Nerves hadn’t been a thing Baekhyun had needed to deal with for quite some time. Although at first, years ago, he had spent the hour before going on stage hanging over the nearest toilet bowl, now, after years of training combined with years of experience, going out on stage to perform didn’t feel like it was a big deal at all.

Now, five years after his debut, all Baekhyun got were pre-performance jitters. These bursts of excitement rushed throughout his entire body as he went through the set-list in his head. The anticipation of hearing their fans screaming their names heightened the feeling.

Those jitters, they were like a drug to him, because to Baekhyun, performing was one big adrenaline rush that would always leave him feeling high. Sometimes he swore it was better than , and that kind of said enough.

So all of this, all of the pre-concert preparations, the bustling backstage, Baekhyun tuned it out easily. He focused on his own voice resonating in his chest, his eyes closed as he sang a few tone ladders by himself, standing in his own little corner. He knew that all around him were the other members, but he let them be. They all needed a bit of alone time before they came together for the final warm-up, anyway. But he knew they were there.

There was Jongin, who was only a few steps away from him, the noise of his feet tapping against the floor was the only sound loud enough to pierce through Baekhyun’s bubble. He was still practicing his dance solo, his meticulousness clear in the way he stopped whenever he made the tiniest mistake.

Every time he got off-balance he would stop, let out a frustrated groan, and get back into the first position. Baekhyun didn’t even have to open his eyes to know.

Then there was Kyungsoo sitting at a table behind Baekhyun, headphones on while he immersed himself into his own world. Knowing him, he was probably watching a movie as he quietly murmured the lines under his breath. It was his way of mentally preparing himself for the performance, to clear his head of everything else.

When Baekhyun’s focus broke again, he could easily make out how Jongdae was bothering Minseok somewhere a bit further away, for his laugh was loud and filling up the room while Minseok was spluttering something too soft to hear.

And somewhere to his right, closest to him compared to all the others, was Chanyeol. His boyfriend Chanyeol.

He didn't even have to look to know Chanyeol was bent over a piece of paper, scribbling furiously as the thoughts in his head kept running faster and faster, the wheels turning and sparking new ideas. Somehow he always got most creative those nerve-racking hours before a show.

"The excitement gets me focused," he had said when Baekhyun had asked about it one day, way back in their second year. His eyes had been shining and his smile had been blinding, and Baekhyun had only nodded, too overwhelmed by him to give him a give him a proper reply.

Back then they hadn't been anything but friends, close friends, but still, he hadn't realised yet how everything Chanyeol did caught his eye somehow. He hadn't realised yet how they were magnets, how they were being pulled together time and time again, no matter who tried to break free. Baekhyun had been magnetised to Chanyeol for years, and Chanyeol had needed some time to become aware of that.

Four months and six days, that was how long it had taken from the moment Baekhyun had first realised they were opposites, and opposites attract, to their first kiss. Four agonizingly long months where every day Baekhyun noticed more and more that he liked about Chanyeol, but Chanyeol had just kept on proving how dense he was.

There had been tense moments, moments where things could have evolved before they actually did, but one of them had always been a little too strong, the magnets not close enough to really pull together in the exploding way they had done some time later nevertheless.

Now though, now he could turn to Chanyeol and lean in to kiss him, and no one would look at him strangely. It had become so normal to everyone that they often put them together without even asking. They ended up travelling in the same cars, being placed next to each other in their dressing rooms, appearing on the same variety shows... all of that came naturally.

But at the same time management kept a close eye on them to prevent the news of them dating from leaking. Of course, all to save EXO’s image. Sometimes they were ordered to ride in separate cars, to sit as far away from each other as possible when they’d appear on TV or to act as if they weren’t that close. Basically, they’d get ordered to not pay any attention to each other with the sole purpose of making it seem as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on between them.

Baekhyun was allowed to hug whoever he wanted, except for Chanyeol. He had been allowed to kiss a girl in Scarlet Heart, but not Chanyeol. Hell, he had been forced to act out that scene with Sehun in EXO next door, which had truly been the gayest thing he could think of. All of it had been SM Entertainment approved, and to him that was ridiculous. It had come to the point where Baekhyun wondered if they really worried about him looking gay or if they just worried about him looking in love, and that was what got him angry.

He had been especially pissed that one time they had forbidden Chanyeol and him from wearing the rings they had gotten together. It had been too obvious, Baekhyun could admit that, but he had just needed something.

The same rings, no matter how they had worn it on a different finger, had caused speculations with the fans. They should have known they wouldn't have been able to get away with it, but it had been their anniversary and they had wanted to do something special. Just this once. But special moments between them in public couldn't exist.

Even though there were plenty of fans out there who loved Chanbaek, as they had been labelled, most would be heartbroken to find out they were no longer single. The fans just didn't want to know about their love lives. If it were up to them they would never be able to date, not even each other. It was the thing he hated the most about being famous.

"You're staring," a voice lured him out of his thoughts, sounding slightly amused as he spoke. Baekhyun hadn't even realised that he had stopped singing and had turned his head to watch his boyfriend, but Chanyeol had.

His boyfriend was smiling, eyes still on the paper as he finished another lyric, and only then did he meet Baekhyun's eyes. Baekhyun would have blushed, back in the days when he first started to see Chanyeol in a different light, but not anymore. Instead he grinned and leaned closer to pull on his boyfriend's ear, "yah, you wish."

He could see Chanyeol roll his eyes at him before he dropped his pen so he could sit back and look at him better, "still like what you’re seeing, even after three years?" He gave Baekhyun that smile that made his eyes wrinkle, his teeth bright and on display, and Baekhyun hated how it still made him melt, his heart fluttering in his chest. It had been three years after all, when would he become a bit more immune to that damn smile?

"What do you think?" He chuckled as he made his way over to Chanyeol, dramatically flopping down on his boyfriend's lap, arms circling his neck, "still as handsome as ever, of course." He pressed a single kiss to his boyfriend's lips and smiled smugly when he felt arms curl around his waist in return.

"I wish we didn’t have to perform tonight. I would have made it a romantic evening, would have celebrated our three years together more properly," Chanyeol sighed, eyes having trailed down to Baekhyun's lips while he talked. They moved back up when he spoke again, "instead we are stuck here with the others, having to pretend this day isn't special to us at all."

The pout that accompanied his words was extremely cute, and extremely unlike Chanyeol. The Chanyeol he knew would have shrugged it off and said they'd just make the best of it, how, in order to be in EXO, they’d have to make some sacrifices. He had expected Chanyeol to tell him they’d still have the rest of the night after the show, that how even though this wasn't what they had wanted for their anniversary, it still meant a lot to be together on this day. So when he didn’t, Baekhyun decided to remind himself.

"At least we're together, and at the exact spot where I first longed for you, the venue where we first kissed. At least that's something right?" Baekhyun tried as his fingers found Chanyeol's hair, twirling into the messy strands, probably ing up what one of their hairdressers had spent an hour to perfect. Whatever. He simply couldn't find it in himself to care about it, self-pity taking over the rational part of his brain, "or would you have planned something more special than this?" he asked playfully while slowly raising an eyebrow in question.

Chanyeol didn't immediately answer, and Baekhyun's eyebrow raised higher, one hand trailing down to pinch his boyfriend's arm where he knew he hated it. Chanyeol flinched, as expected, and let out a whiny, very high-pitched, "ah, maybe?"

Baekhyun gasped, way more exaggerated than necessary, and his eyes grew wide and glistening, "what? What would you have planned?" He demanded, needing to know what romantic things his boyfriend would have planned had they had the time. A romantic dinner, sure, but then what? What would they do after?

Chanyeol looked entertained by the question and he teased Baekhyun some more, holding up his hands defensively as he argued, "why would I tell you? You're not getting any of it tonight anyway."

Baekhyun huffed at that and he crossed his arms in front of his chest, the move so sudden and swift that Chanyeol almost dropped him with the way his legs were wobbling beneath Baekhyun.

"You're not being fair," Baekhyun whined, blowing air into his cheeks while he made a move to get up and walk away from his boyfriend, but Chanyeol tugged him back down by the hem of his shirt.

For a second Baekhyun felt his calloused fingers against his back, the touch so soft and fleeting, but it shut him up instantly. "Fine," Chanyeol complied, giving in to Baekhyun so easily, "so needy, huh?" He held on to Baekhyun's hips tightly once he was satisfied with his boyfriend’s position, fingers pressing into his skin as if to make sure he wouldn't get up again. Now, who was being needy again?

"First off, I would have made sure all the boys would off for the night, giving us our space seen as we can't just go anywhere else,” Chanyeol started describing, “and instead of taking you to a restaurant I would have taken the restaurant to us. I would have gotten your favourite things, anything to make you smile all night. I'd go full on romantic, would have written you a song too, but now... now nothing like that is possible.”

There was a silence between them once Chanyeol stopped talking, his words having left a sadness in the air between them as they thought of the night they could have had. But then Chanyeol groaned and dropped his head to Baekhyun’s shoulder, “and knowing myself I'll probably fall asleep on the way back home. Please wake me up if I do, Baek, I shouldn’t sleep tonight,” the boy begged, a frown now gracing his beautiful face.

Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile and he brought the back of his hand up to Chanyeol’s cheek, "It's okay, I won't mind. I'll remind myself plenty tonight of how far we've come," he promised, "it's only a date, no matter how we spend it, what's special to me is that I remember what we've been through these past three years. And I do."

Chanyeol smiled at that, that wide grin again that made Baekhyun’s heart burst a little in his chest. His eyes were twinkling, making Baekhyun see something secretive in them, as if he knew something Baekhyun didn't. There was more amusement in his voice again, really, as if he was making an inside joke that Baekhyun wasn’t getting the punchline of, "I know, that's all that matters; the memories that we've made," Chanyeol agreed, the toothy grin still in place, and Baekhyun pursed his lips at that.

"What are you writing then? Let me see.." he decided to change the subject, not wanting to let himself wallow in self-pity too long. He was afraid it would kill his excitement and drown his mood, so he turned to something that Chanyeol always loved to gush about: his writing.

Usually his boyfriend would start talking animatedly, describing what he had come up with and what it all meant, but tonight Chanyeol was having none of it. Before Baekhyun could reach out to take the paper that lay on the table, his boyfriend had grasped it away and fumbled it up into a ball, "it’s nothing. It's just- you can't read it until it is finished."

Baekhyun froze with his hand still near the table, letting those words sink in while he wasn’t looking at his boyfriend. Never before had Chanyeol hidden anything from him, ever. It was something Baekhyun hadn’t actually been aware of until now, now that he had actually refused to show him. No matter how personal or how scary it had been to share certain things, Chanyeol had always let him read.

They'd perfect the lines together, discussing alternatives, and sometimes Baekhyun would sing out the words so Chanyeol could hear where it felt off. It was their thing, something Chanyeol shared only with him, but now Chanyeol was turning him down?

"Wh- but we always-," he stuttered quietly, blinking wildly still, and Chanyeol looked at him sheepishly, almost guiltily. It was an expression Baekhyun didn’t understand at all.

"I know," Chanyeol replied, "just let this one be a surprise, okay? Trust me."

Trust me.

~

"Come on, don't you trust me?" Chanyeol asked almost daringly, eyes sparkling with something dark as he reached behind Baekhyun with one hand to hold the door open for them, "all you have to do is run. Run with me and don't ever stop or look back."

The younger boy was clearly out of his mind to think this would work at all, that they could outrun the fans this way, but before Baekhyun could voice any of those thoughts at all he felt a hand grasp his, fingers linking together, and then Chanyeol had fully opened the door.

He tugged on Baekhyun's hand as he started running and all that was left for Baekhyun was to run with him. There was no other option, unless he wanted to be engulfed in a sea of screaming girls, and so he ran. He ran so fast, legs carrying him across the street even though he swayed from time to time.

Whenever his heart leaped in his throat, his feet almost tripping over each other, he felt Chanyeol pull him up again, never letting him slip even a little bit. The tugs on his wrist could be painful, but Baekhyun would rather have that than for Chanyeol to let him go, to let him fall. It was clear Chanyeol wasn’t going to let that happen, though.

Chanyeol was faster than him, with his unfairly long legs, and it resulted in him pulling on Baekhyun so much the smaller was scared they would both end up tumbling down face first on the ground somewhere, no matter the strong hold they had on each other, but to his surprise thet managed to keep on running.

Baekhyun could feel his heart beating loudly in his chest as they passed shops, swiftly dodging whoever got in their way while the wind blew through their hair. It was such a carefree feeling that he couldn’t hold back his laughter, the sound bouncing back off the walls of the alleys they ran through. Alleys that kept getting smaller and smaller.

They ran from the cameras, from the fans that had been waiting for them on the other side of the building after someone inside had tipped them off. And of course the fans had noticed them trying to get away, really, it hadn’t been a surprise that only seconds after their escape, their flight had become a chase, but Chanyeol was faster than them, which meant that Baekhyun was faster as well.

Once they were far away enough, Chanyeol pulled him into an even smaller alley, which eventually led to a large parking lot that was dimly lit this time of night. They were in the far corner, where hardly any cars were parked, when they finally came to a stop. Thank ing god.

Both of them were silent while they allowed themselves some time to gasp for air. Chanyeol stood bent over, his big hands placed on his knees as his chest heaved, his breathing heavy and loud, while Baekhyun leaned against the wall needing to give his thighs a break. The silence felt nice, the adrenaline rush of the hunt still keeping Baekhyun on edge, so instead of talking he only kept his eyes on his friend.

This sure was an unforgettable night, without a doubt. Baekhyun should have known it would have ended this way the minute Chanyeol had suggested it, but he had been too stupid, a little too hopeful maybe that they would actually be able to go out for once without attracting too much attention.

However, whether it had been risky or not to go to the theatre alone, just the two of them, in the end it had actually been Chanyeol who had so carelessly risked both their lives by running away instead of waiting for backup to help them out. It had also been Chanyeol who had made him laugh all night, who had dared Baekhyun to take a leap of faith and trust him, and Baekhyun had to admit that it had paid off. This was honestly the most fun he had had in a while.

Chanyeol’s hair fell in front of his face, covering up one eye, and his lower lip was protruding cutely as his mouth hung open. The outline of his face was sharp in the fluorescent light of the parking lot, and somehow he must have felt Baekhyun’s eyes on him, because the corners of his lips curled up and his eyes moved up to meet his gaze.

Only a second later a loud laugh echoed all around them, the same way Baekhyun’s had done before, and Chanyeol’s nose scrunched up in his laughter, making him look absolutely adorable.

And for the first time ever around his friend, Baekhyun felt his heart skip a beat. It actually paused for a moment, missing a beat, and the strangeness of it was so noticeable, but at the same time so unfamiliar too. He wondered for a moment if he was dealing with heart palpitations as a result of the reckless marathon he had just run, but when Chaneyeol turned his head better to really look at him, he felt it again.

It was a surprise to feel the shock that ran through him and it left his cheeks burning as he thought to himself that 'oh my god, you cannot think that about him. You cannot ing think that, Byun Baekhyun'.

Chanyeol's smile was so blinding and he was laughing so brightly, so happily, that Baekhyun felt like he actually stopped breathing for a while. "Wasn't that fun?" his friend asked, finally straightening himself with his arms raised in the air, and as he stretched Baekhyun noticed the way Chanyeol's shirt rode up just a little.

He wanted to ing hit himself for noticing such a tiny thing, because he shouldn't have, not now, not all of a sudden. For ’s sake, he had seen Chanyeol more than once already, he had showered with all the members before their debut just to make sure he wouldn’t be physically attracted to any of them. He had been fine then, and he knew what the boy looked like even now.

He knew the now strong lines of Chanyeol’s stomach, knew the way his arms had gained some muscle, as had his shoulders, but the rest of him was as squishy as he had been at their debut. Not that Baekhyun didn’t like squishy, he just- agh.

Baekhyun had seen the guy shamelessly change outfits in front of him for over two years now, so why did he only have to notice this now?

It was probably the lack of oxygen, the lack of any ual activity he was experiencing lately. Yeah, that had to be it, right? How else could a tiny sliver of skin make him flush this bright red, make him freak out so badly internally? It had to be the fact that Chanyeol had taken him out tonight, how during the movie their thighs had touched and how Chanyeol had taken his hand and had held on to it for minutes while they had run off together.

Except, there was one problem with that theory, and that had to do with the fact that, well, he had noticed all these things while he wasn’t supposed to. After all, he had been squeezed on couches with too many members, their bodies touching at all sides, but that hadn’t been an issue whatsoever. And holding hands? God, after every performance he’d find himself holding two hands in his own, sometimes one of them being Chanyeol’s. He had never thought anything of it then, but tonight was different.

Maybe he had been blind to it all before. Maybe he hadn't noticed, because they had always been with others at those times, but now, tonight, they were alone. Now it was just the two of them in this parking lot, just like it had been just the two of them at the theatre, where his thigh had been on fire, and maybe that was what changed it.

It had been the first time they had gone out together, without the others anyway, and it had felt like a date. Going to the movies, sharing popcorn and leaning into each other’s space, it had sure looked like a date to him. Maybe Baekhyun hadn’t realised how flustered Chanyeol could make him feel because he hadn’t seen him as anything but EXO’s Chanyeol, but tonight he had seen a different Chanyeol, one that he liked differently as well.

Noticing how Chanyeol was still watching him, Baekhyun averted his gaze, looking down at his feet as he changed the subject, "I think I sprained my ankle." Baekhyun was glad that he could blame his pink cheeks on the running if he needed to, because he wasn’t sure how to explain it otherwise, but luckily Chanyeol didn’t ask.

It wasn’t a lie, the thing about his ankle. The slow burning pain of it had pulled him out of his confusing thoughts about his feelings, and now it was getting annoyingly more painful by the second. He avoided Chanyeol's eyes though, lifting his foot to rub at the painful spot, "I don't think I can run anymore,” he whined.

Chanyeol knelt down in front of him, lifting Baekhyun's jeans up a little higher to check if he could see anything, any bruising or swelling, and Baekhyun felt his heart skip another beat. So thoughtful…

", I'm sorry," the boy groaned then, and Baekhyun couldn't help but chuckle at him while in the meantime he tried to stop his stupidly racing heart, "what are you sorry for?"

Chanyeol brought a hand up to his hair and he pushed it out of his face for a moment, apparently lost in thought, but he still answered Baekhyun a little absent-mindedly, "I was the one who made us run. If I hadn't, you wouldn't be in pain now." He sounded so guilty, as if he really felt bad about it, and Baekhyun was about to laugh at him and kick him or something, wanting to lighten the mood, but then Chanyeol bent even further and turned his back to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun stared, unsure what it meant, but then Chanyeol turned his head sideways to watch him from the corners of his eyes and told him, "hop on then, I'll carry you back to the dorms."

He couldn't be serious. No ing way. "You can't be serious," Baekhyun voiced his thoughts, but Chanyeol's hands were already reaching for his calves a little impatiently. The movement made Baekhyun wobble so much that his hands automatically found Chanyeol's shoulders for support, and he almost tipped over if it hadn’t been for the hold he had on them.

And that was it.

With the way Baekhyun was standing, Chanyeol's hands got a better grip on his legs and with one (not-so) smooth move he had hoisted Baekhyun up.

It was mostly shock that got Baekhyun to wrap his arms around Chanyeol's neck, not wanting to fall and all, and as he yelped in fear he sparked a loud laugh from Chanyeol's chest. He could feel it rumble beneath his hands, could feel the way the hands around his legs tightened their grip, and as Baekhyun swallowed hard he pressed his forehead to Chanyeol's shoulder.

"You're crazy," he mumbled as his friend started walking slowly, getting used to the weight of Baekhyun on his back. Baekhyun’s cheeks were probably still a bright shade of pink as he tried to ignore the feelings that suddenly seemed inescapable, his mind throwing all these improper thoughts at him no matter how he tried to shield himself from them. It only got worse though, because trying to ignore his feelings was only making him more aware of how close their bodies were.

Baekhyun could tell how Chanyeol was leaning over slightly in order to take all of his weight, and as he held on, his nose turned against his friend's neck, all he could do was breathe him in.

Chanyeol smelled like warmth, something flowery, and then.. himself? Baekhyun hadn't ever been this close to him before, but now that he was he felt overwhelmed by it. Why the hell did he want to keep his nose pressed to Chanyeol's skin? Why did he feel like there were sparks shooting through him wherever their bodies touched? Most of all, why had he never noticed this before? Something this strong he surely would have felt even on stage. But maybe he had.

Maybe he had felt it, but he had brushed it off as the adrenaline of the performance. Maybe instead of his heart speeding up because of the sight of the crowd was actually his heart speeding up at the sight of a smiling Chanyeol, dancing and singing in front of him. Could it be that he had misunderstood the source of so many feelings?

They were silent as they walked, but after a while Chanyeol broke the quietness. His voice was soft, clear exhaustion audible as he spoke, and although Baekhyun felt guilty about it, there was another feeling that overruled it all.

"You're more fun than I thought you would be, Byun Baekhyun. We should do this again sometime," Chanyeol's words held kindness, something akin to fondness too, and that was the moment where Baekhyun first lost a piece of his heart to Park Chanyeol. It was only the first of many, but that was where it started, in some dodgy street in Seoul as Chanyeol carried him home.

~

 

"Of course I trust you, but I just don't like it when you hide stuff from me," Baekhyun replied softly, eyebrows furrowing together, and he paused for a second before he changed his mind, "come to think of it, I don't trust you at all, Park Chanyeol. The last time you asked me that you almost got us killed on that stupid motorbike we rented, and the first time you asked me that you got me to fall in love with you." His voice had grown louder with every word, and Chanyeol had started laughing at him.

"Fine,” he replied, still smiling, “then don't trust me. Your loss 'cause I'm still not showing you," he shrugged and pressed their noses together, making Baekhyun shut up instantly. He took a shaky breath, feeling a shiver run up his spine, and as Chanyeol brought up a hand to cup Baekhyun's face he felt those shivers spread all over.

Baekhyun was about to lean in, about to kiss those beautiful lips that were only his to kiss, but then he heard the director call out, "alright everyone, time to gather around and discuss some final changes!"

Baekhyun groaned as Chanyeol's hand slipped from his face and he pushed Baekhyun off his lap with it instead. If it hadn't been for his quick reflexes, Baekhyun would have surely fallen to the ground. He made a point of whining, forcing his lips in a pout, but Chanyeol no longer had eyes for him.

His boyfriend rushed over to the director, eagerly glancing at the paper in his hands as if he was desperate to see the changes made to the show. They talked in hushed tones while the others slowly wandered over to join them, Baekhyun actually being the last to get there.

There was an excitement in everyone's eyes, like tonight would be special, and Baekhyun wondered if everyone felt that was because of him and Chanyeol. Maybe.

"We're adding a song to the show: Walk on Memories. It's a simple one so you don't have to worry about dance moves and everything, otherwise we wouldn’t have made the change. It's put right before the encore so it will be a bit of a breather before the final bang," the director started explaining the changes as he put down a piece of paper in front of them, "Jongdae, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, you're up on stools at the front while the others are seated behind you. Just sit facing the crowd, sing the song, and leave for the encore, got it?"

It was easy enough, which they were probably all thankful for, and Jongdae and Kyungsoo checked with him to discuss who would take which stool. Baekhyun nodded at them to show them he understood and then he let them fight about who would sit where.

"Why the change though?" He asked then, making everyone around him fall silent, including a bickering Kyungsoo and Jongdae.

The director looked at him and blinked, as if he hadn't expected that question, and as the man stuttered, Chanyeol picked up the paper again and brought out a, "it says here the management requested it. There must be someone important here to watch our show that likes that song," he shrugged and the director nodded, "yeah, I forgot, yeah that's why."

The man took his papers back, tapped Chanyeol on his back with a smile, and then he left them behind. The boys all drew in closer, deciding now was the perfect moment for all of them to huddle together and finish getting ready for the actual show.

They spent their time singing their opening song together, just to make sure they were ready for it, but all Baekhyun could do was stare at Chanyeol. For a moment he felt sad, wishing he could have been placed next to him for the added song. It was a special song to them too, one they had made their own no matter how narcissistic that sounded. Baekhyun had sung it to Chanyeol one day, voice barely a whisper as he had carded his fingers through his boyfriend's hair, and ever since that day they had brought back lines from the song whenever they felt like it. A reminder of their love for each other.

Before Baekhyun had any time to dwell on it, though, the boys brought him out of it, yelling out their chant and Baekhyun joined, their hands finding each other's for a moment, and then they were off.

Chanyeol reached out for his hand, waiting for him to take it before he started walking them to the backstage area where they'd have to wait a little while longer. He could already hear the fans out there, singing along to the songs that were playing, screaming occasionally whenever the lights changed, and he let himself drown in it for a minute before he put in his earpieces and got the microphone in place.

Before he could do the latter though, Chanyeol had pulled him in and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, "wish me luck," he smiled. It was such a risky move, because anyone here could see them. One camera in the wrong place at the wrong time and their secret would be out. It was extremely risky, but Baekhyun liked the thrill of it, liked seeing how far they could take it.

"Pff," he huffed at Chanyeol’s words, "as if you need luck. You'll wing it like you always do," Baekhyun fixed Chanyeol's already perfect shirt for him, simply needing a reason to keep touching him without it being obvious. "Just do you," he directed his smile at Chanyeol now, looking into his eyes, and just as Chanyeol fixed his microphone for him, the lights in the venue really dimmed. They left nothing but a soft reflection of his boyfriend's eyes in the dark, but Baekhyun could still see the sparkle in them when he said, "I love you, Baek," and then he was off. And Baekhyun followed.

---

The lights were bright and Baekhyun was sweating, his shirt sticking to his back unpleasantly, but he kept pushing himself to achieve more. Kept forcing himself to finish his moves, to keep the dance clean and perfect, to hit that high note flawlessly. He kept pushing for all the fans out there, kept going to make everyone around him proud, and through it all he focused on Chanyeol's voice to give him strength to hold on.

There was a certain beauty to them being able to share this experience, for them to both stand on the same stage night after night, singing their own songs, voices mixing so well as they faced what felt like a million people. They weren’t alone, six more voices joined theirs, but they were together nonetheless.

But although Baekhyun could see the beauty in it, he also knew how these times were the hardest, because when he felt this on top of the world, all Baekhyun wanted was to look into Chanyeol's eyes while he sang of love. All he wanted was to hold his boyfriend's hand as he sang, to sit down and watch in admiration while he rapped his parts, but he couldn't.

Concerts were dangerous. To Baekhyun they were like minefields, the possibility to get blown up was the highest here. There were cameras everywhere, really, time and time again he found himself surprised by how many videos he could find, all from different angles, and he knew the fans were ready to capture every move and every look. So, although they could get away with some playful touches and an awkward looking hug, that was all that could happen. It was best to not pay too much attention to each other.

After all, Baekhyun knew that his face would easily betray the love he felt, which was why he often went as far as to avoid Chanyeol as much as he could, even though he didn't want to. If they stayed far enough away from each other their magnets wouldn’t attract and they’d be fine.

At first that decision had made Chanyeol paranoid. It had hurt him, mostly because Baekhyun hadn't really bothered to explain why he was being distant, thinking that it didn’t need an explanation at all. But then one night, over two years ago, everyone had lost their when Chanyeol had barged out of the dressing room immediately after the show, apparently having looked really pissed off.

Baekhyun remembered finding him, standing near the exit doors while yelling loudly, ready to punch the security guard that was holding him back just to get away from him, “I said let me go! I know what I’m doing, really, so just let me go.”

Apparently he had been threatening to quit if the man wouldn't let him through, but one touch on his arm from Baekyun and he had quieted down. After his eyes had found Baekhyun’s, a sadness had made his whole body slump, and he had followed Baekhyun without struggling, but with a carefully composed face nonetheless.

It was only much later that Baekhyun had found out that back then Chanyeol had expected him to break up with him. Instead Baekhyun had explained what had been going on for him to act that way, and it wasn’t until after plenty of reassuring that Baekhyun still loved him that Chanyeol had smiled the tiniest of smiles again.

From that point on the avoiding each other during public events had always been a silent agreement between them. “Please the fans and the management, after the show I'm yours again,” Baekhyun had told him, and Chanyeol had accepted that. They kept the contact to a minimum, only to make up for lost time once they’d get back to a hotel or their dorms, but they’d always find the time to make up.

Tonight appeared to be different from other nights in many ways, though.

Tonight his boyfriend kept popping up wherever Baekhyun went, like he had completely forgotten the dangers of it all, and apparently there was nothing Baekhyun could do about it either. He could walk the other way, only to find Chanyeol turn around at the same, almost as if he was expecting Baekhyun to do that.

That wasn’t all though. What was worse, was that Chanyeol wasn’t just hovering nearby, he was also shamelessly flirting, right there on stage. A wink was sent his way, fingers trailed down his arm as they passed each other, and Baekhyun stared in disbelief at bright eyes that were sparkling so beautifully, but Chanyeol didn’t back off.

He shot his boyfriend a warning look as they got into position for their next song, a look that Chanyeol blatantly ignored. He even grinned a little bit wider, moved a little bit closer, and Baekhyun was so close to pushing him away, but that wasn't going to make things better at all.

, they weren't going to be happy with them for this. Big idiot.

Once they finished the song Baekhyun thankfully rushed off to get changed, and he was desperate to hurry so he could maybe find some time to talk some sense into Chanyeol too, but for whatever reason things were too chaotic around them to get that done.

His stylist took longer than predicted, another director came by to tell him he had looked a little distracted those last two songs, and before he knew it they were ushered back on stage without him having found the time to yell at his boyfriend.

Fine, whatever, it would be time for their first ment soon, he could probably make something clear then by hinting at how Chanyeol was behaving, or maybe he could find a moment when their microphones weren't all working for him to whisper some words in Chanyeol’s ear. It would be fine, he had to tell himself that. 'Relax, Baekhyun, it will be fine, enjoy the show, let it go'.

He tried to forget it all as they started their next song, but as soon as he got on the cart that would drive them around the venue and he heard that loud laugh behind him he knew it had happened again.

He wasn't supposed to be on here with Chanyeol, he was supposed to be with Jongdae, but Chanyeol had been sneaky enough to get over here and steal his spot, and when Baekhyun looked up he saw a smiling Jongdae next to Minseok. Jongdae didn't look bothered or worried at all, when in reality they weren't following the script, and that would come back to bite them in the for sure.

He wanted to hiss at Chanyeol, wanted to ask what the hell he was doing, but he could tell the cameras were on them and he couldn't do anything but let Chanyeol wrap an arm around him smoothly. The move sparked a loud round of screaming from the fans and he could easily hear some of them as they yelled, "Chanbaek! Chanbaek!"

The arm around his shoulder moved until Chanyeol had slid behind Baekhyun up to where he could wrap both his arms around the smaller's shoulders. Chanyeol was hugging him from behind, hugging him the way Baekhyun loved to be hugged, but now for the whole world to see.

Baekhyun wanted to break free, was already bringing up his hands to Chanyeol's arms, but before he could push them away Chanyeol pressed his nose to Baekhyun's neck and then, only a second later, he let go again.

When Baekhyun turned to him, looking incredulous, his boyfriend had already faced the other side of the room, his back towards Baekhyun like nothing had happened at all.

Defeated, Baekhyun turned back as well, plastering a smile on his face that he knew wouldn't reach his eyes, while he waved at the fans. Why was Chanyeol doing this? Couldn't he see that he was ruining whatever agreement they had with their management? Surely they'd have to end it now, or they'd get stricter rules at least. God, why was he acting this way? Had he lost his mind?

Baekhyun felt sour, so sour that he didn't turn back to Chanyeol at all. All he did was wave and sing, and he ran off the second he got the chance to.

Thank God their ment would be next, it meant he could finally find a way to make Chanyeol realise that he was being too obvious. Maybe the big goofball hadn't even noticed what he was doing, so lost in the knowledge that this was their anniversary. Yeah, hopefully that was it. That would be better than him purposely doing this all; purposely ruining their relationship.

Junmyeon introduced them as usual once they had found each other on the main stage, and Baekhyun stole the opportunity of being the first to say his lines, despite the fact that it wasn't his turn at all. Whatever, if the others could with the rules then so could he.

"Alright, hello everyone, I'm Baekhyun," he yelled into the microphone, letting excitement fill his voice in order to sound like he was really enjoying himself. Hey, everything to save this quickly dwindling night, right?

"Has anyone else noticed how touchy Chanyeol's being tonight? He looks like a happy puppy jumping around, what's going on Yeol?" He said next, letting laughter trickle into his words as he looked at Chanyeol, who was grinning brightly as if Baekhyun wasn't putting him in his place with those words.

"Ah, Baekhyunnie, you know me so well," Chanyeol answered as he held on to his heart and a round of screams filled the air, "and you're right, I’m very happy. Today is a special day after all, don’t you know?"

Who the gave Chanyeol a microphone? How could Baekhyun have thought this was a smart thing to do? He should have known better, should have realised that if Chanyeol wasn’t going to respond to his glares, he sure as hell wasn’t going to listen to this. Now, rather than making things better, he had made things even worse than they had already been.

“Awae, I don’t know!? Why's that?" Jongdae demanded, his grin as big as Chanyeol's, and Baekhyun couldn't believe how unfair life was being to him right now. What had he done to make everyone out there want to get him? It was frustrating to say the least, and Baekhyun realised he was giving up on this whole night, his shoulders sagging in defeat.

So this was it then, god… the wrath they would have to face after tonight...

"It's really good to be here with all these lovely EXO-L's, I just know it is going to be a special night," he shrugged and looked back at Baekhyun, "don't you agree then, Baekhyun?"

Baekhyun was caught off guard by the question and he blinked at his boyfriend before he brought the microphone back to his lips, "of course. These nights are always special," he agreed, "I'm very thankful to be here, I hope I can make it a night worth remembering."

And just like that he finished his part. Usually he would have made it longer, he would have joked around some while the other guys talked, but his heart wasn't in it tonight. Minseok noticed, because he drew out a long whine as he moved himself to Baekhyun's side to try and cheer him up.

"Baekhyunnie, you need to relax a bit more," he laughed before he briefly handed Sehun, who was standing next to them, his microphone. The crowd started screaming the moment Minseok's hands touched Baekhyun’s shoulders, excited because of his hyung massaging his shoulder blades, and Baekhyun sighed almost in relief because, thank god, apparently they didn't exclusively scream at Chanyeol and him.

Maybe there was one final solution to this all, one more way to save the night. Maybe if Baekhyun decided to be touchy with the others he could turn this all around. Because then it wasn’t suspicious, there were no eyes just on him and Chanyeol, there were eyes on all of them. , could that actually work? It was worth a shot…

So when a few seconds had passed he turned swiftly in Minseok’s arms, and before his friend could escape, Baekhyun had wrapped his arms around his hyung's body. He squeezed tightly, clinging onto him with eyes tightly shut and bright grin on his face, just in case the cameras were on him.

"Oi," he heard behind him. Of course it was Chanyeol. "And he says something about me?" were the words that followed the small outburst of surprise, and when Baekhyun let go to look at him, he worried when he didn't even see an ounce of jealousy on Chanyeol's beautiful face.

There was nothing there, not even a little bit of envy, when usually there’d always be a flash of something dark in his look whenever Baekhyun ended up curled against Sehun or wrapped around Jongin. But not tonight. Apparently tonight Chanyeol was nothing like Baekhyun thought him to be.

God, really, what had he done to deserve such a night? Why was karma out for him on a night he had so looked forward to? Was he that bad of a person?

Maybe this was all nothing but a nightmare, maybe he was actually still asleep and would wake up in Chanyeol's arms soon, safe and warm and away from this. Because if it wasn’t, Baekhyun didn’t know what to do. He was worried that if he didn’t believe this was a dream he would end up breaking down before the show was over.

He had loved so carelessly, so blindly, that he hadn't realised how one day it could all be over. He had never thought about the possibility of it ending, of their relationship crumbling the way it seemed to be doing now. And how cruel was it for it to happen on the night of their anniversary.

Baekhyun stepped back quietly, eyes on the audience rather than on Chanyeol or any of his other friends and he stayed silent, lost in his thoughts. All he could think of now were better times, the night where they had stood in the same venue and their relationship had first blossomed. While everything around him seemed to be falling apart Baekhyun reminisced about that night three years ago, which had in a way been pretty similar to this night.

That night, three years ago, the tension between them could have been cut with a knife, too. It had been a matter of time before the spark that had been building for ages would have found its way to lighting a fire, that much had been clear to Baekhyun. He had known for weeks that they would end up where they did, it was only a question of when and how, and that answer had been the Gocheok Sky Dome the second to last night of their tour, and with one dazzling kiss.

~

 

"I ed up," Baekhyun was still trembling, feeling so incredibly stupid for his mistakes, but as always when he felt bad about his performance, Chanyeol pulled him aside. The guy had some sort of something's-wrong-with-Baekhyun radar, because he always knew just when something was up with him. If only Baekhyun could see how often Chanyeol was actually watching him, maybe then he’d understand.

Baekhyun had tried to cover up how awful he felt, had tried to walk with the others without showing how all he wanted was to cry about how he had let them down. He had walked with his hands clasped together, safely at the back of the group, but there had only been one further behind him. Unfortunately for Baekhyun that was exactly the one who could read him best.

The minute Chanyeol's fingers curled around his bicep, touch soft but demanding, Baekhyun knew what would happen. A swift pull on his arm and Chanyeol had tugged him into a different hallway as the rest of the group walked on, and Baekhyun knew the question that was to come before he even heard it. "What's wrong?"

Chanyeol was staring at him with his worried eyes, eyebrows pulled together as he dropped his head to be at Baekhyun’s level. Those eyes scanned his face, looked for any signs of what could be wrong, and Baekhyun both hated and loved the feeling of Chanyeol looking out for him. He loved it because it made his heart jump in his chest, but he hated it because at the same time Chanyeol was the one person he didn’t want to worry about him. Chanyeol was the one person he wished wouldn’t look at him like that.

Big fat tears welled up in Baekhyun’s eyes, ready to fall down any second now, and the emotions were too much to hold in. The pain and frustration were too fresh, bubbling up at the surface, and so he brought out a weak sounding, "didn't you hear? I ed up. I missed a beat and then I felt so surprised that I ed up the dance routine as well. I'm so stupid, they shouldn't have chosen me for this. I’m not worthy."

Chanyeol's hands came up to cup Baekhyun's cheeks, his fingers pressing into his jaw and forcing him to look up, "hey, Baek, don't do that. Baek, don't cry. It happens, we all have it, okay? It's fine, no one blames you, Baek. Please don't cry." He looked so worried, so caring too, and Baekhyun's heart was aching because he wanted so much from him.

He had been wanting to take and take and take even more, for months now, but he had to hold back. He couldn't ruin this, their friendship that felt like so much more than a friendship. They were walking a fine line, balancing ever so carefully, and one wrong move could make them fall and fall and ruin it all. Yet Baekhyun longed.

He longed to kiss those perfect lips, to tiptoe and press them together so he could feel their warmth, melt in their softness. He longed to press his cheek to Chanyeol's chest, to hear his heartbeat, feel his heartbeat. He longed to physically feel all the love and passion that he now only felt inside when looking into Chanyeol's eyes.

The way Chanyeol was staring at him now was testing every bit of Baekhyun's restraint and patience, especially because Chanyeol's eyes were fluttering, dropping down from time to time to stare at Baekhyun's lips. His thumbs moved slowly across Baekhyun's cheeks, wiping the tears away very gently, and Baekhyun allowed himself one thing. One small thing.

His hands found Chanyeol's waist, a movement which caused him to lean a little closer into the taller’s space. He heard the way Chanyeol gasped, knew what it meant even though his brain was telling him it was too risky to take this any futher. There was so much on the line that even if they got together, a break up between them would definitely lead to problems within the group. And yet.

Yet Baekhyun couldn't resist. Yet Chanyeol pulled him closer, making him stumble on his own two feet, and they were only inches apart now. It felt like this was the first time in their lives that they stood this close together. The air around them was dead silent, their breathing the only thing making any sound at all, but Baekhyun's heartbeat was deafening in his ears.

. , he was ed. And yet.

He couldn't hold it any longer. This feeling was too much to hold and he was bursting at the seams with it. It was a goddamn miracle that he hadn’t ing pushed Chanyeol against the wall yet, a feat of amazing patience that he didn’t have one hand down Chanyeol’s pants by now. But it was too much, too much to do nothing.

Still he put the decision in Chanyeol's hands, handing himself over on a golden plate either to be devoured or turned down, and that was a scary thought.

His legs were trembling, threatening to give way, but his voice was strong despite how it was nothing but a whisper. It rang clear in the air around them and to Baekhyun it felt as if he was screaming it, the words bouncing back and forth between them, "kiss me."

It had been too much to stare into Chanyeol's eyes, but he wouldn't close them in fear of rejection. If he were to be rejected now, he had to see it in Chanyeol’s eyes or else he’d never believe it. Baekhyun could be stupid, but he wasn’t oblivious, he could tell this wasn’t one-sided.

He watched as Chanyeol swallowed, lips closing for a second before they parted again, and his eyes fell back down to Baekhyun's mouth. That moment, it felt like it took an hour for Chanyeol to decide his next move, but Baekhyun stayed still.

He could perform in front of a crowd of thousands without any nerves, without thinking about it twice, but right now his body seemed to be made of stone. Until Chanyeol made the decision, until the gap between them disappeared and the softest plump lips pressed against his.

It wasn't as innocent as he had expected it to be, not as brief either, but then again this had been building up for weeks. slow and gentle, Chanyeol was kissing him hard and needy, one of his hands slipping to the back of Baekhyun's head where it tangled in his hair.

The slightest pull on the strands got Baekhyun to tip his head back more, making it easier for Chanyeol to kiss him, and at the same time a hesitant tongue moved across his lower lip. The shy move felt almost out of place, but Baekhyun understood very well how Chanyeol wasn’t all confident. This shyness was a silent question, an 'is this okay?' without words, and Baekhyun answered it by parting his lips and letting himself fall forward.

They moved, both of them hitting the wall with a loud thud, but Chanyeol refused to let him break the kiss to check whether he was okay. A soft whiny sound warned Baekhyun not to dare move away and the hand not in Baekhyun's hair moved from his cheek to his back.

A slight press of Chanyeol's palm got their lower bodies to clash together, and Baekhyun felt shivers, felt dizzy as he needed air but couldn't breathe, and he was worried he'd actually pass out from lack of oxygen. But before he could actually break the kiss Chanyeol did himself. He ended it with a tiny peck that was so sweet that Baekhyun was sure his bones had turned into jelly.

His legs wouldn't work and neither would his arms, but it was okay because Chanyeol had him. He held on to Baekhyun so sweetly, his nose pressed into the smaller's hair, and Baekhyun knew it was too late to turn back now.

His heart had jumped out of his chest during that kiss, it had jumped right into the palm of Chanyeol's hand, where it lay comfortably, beating loudly just for him, and it was too late to try and take it back. Baekhyun had been too careless, but with his heart gone he couldn't think about the consequences anymore. All he could think was Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Chanyeol.

I love you.

~

"Baekhyunnnnnnnn," a voice buzzed in his ear, Jongdae's annoying whine pulling him out of his daydream. He blinked himself awake again and turned to look at the source of said whine, which was right beside him now, yelling even louder, "snap out of it."

Behind him he could hear Jongin snicker and he mumbled, the microphone too close to his mouth as it picked up the words, "probably thinking about Chanyeol." Which made Baekhyun flush bright red, and in a flash he had turned to Jongin and raised his hand as if he was going to hit him, "ayo, why would I be thinking about that idiot?"

The look of pure annoyance and anger on his face was enough for everyone to see he was not amused, but to Baekhyun it was a mystery how they couldn’t see that nothing about this was funny without him looking this murderous.

Baekhyun was ready to lash out some more at the first one that dared to make another comment, but thankfully everyone decided to let it go then, and after D.O finished their ment, they all rushed backstage.

"What the hell is wrong with you all?" Baekhyun yelled at them the moment he had pulled his microphone from his head, "are you planning on outing me and Chanyeol or something?" He was even more pissed off than he had been back on stage, anger boiling inside of him, "I can't believe this.”

“And you!" He rushed over to Chanyeol and he pulled on the lapel of his jacket, making sure his boyfriend wouldn’t run off. Chanyeol was staring at him with wide eyes, looking almost afraid of what Baekhyun was about to say, but he didn’t ing care. He spit out the words without caring about whether they were true or not, "if you want to break up with me you can just say so, you know? There is no need for this whole public suicide mission. It isn't necessary to pull all of the others into our mess."

Chanyeol's smile slipped from his face, his eyebrows drawing together as he stared at Baekhyun, "Baek... no, you're getting it-" "wrong?" Baekhyun finished for him, "how? You're acting as if we don't have to hide, as if this isn't going to change anything. Anniversary or not, you should have sticked to the rules. So really, am I wrong?" He demanded, only noticing then how he was shaking.

He hated this, he didn't want to be in this position at all. Was Chanyeol really done with him and making this some sort of game rather than coming clean with him? And why did it appear as if the others were aware of what he was doing? Why would they be in on Chanyeol’s plan of breaking up with him? It didn't make sense...

Without waiting for another explanation, mostly frustrated with himself, Baekhyun barged off, knowing he needed to get changed quickly now. People gave him worried glances as they worked on him, as if they could tell something was wrong. No one asked though, and when Chanyeol tried to get to him again right before they went back on stage, Baekhyun ignored him, no matter how much it hurt his heart to do so

"Baek, baby," Chanyeol begged, reaching for his hand, but Baekhyun tugged free instantly, "please, I'm sorry, but it's not what you think it is. Just, forgive me? I'll tone it down, promise."

His boyfriend was pleading, sounding like he was actually sorry, and for the first time since his angry outburst Baekhyun felt guilty. He softened, his shoulders relaxing more and when he looked over and saw the biggest puppy eyes staring at him, he slowly let out the breath he had been holding. "fine. Prove it then," he said almost daringly.

Things couldn't get worse anyway, so he was willing to give Chanyeol once more chance. Please, whatever god out there, please show him he had been nothing but paranoid.

And for a while things really did go better, actually, things went so well that Baekhyun had started to relax again. He could see the relief on the staff members' faces and it made him realise how much he had worried them with his behaviour as well. It was okay now though, or so he thought…

It was during their final change, right before the encore, that Baekhyun experienced one of the scariest moments of his life.

His stylist had taken too long, insisting that she had to fix his hair after he had tugged on it in anger, and he had watched as the others had seeped out of the room one by one until he was the final one left.

Annoyed by how long it was taking, he pushed the girl out of his way, "I have to get back to the stage," he explained, hoping she's understand, and luckily she let him go without arguing. He knew he was being an , but he couldn’t help it. This night had been enough of a roller coaster, he didn’t need more anger and frustration.

Baekhyun started running to the door that led to the hallway to the backstage area, wanting to hurry back to the boys that had to be waiting for him by now, except... "it's locked?!” he stated, hand already trying again in the hope to find out he was wrong, but no such thing.

“Oh my god, it's locked." Baekhyun felt himself get impossibly smaller once it dawned on him what that meant, knowing the others were out there and he was in here. Thousands of people were waiting for him, and he was disappointing them. How could this door be locked?!

He started slamming his fists against the wood, pulling on the handle as wildly as he could, but it wouldn’t budge. "Help! Help me, I need to get to the stage!" He knew he could be vocal, knew his voice was loud when he needed it to be, yet no one seemed to be near enough to hear his desperate pleas.

He turned back to his stylist, "you! Do you have a key?!" He begged, rushing up to her frantically. The girl however only turned away calmly, tapping her hands against her pockets to feel for keys, "nah, I don't have any. Are you sure it is locked, though? It can get stuck easily."

She stepped away from Baekhyun and walked to the door as well, hand finding the handle, and when she pulled it down the door opened without a problem. What the ?

Baekhyun stared in bewilderment for exactly two seconds, mind screaming at him the question of ‘how?’, but then the reminder that he was supposed to be on stage was at the front of his mind again, and Baekhyun was running.

", ," he gasped every few seconds while his legs carried him towards the stage at a rate he considered way too ing slow. A tortoise would be ing faster, honestly, but his lungs were protesting after the long show he had been through already.

In the distance he could hear the music, could hear the screams of the fans, and when he got close enough he was able to hear how the guys had gone back on stage without him. They had actually started without him, started a performance without Baekhyun there, which had never ever happened before.

It felt like a stab in the back, because clearly Baekhyun had been wrong. He had been blind after all, and it hurt to say that he hadn’t seen it coming, but now that he realised what had been going on it hurt. It was as if seven knives were cutting through him at the same time, seven shots of agonising pain running through him at once.

All night Baekhyun had felt like they had been trying to sabotage his relationship with Chanyeol when in fact they had only been trying to sabotage him. Did they want him out? Was this their way of getting Baekhyun out?

The betrayal sure hurt, but he wouldn't let them push him away this easily. He had a say in this too, he was just as much a part of EXO as them. And so he grabbed his microphone, the only one left, and rushed on stage, falling right in tune with the others as they had just started singing Walk on Memories.

It wasn't until he was actually on stage that he noticed how this wasn't their usual setup. There were no stools at the front of the stage like the director had said, and there certainly was no missing spot of where Baekhyun was supposed to be. This was a different thing altogether, and he paused in his tracks as he took it all in.

On the far end of the stage stood Chanyeol, his back to the others, who were forming two lines that led a path to him. They stood facing inwards, their bodies turned diagonally facing Baekhyun, and it took a second for him to realise they were singing this song to him.

The strangeness of their positions had been the first thing he noticed, but it wasn't the only thing Baekhyun realised at that exact moment.

The second thing he became aware of was how deafening the crowd was, but it wasn’t because they were singing along. This burst of sound wasn’t coherent, it sounded like screaming, loud ing screaming. They were going crazy, as if something mind-blowing was happening on stage, even though all the members stood there without really moving much.

Baekhyun wondered if maybe he had some buttons undone, or maybe his hair or make-up looked funny, and so he turned to the screens to check, instead freezing when he saw what all the fans were seeing as well: the reason of their screams.

On those big screens, for literally everyone to see, was a video of him and Chanyeol. Or, more like a compilation of videos of him and Chanyeol. Private moments that weren't meant for the public, moments of them holding hands, of him asleep on Chanyeol's shoulder, of them in the snow, them in bed.

How had they found their way to the screen? Was this the ultimate move? The point of no return for any of them? How come none of the boys were freaking out over this? And why was Chanyeol's back turned to him? Baekhyun had a hundred questions rushing through his mind at once, but they all died out when he saw what was next.

On screen he watched them kiss, a moment of them entangled on one of the dorm’s couches, filmed by Jongdae. It was an image that sparked the loudest screams he had heard all night, and with a blush on his face and his head bent, Baekhyun turned back to look at the others. They were still standing in one line, but Minseok and Jongdae had walked up closer now.

Both of them grabbed his upper arms as they sang their parts, "do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it." The words were meant for him, like actually meant for him, and his two friends tugged on him in order to make him walk.

Do it.

And Baekhyun did it, taking careful steps as he kept glancing back over his shoulder to watch the screens, to take in once more all of those beautiful moments they had had together. As if this was the end of that now.

Jongin and Kyungsoo were waiting for him next, grabbing his arms the same way Jongdae and Minseok had done. They walked him further while Jongdae sang Baekhyun’s lines, towards the third couple on his way to Chanyeol, - wait, were they leading him to Chanyeol?

Sehun and Junmyeon were last, smiling at him as their hands came up to take over, and Baekhyun lifted up his arms so it would be easier for them to take a hold of him, almost automatically now. There was no point in fighting this anyway. Whatever would happen would happen, and Baekhyun would have to live with it. Running away now wouldn’t change the fact that people had seen, that Chanyeol and him, they were out of the shadows and into the light.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun were officially out. Thousands of eyes had seen them on screen, and even more had seen that screen through another screen. Even more of them would see it soon enough, once the videos of this night would be posted everywhere.

There was no way back, there was only forward, and going forward meant going over to face Chanyeol.

Junmyeon and Sehun walked him closer to the boy that held Baekhyun’s heart, the boy that had for years been his life, but they stopped him a few steps away, and when Baekhyun looked back this time he found all the members behind him, singing once more, "do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it."

Do what?

The song was almost nearing the end, or so he had thought, because apparently the surprises didn't end there. Instead of the song ending where it was supposed to, the music kept going, and Chanyeol’s voice filled the venue as he started rapping. His raw voice, filled with emotion, still gave Baekhyun shivers even now, and he wondered if every other person in the room felt the same.

Chanyeol’s back was still turned to him, but Baekhyun knew that this, these lyrics, they were meant for him. The words were so clearly directed at him, singing about love and happiness, and it was only around the fourth line that Baekhyun finally realised what was happening to him.

This was a moment. Just like their first kiss had been a moment. This was an unexpected turn on the road he had felt they had been walking. It wasn't too late to turn back and take the route he had expected to walk, but the question was whether he wanted to. Because all night he had wanted to go back, thinking Chanyeol's intentions had been bad, but now he saw that these boys had worked together, planned everything so carefully around him to get him here, and he could no longer move knowing that.

"Ever since the day, I first laid eyes on you, I was aware of how one day I'd surely drown. Ever since the day, you took my hand and ran with me, I knew I'd found someone that I could call my home. And this love that I've been carrying around, it has consumed me, filled me from my toes up to my crown.

'Cause from the moment that I carried you home, through the fresh air and the first winter snow, I haven't wanted more than to be near you, to cherish and kiss and complete you."

Chanyeol turned, his eyes were focused the way they always were when he was performing, but Baekhyun could see a hint of something else in them, this nervousness maybe, as if he was scared to see Baekhyun's reaction. He kept on singing though, proudly staring into Baekhyun's eyes.

"And through the darkest of days you are the light that leads the way, you are the smile put on my face no one can ever take away. You are the arms that keep me warm, the place where I unload my heart, the only one I'll ever want, please tell me you will never stop."

Chanyeol gasped for air, having sung it all on one inhale of air, and Baekhyun already wanted to reach out and touch him, but Chanyeol wasn't quite done just yet. He fumbled with his coat as he sang the final piece, and Baekhyun's eyes followed, distracted by the movement.

"Cause all the stars can fade away, the world can burn in outer space, as long as you're with me and I'm with you, there ain't a thing that I won't do to make sure that you are mine."

Chanyeol's hands steadied as he finished, holding something square in his hands, but all Baekhyun got to progress was the burgundy red colour of it before Chanyeol had moved again.

The screams were impossibly louder than before, but Baekhyun didn't notice because before him the world shifted into focus, making everything around Chanyeol fade away into the background, because Chanyeol... well, Chanyeol had just gone down on one knee.

Holy. ing. .

"Byun Baekhyun," Chanyeol's voice was low and calm, no traces of fear in there, and oh god, "I've called you mine for three years now, three of the best years of my life, and I can't keep it in anymore. No matter what happens, what others think or say, I just want to be with you. Three years, but I plan on turning that into forever."

Baekhyun was going to faint. Surely, he couldn't hold his breath for this long and keep standing, right? The world would go dark any second now and he'd wake up somewhere realising this had all been a dream. The bad and the good, none of it would have happened. Right?

The box in Chanyeol's hands opened, showing him exactly what he should have expected to be in there: a ring. And then it hit him. Like a blow in the stomach, hard enough to make him stumble backwards a little bit: Chanyeol was really here, down on one knee in front of thousands of people, holding out a ring and-

"Baek, my Baek, I love you. I love you more than anything, and I want to ask you if you will you do me the honour of marrying me?"

Baekhyun's lips parted, surprise and shock written all over his face, but Chanyeol was looking at him with this hopeful expression, waiting for him to end this moment of dread, and Baekhyun really tried to get his voice to come out, but it had disappeared. It had left him the one time he needed it most, and it was an awful experience.

For the first time in his life, Baekhyun was actually speechless.

He could feel the boys behind him lean closer, holding their breaths as they too waited for Baekhyun to snap out of it, but it wasn't until he saw Chanyeol's lower lip tremble just slightly, the smile on his face shrinking only a tiny bit, that he moved. That sliver of doubt on his boyfriend’s face had served as a shock to his system, and without him realising he had started nodding his head.

When relief flooded Chanyeol's face, Baekhyun finally found his voice again, "yes. Yes, I will." Without taking the time to put the ring on Baekhyun's finger, Chanyeol got up and lifted Baekhyun up in his arms, holding him close.

Baekhyun's feet were off the ground just slightly, and Chanyeol was twirling him around as his lips surged up to meet Baekhyun, who was now slightly taller than him. They shared a kiss, one too short and awkward to convey how he felt, but enough to spark the laughter that trickled up his body. Like bubbles in water, moving up to reach the surface, and he let them out the moment they broke apart for air.

Behind them loud cheers sounded through the microphones, and once they had had their own little moment together, the others jumped them immediately. They formed a circle around the two lovers, gushing loudly and demanding to see the ring.

Baekhyun felt multiple hands patting his back, half hugging him from behind as he stood close to Chanyeol, but the others may as well not have been there, for Baekhyun only had eyes for his fiancé now.

However, they were a good shield from the crowd, allowing Chanyeol and him a moment of privacy as the taller got the ring out of the box and took Baekhyun's outstretched hand in his. They looked into each other’s eyes very briefly, both of them apparently needing to remember that this was real, that they had each other, and then Chanyeol smiled and started pushing the ring on Baekhyun’s finger.

The ring slid into place just as fireworks went off, confetti filling the whole venue, and Baekhyun felt truly overwhelmed by how much work Chanyeol had put into this. Of course they had been excited for this. Chanyeol’s comment, the other boys’ excitement, all of it made sense now.

The more Baekhyun thought about it, the more he realised how everyone had been in on this, from the other members to the staff. They had probably kept him back with a reason, needing to get the song started without Baekhyun getting suspicious. It was such an awful way to go about it, but now that he was here he really appreciated all they had done for him. For them.

The video, the fireworks, the edited track to fit in Chanyeol's rap... it had all been planned. Chanyeol hadn't been trying to ruin them at all and now that Baekhyun knew he felt extremely guilty. He shot his lover a look and was about to apologise, but Chanyeol could read him easily and snatched his hand in his, linking their fingers together, "don't bother, it's okay."

Baekhyun smiled then, truly smiled, nothing forced or faked like earlier on. He smiled because he was right next to the one he could see himself grow old with. The big goofy giant with the brightest smile and kindest heart, the boy with the wildest dreams and warmest hands, the boy that had chosen him over everything else.

Baekhyun had always felt like he didn't deserve him, but he promised once again that he would do everything in his power to make him happy, to be everything he could ask for and then a little more.