw Joy's swollen eyes and immediately backhugged her. "Unnie, whatever it is, I'm here for you." Joy managed a smile and leaned her head to Yeri's. Irene looked on adoringly. She lightly nodded to signal for Joy to continue talking.

The two members listened until Joy's last few statements. "He's miserable because of me. His accident was because of me. Everything is on me." With that, she started crying again. Yeri held Joy's shoulders to join her on the couch. All they could do was hug her and allow her to cry it all out. Joy eventually tired herself out and fell asleep. Irene pulled up the blanket to Joy's chin and the two members tiptoed back to their room.

------

Joy kept herself busy with all the activities of Red Velvet's comeback and offers coming in left and right. Despite how tiring her schedule was, she still tossed and turned at night until the wee hours of the morning. Seulgi noticed how often she spaces out compared to before. Wendy missed the closeness between her and Joy. As days passed, she became more distant. All of her members had their share of observations. 

The change in Joy took its toll on the rest of the girls when she nearly lost her balance in one of their live performances. They gathered in her room after coming home from the event. "Mianhe...I probably just lacked sleep from last night," she explained. "Unnie, you barely sleep at all!" Yeri retorted.

"Hajima, Yeri...don't be too hard on her," Wendy defended. "Ani, unnie, I deserve it. I've been keeping her up at night too. Mianhe, Yerimah," Joy replied.

"Stop apologizing Joy-ah," Seulgi said. "If you're having that much trouble sleeping, maybe you need to take something to help you."

"Ani, maybe it's time you and Sungjae talk," Irene said flatly. Wendy broke the awkward silence that fell. "Why don't we let her be for now." She turned to Joy and said, "Joy-ah, I'm going with you to the doctor tomorrow. Maybe they can prescribe sleeping pills."

"Right," Seulgi seconded. "Maybe you'll be able to think straight once you catch up with your sleep."

"Yeah, and dance straight too," Yeri teased. The members left the room one by one. Wendy was the last one left. She guided Joy to her bed and tucked her in. "Sooyoungie, don't close your doors, jebal." Joy forced a smile and hugged Wendy. She missed this. She missed her members. She missed him more. But she must keep her word. "I'll be better, unnie. Gumawo."

------

Days passed and Joy has slightly improved. Still, the leader saw the sadness in her eyes. Irene couldn't take the pity she felt and dialled Changsub's number. "Yeoboseyo? Eoh.." answered Changsub.

"Changsub-ah, I heard what happened to Sungjae. How is he?" asked Irene. "Getting better," answered Changsub almost whispered. 

Weirded out by his unusual tone, she asked, "Is he there with you?"

"Eoh."

"Araso, I'll make this quick. Joy-ah's not in good shape. You saw how she almost fell a few days ago during the show. She doesn't get enough sleep because she blames herself for what happened to your maknae. Now she relies on her sleeping pills..."

Changsub cut her off. "I have to go."

"Ok, but these two need to be locked up in a room to talk. Take care of Sungjae." Irene replied.

"Nae."

------

It's only been days since she slept well. Joy couldn't remember the last time she was able to go out for a walk and do a bit of grocery shopping. She breathed in the cool air before walking in their dorm's building. Inside her grocery bag were ingredients for kimchi rice. This was his favorite out of everything I made. She smiled at the thought of that memory, but couldn't help the pang of sadness.

At least I can smile at the memories now, she thought. Joy stepped in the elevator and pressed the button to their floor. The doors slowly closed, but was stopped by a pair of big hands. Startled, Joy looked up nearly dropping her bag.

"Sungjae?"

END