CHAPTER THIRTEEN

 

' Sometimes.' said Ara, directing a misty look at the camera, 'it takes time to establish where one's true priorities are. I'm just thankful I found out before it was too late.'

The television crew from the local station had taken over the house early that morning, and now the recorded interview was in full swing.

The attractive brunette who was asking the questions looked down at her notes. 'Does this mean you'll be pursuing your career in this country from now on, Miss Go?'

'I'm considering a number of options,' Ara said softly. 'But I haven't ruled out a return to Hollywood.'

'Even though you've been sacked from Heart of Steel?'

'I'm afraid you've been misinformed.' Whatever the state of her heart, there was a note of steel in Ara's voice. 'The director and I had artistic differences, but our parting was a mutual decision, and perfectly amicable.'

'And your relationship with Bryn Stratton—was that an amicable parting too?'

Ara smiled sadly. 'Bryn will always be a very dear friend, and on that basis we're still in touch. Shall we leave it at that?'

The interviewer smiled back. 'So you're aware that he's been booked into a Beverly Hills clinic for drug and alcohol abuse?'

Ara's pause was fractionally too long. 'As his friend, I prefer not to discuss his problems.'

So she didn't know, thought Changmin, who was trying to be unobtrusive at the back of the room, and keep an eye on a bored and miserable Sohee at the same time.

They'd had over a week of interviews, from Fleet Street tabloids to the local weekly paper, and each time Sohee had been trotted out for the photographs in one of the lace-trimmed dresses that Ara had brought with her for the purpose.

Even Yunho had appeared in a couple of them, Changmin reflected unhappily. He'd stood unsmilingly on the steps while Ara clung to his arm.

Ara had come home because she couldn't bear to be parted from her little girl any longer, was the message being peddled, and this was the first time it had been really called into question. Festival TV seemed to have done their homework.

'And you're staying with your ex-husband over Christmas—isn't that rather unusual?' Ara shrugged. 'Christmas is a time for families. Where a child is concerned, one must forget past, foolish differences.' Her smile became radiant. 'As far as I'm concerned, I've simply come home.'

The interviewer looked at Sohee, who was sitting next to her mother and looking uncomfortable in a black velvet dress with a pleated muslin collar.

'And what about you, Sohee? Are you going to be an actress like your mother?' 'Mummy says I am,' said Sohee. 'She says I'm going to have a film test.'

The journalist's eyes flicked back to Ara. 'Is that so? Is Sohee going to be the new child-star sensation?'
 Ara's laugh was melodious. 'Oh, she's far too young to be considering anything like that. I want her to have a happy, untrammelled childhood.'

'But you said...' Sohee began, then subsided as the protective maternal arm tightened around her shoulders and the interview was wound up.

Ara snapped her fingers imperiously in Changmin's direction. 'Have the coffee served, will you?' she said, rising from the sofa and marching over to embark on a low-voiced but clearly furious argument with the show's producer.

'So what part do you play in this touching domestic drama?'

Changmin, pouring coffee, turned to see the interviewer, Jilly Mason, smiling at her. 'Very minor,' she returned constrainedly. 'I'm Sohee's nanny.'

'Rather you than me,' Jilly said candidly. 'A mate of mine worked on the publicity for your boss's last film and says no salary is worth it. I must say she got up my nose, too. This was supposed to be just a heart-warming piece about family reunions at Christmas.' She paused. 'Is her husband really taking her back?' she asked, too casually. 'I note he's not around today.'

'As I said, I'm just the nanny,' Changmin returned, tight- lipped. 'I don't pry into my employers' affairs.'

'You don't need to pry to know about dear Ara's affairs,' Jilly said lightly. 'They've been well documented. Among her other pretty ways, of course. My friend says the studio have had enough, and the Snow Queen will never work in Hollywood again. But the little girl's a different matter. I reckon Ara sees her as a blank cheque.'

She walked away to talk to the cameraman, leaving Changmin to stare after her with sudden uneasiness.

'I hate this dress,' Sohee said, throwing the black velvet onto the bed and clambering back into jeans and sweatshirt. 'It itches. And I hate having my picture taken all the time. 'It's boring.'

'Any more grumbles to get off your chest?' Changmin asked mildly, brushing the child's tumbled curls, and Sohee pondered for a moment.

'Why is Mummy so cross sometimes?'

'I'm sure she doesn't mean to be,' Changmin soothed, although, if she was honest, Serena's mercurial temperament was driving the whole household up the wall.

Except Yunho, of course, she reminded herself painfully. Maybe the passionate nights made up for the violent mood swings in the daytime.

Although he doesn't see many of them, she thought, because he's at work. And she's always calmed down and all smiles when he comes home in the evening.

Sohee's lips trembled. 'She's going to be even crasser because I talked about the film test. It's supposed to be a big secret.'

Is it? Changmin thought, biting her lip. And why is that, I wonder?

Aloud, she said, calmly, 'Then it's a pity you find photographs boring. If you're going to be in films, the camera will be on you all the time.' She paused. 'Are you sure that's what you want?'

Sohee wrinkled her nose pensively. 'I don't want to leave you and Daddy.'
 'Well, that's not likely to happen. The law says you have to stay with Daddy.'

'But when he and Mummy get married again, she'll be able to take me back to California. She said so.'

Changmin swallowed. 'Well, yes,' she said slowly. 'I— I suppose she will.'

'Will you and Daddy come with us?' Sohee asked anxiously. 'And what's going to happen to Muggins?'

'Muggins will stay here with Carrie,' Changmin said reassuringly. 'He'll have learned to behave by then.'

The puppy had continued to cause chaos in the house. Newspapers and magazines were regularly shredded, the lower branches of Ara's gold and silver tree were looking threadbare and bedraggled, and he'd chewed through the flex of the fairy lights.

'Pity they weren't on,' Yunho had commented caustically.

But Muggins' nadir had been finding its way into Ara's bedroom—in which she still maintained a presumably token presence—and destroying her cream suede boots.

Oblivious to the fact that she'd introduced the vandal into the house, Ara had hysterically demanded that the puppy be put down, while Sohee, in floods of tears, had begged for his life.

'Oh, God,' Yunho had said wearily, caught in the middle. 'I suppose I'll have to take him in hand.'

Which was why Muggins now accompanied Yunho to the office each day, and was learning a more responsible attitude to life.

When Changmin and Sohee went downstairs the television crew had gone, and so, apparently, had Ara, in a taxi and a temper, to do some shopping.

'Why didn't she ask me to go with her?' Sohee asked woefully.

The million-dollar question, Changmin thought bitterly. For a woman with a new-found dedication to her only child, Ara seemed to spend the minimum of time in her company. And surely she'd exhausted the attractions of Westcombe and Midburton as shopping centres by now.

She smiled down at the little girl. 'Because she knew I was going to take you out to pick some holly,' she said. 'Run and find your boots.'

They spent a muddy, hilarious afternoon, and came home with the car boot full. In addition, at Sohee's insistence, Changmin had called at the garden centre and bought some mistletoe.

Ara had returned by the time they reached home, and, Carrie informed them grimly, was resting and didn't want to be disturbed.

Changmin occupied the time until supper by decorating the hall and dining room, with Sohee's eager assistance. The mistletoe was hung ceremoniously from the central chandelier in the hall.

'Does that look all right?' Changmin asked, descending from her ladder.

'It looks magnificent,' Yunho said from the front doorway. The shuttered look that Changmin had grown used to was gone, and he was smiling.

'Daddy—Daddy.' Sohee was dancing with excitement. 'Changmin's under the mistletoe. You've got to kiss her.'
 'Here, then.' Yunho handed his daughter the lead, with a frantically squirming Muggins at the end of it, and walked to Changmin, who was rooted to the spot. 'Sorry about this,' he murmured. 'But rules are rules.'

His hands closed on her shoulders and he drew her forward. His skin smelt cold and fresh, but it warmed every fibre of her being as she went into his arms. His lips were cool too, and infinitely tender, but there was none of the passion he'd once showed her.

He had made his choice, she realised, standing passively in his embrace. And this was his way of saying goodbye. And, oh, dear God, how could she bear it?

'Kissing the staff, sweetie? How very feudal.' Ara came slowly down the stairs. She was wearing a lounging robe, the colour of ripe cranberries, and her hair was loose on her shoulders. Shopping seemed to have put her in a better mood, because her eyes were brilliant, although the expression in them when she looked at Changmin was far from friendly.

'A grand old tradition.' Yunho released Changmin without particular haste.

'Does it include wives?' Ara reverted to playfulness. As Changmin stepped back Ara came up to Yunho, sliding her arms round his neck and ing her hips forward against his.

This was not something Changmin wanted to watch.

'Suppertime,' she said, and led Sohee away.

* * *

Christmas Eve at last, Changmin thought wearily as she parked the car at the rear of the precinct. And soon she'd be able to count her remaining days as a nanny on the fingers of one hand.

Quite apart from her emotional involvement, she would be thankful to leave.

Ara's attitude—while never cordial after the opening gush—had deteriorated fast after she'd caught Changmin under the mistletoe with Yunho.

Changmin was left in no doubt that she was an enemy, and therefore to be subjected to all the petty tyrannies that a fertile mind could invent. And Go Ara was incredibly inventive.

The barrage of small unkindnesses, and snide, contemptuous remarks, seemed unending. Even Sohee was the target for some of it, as punishment for the affection in which she obviously held Changmin.

It was a ghastly situation.

Changmin pinned on a smile as she went into the craft shop.

'I've come for the dolls' house and furniture.'

'Oh, yes, of course—for Mr Jung. It's all packed up ready. Shall I help you carry it out to the car?'

'Oh, please,' Changmin accepted gratefully.

'I do hope the little girl likes it,' the woman remarked as they manoeuvred the heavy carton into the back of the car. 'What a wonderful Christmas she's going to have—with her mother at home.'

'Wonderful,' Changmin agreed levelly. 'I'm sure Sohee will be in after Christmas to choose some more furniture.'
 The other woman's eyes lit up. 'Oh, do you think Miss Go will bring her? It would be so marvellous to meet her. We've seen such a lot of her since she came back— just in passing, of course.'

'Really?'

The other woman nodded vigorously. 'She calls in at the perfume shop several times a week. As a matter of fact she was there earlier this morning.'

Changmin's brows lifted. As far as she knew, Go Ara, who rarely got up before noon, was still in her room. Or Yunho's room, she amended with an inward sigh.

'Are you quite sure?'

'Of course.' The other woman bridled slightly. 'I'd know her anywhere, and so would Marjorie, who helps me. And the taxi waiting at the end of the precinct, same as always. It was definitely her.'

'What a pity I didn't know. I could have offered her a lift.' And been turned down with some unpleasant comment, no doubt.

'I hope I haven't given her away,' the woman said archly. 'Perhaps it was your present she was buying.'

Changmim forced another smile. 'I don't think so,' she said, and got into the car.

When she arrived at the house, she drove round to the back. She'd have to leave the dolls' house in the car, she decided, and ask Yunho to help with it later, when Sohee was in bed.

As she went indoors she heard total uproar coming from the small sitting room.

Go Ara was shouting, and Sohee was crying loudly.

Changmin walked into the room. Sohee was sitting at the piano, her face wet with tears, and Serena was looming over her.

'God-awful row,' she yelled. 'Hellish din, over and over again. Don't you know any other bloody tunes?'

Sohee saw Changmin and ran to her, burying her face in her stomach.

'It was my surprise,' she wailed. 'I was practising my surprise again, so that I could play it for everyone tomorrow, and Mummy was angry.'

Changmin looked at Ara over Sohee's head. 'What the hell's the matter with you?' she asked raggedly, her disgust with the older woman and her compassion for Sohee outweighing her normal discretion. 'Did you have to ruin it for her?'

'Ruin?' Ara screeched, her face mottled with rage. 'I'm the one who's had her morning ruined. I've had this terrible migraine ever since I woke this morning. I haven't been able to raise my head from the pillow, and all I could hear was that ghastly tune. It's been driving me mad.'

'Then it's a pity you didn't stay in Midburton,' Changmin said icily.

'What are you talking about? I've not been out of my room until this moment. I've been too ill.'

She certainly didn't look well. Her face was haggard and her eyes were dull.

'Miss Go, you were seen by some people in an adjoining shop.' Changmin Sohee's hair, feeling the sobs die away to hiccups.
 'You lying ,' Ara said thickly. 'I tell you I haven't left the house.'

'Which makes you the liar, Miss Go, not me.' Changmin faced her steadily. 'But you're not just a liar. You're a cruel, heartless woman. Jilly Mason was right when she called you the Snow Queen.'

'What did you say?' Ara's voice rose to a scream, and she lunged forward and slapped Changmin hard across the face.

Sohee screamed. 'No,' she protested frantically. 'Don't Hurt Changmin, Mummy, please.' 'And you shut your damned face as well,' Ara gritted as Changmin put up a numb hand to her reddening cheek.

'What the hell's going on here?' Yunho appeared in the doorway, removing his Barbour jacket.

'Changmin and Mummy had a fight, and Mummy hit her.' Sohee sounded terrified.

Changmin crouched down beside her. 'Darling,' she whispered, 'I'm not hurt—I'm fine, really.'

Yunho turned to Ara, his brows lifting. 'Is this true?'

'She was appallingly, viciously rude,' Ara returned. 'I think your past attentions have gone to her head. Anyway, she's not staying in this house a moment longer. Get rid of her.'

There was a silence, longer than eternity, then Yunho turned towards Changmin. His face was like stone.

'Is there somewhere you can go?' he asked with remote formality.

'No, Daddy,' Sohee burst out urgently. 'It wasn't Changmin''s fault.'

He touched Sohee's cheek gently. 'Quiet, darling. Go and find Carrie, and I'll deal with this.' As the child left the room, crying again, he looked at Changmim. 'Well?'

'I can phone Kyuhyun,' she said, dry-mouthed. 'Her family offered to have me ages ago. The invitation may still be open.'

'Then will you do so, please? Then pack. I'll drive you to Westcombe.' 'Get her a taxi—or let her walk,' said Ara.

Yunho took Ara's arm. 'This must have been terrible for you,' he said quietly. 'Why don't you go upstairs and rest?'

'Yes,' she said, staring around her almost unseeingly. 'Darling Yunho, you always know what's best for me.'

He put an arm round her, steadying her. His voice was gentle. 'Perhaps, at last, I'm learning,' he said, and led her from the room.

Kyuhyun, though naturally curious, said yes without hesitation, so there was nothing for Changmin to do but pack her few possessions into carrier bags.

Yunho was waiting in the hall when she came downstairs.

'Am I allowed to say goodbye to Sohee?' she asked, her voice shaking a little.

'It's better you don't, I think. She's been through enough emotional traumas for one day.'

'I see.' She swallowed. 'How much did you hear?' 'Almost all of it.'
 And you still blame me, she thought bitterly. She must have you in thrall.

'Before I forget,' she said as they entered Westcombe after a silent journey. 'The dolls' house is in the car.'

'Thank you.'

She directed him to Kyuhyun's and he pulled up outside.

'Well—goodbye,' she forced through frozen lips. 'I'm sorry it had to end like this.' 'So am I,' he said sombrely. 'You don't know how sorry. But there is no other way.'

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her once, so hard that felt bruised.

Then he leaned across, releasing her seat-belt and the catch on the passenger door.

'I have to get back,' he said.

Changmin stood on the pavement, watching the Range Rover turn the corner and vanish.

The door behind her opened, and Kyuhyun and her mother appeared, waving to her excitedly.

Changmin smiled back, and, moving like an automaton, walked up the path to face the loneliest, most desolate Christmas of her life.

She couldn't let her feelings show, of course. She told them simply that she'd had a row with Ara and been fired, making a joke of it.

And apparently she wasn't the only one. Mrs Preston had come to the end of her tether with Debbie, too, and Changmin's old job was available at the cafe. It wasn't ideal, but it was better than nothing, she thought.

She helped Mrs Fletcher make mince pies, watched a film on television without seeing one frame of it, and accompanied them all to the midnight service.

It was only when the children's choir sang 'Away in a Manger' that she found the tears coursing uncontrollably down her face.

And, bowing her head, she prayed that little Sohee would have a merry Christmas, and that Yunho would find happiness with the woman he loved.

'We're going to take the presents round to my grandparents,' Kyuhyun said the following morning. 'You're welcome to come.'

'It's all right. I'll stay and keep an eye on the turkey,' Changmin returned, smiling resolutely.

'We won't be long.' Kyuhyun gave her a narrow look. 'Sure you're OK?'

'I'm fine.' Changmin pushed her towards the door. 'Go and play Santa Claus.'

Say after me, Shim Changmin, she told herself sternly once she was alone—I'm not going to ruin the Fletchers' Christmas. I am not going to be a spectre at the feast.

She switched on the television, but all the programmes seemed to be about loved ones being reunited with each other over vast distances, and she couldn't bear it.

Fitton Magna wasn't a great distance, but it might as well have been the North Pole. She put on a tape of some Christmas music, and settled down to read the book Kyuhyun had bought her.

The sound of the key in the front door made her jump.

'That was quick—' she began, and shopped. Because it wasn't Kyuhyun, or her parents, who appeared in the sitting room doorway, but Yunho.

He looked pale, and strained, and there were deep shadows under his eyes, but his
 smile touched her like a caress. Wordlessly, he held his arms out, and she went to him, half-stumbling.

He lifted her off her feet, kissing her deeply, hungrily, » and for a delirious moment she responded with equal ardour. Then she remembered, and pushed him away.

'We mustn't.' Her voice trembled. 'This isn't right.'

He set her gently on her feet. 'It feels right to me, my love.'

'Please, don't say that,' she whispered. 'Aren't things bad enough already?' 'I'd say they were improving by the moment.'

'Is this why you sent me away?' she demanded with sudden fierceness. 'To hide me from Ara—so that I can be your bit on the side? Well, I won't. However much I love you, I won't live like that.'

'I certainly sent you away from Ara,' Yunho said mildly. 'But solely for your own protection. She was in a bloody dangerous mood. She'd already hit you, and I couldn't risk what she might do next, so I got you out of the house. It was clear she saw you as her rival, and I thought she might be easier to deal with if you weren't around.'

'Deal with?' Changmin echoed in bewilderment. 'But you're remarrying.'

'No,' he said. 'Under no circumstances would I ever allow Ara past the margin of my life ever again.'

'But you were sleeping together.'

'Never,' he said. 'I admit she let me know she was available, but I wasn't. Do you really think I'd have laid a hand on her again after everything that's happened? After you?'

'Yunho—I saw her go into your room that first night.'

'Did she?' His brows lifted. 'How disappointing for her, my darling. Because I wasn't there. I went for a long drive, then sat on a hill and watched the dawn, and did a lot of thinking, and she certainly wasn't there when I got back.'

'But you must have some feelings for her still.' She found herself remembering Hazel Sinclair's bitter words.

'She's Sohee's mother, and there's nothing I can do about that,' he said slowly. 'But my overriding feeling is pity, because she's screwed up her entire life. But that doesn't mean I'd let her screw up mine.'

'Then why did you let her come back?'

'To find out what she wanted. I knew she'd been sacked by the studio because I've had someone keeping an eye on her out there. I knew too that she'd broken with Bryn Stratton. He was the reason I was able to get custody of Sohee. I knew he was a junkie, and I suspected Ara had acquired the habit too. I threatened to make it public in court, and she caved in.'

'But why?'

'Because she couldn't afford that.' His voice was grim. 'The head of the studio had a son who died through his addiction, and he's violently antidrugs. I hoped it might have brought her to her senses, but I soon realised I was wrong.'

Changmin gasped. 'You mean she's an addict?'

'Oh, yes.' His voice was almost matter-of-fact. 'The signs were all there. I knew she'd dabbled in the old days—she even had a supplier in sleepy old Midburton—but now it's
 serious. She has to have treatment.'

He gave her a quizzical look. 'Now you understand her violent reaction when you called her the Snow Queen.'

He drew a deep breath. 'Last night was sheer hell. I'd already contacted a specialist who runs an excellent clinic near London. He came down at once with an ambulance, and persuaded Ara to go with him. She was in a bad way—apparently her supplier had let her down—and she agreed.'

'Oh, God,' Changmin said with anguish. 'Poor Sohee.'

'She only knows that Mummy is ill, and has to be made better. I think she'd already sensed that something was very wrong. I felt such a bastard getting rid of you like that, but I had no choice. I couldn't tell you what was going on until I'd got Ara herself to admit she had a problem. I didn't know how long it would take, and I had to make sure you were safe.'

'I understand,' she said gently. She hesitated.' Yunho, I think I know who her supplier is. There's a perfume shop in the precinct where I got the dolls' house. She used to go there regularly.'

He sighed. 'I suppose I'd better put the local drugs squad onto it. Naturally Ara wouldn't give them away, although she was pretty frank about a number of other things. It was she who got Jongsuk to come down here and spy out the lie of the land, and he tipped her off about you. The last thing she wanted was for me to establish another relationship.'

'So she really did want you back,'Changmin said quietly.

'No,' he said, 'she wanted Sohee. And while I had custody she couldn't have her. Another of her lovers is a producer, and he's planning a new version of Alice in Wonderland with a mix of actors and animation. Ara had decided Sohee should play Alice.'

He paused. 'She's blown her own career, but she could survive if she made Sohee a star, earning big money. Once she'd secured my cooperation, either in or out of marriage, she was going to take her to California.'

He shook his head. 'Do you know, at one point she almost had me fooled? I really began to think she'd come back just for Sohee. Because she loved her and wanted to be a mother to her. And I hated myself, because that was the last thing I wanted.'

'Why?'

He looked at her, the grey eyes tender. 'Because I was in love with you, and I knew that Ara would never stand competition—even for a man she didn't want. I was worried that she'd see how I felt, so I kept away from you, even though it nearly killed me after that evening we spent together. Then Sohee made me kiss you, and I was lost. And Ara knew it. She's been like an unexploded bomb ever since.'

'And she's really gone—to this clinic?'

'She didn't have a choice. If she's cured, she's still got a life. And she'll be able to see Sohee too. But Sohee will live with us.'

He paused. 'Or am I taking too much for granted? I came here to ask you to marry me, but perhaps you don't want me. I couldn't blame you. One way or another, I've led you a hell of a dance since we first met.'

Changmin reached up and kissed him. 'Then  I  shall  have  to  get  my  revenge,' she

 whispered. 'By leading you one hell of a dance too. When we're married.'

He said her name, his voice breaking, and held her and kissed her as if he would never let her go, and they were both laughing and both crying, and it was their own special Christmas miracle.

'Let's go home,' he said at last. 'Your presents are under the tree, and there's one excited little girl who can't wait to see you. And one demented dog.'

'How did you get in here, anyway?' Changmin asked belatedly.

'I saw Kyuhyun and her parents round the corner,' he explained. 'Kyuhyun gave me a hard lecture, and also the spare key. I've to post it through the letter box when we leave.'

Changmin hesitated. 'Yunho—it will be all right—with Sohee? She wanted—you and Ara...'

'It won't all be plain sailing,' he said. 'And we're crazy 'if we think differently. But she told me to ask if she could be a bridesmaid, so I think we have her consent. And she made me bring this, too.'

He took a small box from his pocket. Changmin gasped when she saw the exquisite ruby flanked with diamonds.'Oh, Yunho. It—it's beautiful.'

'You see? I was even prepared to try bribery to get you.' He put it on her finger and kissed her hand.

'I don't need bribing.' Changmin put her arms round him, enfolding him with her love, because his need was as great as hers.

She smiled up into his eyes. 'I have a far better reason than that for marrying you.' He rested his cheek on her hair. 'And what's that?' 'Why,' said Changmin, 'I'm doing it just for Sohee.'