He’s too familiar with Hakyeon’s place. The warmth, the scent, the few books and notes scattered on the sofa or on the coffee table, the subtle signs of a soft presence in the overall very neat and tidy space. Like the Christmassy red printed plaid laying now on the couch, and the matching mug half filled with what looks like chocolate beside a returned book nearby.

         Taekwoon takes it all in a glimpse while he removes his shoes. Then he heads toward the kitchen, Hakyeon following right behind him.

         “Do you want a coffee... or a chocolate?"

         "Chocolate”.

         He does his best to ignore Hakyeon and starts emptying the bags, putting everything in place. He makes a pile of the cold medicines to stock them at an angle of the counter. When he’s done, he looks up at last and realises that Hakyeon is staring at him from the other side of the table, with a hot mug in his hand and a look Taekwoon can’t quite decipher. There are questions in this eyes but he can’t say which ones and he isn’t sure of having the answers or of being ready to give them... He looks down again, at the mug in Hakyeon’s hands, at Hakyeon’s hands, and the other pushes the cup across the table towards him.

         “There”

         Taekwoon extends his arm to take the mug and even if the ceramic is burning hot, he makes sure to not brush Hakyeon’s hand in the process. Hakyeon sighs.

         “Why are you here?” He tells in a whisper and Taekwoon doesn’t remember Hakyeon ever speaking this quietly before, as if he’s too tired to even utter the words. Still, Taekwoon doesn’t want to care about it yet. He doesn’t feel like going easy on the older. So instead of answering, he replies with another question, loading his tone with all the bitterness he can muster.

         “Why did you lie to me?”

         Hakyeon sighs again. And as he starts to explain, Taekwoon suddenly wishes he never asked.

         “I don’t know Taekwoon. Maybe to spare you the burden of having to spend Christmas with someone you can’t stand. Maybe to spare myself your rebuffs. Maybe I’ve learnt my lesson and have accepted the fact that we’ll never even be friends. Maybe I finally understand I have to stay in my place and not bother you with my unrequited feelings.”

         Hakyeon’s voice chokes on the last sentence but Taekwoon can’t look up at him. He stares resolutely at his mug of chocolate, hard enough to start drilling a hole through it. His ears are ringing and as everything dulls around him, he strengthens his grip around the porcelain, observing his knuckles whitening under the pressure, feeling the blood pulsing under the burned pad of his fingers.

         Hakyeon lets out an empty chuckle and starts talking again, voice low and desperate.

         “Won’t you even look at me Taekwoon? See, I’m confessing to you and telling you I’m giving up on this feelings at the same time. Aren’t you relieved I won’t bother you anymore? How burdened you must have been all this time, having to bear this pathetic gay co-worker with a stupid crush on you... I’m sorry I couldn’t help but fall in love with you. I’m stupid, right? When you made it so clear from the beginning that you didn’t want anything to do with me. I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have... It’s just... Even if I know... When you appear with cold medicines and ingredients for a soup... Cause I said I caught a cold... I can’t help feeling just a bit happy... I’m pathetic, right?”

         He can’t stand it anymore, Hakyeon’s broken voice, his contained sobs. It’s too much. He has to go, at once. That’s when in his haste to run away, he knocks over the mug he held so tightly, spilling its content on the table and on his left hand.