"And when are you planning on telling Doc?" I asked him out of the blue, we were in our room and luckily, things were back to normal. We were back to talking like we usually would, with me having to deal with his sarcasm. 

"Who said anything about telling him?" he said, and I raised my eyebrow. He sighed, "I'll tell him, just not right now."

"Why? It's not like he'll condemn you, don't tell me you doubted him?"

"No," he groaned. "I'm taking things slow, baby steps. Besides, why are you so obsessed with me proclaiming to the world that I'm gay?" Even if he said it with an annoyed tone, I was happy he could now say the word 'gay' without feeling awkward - he should be every bit okay with telling people who he was. 

I shrugged, "Well what if you bring home some random guy from school on Christmas Eve and startle the out of Doc by telling us he's your boyfriend? Like, how am I supposed to explain to him when you guys are making out on your bed-"

"Oh my god," he moaned horridly. "What is it with you and making out? I still haven't gotten over that awful smooch from you, please don't remind me again."

"I was trying to help you!" I protested.

"Well you seemed to be enjoying it more than I did." he grumbled then he raised an eyebrow at me. "Aren't you...you know...straight?" 

I let out a breath, "You know what?" I turned to him. "All this coming out of the closet stuff really doesn't make sense to me. What's the point of telling everyone that you like someone? We can love whoever we want, and no one needs to judge your preference." then I my lips. "When I kissed you that day-"

He stared, "God no, don't remind me-"

"I actually thought it was going to be so weird that I'm kissing a guy," I admitted off the bat, and he continued to look at me in disbelief. "Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with you - it's just people have such superstition you know? And surprisingly, that kiss didn't seem so bad from all the other ones."

Donghyuck raised an eyebrow, "You're speaking like a man with a lot of experience with kissing."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, from one girl."

"Oh yeah, how's the relationship going with Riley?" he asked as he played on his phone. I hadn't thought about our problem ever since Donghyuck's situation and to be honest, I'd rather not think about it.

"Er right, about that..." I sighed. "I haven't really asked her about this just yet. Did she tell you anything?"

He smirked, "And what makes you think I'd tell you anything if she did, Mark Lee?"

"She did, didn't she?" I stood up and huddled over to his bed. Immediately he had his headphones on, that brat. I kept on pestering him, "Go on and tell me what she said. Donghyuck? Donghyuck!"

"Stop that, it's annoying." he said exasperatedly. "Even if she did, what would she say that to me? I practically live with you."

I thought of a reason to coax him. "Because...because you're practically besties with her by now and usually girls spill everything to their male best friend."

"Oh wow thanks for stereotyping every gay guy to be the bestfriend of a girl, thanks a lot Mark." he said mockingly.

"Well, aren't you two close now?" 

"Fine, we text to each other a lot but-" then his phone started vibrating, he smirked. "Speaking of the devil..." he answered the call and stood up. "Oh hey Riley, nah I'm not doing anything productive..." and he purposely left the room to talk with her.

I followed him from behind, that was before he slammed the door on me. 

I tried listening from the inside, then I landed on my bed to prevent him from thinking I was eavesdropping. Life could play cruel jokes too, never in my right mind would I imagine Donghyuck to be friends with Riley Andrews. And I felt left out on it all. 

When he returned, he still wasn't quite done talking to her. "No, under no circumstances are you going to tell him about me. Riley, no." and he threw his head back laughing. "Aren't you going to the school Jingle Ball?" I heard him say. "Studying? You gotta be kidding me, not on the holidays. Screw exams then, I don't see Mark studying much."

"Hey I am studying!" protested.

He stuck out his tongue, "Sorry that was Mark defending himself." he grinned crookedly. "But you sure you aren't coming? Fine, but call me if you feel like it."

When he ended his call, I closed my book. "What were you two talking about?" I asked curiously.

He shot me a look, "Lots of things, why?"

"Were you gushing about boys with her?" I asked incredulously. 

"What's so odd about that?"

"It's just...why her?"

"Because it'd feel weird talking about hot guys and how much I fancy them - with you, a heteroual male that is still hung up on a 'some' relationship with a girl." he said. I wanted to reply, but there was something holding me back from disagreeing. 

"I thought we weren't going to label each other."

"Well you still like her, don't you?" he demanded. I looked away. "Yeah you do, I can see that."

"So what if I do?" I snapped. "She might not even like me anymore, I doubt that she likes me anymore. I've performed so poorly in front her, how good does she expect me to be?"

Donghyuck whistled, "Someone's got insecurity issues. After spending time with her, I really don't think Riley would judge you like that Mark." he cleared his throat. "By the way, she's not going to the Jingle Ball next week - so another shot missed for making up with her." 

I arched my eyebrows, "How are you reacting to this so well? A few weeks ago you literally despised her, and now? Donghyuck, I really don't know what's going on in your mind."

He sighed and settled down his phone. "Look, even I used to think it was because I 'liked' you and I didn't like her being around you all the time. And the reason I was always down was because...I hated myself. I hated that I couldn't like girls, I accept that now, but before that it was awful. I was...jealous....that I couldn't be like you, and act like a 'normal' guy finds girls attractive. It's different now, and comes to show how wrong I was." he sighed. "I actually expected her to tell you about me sooner or later, because I couldn't bring myself to be the first person to break it to you that I'm gay. Might be the reason why I told her first."

We were silent for a while, then I glanced at him. "So...you no longer like me after all?" I had to do a double take to make sure, just in case he was lying.

"After that kiss, I'm pretty sure I'm good."

*Donghyuck's POV*

I was glad Mark took in the information well, I just didn't expect him to take it all in so well. 

He even offered a kiss, throwing me off after that. I already told him how I, surprisingly, did not enjoy that kiss one bit. Now after that incident, the thought of kissing Mark Lee was becoming less and less appealing to me. Maybe there was already a voice in my head warning me about how it was going to go down how I liked it to be, I regretted not listening to it. It was right, I did not like Mark Lee the way I thought I had.

Maybe it was for the best, since there was finally something I could let go of.

I had pictured dillemas as invisible ropes just tying a person down, and for me those invisible ropes had taken hold of my whole body. One on my wrists like cuffs, curled around my waist and coiled around my throat - holding me back from talking. It's not they were inanimate, they constantly felt alive like the current of water. It was hard to explain, it just felt that way. One of those ropes, was my mixed and confused feelings for Mark Lee. There was no doubt a sense of attraction towards him the first day he arrived at Larson House, but those 'love at first sight' feelings gradually faded in time.

There was no Mark Lee the fractured and attractive boy I imagined him to be, he was nothing but a person I had come to be really fond of. My brother, my soulmate.

Soulmate, that was the right word for it.

But the thing going on with him and Riley seemed so messy, there was no surprise since both were hopeless at love. (As if I knew any more than they did...)

"Are you gonna sing at the Jingle Ball, Hyuck?" Alex asked while we were walking. They had dragged me to watch some stupid concert with them, all because group packages would get a cheaper price. And they wanted to take their girlfriends on some 'special date'. 

"No, I'm not." I muttered under my cold breath. "Out of all the people, why did you have to drag me over?"

"Because you were free at the moment, plus," he leaned over to me. "The girls think you're cool."

I snorted, "Wow I'm flattered to have you use my popularity for your personal gains." We waited at the bus stop for the others to gather so we could all board together later, even if Alex and I began being friends for only five months. What a great friend to have. 

Ha.

Riley_Lupin004: Still no guys you're interested in?

Haechan_127: Why is everyone so obsessed with knowing who I'm into?!

To be honest, Mark and Riley made the perfect couple. Both were equally nosy when it came to me and romances, and yet the two can't even get a grip at their own love life... I started typing again.

Riley_Lupin004: Well you sure are good looking, why wouldn't anyone like you?

Haechan_127: One, it also depends if I like them and two, I still haven't checked the ratio of gay people compared to the number of straight people in our school. The odds are unlikely.

Riley_Lupin004: Very funny (not). Or are you just not ready yet?

I thought for a moment, then her question began to make a lot more sense as my answer. Maybe I was ready to accept myself, but not ready to actively like someone back - the thought of that seemed both terrifying and burdensome at the same time. Couples argued, they fought and were just downright stressful to begin with. Maybe that was why I couldn't picture myself in a relationship. 

Haechan_127: Maybe I should stick to admiring people from afar. That's much more enjoyable. 

Riley_Lupin004: Or you'd like me to introduce a few of my gay friends to you? Trust me, some of them are pretty hot!

I rolled my eyes, I can't even with her.

Haechan_127: Riley, you're not my matchmaker! And what's with you caring so much about my love life?

Riley_Lupin004: Because I'm your friend, and I want you to be happy. Happier than Rayyan at least.

I wished she wouldn't bring up her brother when I knew it was hard for her. That may be one of the reasons why I kept on talking to her over the course of those few weeks, there was something in her life that was somehow connected to mine. Mark asked how could I just change thre hundred and sixty degrees so fast, but I related to her on an emotional level. People could say all they wanted about her, but if there was one thing about Riley Andrews that was true - it was her being genuine. 

Just like book characters, people had flaws and were on display for different opinions.

Haechan_127: Okay, I gotta go. Text you later.

I put my phone back in my pocket, then I felt Alex pat me from behind. "They're here!" he said cheerfully.

I looked up, and saw the usual group of people that promised to come - hand in hand as couples should be with Alex's girlfriend running over to kiss him. They were eating each others faces right beside me. I turned back to the group of friends, then I noticed someone new.

My first impression of him was - that he had a nice face. Like, a really nice face; the type that one would recognize on first glance with the glory of his smile and pretty eyes. He even had freckles, a light constellation of them scattered on his nose (It was a wonder how I could see that all when it was the evening.) I might have been too detailed and was staring, because I was pretty sure he was looking in my direction.

"W-who's this?" I asked, maybe a bit too intimadatingly. It came out like I didn't welcome him.

Hara, Alex's girlfriend giggled. "Sorry we forgot to inform you guys, this is Felix - he's from the prep school next to our school, coincidentally he's also our cousin who's staying with us right now." she laid an arm on him. "He's staying with my folks over the holidays at the moment, so I thought it'd be nice to bring him along."

"Where are you from, Felix? From here?" Alex asked. 

Felix laughed, "Actually I'm from Australia." he answered and by the Angel, I did not expect such a deep voice and thick accent coming from him. He was practically a barritone, the sound of his voice was oddly satisfying. 

"Aussie? Wow." I whistled out of nowhere. "I mean, cool."

He looked at me, "Yes, why?" Look away, look away. He wasn't looking away. 

I cleared my throat, "N-nothing, just found it interesting." then I stood up. "When is the bus coming anyway? I thought it'd be earlier." I laughed nervously.

"There it is!" and the bus arrived right when I needed it to. Immediately I darted for it first, grabbed a seat and settled down. I watched everyone else sit down, one by one all had partners - obviously with their partner, and I had the realization that I was the only one out of the group that was practically single. Oh please no-

"Everywhere else is full. Why don't you sit with Donghyuck, Felix?" Hara suggested. "You okay with that, Donghyuck?"

"Huh?" I swallowed. "Um, sure." And Felix went to sit beside me, I swear I could feel myself freezing up. He didn't say much too, and I avoided all eye contact by looking out the window. But I could feel his eyes were on me, why did I feel that way? We barely even met for real.

"Hey," he suddenly opened his mouth, and that soothing voice sounded. "Um, Donghyuck right?" 

I hesitated to answer which may have had seemed rude, I expected him to assume I was an anti-social person and he would give up. But he didn't and kept trying. 

"Could you just-" I finally said, then cursed at myself. "Er, what did you say? Could you repeat that?"

Out of all the things he could do, he grinned. "Well, I was saying you looked very different from everyone else."

I frowned, "Sorry, pardon?"

He chuckled, "Well, you seemed rather out of place with everyone having a partner and you were...single. Are you single?" he asked out of nowhere, I raised an eyebrow at him. Was he finding me entertaining? "I'm just curious, that's all."

"Um, I guess so." I answered stiffly. "Are all Australians this nosy?" 

He laughed again, I wondered if he thought I was joking. I wasn't so sure either. "Not sure about that, actually." he replied.

"Well I'm surprised you didn't bring your girlfriend along, since this is a concert after all." I commented as a running joke to make the situation less awkward, it seemed odd that someone like him didn't take the chance to bring his girlfriend over.

He looked to the side and cleared his throat, "Well that'll be a bit hard since I don't have one to begin with, and I never will since they're not really my preference."

Oh wow. 

I must have looked surprised, since he was trying to hide his smile. I had been fooled. Out of so many people I knew, why did the one I knew about the least had to be gay. Why oh why?

I had the urge to know, "So you're...gay? Like for real?"

He didn't seem uncomfortable, "Completely." he admitted and he was waiting for the right moment to ask. I knew it was coming. "And you?"

Telling it to a stranger seemed weird, so I sealed my lips - at least he got the point. And so he nodded, my response was at least understood. "I see." he said brightly and we said nothing else after that.

Another rope linked to me.

*Donghyuck's POV*

The concert was rather enjoyable, not as bad as I imagined it to be. The only bad thing about it was that it was a Mistletoe Concert, AKA a love concert. The love was oozing in the air I almost could smell love, it was that awkward for the singles. 

Naturally I had to pave way for the couples to sit together, and low and behold I was forced to sit next to Felix again - which didn't make it any better. 

The stadium was rather cold, and who knows what idiot thought it'd be neccesary to turn on the air conditioning. I started getting cold, so my hands was statically in place around myself and from time to time I would rub them together to gather heat. 

Felix noticed it, "Are you cold?" he asked suddenly. 

"Er I'm good." I answered quickly, before sneezing. The last thing I expected was for him to take off his scarf and hand it to me. I stared at him. 

"Take it or you'll catch a cold." he said. Reluctantly, I accepted it with cold hands. Maybe I was imagining it, but the longer we were in that position - I felt him edging closer. I could have shifted away but I didn't, I didn't feel weirded out. And I liked that closeness. 

His scarf had his scent, which was something bittersweet like coffee - tangible and lingering. Another round of love songs finally ended, and the emcee came onto stage. 

"Now before we move on to our last song, I'd like everyone to turn to their loved one. For the singles, turn to the person next to you that's single!"  he declared. Everyone was hustling about, even the singles there (not to mention how many teenagers were there too). Originally I only wanted to observe the plot to unfold, but Felix Lee had to count me in as well.

"No, we're not doing this." I told him. 

"It'll be fun, just try!" he encouraged. Begrudingly, I agreed out of nowhere. These days I was losing my logic little by little. So we stared at each other, and it didn't help that my pulse was going fast and slow. 

"Now tell the person something honest, something about them that you love!" the emcee said.

We didn't know what to say, so I offered it to him. "Um, you first." 

"I know we just met," he said sheepishly. "But I really like your smile."

I was turning red, but I swallowed. "That's all?"

"I heard your voice is great, I'd like to hear you sing some time. Your face in general, is attractive." he continued. I could not believe he was saying this to me. "You next."

I my lips, I could not believe I was doing this. As much as I wanted my logical voice to pull me back, I wanted to just say it all at once. 

"I really like your freckles, and your eyes and smile and that voice of yours...that accent of yours too." I realized I had gone overboard with my truths. What was I thinking?

"OKAY FOLKS! NOW HOLD THE PERSON'S HAND!"

We eyed each other's hand, but he beat me to it. "Are you okay with it?" he asked.

"Y-yeah." I blurted before clasping his hand with mine. I could not believe I was doing this. 

"NOW YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!" And the last song began playing, with the singer showcasing their vocals. 

Everyone else knew what to do, we didn't. I felt happy just being stuck in that moment with him looking at me and me looking at him, I was content admiring from afar. Was it possible for it to be so quick? He still wasn't letting my hand go, we had just met for a few hours now - and I had no problem with it. 

He squeezed my hand, "They're really cold." he remarked as he tried to loosen up, with everyone around us making out. It was the most awkard situation we could get into.

"You tell me, then." I gulped. 

"Have you ever...believed in love at first sight?" he asked randomly.

"Not really, but a strong impression at first sight with a connection - maybe." I answered. I felt like I was about to explode if I did not look away. "How about you?"

He smiled shyly, "Haven't felt it before...until now."

I started counting the freckles on his nose out of nervousness. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine-

The lights went out, and he leaned over and kissed me. It wasn't playful, it was weary at first - then he got more into it. I half expected it to feel like when I had kissed Mark, all messy and strange. But this was the complete opposite of it, this felt...right. I didn't seem to care about anything else as if all the time in the world was centered on this very kiss and it felt great. My fingers tingled as they reached out shakingly for his face, I held it as we didn't stop.

Even after I came out, I was conscious of the world and their thousands of perspectives of me. The fear of their pieces of fake truths becoming the real perception of who I was, lost between the currents scared of getting drowned because of that rope tying me down like a burden. But the moment this boy's lips met mine, I cared less.

When we broke away, our heartbeats were still racing. I was aware our friends had caught on, but my eyes were focused on Felix. At the same time, we broke into smiles. 

"Are you okay?" he asked breathlessly. 

I threw my head back laughing because I was afraid I might kiss him again, "Never better."

As people danced in the gymnasium, I sat on the bleachers.

Donghyuck and I sat side by side, in our clothes picked by Aunt Tiffany. It wasn't even prom yet she was so excited, even Donghyuck seemed optimistic for it. Which was odd.

"If you're waiting for Riley, she's not coming." he sighed at my state while looking at the time. 

I frowned, "What are you waiting for? You keep looking at your watch." then I stared at my shoes. "Can we just head back early and say the party ended too soon?"

"Unlike you, I am in fact waiting for someone." he answered before looking up. "You know I've recently something new."

"What?"

"I've said it before, but I'm still pretty fascinated how life messes around with people." he explained. "It has ups and it has downs, all these twists and turns of fate - it really is strange how impossible things become real in the end. And to no end will it ever be something not worth to rave about, and I'm telling you Mark, our lives are made up of crazy things. You just need to learn to love it."

I crossed my arms, "Who are you and what have you done to Lee Donghyuck?"

Just then, he grinned and got up. "There's my guest," there was a boy who had just arrived, whose face lit up as soon as he spotted Donghyuck in return. Could it be...

"I'll see you later," then he glanced sideways and grinned. "Since you might be occupied too, so I won't interrupt you." and he walked into the crowd, closer to the boy.

"They make a cute couple, don't they?" Riley Andrews appeared next to me. I had no time to react to her sudden presence. She was wearing a red dress, as usual it looked beautiful. Awkwardly, she sat next to me and still kept her distance. All we did was stare at the dancefloor, words went unsaid. 

"D-donghyuck didn't tell me about that." I admitted. "But yeah, they do look good. As long as he's happy, everything's good." then I pondered on whether I should say something about her. "I thought you weren't coming?"

"Oh well," she sighed. "Someone persuadad me into coming, and now he's left me for his date." and she fell silent.

Was she expecting me to say something? I found it hard to process my thoughts, I could feel the tension between us because we weren't talking.What was I supposed to say? That I still liked her and I was being a desperate guy for wanting her to give me another chance? What was even our status right now? 

"Riley," I finally broke the silence. "I hope you know what I'm thinking about right now and how many things I'd like to say to you."

"Wasn't it the reason why I came?" she said. "Because someone told me to give you a chance to say something you've never said to me." and she waited, not even looking at me.

I could no longer hold it in, I just wanted to say whatever I had kept bottled up in my mind.

"I've told you before how much I used to like you, and I still do. I still want to know more about you, more than ever. And there's a big chance we might go down different paths in the future." my breath quivered, I still couldn't bear to look at her. "Who knows? We might not even see each other the way we do right now, and maybe I'd be with a guy - no one knows what the future holds either. But what I'm saying is that, I'm sorry for not being good enough for you, and you deserve better - but at this moment, this hour and minute and each second passing currently, my feelings towards you don't seem to be changing just yet. And I don't expect you to feel the same, but I just wanted you to know that I'm still here and will always be here if you want me to."

There was a long pause, and I was afraid she might have left me already. But her sighs were a sign she was still there. 

"And I still like you, Mark," she murmured. "And...Donghyuck told me once, that everyone deserves a second chance - and I think he's right. Maybe we deserve a second chance too." she said with a tint of hopefulness. I looked at her, and broke into a relieved smile. "But we'll take it slow, let's not rush into things." she warned.

I laughed, "Of course, whatever you say." and I got up, offered my hand to her. "Maybe we can begin with a dance?" I suggested.

She grinned and took it, "I thought you'd never ask." and just like that we hit the dancefloor.

Life really was a mess, with its past and present and future. But the longer I thought about it, the more it didn't matter. People change, the weather differs, love is gained and lost.

But all that mattered was 'now'.

THE END