Not everyone experiences depression in the same way. Some might not even realize that they are depressed, especially if they seem like they're managing their day-to-day life. It doesn’t seem possible that someone can be smiling, chipper, functioning, and at the same time, depressed.

In my practice, those the most surprised to realize they're experiencing some form of depression are those suffering from “smiling depression.” Most people haven’t even heard of the term. The definition of smiling depression is: appearing happy to others, literally smiling, while internally suffering with depressive symptoms. Smiling depression often goes undetected. Those suffering often discount their own feelings and brush them aside. They might not even be aware of their depression, or want to acknowledge their symptoms due to a fear of being considered “weak.”

The hallmark of smiling depression is sadness. The smile and external façade is a defense mechanism, an attempt to hide their true feelings. A person could be experiencing sadness about a failed relationship, career challenges, or lacking what they view as a true purpose in life. The sadness might also manifest as a constant, overall feeling that “something just isn’t right.”

Other common symptoms of smiling depression are feelings of anxiety, fear, anger, fatigue, irritability, hopelessness, and despair. Those suffering from this and other forms of depression may also experience problems sleeping, a lack of enjoyment in pleasurable activities, and a loss of libido. Everybody’s experience is different. It’s possible to feel just one or many of these symptoms.

Another way to think about smiling depression is to see it as wearing a mask. People suffering from smiling depression may offer no hint of their problem to the outside world. They often maintain a full-time job, run a family household, participate in sports, and have a fairly active social life. With their mask on, everything looks great, even at times perfect. However, underneath the mask they are suffering from sadness, panic attacks, low self-esteem, insomnia, and, in some cases, suicidal thoughts.

Suicide can be a particular threat for individuals suffering with smiling depression. Typically, people suffering with classic, severe depression might have suicidal thoughts, but not the energy to act on their feelings. However, those suffering from smiling depression have the energetic ability to plan and follow through. This is why smiling depression can be more dangerous than a classic form of severe depression. 

Written by Psychology Today

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After I watched the newest episode of the Chinese version of Who's the Murderer (S3 Ep7), I immediately thought of Jonghyun. People who suffer from Smile Depression shows a fake side, telling others they're perfectly alright, but there is a much darker side of themselves that others don't know. They smile and act brave, while they may be cowering in the corner of their own mind. 

For readers who relate to the conditions listed above, please tell someone. Please express what you think. Don't be like Jonghyun. I suffer from serious Smile Depression, you see. My whole life is dedicated in helping others, smiling for them, encouraging them when they're down, and lending them a shoulder to cry on. I listen, yet I don't speak. I smile, yet I don't. I feel like everyday is a burden, and the point is, I believe in Greek Traditions. I longed for the afterlife promised to the good in Elysium, and I believed I could have a happier "life". I never told anyone about my problem, simply because I don't know that it is a problem. I thought, maybe I should give up, while telling others I will not.

I wrote the first chapter of fanfiction in my life dedicated to Jonghyun because I related to him. I know his feelings, how you have to be strong for your family and friends, yet you could not find a reason to be strong for yourself. How you act passionately to keep your true feelings a secret. I told readers not to commit suicide, because I don't want them to, but the funny thing is, I have suicidal thoughts. Until the day I read about smile depression, I do not know about the problem. 

I still can't bear to tell the situation to my family and friends, but I decided to tell you readers because I could remain anonymous. I could still be 020809, although this is not my true identity, of course. I wrote about it, thinking about me, myself. And I feel better. The hidden feelings for years, after being revealed, lessened significantly.

Because of this, I hope readers who have this problem could talk to me through the comments session. You will feel better. I will also talk to you in return.

Tell someone before it is too late. Tell someone.

Gigi Lim Hwan-ji