10 months, 3 days, and 18 hours.

That's how long it's been.

Joy stared at the microphone-shaped earrings he gave her, as she calculated the time. Ten months seems like a long time. How could I have gotten here since then? she thought.

Looking back, it's as if she was on autopilot. She was like a walking zombie. She still smiled and socialized, but was never really in the moment.

"Joy-ah, you've lost so much weight. It doesn't look healthy anymore."
"Unnie, do you even sleep at all? Your tossing and turning keeps me up at night!"
"Try to at least go out there and have some fun!"
"Park Sooyoung, I can still see the sadness behind your eye-smile."

She recalled what her members told her over the course of those 10 months. Her vision became blurry again as the tears formed. I have to get over this. This can't happen anymore. I wanted this too and knowing that is enough punishment, she told herself.

But why? Why does it have to be only her who seems to be suffering? Those questions still lingered. While staring blankly into space, he phone vibrated causing her jump in surprise.

"Yeoboseyo?"

"Joya-ah!" an anxious Changsub answered. "Eoh, oppa?" she replied.

"It's about Sungjae..."

------

Joy nearly dropped her phone at the news of Sungjae's accident. "Joy-ah? Are you still there? Joy-ah!" Changsub shouted over the phone. She quickly recovered and tightly gripped on her phone. "Mianhe, oppa. How is he?" she asked, her voice shaking.

I promised you I'd be there for you in a heartbeat Sungjae, she kept thinking to herself over and over again while she drove to BTOB's dorm.

"What have you done, pabo?!" she screamed out loud, banging her palms on the steering wheel. In less than an hour, she drove herself over and was in the elevator to their dorm. She heard a beep, signalling her that she'd reached their floor. The door slid open and she saw BTOB's manager and the doctor waiting.

"Manager-nim." she bowed as she greeted them. "Joy-ah, you shouldn't have gone through the trouble of coming over," she was told by the manager.

"I won't take long. Please take care on your way out," she replied. Joy walked to their door and stood there for a minute. Just 5 minutes Sooyoung. He shouldn't see you, she reminded herself. Just then, the door opened and a surprised Hyunsik greeted her.

"Oppa, I won't stay long, I promise," she told Hyunsik after greeting him. "Joy-ah, you can stay as long as you like. You're always welcome here," he reassured her with a warm smile. They walked towards the living room and was greeted by Eunkwang.

"It's good to see you Joy-ah!" Eunkwang welcomingly said. Joy forced a smile. "Nado, oppa. It's been a while..."

Eunkwang guided her to Sungjae's room. Changsub stood at the entrance, leaning on the door frame. "She's here," Eunkwang called to Changsub. "That was quick Joy-ah," Changsub said as he hugged her.

He pulled up a chair beside Sungjae's bed, for Joy to sit on. Joy listened intently while Changsub tolde her all about Sungjae's drinking spree and the accident a few hours before. She tried her best to hold back tears while she slowly shook her head. "Mianhe, Joy-ah. I didn't mean to make you upset," Changsub apologized while patting her shoulder to comfort her. "Ok, I'll leave you with him for now." He stepped out the room and closed the door.

She took his hand and leaned closer to him. He looked so peaceful laying unconscious from his accident. "Sungjae-ah..." His fingers flinched in her grasp. "Wake up, pabo. What are you doing to yourself?"

A tear trickled down her cheek. His eyes opened halfway and she saw him smile at her. It was just a split second interaction between them and Sungjae fell into unconsciousness again. This triggered Joy to sob uncontrollably.

------

Making sure she composed herself, Joy wiped her tears before walking out the room. She entered the living room where his three hyungs waited on the couch. They stood up as soon as they saw Joy walk in. "Gumawo, guys. I'll be leaving now," Joy told them.

"You don't have to go, Joy." Eunkwang said, walking up to her.

Right behind Eunkwang, Hyunsik encouragingly said, "Stay, Joy-ah. He'd like that very much."

"I think it's best if he doesn't see me. I appreciate your warm welcome and support. Again, gumawo." Joy bowed in respect. Changsub walked Joy to the door to show her out. She reached for the doorknob, but was stopped with Changsub's hand on her shoulder.

"He misses you, Joy-ah. Everyday since that night. This pabo just won't admit it to us! You two should talk, jebal.."

Joy smiled at Changsub. Instead of responding to his request, she hugged him and whispered, "Please take care of him oppa. He'll get over us. It's better this way."

She stepped in the elevator with a promise that this would be her last visit. This is the only way to make him better. She needs to give him freedom. She needs to move on.