Hyungwon's phone goes off, signifying yet another missed call, but he doesn't bother checking who it's from. It's been an hour since he's left Kihyun's place, and he still very much is not in the mood to deal with the older right now. 

The device dings again, and Hyungwon only groans and turns on his other side. He squeezes his eyes shut, silently refusing to even acknowledge the existence of his boyfriend right now.  

Words from their argument earlier echo in his mind, and his heart practically shatters at Kihyun's words. The look in his eyes... That hurt, that clear and utter pain shining in those beautiful eyes... It's enough to eat away at Hyungwon's very soul.  

It's a look he's only ever seen once before, the night this entire mess began. 

It had been their one-year anniversary, and Kihyun had planned for them the best date ever. Kihyun had cooked them Hyungwon's favorite meal—jumbo grilled shrimp, yukhoe, and an overly-chocolatey chocolate cake—with the house all to themselves. They'd eaten dinner, watched movies... It'd been so simple, yet so, so perfect. 

That is, until Kihyun had said the one thing that still haunts them both to this day. 

"Wonnie," Hyungwon can still hear him say, his voice from all those days ago echoing so clearly in the younger’s mind. “I just… I wanted you to know that I think I love you… No, I do love you.” 

Hyungwon hadn’t what to do then. He’d immediately begun to panic, standing up and leaving the room for some air. He’d gotten a glass of water from the kitchen and chugged it in a single gulp, his thoughts going every direction they could possibly manage in his tiny head.  

He couldn’t very well say that he loved Kihyun back, because what the hell does that even feel like?? He really liked Kihyun, yes, but love?? Love???? But what if he didn’t say it back? Would that end the relationship? Because he didn’t want that, either… 

Hyungwon still doesn’t know how long he had stood there at the kitchen sink, just staring off into oblivion as he tried not to have a full-on panic attack. Eventually, Kihyun had come to find him, and they’d had a talk about how Hyungwon didn’t have to feel the need to say it if he wasn’t ready, and that it didn’t mean the end of their relationship if he didn’t say it right then.  

Of course, everything has changed since then. It’s been awkward to be alone together, and everything Kihyun says just makes Hyungwon feel more guilty about the whole situation. And then the guilt makes Hyungwon lash out, and everything just gets to be one giant mess.  

Even back when they fought all the time, things had never been awkward between them… Hyungwon doesn’t know if it's his own guilty conscience screwing everything up, or if this is just the natural progression of things. He'll be the first to admit that he hadn't expect things to end up like this, dating his school nemesis and all, but it had felt so natural for all this time. 

But, then Kihyun had to go and mess everything up with his heartfelt confession, and now it feels like they're back at square one. No, worse than that. Square negative-fifty... 

Kihyun closes his locker softly, practically jumping out of his skin at seeing who's waiting on the other side. He hasn't seen or heard from Hyungwon all weekend, ever since their fight at his house, and he honestly hadn't been expecting to see him today at school, either. But, Hyungwon clearly has other ideas. 

"Hey," is all the younger says, causing Kihyun's aggravation to spike. He can't help but scoff, rolling his eyes at the single-word greeting. He's been ignored for days, and all he gets is a hey??  

"Hey," Kihyun replies, sarcasm filling his voice. Hyungwon frowns at this, crossing his arms over his chest. The older boy grips his messenger bag tightly, tapping his foot. 

"We need to talk," Hyungwon states, and Kihyun only gives a simple nod. 

"Yeah, we do." 

"Could we... go somewhere more private?" Kihyun looks around, noticing a few people looking in their direction, and sighs in exasperation. You'd think after a year of seeing them together, these nosy plebs would have gotten used to it... Kihyun gives a small nod, and turns on his heel to head towards his and Hyungwon's only safe haven in this entire building: the roof.  

The school had acted as if they'd all been flipped on their heads when it got out that Kihyun and Hyungwon were a couple, badgering the both of them nonstop with questions for weeks. They'd figured out the only place other students didn't dare go were the roof, as teachers were supposedly always keeping watch at the access door. Of course, the couple had never had an issue with getting up there, so they supposed the rumor was a bunch of malarky. 

Of course, they weren't going to tell anyone else that... 

Once out on the roof, Kihyun tosses his bag down towards the bench they sometimes would sit on, one head in the other's lap as they gazed up at the clouds. Kihyun's throat constricts at the memory, it leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He turns to face his dongsaeng, who's staring not at him but at that stupid bench, and the student body president sighs loudly, willingly ignoring the hurt in the younger boy's eyes as he crosses his arms over his chest. 

"So, will you start, or should I?" 

Hyungwon pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, his eyes shifting over to the older's, and he dares to take a step closer. 

"I'm sorry," he begins, his voice soft and barely audible over the hot winds blowing by them. "I didn't mean to tell you about my parents' invitation to Japan like that. I just... I was so mad, and—" 

"So, it was true?" Kihyun asks, the last thread of his hope crumbling like sand. He'd hoped despite the odds that Hyungwon had just made that up out of anger, but he knows better.  

Hyungwon gives a single nod, and Kihyun's eyes drop to the cement beneath their feet. Hyungwon's heart pangs guiltily at this, the older boy looking so defeated and so, so exhausted with it all. He doesn't want Kihyun to hurt, doesn't want to be the source of that hurt for someone he's come to care so deeply for... So, before he can even think about it, he finds himself saying these next words. 

"I think some time apart will do us both some good. Maybe, once I get back, we can try and patch things up?" 

Kihyun's shoulders hunch forward, and he can only nod. His fingers dig into his sleeves, his knuckles turning white. 

"When'll you leave?" is all he says, his voice cold and distant. The tone makes Hyungwon gulp nervously, and he questions if he's just made the biggest mistake in all his life. 

"At the beginning of the summer. I'll be gone for the entire break." 

"Okay," Kihyun mutters, turning away. He can't even look in the general direction of the boy, barely holding it together as is. He doesn't want to break in front of him, doesn't want him to see how much this is affecting him since it clearly isn't hurting the younger at all "Have a safe trip." Hyungwon gulps thickly, nodding even though the older can't see it. 

"I'll... see you when I get back, I guess." Kihyun can hear the door squeaking open, and he can't be any more grateful for it as tears begin to sting at his eyes. "I'm sorry, Kihyun," Hyungwon mumbles, and the older wonders if he was even supposed to hear it as the younger boy leaves him alone. 

The boy sniffs once, leaning his head back to try and force the tears of heartache back in. He won't cry over this. He absolutely refuses to cry over this. 

A cloud drifts into his line of sight, a puffy white clump of water vapors and dust reflecting the bright sunlight. It looks vaguely like a heart split in two, the pieces drifting further apart as the wind picks up. A forbidden tear leaks out the corner of his eye, and slides its way down his cheek. He releases a shaky breath, watching as the pieces just grow more and more distant... praying that somehow the cloud will become whole again.