Such a simple question yet Taehyung finds himself lost for an answer as he reaches out for the Polaroid taking it from Hoseok’s ends the ends of it frayed and dog-eared.

Taehyung looks at the photo again.

It is from the point of his life when Taehyung was going through his rebellious phase in life in which he let no summer vacation go without dyeing his hair and that summer he had dyed his bangs a dark green color. It looked crazy but Hoseok loved it and so, of course, Taehyung kept it until the last week of the vacation before school started.

Hoseok would complain about not having the freedom to dye his hair a crazy color. His mother didn’t approve of it.

“Tae, you’re lucky to get to do anything you want,”

Lucky? Taehyung wouldn’t call it that. His mother simply did not care. Hoseok knew that but still, sometimes they liked to pretend that everything was normal.

Hoseok is next to him wearing a bright yellow shirt but wearing an even brighter smile his raven hair held up neatly in a quiff on his head. Taehyung loved when Hoseok would push his hair back like that though he would never tell him that. He didn’t want to be weird, no.

Hoseok’s hand is wrapped around Taehyung’s shoulder and Taehyung is tilting his head giving the camera his widest smile.

Taehyung lightly kisses the picture closing his eyes reliving every single thing he can remember from that day.

“Who is that with you?” Hoseok’s voice breaks through Taehyung’s thoughts.

Taehyung opens his eyes and Hoseok is expectantly looking at him waiting for an answer.

“That is...,” Taehyung begins. “He is someone...I love”

Hoseok only nods.

“May I ask another question?”

“Yeah, sure go ahead,” Taehyung says as he opens a drawer and puts the photo in it.

“Where is this person now?”

Taehyung closes the drawer and looks at Hoseok.

“Why do you ask?”

Hoseok’s expression shifts and he starts bowing down.

“I am very sorry,” he says. “I did not mean to offend you; I just happened to be curious”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Taehyung says holding Hoseok by the shoulder. “I am just sensitive about him”

“I am sorry again,” Hoseok says his mouth curved into a frown as he looks expectantly into Taehyung’s eyes.

“I told you there is no need to apologize,” Taehyung says. “Especially not for everything”

“I am sorry it is just in my system,” Hoseok says.

Taehyung only sighs letting go off Hoseok and they step out of the closet. Taehyung closes the door sitting on the bed.

“You seem very stressed Taehyung,” Hoseok says as he stands beside the closet door still. “Are you sick?”

“No, no, just very tired,”

“You should get to sleep,” Hoseok says. “It is quite late”

“Yeah,” Taehyung says looking at Hoseok and as if he understands the subtle signs Hoseok climbs in the bed. Taehyung smiles at him as he lies down.

Hoseok wraps his hands around Taehyung and it is perfect after such a long day to be just in his arms.

“Good night,” he says.

Taehyung has already fallen asleep.

Turning 13 for Taehyung was an experience.

Jakyung passed away. Taehyung was the one who had found her on the kitchen floor late in the night when he had gone to get himself a glass of water. She looked so peaceful her eyes closed her lips tugging into what anyone would suppose a smile. She didn’t look dead more like deep in sleep like for once she was truly happy. Taehyung wept for her loss. She had cared for him so much like a mother or a grandmother Taehyung never had. He remembers being held by Hoseok as he cried into his shirt. There were only two other people other than them. They were Jakyung’s only relatives, her sisters’ sons. Jakyung never had any children of her own. Her own husband passed away a year after their marriage. She never remarried. Taehyung had hoped his mother would show up but she didn’t.

She came back home six days later.

Taehyung had spent two days in utter despair. Hoseok was on a family trip so Taehyung was completely alone in the house surviving only on what little food that was still left in the house. Nights were the hardest, Taehyung could barely sleep through them and even if he did he was woken up by nightmares images of Jakyung lying on the floor blood pooling around her and when Taehyung would go up to her she would open her eyes reaching out for Taehyung with her bloody hands. Some involved Hoseok in which he would be the one dead and Taehyung would keep screaming for him to wake up but he wouldn’t.

Taehyung had never seen any dead person and the loss of Jakyung was really taking the toll on him. He didn’t want to be alone in the house anymore.

His mother showed up late in the night when Taehyung had fallen asleep on the couch the TV still on because the sound of it made him feel like he wasn’t all alone.

Taehyung heard the doorbell and he slowly woke up too scared to open the door but the doorbell kept ringing. Taehyung grabbed a knife hoping that it was maybe Hoseok because no one else had business to come so late to the house.

He was greeted by his mother instead.

“What took you so long to open the door?” she asked annoyed.

She was so much different than Taehyung remembered her. Her once long black hair only reached her shoulders and was dyed in a dark brown color.

“I was sleeping,” Taehyung answered her.

She didn’t say anything, not a ‘Hi’ not a ‘How are you?’

Taehyung was used to it by now. He wasn’t seven anymore.

He closed the door a bit happy that she was back home because for once he didn’t have to be alone in the house but he had questions he needed to ask his mother.

“Why did you not come to Jakyung’s funeral?” Taehyung asked as his mother made her way to her room.

She stopped in her steps looking at him looking bored.

“I was busy,”

“You are always busy,”

“Exactly,” she said. “You understand it then”

“Just because you are busy doesn’t mean you couldn’t take one day to come to her funeral,” Taehyung said. “Jakyung raised me”

“She was paid to do it by me,” she answered. “Nothing noble there”

“Do you realize she is gone?”

His mother loudly sighed.

“Yes, that is what death does to people Taehyung,” she said. “If you did not know”

Taehyung was too dumbfounded to even speak.

“Are you worried about not having a nanny?” she asked. “I have been looking through some agencies...I’ll find you one very soon”

“I do not want another nanny,” Taehyung said. “I lost someone I have lived with all my life...no one can replace that”

Taehyung saw his mother roll her eyes.

“You know I am very tired Taehyung,” she said. “Can we talk about this tomorrow morning?”

“Do you even have a heart?” Taehyung asked.

His mother let out an exasperated sigh before walking off.

She left two days later leaving a business card for Taehyung to call for a nanny.

Taehyung ended up never calling the agency and as hard as it was to be alone at first he soon didn’t know a life of not being alone.

Taehyung holds up Hoseok’s hands in his. They are smaller about the same exact size that Hoseok’s were. Taehyung always had huge hands. Hoseok liked the way Taehyung’s large hands would cup his small face.

Hoseok’s hands feel so warm against his. Taehyung sometimes still finds himself being amazed by how ‘real’ Hoseok is.

Taehyung touches his fingertips and Hoseok looks at him completely still his expression unreadable.

“You have such beautiful hands,” Taehyung says. “Like I always remembered”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I uh...nothing,” Taehyung trails off.

Hoseok doesn’t question it. He hasn’t been asking questions, not since two days after he asked Taehyung about the picture. It means even less conversation between them and Taehyung regrets making Hoseok feel guilty. It’s just hard for him to talk about Hoseok even after years have passed after what happened it still feels like yesterday.

“Are you worried?” Hoseok asks. He sits up straighter now worry crossing his soft features.

“A little yeah,”

“May I do something for you?” Hoseok asks.

Taehyung only nods.

Hoseok smiles a little moving Taehyung so he is sitting his back against Hoseok’s body. Hoseok’s hands rest on his shoulders.

“What are you doing?”

“I am giving you a massage,” Hoseok answers. “This can provide temporary relief”

“You don’t need to give me a massage,” Taehyung says.

Hoseok’s hands move away from Taehyung’s shoulders in an instant and he looks guilty. Taehyung feels worse now seeing that he dismissed Hoseok’s help so bluntly. He sometimes forgets that Hoseok is designed to offer his help and want to offer his service. But Taehyung’s complete dismissal for any of his help leaves him unwanted.

“I uh actually yeah give me a massage,” Taehyung says.

“Are you sure?” Hoseok asks hesitantly.

“Yeah, I am,”

Hoseok smiles his hands on Taehyung’s shoulders moving pressing so gently that Taehyung lets out a low groan of satisfaction.

“Do you want me to stop?” Hoseok asks.

“No, keep going,”

Hoseok’s hands move more skilfully than any masseuse Taehyung has ever been too but that is quite given and for some time Taehyung forgets everything just letting Hoseok give him a massage.

Hoseok stops a few minutes later.

“Do you need me to give you a lower back...,”

“No, you have done enough,” Taehyung says taking Hoseok’s hands. “Thank you so much”

“It is my duty,” Hoseok simply answers with a smile.

Taehyung nods and then holding up Hoseok’s right hand he presses his lips onto Hoseok’s open palm ever so gently.

Hoseok looks confused.

“That was for giving me a massage,” Taehyung says.

Hoseok nods bowing.

“Thank you, master,”

Taehyung looks at him his eyebrows raised.

“Taehyung,”

Taehyung smiles a little before slowly letting go of Hoseok’s hands his heart still beating fast.

Taehyung felt empty.

So terribly empty, he was alone and it wasn’t the usual kind of alone that he was so used to now.

Because even when he was all alone he always had him by his side and somehow that made everything okay, but even that thing was taken away from him.

Hoseok spent a lot of his time with his new girlfriend Hwayoung.

Taehyung had only started high school and kids were somehow even meaner than they were back in middle school and once again Taehyung found himself being the token weird guy in his class. No one wanted to be seen talking to him or be associated with him in any way. It was practically social suicide to be anywhere near that ‘ Taehyung’.

But none of this was new to Taehyung he had always been a target to be picked on and he had toughened up so much that nothing got to him anymore.

However, he wasn’t tough enough to expect that kind of rejection from Hoseok.

After all, Hoseok had promised to be with him no matter what and he always talked about being best friends for life. Taehyung remembers vividly how they had stood on the terrace of his house at night under the moonlit sky and Hoseok had wrapped his pinky finger around Taehyung’s.

“I w