Dara fixed her gaze on her lap while listening to the secretary softly humming along with the Christmas carol playing from the speakers mounted on the wall. 

"I can't believe you chickened out," muttered Bom, arms crossed over her chest as she gave her a stern look. "You really should’ve told him the truth. I mean, he's a prick sometimes, but Jiyong deserves to know." 

Dara’s mouth remained shut because how was she supposed to answer that? She knew it was wrong to keep him in the dark about her illness, but to acknowledge her body’s current state meant accepting the inevitable. She was dying and that’s that. Except she didn’t want to. Not yet. Her symptoms had gone from bad to worse in a span of days. She kept waking up in the middle of the night with a terrible migraine, like something was trying to crawl out of her brain. If that wasn't bad enough, she also ends up forgetting things and usually finds herself in places without remembering why she's there. Just the other day, Butler Kim had to write down her own phone number because she couldn’t recall it.

Bom nudged her side. "Are you sure you're taking all your meds?" She nodded. "Maybe this is just a side-effect. Unnie told me some treatments differ from one patient to another." Bom’s phone suddenly rang from her pocket and she quickly scanned through it with furrowed brows. 

"Trouble with work?"

"Yep. What else is new?" Bom heaved a sigh as she slung her bag over her shoulder. "Would you be okay if I leave?" Dara nodded with a smile. "You sure?" 

"Neh."

"Alright. I'll see you later, okay? Call me if anything happens."

After waving goodbye, Dara leaned her head back and closed her eyes. It felt good to be somewhere else other than the mansion even if it means a trip to the hospital which she absolutely detests. Weeks cooped up in her room almost led her to insanity and a breath of fresh air was what she needed. Truth be told, she was apprehensive at the idea of walking out in the open again in fear of being ostracized by those who might recognize her. Fortunately, the scandal eventually died down and people had moved on to other things after YG issued a statement denying the allegation of a secret relationship between the two of them. The reason they gave had an ounce of truth in it: Miss Park has extreme anxiety and crowded places trigger her panic attacks. G-dragon, who happens to be aware of her condition thought it best to protect her from the papparazzi by holding her close. It was but a kind gesture from a concerned friend, pure and simple. 

"Miss Park?" She opened her eyes and saw the nurse standing from the doorway with a clipboard on her hand. "Seonsaengnim is ready to see you."

She thanked her before entering the room. The head of the oncology department briefly greeted her with a smile before offering her a seat. She folded her hands on her lap and waited for him to say something. "How are you, Dara-ssi?"

"I'm fine, Dr. Han."

"Fine is a relative term. I want to know what you're really feeling, Dara. No lies—just plain old truth if you please."

She tightened her grip on the chair's armrest before speaking again. "Not so good, doctor. I'm growing weaker by the day." He nodded and wrote something down in his familiar neat cursive. "Permission to speak freely, Dr. Han?"

"Of course."

"Am I...dying?"

The pen hovered on top of his paper as he leveled her with a look. Outside, an anouncement echoed over the PA system and helped distract her from the dread pooling in her chest. "Not if we go through surgery as planned," he answered at last. "That is, if we're still on the same page." 

There's hope then. "What about chemotherapy? I came across research studies that show--"

"We can do it, but I'm afraid you would only be exposed to more radiation as compared to undergoing the operation."

"Let's say I choose to do chemo. How long..." she paused and swallowed, letting the question hang in the air. Lucky enough, Dr. Han was quick to pick up on it.

"Well it is hard to predict. I may be able to give only a rough estimate, but if you were to do it now," his mouth formed into a thin line. "The surgery could potentially extend life expectancy up to five months, give or take a few. If you keep delaying the operation, however, this may bring about a plethora of complications in the future. I'm talking about behavioral changes and motor problems here, worse of which would be lapses in memory. Look, I've already contacted my colleagues from New York. They're the leading hospital for neurosurgery and they're willing to take on your case should you choose to push through with it." He reached out to grip her had, giving her an encouraging look. "Off the record, I sincerely want you to get the treatment, Dara-ssi. There's not a hundred percent guarantee that it'll work, but it's still worth a try."

Dara looked away, counting the days in her head between slow intakes of breath. Jiyong’s world tour would be nowhere near over. If she goes through surgery, there was a high risk of going straight into coma, that is if she didn’t die first. If she chooses chemo however, it might buy her some time. Long enough to say a proper goodbye to the people she loves. More lies. More secrets. Even she couldn't believe it all had to end up this way. "Thank you for your time, Dr. Han. I’ll make sure to give you my answer before the week ends." She bowed her head in gratitude. As soon as the door closed, she aimlessly walked through the hallways with no apparent destination, letting her mind wander off into the clouds as she contemplated about the coming days. Her body was getting weaker and sooner or later, she wouldn't be able to hide signs of her deterioration even if she wanted to. 

"Agassi." Dara looked up and saw Hong standing before her, a look of concern marring his usual stoic features. "Are you okay?" 

No. I’m not okay.

"I'm fine," she replied, donning on a tight-lipped smile. "Just take me home please."

It was obvious that he didn't buy the lie, but as any good bodyguard, he didn't press for more details and merely guided her outside. She must've fallen asleep because a good while later, she felt the car come to a complete stop. Rubbing her eyes, she blinked her drowsiness away as she looked out the window. Hong got out of the car and opened the door to her side. When she stepped out, it finally registered why the streets looked so familiar. He had taken her back to the mountain lodge. "What are we doing here? I thought I told you to take me home."

"I did."

"We should head back. If my father finds out—"

"Then he finds out. Rest assured, I will be taking full responsibility," he replied without batting an eyelash.

"Why did you take me here?" 

Hong gave a noncommitant shrug. "Sometimes what you want isn't always what you need." She waited for him to say something else yet he didn't, merely raised his hand toward the cobblestone path and gestured for her to go on ahead. Pursing her lips, she sent him a grateful look before trudging forward. If it wasn't for the huge sign on the entrance, Dara would've thought it was an entirely different hotel. Christmas lights adorned the whole place and an outdoor reindeer decoration was put up on the snow covered lawn. Colorful candy canes dangled from the porch and into the main entrance. What surprised her even more was the number of cars parked on the driveway which could only mean that there were actual customers inside. In her excitement, she practically flung the door open with so much force that the plastic Santa Clause standing innocently at the side was knocked over.

"Aigoo, this rascal." She looked up and Jaesuk was standing at the stairway, hands crossed over his chest while clicking his tongue. "Not even five seconds and you're already causing a mess in here." He ambled his way toward Dara and aggressively ruffled her hair. "Keep it down, will ya? I have guests, you know."

Not caring the tiniest bit, she enveloped him in a hug. "I missed you, samchon," she muttered under her breath. "I really really missed you."

"Yah, wae gurae? Why are you clingy all of a sudden?"

"Aniya," she sniffed. "I just missed you." She buried her face in his shoulder and hugged him even tighter. It was only then that Jaesuk noticed Hong standing by the door, unfazed as ever. Gently pushing Dara back, he greeted his former hoobae with a nod. "I didn't know you'd be visiting tonight. I'm afraid I haven't prepared any rooms—"

"Gwenchanayo, gwajangnim. Agassi needed some fresh air and I couldn't think of any better place to take her. I hope we didn't arrive at an incovenient time."

"Aigoo, it's no bother. Come, come. I'll get you guys some food."

Dara barely touched anything on her plate and as soon as the others were busy clearing the table, she decided to roam around the hotel. She was amazed at the changes she'd seen so far. The former rickety roof was now transformed into a sizeable deck, complete with wooden benches and a small stone firepit where people could gather around to roast some marshmallows during cold winter nights.

"Jiyong had it constructed a few months back." She whirled around and found Jaesuk coming out the attic. "The last time the two of you went up here, he was worried the roof would crack and you'd fall to your deaths," he chuckled as he the lights. "I initially felt insulted, but he did have a point though."

A cold breeze ran up her arms and she shivered. "This was his idea?"

"Yep." He lit up the firepit and Dara immediately settled on one of the plush chairs, her knees almost buckling as she greedily extended her numb hands in front of the blazing fire. A satisfied sigh escaped her lips as she felt the warmth reaching her cold cheeks. "Not only did he pay for the repairs, he also boosted the hotel's popularity by mentioning it in one of his interviews. Loyal fans had flocked over the next day and asked me what room G-dragon stayed in." So that explains the VIP suite, mused Dara silently. She almost fell down the stairs when she saw the huge standee of Jiyong in the hallway earlier. "By the way, I don't know if he told you, but he's searching for a house he could purchase that's located within the village."

"A house?" She frowned. "Whatever for?"

"What else? It's so you guys can have a place to stay when you come over during the holidays. The punk even gave me a list of real estate properties to survey. Says I need to make sure of its privacy before I purchase it," he snorted. "It's not like I'm actually being paid for this. Aiish."

The thought of Jiyong already planning a future for them broke her heart. "Samchon."

"Mmm?"

"Thank you," she murmured, absently poking the burnt wood with the metal rod. Jaesuk shifted in his seat and looked at her, his brows knitting together in confusion. He wondered if she's going through another one of her episodes where she sometimes loses a grip on reality and mumbles nonsensical words. He hoped not. "For putting up with me," she continued in a small voice, her breath coming out in wisps amidst the cold air. "I know I haven’t said it enough, but I really am grateful that you took me under your wing."

Jaesuk narrowed his eyes at her. "Did something happen? Why are you being weird?"

All she could do was laugh a little and shake her head. She missed these moments. She missed the silence, the tranquility that the mountains offered her troubled mind. When did things get so complicated? 

"Samchon."

"Mmm?"

"If I die—"

"Stop talking nonsense," he berated her with a click of his tongue. "You're not going to die."

Swallowing the bile stuck in , she reached out and touched his hand. "I just want to make sure that even if I'm not around anymore, you guys can—"

"Move on?" Jaesuk scoffed and turned to look at her, his mouth set in a straight line. "Contrary to what you might think, there are worse things than dying, Dara-ya." Slowly, he stood to brush the fallen leaves from the railings, the gleam of the moonlight shining above them from behind the clouds. "Death is a far better option than to relive each day hoping you could change the past, to desperately wish you could've done something differently. Maybe then. If only. These questions...you don't know the world of pain it brings."

"Samchon—"

"Look, kid, do yourself a favor and stop second guessing everything." Jaesuk clasped his hands together before releasing a long, heavy sigh. "If there's one thing I know, it's that things never go the way we want it to and that's okay. Because that's just how life is. It's a ty hand you're dealt with, but what else can you do except live?"

His words felt like a stab to the heart. Not because of how it was delivered, but because it was something she struggled with everyday. Even waking up in the morning had become a challenge for her. "Believe me, I'm trying."

"Then I ask you to try harder."

"It's not that easy," she muttered, fingers tightening around her wrist. "Plus I don't want to keep lying to Jiyong. I want to tell him the truth, but—"

"You're afraid he's going to turn tail and run," he finished for her, effortlessly stating her unvoiced thoughts. They sat in silence for a long while, just staring into the void and listening to the crickets chirping in the background. "Well, you'll never know if you don't try, right?" He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "If that boy wants to stay in your life then he needs to know what he's in for. At the very least, give him a choice. Whatever he decides on then," he shrugged and didn't finish his sentence. He didn't need to. Dara understood. 

If Jiyong decides he can't deal with her situation then she has to let him go. Pure and simple. She just hopes that when that time comes, she'll be strong enough to walk away.

When Dara came home a little while later, she found her father waiting for her in his study. He was seated on his leather chair with his back to her, staring into the darkness outside. She stopped a good distance from him, nudging her foot timidly on the floor. The last time she'd ever stood before his table was during Ma Hyunsik's funeral. She had blamed him for her adoptive father's death and said a few hurtful words that no daughter should ever say to their own father. He sat there like he did now, not saying anything, not moving. Just staring. 

Not wanting to break his reverie, she was about to make her way to the stairs when he called out her name.

"I heard you visited Jaesuk today." She nodded, knowing full well he could see her reflection on the glass. "I assume you talked to him about your recent visit to the doctor?"

Of course he'd find out where she went. "No, not really. I just wanted to get some fresh air."

"I see." He shifted in his seat and it was only then that Dara noticed the glass of scotch on his hand. He must've been drinking again. "Now that you're here, maybe you can take a look at the list of hospitals that Dr. Han sent me this evening." He gestured to the piece of paper on his table. "I also had my secretary confirm the available schedule so that we could book an earlier flight before the holiday rush."

"I'm not going."

He got up from his chair and settled his piercing gaze on her. "What do you mean you're not going?"

"I—I mean, not yet," she clarified with a clear of . "I'll do the surgery after New Year's."

A flicker of irritation passed through his features. Putting his glass down, he then crossed his arms over his chest and told her, "Your life is on the line and yet you continue to jeopardize your future for someone who couldn't even give you the time of day?"

"That's not true and you know it," she snapped, her voice coming out stronger than she intended. "If you hadn't come between us, we wouldn't even be in this situation. Jiyong wouldn't have to go to such lengths just so he could talk to me."

"Is that so?" he regarded her with a tilt of his brow. A silent challenge she knows. "You may feel like a prisoner, but you're forgetting that it's you who chose your own prison. As long as you're with that boy, you will never know true freedom. You're a smart girl, Dara. After everything you've been through, you should know better."

"You're wrong," she answered, her eyes stinging with tears. "Jiyong isn't like that. He's a good person—"

"He's a celebrity and they're all the same. They have a reputation to protect."

"He loves me."

The chairman's face remained impassive as he turned to look out the window again. "You'll find that sometimes, love just isn't enough."

How dare he. Dara's hands balled into fists at her side, her whole body shaking from the anger inside her. "You don't give up on someone you love. But you probably don't understand what that means or else my mother would still be here." She felt a small sense of triumph when his body went stiff from her words. Unfortunately however, the onslaught of emotions proved too much and her vision started to swim.

The last thing she heard was her father's voice ringing in her ears before everything went dark.