Jessica does not know if she regrets what she’d done. She doesn’t know what to do at times when she has to stay up all night long with works the day after. She doesn’t know how her house turns into a mess when usually she is the most clean and neat person. And she doesn’t know how her body survives all these in all tiredness.

Jessica doesn’t know whether her decision in raising a baby is good.

Here she is. In the middle of her office, where usually she’d either be working, checking her employees and her business, designing her new collection, or just lazing around, instead she is now holding her wailing little baby. Privilege of being the CEO, bringing her baby to the office.

She doesn’t want to be fed, she just changed her diaper, she’s done napping and Jessica had made sure to burp her after her milk. Now she doesn’t know why the baby in her arms wouldn’t stop crying. Jessica has the room in her preferred temperature, the same one as it is at home so the baby is not hot, nor cold.

She barely had any sleep last night. The baby is keeping her awake. She doesn’t know that 3 months old babies do that. She thought only newborns do. Dark circles and puffy eyes was never her thing for she is the sleeping beauty, she always gets enough sleep. Now, she barely has time to cover that with make up. And when she walks into her building, holding her baby and slinging a baby bag instead of her usual designer bag with her, her employees gave her their sympathy through their eyes.

It was a week ago when she brought the baby home and three weeks since she had decided to adopt the infant. It was when she was visiting her friend who works at the orphanage voluntarily. And then she laid eyes on the newest little being to the community. Jessica swears it was just like falling in love. There is that pull that she has to get close to the baby. She wants to protect the baby and save her from a grim future ahead. She wants to give the infant the love that she deserves and she is ready to give more of it. Is it her maternal instincts kicking in? Was it supposed to work that way?

Then there come the frequent visits to the orphanage to check on the baby, and then paperwork, a lot of calls and visits from the child service, shopping for baby things, and more paperwork. All that long and tiring two weeks came down to her picking up the 3 months old Taeyeon to her brand new home. She named the baby Taeyeon because she is so calm and it matches her Korean name, Sooyeon.

It has been a week and she still has yet to adjust to her new lifestyle being a mother. Baby Taeyeon is not a fussy baby most of the time, but there are times when she would cry for reasons Jessica doesn’t understand. Like this time. It has been half an hour since Taeyeon started crying and she has not stopped. Jessica is so frustrated not knowing what Taeyeon wants.

Just that time Jessica hears her office door open. It is her secretary, Jungmi.

“Miss, should I clear your schedule for today?” She might have heard the baby crying and see Jessica’s frustration. She has been noticing it ever since their CEO came with her baby to the office that she is indeed tired. And she understands that, having children herself.

“Yes please”

Jungmi nods. And before she got out of the room, she said, “Um, Miss, maybe she’s uncomfortable in her dress.”

 Jessica went blank for a second. Is Taeyeon’s dress uncomfortable?

She had dressed Taeyeon in a cute little pink dress with flowers and fluffy skirt. Maybe Taeyeon doesn’t like it. But she’s too young to have her own fashion taste. Or is she?

Jessica always goes by the principle of looking good wherever she goes, thus her having a fashion company. And she would have the principle applied to her young. But maybe Taeyeon is too young to be Jessica’s new doll to play dress up with. So she changes her.

Thank god for her detailed preparations on bringing baby Taeyeon wherever they go. Spare clothes are there in her bag. She chooses the comfortable blue onesie, perfect for sleeping. So she strips the crying Taeyeon out of her dress and put her in the onesie, not forgetting the cute little beanie just for Jessica’s own pleasure.

Taeyeon did stop crying. She exhaled in relief.

But just as she puts Taeyeon into the blanket she sets on the couch and turns to her table to work, Taeyeon starts crying again. She has got to thank her mom for raising two daughters patiently for 27 years now, and here she is struggling just at one week of motherhood. But it has to wait later for Taeyeon is asking for her mother.

Jessica seeks out of her office for help. Her brilliant secretary Jungmi that has stopped Taeyeon’s crying the first time.

“Jungmi ssi,” she called out, “Taeyeon is crying again. I changed her clothes, I checked her diaper, she has no rashes, I have just fed her within 2 hours, I’ve burped her, and I don’t know what to do honestly.”

“Has she taken a nap yet?” the secretary asked

“Yes she had plenty of it before feeding.”

“Well, have you tried playing with her?” Again, Jessica is dumbfounded. Seeing her boss this flustered just makes her chuckle in humor.

“She might be bored, miss.”

So Jessica went back to her office to tend to the still fussy Taeyeon. She sits down in front of Taeyeon in the spacey sofa. How to play with babies that young?

She is still questioning her decision adopting Taeyeon because boy, she is awkward with babies. Within her group of friends, she is voted the worst babysitter. And they’re probably right.

“Taeyeon-ah, are you bored?” she asks awkwardly

The baby stops fussing around and looks at her

“You want to play?” she continues hesitantly

“Umm, what do you want to play?”

Silence, and stare from the now calm baby Taeyeon

“Well, of course you can’t answer me, you’re still a baby.” She sighs

Seeing how frustrated her mother is, it seems funny to Taeyeon’s eyes. So she lifts the sides of . A smile.

Jessica, again, is dumbfounded and astonished by the baby’s doing. It’s her first time seeing her daughter’s smile. She’s so beautiful. And so cute. She can’t help but to feel the warmth of that smile from the tiny helpless being creeps up, spreading through her body. Tears start blurring her eyes. Is she crying? It’s just a smile. Ridiculous. But the smile, it opens up a whole new world to Jessica.

Seeing her mother is silent and still, Taeyeon squawks trying to make a sound to send a signal to Jessica to play with her.

The overwhelmed Jessica can only laugh. And seeing her mother laughs makes Taeyeon happy and smiles while trying to mimic her mother’s laugh, though failing to do so. Both of them seems very amused at each other, just laughing –smiling in Taeyeon’s part.

“Did you just talk to me?” Jessica says after a while.

Baby Taeyeon tries to answer to her mother, opening making sounds, telling her mother things she couldn’t understand. She sometimes becomes frustrated that she can’t imitate her mother’s vocals.

 “Take your time, little one.” Jessica chuckles, “Speaking is not that easy huh?”

Taeyeon keeps trying to speak to her mother which with a few encouragements from Mommy. Jessica on the other hand is a proud mama. She keeps kissing the adorable tiny baby. She tickles Taeyeon’s tummy so the baby girl laughs, she plays with her little fingers, chubby hands and feet while the baby flails around her limbs. Her kicks are strong now and her fist can open and grab Jessica’s finger.

“Taeyeon-ah, tummy time?” she asks, “Let’s have a tummy time.”

Jessica flips the baby so she is on her tummy, facing Jessica who is now on the floor facing her on the perfect height for the baby on the sofa. Taeyeon is now old enough to hold her head up and move it around at her own will. Seeing the room at a different perspective, the baby looks around, trying to put all the information in her little head.

“What are you looking at?”

Taeyeon answers with a gurgle. Her head falls sometimes, not having strength to hold her head up and Jessica finds that adorable. It wasn’t until Taeyeon’s cry of distress when she can’t keep her head up anymore that Jessica flips her over.

But Taeyeon now is fussy again and starts crying. When Jessica looks at the clock it has been 4 hours since she last fed the baby. She had not noticed the time flew by as they play together. So she makes Taeyeon’s formula in lightning speed, make sure the temperature is fine, pick up the baby and feeds her. Feeling something against her little lips, baby Taeyeon opens immediately and starts hungrily, making sounds. Jessica laughs at how adorable she is.

Jessica is helplessly in love with the baby. Every single thing on the baby is adorable for her. She kisses the feeding Taeyeon. And again, and again and again until Taeyeon squeaks in annoyance.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” Jessica laughs.

Taeyeon is very much able to express her emotions now. Jessica can’t count things that astonished her about Taeyeon. The new mother can’t express how she feels about the baby in her arms. Just seeing Taeyeon makes her happy. Watching the baby can never be boring. She can never get tired of kissing Taeyeon. She would kiss every inch of the baby’s skin, even her cute little bums –especially her cute little bums.

Jessica smiles seeing the baby seeping into sleep. The baby must have been tired of playing for so long. Jessica slowly takes of the baby bottle from Taeyeon’s mouth and gently lays her on the blanket covered sofa, putting pillows on each side so she won’t fall. The mother kisses her baby one more time before covering her with another blanket and whispers her good night.

Maybe this is not a bad decision at all. It’s the best decision she had ever make.