Have A Good Night: Seungwoo

VICTON's 400th Day Drabble/One-shot Game

This is not requested by anyone but I just thought of it since it was Seungwoo's birthday 2 days ago (and I'm late). 

*TRIGGER WARNING*

This one shot involves anxiety attack. Procceed at your own risk.

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"만약에 만약에 만약에 내가
매일 밤 너의 꿈속에 살고 있다가
힘들어하는 널 지켜줄 수 있다면
얼마나 얼마나 좋을까

(If, if, if
I could live in your dreams every night
And protect you
How nice would that be)"

- Have A Good Night (Stage Version), From.Victon

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It happened again, today.

You were trembling and tears voluntarily stream down your face.

What happened?

You can't even answer the question you ask yourself. All you know is that it's hard to breathe and the shaking of your whole body is beyond your control.

You didn't know how stop. As if it was not enough, depressing thoughts slowly filled your mind.

I look pathetic right now.

People will think I'm asking for attention.

I'm going to burden my work mates right now by being this pathetic.

I look unbearably pathetic and stupid.

Not just these thoughts had you on the verge of breaking down. It's the stares, the stares people give you as they see you walk the corridor to your office. It's as if they've never seen a crying person before. But you thought you must really look like a mess.

When you came in the elevator this morning, being alone on the confined space felt suffocating. No, you're not claustrophobic but today, it seems your anxiety attack has decided to visit you again. So when you got out to the corridor, tears started pouring.

This has happened many times and yet every experience feel like it's the first time and you're always clueless on what to do.

You stood in front of the double door that leads to your team's office and tried to compose yourself before you face the people who rely on you as their team leader but it's hard to encourage yourself when your heart feels it sank down the manhole.

Taking deep breaths seemed to help a little but there's still heaviness on your chest. You wished yourself good luck and about to get a hold of the door handle when it suddenly opened before you. Then, appeared a tall guy in necktied white long sleeve.

He was staring at you in shock and you felt more insecure of how you look especially when the tears still fall and your body still shakes.

"Seungsik-ah," you looked up to him but you realized he was not addressing you.

"Neh?" you heard your assistant team leader from behind but can't see him since the guy in front of you is towering over.

"Take care of the team for now." he speaks as he still has his eyes on you.

" Eh? Okay. Our team leader will be here anyway."

"No. She won't be around 'til later." and with that he took your hand and led you somewhere hearing a confused 'Eh?!' from Seungsik just before the door closed.

The next thing you know, you're already sitting on the rooftop bench and Seungwoo, the other team's leader is giving you a cup of coffee. Your trembling hands barely get a hold of the cup even with both hands.

"Are you cold?" Seungwoo asked as he sits beside you probably noticing how you can't even hold the cup properly. "I forgot my coat in my office." he almost face palmed himself, if only he was not holding his cup of coffee.

"No." You struggled to pull yourself together ashamed of how you appear in front of the guy you look up to who is also known as the person who led the top team in your company.

You closed your eyes shut trying to stop the intermittent tears trying to get out. You cling to the coffee's warmth and wished it can calm the turmoil inside. You don't want to prolong this embarassment in front of Seungwoo. But you can't help it, the depressing thoughts still lingers and an amazing guy's presence is not helping.

"I'm sorry." you helplessly uttered.

"Huh? Sorry for what?" the guy seemed genuinely confused.

"Sorry for crying. Sorry for looking like a mess."

"What are you talking about? You make it sound like it's offending to cry."

You just end in sniffles hiding your face from him.

"You shouldn't apologize for the way you feel. You're a person. People are allowed to cry. No matter what the reason is, people shouldn't apologize for crying. "

Hearing his warm words caused you to tear up again. Seeing this, Seungwoo was flustered feeling guilty for making you cry more. You see him struggle to figure out how he should act or what he should say.

Listening to his words broke the restraints you put yourself and the cry you've been holding in has come out. You didn't feel the need to swallow your sobs anymore.

"I-I didn't mean to make you cry. I-I just..." he scratched the back of his head clueless.

After contemplating for a few minutes when you still hasn't stopped crying, he gently pulled your frame into a hug. He tapped your back and caressed it.

"That's right. Just let it all out. No need to hold back." and you did. His strong chest has given you comfort as you lean on it and with just him embracing you, it felt that even when you fall apart, he can hold your pieces together.

After what seems to be hours of crying, you were drained and exhausted even without any work being done. You felt guilty that you soaked Seungwoo's white shirt with your tears. And not just that, you took a lot of his time that was supposed to be alloted for his many tasks at hand considering his also a leader, plus you realized you really did nothing for the team today.

"Don't worry about all of that. I know you're worrying about me, my tasks, your tasks, and my shirt but you shouldn't. Mental and emotional health is as important as physical health. You can't function properly if you feel sad and as a leader, that can't do."

You nodded agreeing he say it as a matter of fact.

He looked at his leather watched. "We both still have time to be on top of our game. Are you feeling light now?"

You gave him a smile and nodded. You felt thankful he didn't ask the generated question of 'are you okay?'. 

He stared at you making you conscious of your swollen eyes and unpleasant appearance.

"It's unfair that you're still pretty looking like this. Aish." he pretended to be a little frustrated ruffling your hair. "I'll go back now and help your team while you're not around. You can stay here for a little while to calm yourself. If you feel like you're gonna burst out crying again, whatever the reason," he tapped his shoulder and smiled at you. "I'm always available. Don't worry, I still have lots of shirts to be used as towel for you tears." 

The joke made you giggle a bit making Seungwoo look at you softly.

"I'd like to hear you laugh and see you smile more. But I know life is ups and down and it's okay not to be okay at times. I know you can't always do that and in those times, just let me know, okay?" It sounded like a command coming from Captain Seungwoo, but there was comfort in his words that you can trust.

 "Thank you."

"Anything for you." he said and went to rescue your team. You imagined how Seungsik would be so relieved to see him on the office, because you were.

After some time, your eyes are still puffy but not that much. Even with a red nose and exhausted looking eyes, you managed to go back to your team, thanked Seungwoo for all his help, gave Seungsik a reward for being the greatest assistant ever, and got back on your feet leading the team.

No, it was not easy. With all of your problems still existing, it will not be a piece of cake for you to simply recover and get rid of your anxiety attack but with a little bit of determination now from Seungwoo's comfort, you want to get better. Maybe not immediately but day by day, week by week, month by month, you'll try, even if it takes a year. Nothing gets better in a heart beat and you know you should take your time.

Thanfully, the team's production was a success, and even though you were gone for almost half of your shift, your subordinates thanked you for the hard work and vice versa.

You hailed a cab to get home and rest. Once the taxi set off to your home, you received a text message. Your phone displaying an unknown number. Opening the message surprisingly made you smile.

"Hey pretty crybaby. If you need strength, I'm always here to lend you a lot. You know I'm Captain America right? If I could live in your dreams every night and protect you from the hardships, how nice that would be. I'll try to meet you in your dreams just to check if you're still crying. Have a good night.
  - Seungwoo"

With that you knew you'll get better. Maybe not just by yourself but with help from someone. So tonight, for once in your life, you believed everything will be alright and you actually look forward to it.

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