"you're very very beautiful, Junmyeon..."

A warm aroma of hot coffee greets his nostrils, in a friendly,  gentle way, just like the one who has made it for him.  Junmyeon picks up the cup from kitchen counter, and slowly brings it to his face, he closes his eyes, sniffing the steam which wafts from the mocha , it is sweet and bitter at the same time. 

"Thank you... "He sighs before finally sipping the mocha. "you're handsome too, dad..." he whispers quitely after one sip. He opens his eyes, taking reflection of himself in the hazel brown liquid, but all he could see is his Dongwook.

 

Sometimes Junmyeon wonders, what is beautiful? His mother is beautiful, and when he looks at his self reflection in the mirror, he admits he is also beautiful, but then he feels empty and something void in his heart ~Beautiful is not something to be seen, it is something need to be felt. Even then, Junmyeon wonders why Dongwook had given the vision to him, when he doesn't really need it anyway to appreciate something 'beautiful'. 

The only moment he used to feel so beautiful in his life was when he was with  Lee Dongwook.  He felt so beautiful to be held, touched, caressed, kissed by his dark lover. In his highest degree of insanity, he felt most beautiful when he was beneath Dongwook, and the other made love to him.His sultry voice hoisted above his neck, didn't stop calling him  beautiful while still burried deep inside him. That was the only moment Junmyeon felt so beautiful. 

It was totally insane,  he knew it all, and it was totally out of this world but his heart could not stop, they could not stop from loving each other, even it was forbidden, even if they were going to be executed. They had passed the line of no turning back. For once, Junmyeon thought, he loved to be punished. 

But that kind of beautiful dissapeared like a thin air together with Dongwook's death.

 

"i wish when i am no longer in this world, through that very eyes, you could see more beautiful things in this world . "

 

Dongwook's eyes were always gentle and kind,  always casted upon him with love and tenderness. Junmyeon could tell even if he couldn't see that eyes. He refused to accept his eyes, that kind of kindness, for fear he couldn't do justice with that eyes. 

For fear, if he was to opened his eyes again,  of all he could see was loneliness, to see himself alone, it was far scarier than to be in darkness itself. loneliness is darkness in the heart that even darker than darkness itself, void of light, hope, answer and dream. 

The most fearest thing in his life, was when he opened his eyes again, he saw Dongwook died in front of him. He saw the death of dearest person to him, but yet could do nothing about it.

There is nothing nearest beautiful to Junmyeon ever since Dongwook passed away. The air feel so heavy to breath in, he thought he could choke. The rainbow was told to be beautiful line of colours, decorating the sky, but all he could see is bizzare colours are scattered haphazardly. 

He might have Dongwook's eyes, but the vision is totally his....

 

"but to see something beautiful, you should see whithin yourself, open your heart first Junmyeon..."

 

Should he or in other words, could he? Junmyeon has closed his heart for long time ago, not wanting to love and to be loved again if it was mean to be loss again. He is such a coward.

What is beautiful? he is yet to find the answer...

Junmyeon finishes up his remaining mocha and is about to place the cup into the sink to clean it when his eyes catchs a small note tied neatly around the cup's handle. 

'​​​​​​hey, my beautiful hyung. Hope you enjoy your coffee and have a nice day'

Perhaps, may be, Junmyeon has already found the answer, because unknowingly, his lips curl up, amusely smiles when he read the words display in that small paper. Too much cheesiness, Junmyeon thinks, he might feel giddy if he was still young, but he is twenty nine years old now. 

Junmyeon wonders if it was possible to feel so warm with such a small gesture.  The word certainly state 'beautiful', but he feels beautiful not because of that mere compliment. He feels something else stirs inside him, something that he doesn't sure which one to point at .....

or may  be he already has known but refuses to admit it. His frozen heart feels like it is about to melt. 

But really, Junmyeon doesn't want to think too much about it. 

But still, the thought of having someone who always think about him first, who always care every seconds about him, who always attentive and give full attention to him...who always gentle and never stop showing his affection, who never give up on wooing him...

and The one who never stop saying 'I love you hyung, i always love love you hyung so so much...' to him. 

Junmyeon couldn't help but, feels shakened..  

"That brat, Kim Taehyung...." words slip out from his lip. 

He calls that kid 'brat' not because he hates the younger, no, ... but because he really really hates him. Junmyeon really hates the other to make him feels this way...heart wavers with so much bubbly emotion that yet he refuses to name it. 

 Junmyeon really hates Taehyung to have his way on him,  really hates the fact that brat always persistent on him...Ah, Junmyeon really hates that wicked kid who knows he has already win his heart. 

Kim Taehyung...a 22 years old handsome barista, is very much younger than Junmyeon, given that seven years . Over six years ever since having back his vision, Junmyeon could see how the son of the cafe's owner grows into fine gentleman although he couldn't stop silently calls him brat.

Taehyung is Junmyeon's brat...for Junmyeon, he is different kind of brat, a gentle, wicked kind of brat....a brat who never fails to make his heart thrills likes he is in roller coster, a brat who always gives him a fresh colour in his life, because Junmyeon himself is very much like a vanilla. 

When he lost his mother and his vision in tragic road accident, Dongwook always brought Junmyeon to Kokobop cafe. The owner of the cafe, Kim Min Ho, was Dongwook's best friend. Min Ho let Junmyeon to have a decent breakfasts before going to school. Min Ho and his wife , Seung Wan had always been kind to him, like they treat him like their own son. Junmyeon was forever in debt with their kindness, always feeling guilty all the way because he really couldn't pay back their mercy, although they really reassured him that they didn't mind at all to have Junmyeon. 

Few weeks after Jo Hyun's death, Seung Wan gave birth of her first child after almost five years married to Min Ho. Junmyeon could really felt their happiness and joy of having their first child. Min Ho's and Seung  Wan's face had always been known to him, in his memory.. and he could imagine their cheerful face holding their baby, however the baby's face remain something blur to him. 

That baby seemed to be born with wicked, gentle kind of personality, already showed that trait ever since he was still wearing diapers. 

"Boy or girl?..." Junmyeon asked innocently, when he heard the baby was crying. 

That baby loved to cry a lot by the way. He always loved an attention.

"Ah, a boy, Junmyeon. He could be your younger brother, how about that?" Seung Wan answered excitedly. "He already full and i already changed his diaper, but why he's still crying?" she frowned. 

Junmyeon smiled amusely, but at the same time he timidly asked "could i.....?" his hands tried to reach for the baby. He felt fear to cause any harm to the crying baby but at the same time he couldn't hold himself to show his growing affection. This baby boy, his crying voice was annoying but adorable at same time. 

"Ah of course..."Seung Wan seemed to get it. She gently placed the baby onto Junmyeon's hold. "Here we go.... don't afraid, Junmyeon."That moment was pure magical because the shrieking sound from the baby suddenly stopped. " Wah, You're very much of helpful Junmyeon. I think he likes you a lot..."Seung Wan cooed. She lead his index finger to gently touch the baby's cheeks. It was very very soft.  "See, you can touch him..." She encouraged Junmyeon more. 

"Thanks for being  so kind to me baby...." Junmyeon was very grateful that the baby seemed to understand his handicap. "What's his name?"

"Taehyung.. Kim Taehyung..  " Seung Wan replied. 

"Taehyung.. Kim Taehyung..  " Junmyeon repeated the name, liked how it sounded when the name slipped from his own tounge. "He must be very cute, just like his mom and pa..."

"yes, he is very very cute..although i'm not sure about the second..." Seung  Wan bursts out laughter.   

"I wish i could see Taehyung...even for a second..." Junmyeon's fingers trailed on Taehyung's face, maping it, trying to imagine it in his mind. He could see the reflection of himself in Taehyung, the way he looked at Dongwook was the same way the baby looked at him. Junmyeon somehow sensed a dejavu. 

Junmyeon never imagines himself to finally able to see Taehyung.. that kid who used to cry a lot when he was not in Junmyeon's hold, the same kid who kindly held his hands when Dongwook was not around to guide him, who always whined to be cuddled by him and Junmyeon easily reciprocated by that kind of fluff request...So many things. His heart was so eager, but yet he mentally was not fully prepared.

Junmyeon was so familiar with Taehyung's presence, his scent, his voice, his warmth, except his face, his figure...and the moment Junmyeon regained back his vision, finally able to see someone he really wanted to see the most.. the only  thought that came into his mind was, Taehyung was nothing that he could ever imagined but very very handsome. Just sixteen at that time, but Taehyung's visual was already perfect. His eyes was very sharp, his noise perfectly pointed, and his hair was down, to soften his overall features. Feeling flustered creeped into him to think that this teen used to be kid that wrap around him quite a lot. And other than that, he felt flustered to be under a gaze of somebody who was very much younger than him. Junmyeon knew he shouldn't feel this way, cause he was very much older, why he was the one who should feel insecure?

He couldn't help but to look everyway but Taehyung's face. It was kind of irony, wasn't it?

 

 

 

"Hyung...Junmyeon hyung..."

That husky but at the same time gentle voice brings Junmyeon out from his deep reverie. He dont have to turn back, because he know it's Taehyung but he do it anyway. 

"Taehyung.. " Junmyeon stumbles a bit. Wearing a black turtle nect shirt, pairs with black tight jean wrapping his legs, Taehyung looked dashing and elegant. 

"Hyung, do you like it..i mean the mocha..." Taehyung carefully asked, slowly approaching the elder, not tearing his gaze from him. Junmyeon literally could feel his heart is about to jump out from his rib cage. He wishes the floor could swallow him alive, saving him from dying of embarrassment. Taehyung not even subtle in his way of affection, anywhere, everywhere. 

"i like. . .  it so much.. " unknowingly, his throat feels dry, once again he stutters with his words. But Junmyeon really mean what he has said earlier. The mocha is warm and soft, velvety,bitter sweet at the perfect proportion. It's different from other's mocha he has ever taste in his life. May be, in reality, it is nothing different from others, but perhaps he could taste different kind of feeling is perfectly delivered by the one who makes it?

"was it too sweet.?. or was it too bitter.?.." Taehyung concernly asks, everytime. The question is trivial, it is just about the taste of the coffee, nothing serious, but Taehyung always cares about him although he is the younger one. 

Now Taehyung is standing in front of him, he is too close, too close...but gratefully not that close to the point Junmyeon could feel Taehyung's breath on him. 

Why this brat is always like this? Kind but at the same time mischievous. Couldn't he not?

Their eyes locks into each other, but Junmyeon knows he will lose it anyway, there is no way he could win again his sharp gaze, whose looks into him like he is the only one that matter the most.

Junmyeon shyly averts his gaze, not wanting to meet Taehyung anymore. He could feel his own face flushes red and warm when he replies....

"It was perfect.... "

Yes, it was simply perfect, and warm and ... Junmyeon feels euphoric in love, overdosed with that kind of simple gesture, addicted to different level of overwhelming feeling - to feel beautiful and alive again. Refreshing.

Junmyeon could see Taehyung smirks when the younger heard his answer. 

"look at me hyung..." Taehyung whispers. Now this brat is real close, Junmyeon could even sense hot breath trickles his jaw and neck. He has nowhere to go as Taehyung cages him onto the wall. 

Junmyeon does what Taehyung's want, although he really couldn't. He could feel the younger's eyes are wandering nowhere but into his lips - So much of wanting is gleamed from Taehyung's dark orbs.....Junmyeon kind of get the hint, he gulps in anticipation of what would be happening next. 

The moment Taehyung lips almost touch his, something distracts Junmyeon's mind, he feels very much underdeserved to be loved by someone who is so kind, so loveable, so perfect likes Taehyung. 

Somehow he thinks Taehyung deserves someone better, prettier and younger than him. 

"I'm sorry..Taehyung.." he said as he tinted his head to the other side, causing Taehyung's lips lands on his cheek instead. 

 

'I am not the one for you....'

 

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Never thought this fic is going to be this long to the point i have to divide it. Hope you enjoy, awaiting for your warm comment. ​​​​​​​​​​