Seungri stand in front of the marble sink counter as he wiped his face dry with the towel. He put it aside when he's done and stood there little longer, staring at his own reflection at the mirror. He let his thoughts goes back to the days when Miss Kwon had told him the truth. He had to go back to thinking of her that way now, and not as Soo Hyung. Although they're not by any means close to each other but he thought, it would be easier in the end.

He rubbed thoughtfully at his chin, feeling the rough patch of stubble that had started to grow out. Would Jiyong still liked him if he started growing a beard?, he thought for a while before sighing to himself. He needed to shave.

And he needed, even more, to stop shying away from his problem instead of comfronting it, like how he used to before. But now, when it comes to Jiyong, he found himself hesitating. He sighed again, and continue rubbing his chin. He wondered how he was going to convince Jiyong, who didn't know what he needed the most or might have decided to ignore it for a while. Seungri found that explaination more plausible than Soo Hyung's that he was crawling back to the feet of his abuser, honestly. Jiyong thought he wanted the slow bond he'd been building with him because the Veela had to fight so hard for it.

But the reality of a Veela's bond wasn't supposed to be that way. It wasn't supposed to be a fight. It was supposed to be a smooth and blessed union, the way Youngbae had told him about. 

Youngbae. Surely he would know something about this? He would know what to do. Seungri stopped rubbing his chin and straightened up. He pick the towel, intending to put it in the laundry basket. He would call Youngbae first and ask if they could meet somewhere and he thought of Daesung's place. Youngbae could give him some kind of confirmation of what Soo Hyung had said, and maybe some advice too. Then, Seungri would manage to convince himself to find a way to proceed this.

Soo Hyung might had think that he would leap at the chance to be free of this bond, but he had fought for it too. He would want to stay,

But then, he knew that that wasn't the point. He had started to hope, in these past few month since everything had starting to get better for both of them. He wanted to believe that this bond could be good, for him too, and that he could finally found someone who saw him for what he was, not just the facade he shows or someone that could easily taken advantage of like how Lucas and Noah had sees him... or, as an abused child. Ut was hard to give up the fantasy of someone who would understand him and love him as the way he is. 

Well, of course he had his friends. Why did he need fantasy when he had a reality?

But that wasn't the same thing, said a part of him, but he tightened himself at that part. It was probably the same part that had told him that Lucas wasn't really abusing him, it was only justified treatment because Lucas loved him. Seungri clench his jaw to the point that it starting to hurt, and only then he relaxed a bit. 

"Seungri?" Come a voice, snapping him out from his thought. He lift his head and saw Jiyong, standing at the bathroom's door before walking towards him.

Jiyong stare at him warily and start to slowly pull the towel out from his hand and throw it lightly inside the laundry basket. He didn't even realize how long he had been holding onto it. He then feels Jiyong's palm on his cheek, softly lifting his head up and then, their eyes meet.

The Veela look genuinely worried when he stares at him. "Are you okay? You've been in here for too long. I was worried."

Seungri felt Jiyong's thumb graze softly on his cheeks, and it makes him feels miserable when he realised how much he wanted this. He might have denied it before, and assure himself how much he don't need someone to care for him, but then... when Jiyong had been so patient and sincere towards him, he realized that he want someone to care. But isn't it too late now? He had hurt the Veela, the way Lucas had hurt him before and honestly, he felt like didn't deserve this. 

"Seungri," Jiyong called him again, and Seungri pushed the thoughts away. 

He put his hand over Jiyong's hand, and leaned his face against it. "I'm fine," he said and Jiyong were still staring at him with doubt on his face. "I'm just looking for the razor. I need to shave." He smiled, turning away from Jiyong. "You wouldn't want to see me with a beard, wouldn't you?"

He don't want to Jiyong to find out that he's lying, though probably his Veela's insticnt could sense it but then, he prayed that this time, Jiyong couldn't. 

Seungri pretend to look for the shaver but then, Jiyong moved towards him. The Veela's put his arms around him and close the distance between them. "You could have a beard, monobrow or anything that you liked, and I would still stares at you the same..." Seungri felt something tugging on his heart strings when Jiyong nuzzled into his shoulder, and continue to whisper, "I would still love you the same, and even more than I did yesterday."

Seungri lift his hand, and run his fingers through Jiyong's hair. It never occurred to him how soft Jiyong's locks is until today. "How long you're going to stay in this room?". Jiyong asked, and his fingers stop moving. 

He had been staying inside one of the guest room for a while now and his reason is that he needed time to be with himself. Jiyong let him be, but the Veela still come at night and they'll sleep together and the next morning, Jiyong would leave him. Now that he thought about it, they've been like this for about a week now. 

"It's not like I'm upset that you want to be alone," Jiyong said, probably mistaking his silance as irritation. "But it makes me worried. You could stay in our room, and I'll leave you alone if you wanted me to."

"I know," he said, putting a hand on Jiyong's arm to calm the Veela down. "but it's your room... And besides, we're still in the same house." 

"It's our room," Jiyong said, voice so low and miserable. "I never blamed you for that but now it's feels like you're hiding something from me. Even though our bond is finally recovering, it's feels like we're back to square one." Jiyong held him tighter, pressing a kiss on his shoulder. "Its painful. It really is painful".

Seungri felt something squeeze his heart painfully. He couldn't speak, the pain travelling to his throat and it stays there.

*

Jiyong crept along the hall of Youngbae's place, his wings fluttering with every step he took. Seungri had told him the he wanted to stay at Youngbae's place for a day or two, and Jiyong held back the urge to tell him no and instead, he let Seungri go. He had learn to trust both Daesung and Youngbae to be around his mate, believing tht both of them didn't have interest in courting his mate. And beside, he wanted to confirm something.

Seungri had been avoiding him lately, but it so subtle. He would still welcome Jiyong's touch but then, he would retreat back to his room. They ended up being apart for most of the day but Jiyong try his best to understand. He'll do anything, anything for Seungri to finally begin relaxing and trusting Jiyong with the bond at last. He try to not let what So Hyung said get into his head. It all went well, until he discovered Seungri's journal which had been tucked under his pillow. Jiyong thought that the book was only one of Seungri's favourite book to read but then, when he picked it up, an old brochures, maps and then a plane ticket fell from it. He froze for a second, and then everything that So Hyung had said comes back crashing at him.

Seungri was trying to leave him afterall. When the thought registered into his head, his vision flickered red. His palm were feeling hotter and his heart was punching against his chest. He throw the book away and walk towards the room balcony, spreading his wings wide. He flied to Daesung's place. Jiyong wanted to make sure, if Seungri were leaving him, he wanted to hear it from his mate's mouth since his heart, no matter how painful the reality is, refused to believe what he just saw.

Jiyong leaned on the door to the living room. He recognized one of the voice as Youngbae. Youngbae had been the one who encourage him and tell him a little of why Seungri had resisted the bond. He wouldn't mind Jiyong listening now.

"I don't get it Seungri." Youngbae's voice was low, wary, baffled. It made Jiyong's wings rise and fan around him, being on guard instinctively. "If she told you this, why would you believe it? You've never been in the habit of taking advice from Kwon's sister."

Jiyong crouched on the floor without even thinking, wings raised above his head. His sister had been talking to Seungri? When had that happened, why hadn't he known about it, and what exactly she said to Seungri? From the way Youngbae is talking, the ritual wasn't the only thing So Hyung had infromed his mate. It must be more than that.

But why Seungri hadn't told him anything?

"There was this one time," said Seungri, in a light, brittle tone that ranf false. If Seungri had a flaw, Jiyong thought, it was that he was too serious most of the time. To hear him pretend to humor when he didn't feel like it... "You know, the night I tried to run away from that mansion, she stopped me, that time she said that she'll try his best to help me."

This new information makes Jiyong feels sober. Seungri don't want him, strong enough to think of running away but then, it was something tht he can't blame Seungri on. How horrible it must be to be forced to be with someone you did not love. Someone you despised on top of that. All said and done, he was the one that Seungri never want. Jiyong screwed his eyes shut for a moment, trying to block out the dissapointment and the anger that trying to poison his mind. He let out a shuddering breath and continue to listen.

"That's hardly a reason to makes her trustworthy now," Youngbae sounded as though his sigh could blow away half of his hair. "Listen, Seungri. I believe it when you sat she told you that she'd do anything for her brother. But I don't believe her words, even a bit when she said that you abused Kwon."

Say what? Jiyong rose to his feet in a soundless wave of feathers. Seungri, with his back facing him, didn't notice him. Jiyong stalked towards his mate, moving lightly. This was a great shock, enough to make his toes as well as his fingers turn into talons, and the sharp edge of his nails would result in a clincking noise on the marbled floor if he wasn't careful.

He was mad, and he didn't want Seungri to be soothed instead of being startled by him, this time.

"That isn't the way I thought of it either," Seungri's voice was low and miserable, the humor gone as if it had never been. Jiyong reached out in a gesture he was still learning to access and found the bond quivering between them with a dark silver liquid sadness. "But hyung, that's was what I did. I couldn't get hold of my temper and push him on the floor. I hurt him, for the great crime of being a Veela and bonding with me."

Jiyong opened his mouth, although the first time he tried to speak, his voice was muffled down inside his throat. So that was how his sister had presented this to Seungri. He knew Seungri wouldn't believed anything else, but that he was an abuser, like the ones who had raised him, the ones who had been in a relationship with him, that must be a venurable point. 

His sister was clever. 

But Jiyong was far more angrier, and rage was what mattered right now.  

"Look, from what you said, that was what made Kwon wake up and start listening to you and comprimised with you." Jiyong emphatized perfectly with the thick frustration in Youngbae's voice. He saw a shadow gesture from the light of Youngbae's fireplace, as if Youngbae was holding out his hand to Seungri, who probably missed it because he was keeping his head down like a penitent fool. "If Kwon felt angry with you, he could have flown away, and fight back. Or yelled at you, the way you said he should. He could done a lots of things to show you his displeasure even without breaking the bond. Why do you believe what she said rather than what he did?"

At the moment, Jiyong feels like giving Youngbae a spare mansion for his smart mouth.

"It's because she said that he doesn't know himself that he was abused," Seungri whispered doggedly. "You know, the way I refused to acknowledge for so ong that what Lucas did to me was abuse? and it was until you and Daesung hyung protected me that realized it all wrong. So Hyung was trying to do the exact thing, and Jiyong doesn't want to admit it. But it's true, and I have to get myself away from him before I encourage him to sink further in his mindset."

Jiyong decided that it was enough of that. He only knew decision because he stepped around the chair that had probably been partially concealing him from Seungri's sight and scoop Seungri up from where he sat. Seungri gave a squeak of suprise, and then stared up at him with sorrow draping itself like a cobweb over his features. 

Youngbae gives him a small smile, acknowledging that he knew his presence in the room from the start. Jiyong return the smile, and bow his head a little to Youngbae. "Excuse us Youngbae. I thought allowing Seungri to proceed further in his false beliefs would be more painful for both of us. I need to talk to him," then Jiyong stares at Seungri, who eyes were everywhere but on his own.

"Very well then," said Youngbae as he rose up from his chair, but there was a tight smile on his face and a gleam of satisfaction in his eyes as he look at Seungri. "He probably knew we'd manage to talk him out of his stupidity, if he invited Daesung too. Go on, Kwon."

Youngbae left the room and close the door behind him, leaving only Jiyong and Seungri in the room.   After he's sure that they're alone, Jiyong turned around to study Seungri. Seungri had moved away from him and stood up beside the chair. He was looking at Jiyong in an anxious way that a doctor might when he was sick, or even the way his mother had looked at him during the symptoms of his last illness.

Jiyong smiled. In his own way, he was going to enjoy this. He stood up himself, spreading his wings, flaunting them, his size and strength, the way that while he wasn't much taller than Seungri, he was bigger with his wings spread.

"I found your plane tickets, and all of your old brochures in your book," he said, and watched how Seungri begin to shift nervously in his place. "Were you ever plan to talk to me about that, and about your delusions?" he asked. "Or were you going to take even that power of choice from me under pretense of rescuing me?"

*

He's angry

But Seungri had known Jiyong would be. It was one of the reasons why he had wanted to avoid confrotation between them. He wanted to ask Youngbae for an advice about concealing his emotions from Jiyong long enough for So Hyung to perform the ritual or whatever it was she had found for parting them and transferring the bond to someone else.

Youngbae had been horrified and told him the he couldn't. Seungri had tried to argue that with their bond as tattered and unsatisfactory as it was, it wasn't like he was making any grand effort, and Youngbae had pounched then and told him the bond was real, and Seungri sneaking around like this and making desperate effort to deny it only said that more.

Seungri had let himself get distracted with the ethic of the situation, and what exactly So Hyung had said to him, and he wished now that he hadn't. He had never got any advice from Youngbae, only refusal to help him. As Jiyong stalked slowly towards him, Seungri thought he could have used lots of advice right then. 

"I planned on doing the same sort of thing you would do for someone who was under the crucio drug, and insisting that he wanted to surrender all his fortune to the person who give him the drug," Seungri answered steadily, hoping that would hide his nervousness. "I was going to keep it from you for your own good and make sure that you were safe and happy in the end."

Jiyong twisted his neck, scoffing at this poor excuse. "Safe? When I've already refused this subtitute mate my sister promised, no matter how pretty and soft, and female they are?"

Seungri stared at the Veela. "She talked to you about it?" So Hyung hadn't mentioned that at all, or at least only in the way she'd said Jiyong refused to listen to reason about Seungri's abuse towards him. Seungri hadn't envisioned a conversation about the method of ending their bond, only a general hinting of So Hyung's concerns that Jiyong had reacted violently to her ideas.

"She did," said Jiyong. "Interesting that it never got mentioned, isn't it?"

Seungri took a deep breath and resettled himself. So, So Hyung had approached things in an underhanded manner. That didn't ultimately change things. "Safe from me," he uttered. "Because I did hurt you, and you know that."

"I acknowledge that you hurt me," said Jiyong. "That's not the same as abuse."

"It is," Seungri leaned forwards. "If what I suffered while I was at the orphanage, and when I was with Lucas is an abuse, so is this."

"Then have you feed me that drug?" Jiyong asked, turning his neck again and arching his wings so the circle at the top of them seemed to wind around his throat. Distantly, hopelessly, Seungri admired how beautiful he is. "Of all he times you've starved me and hit me?"

Seungri rolled his eyes. This was the way that Jiyong is irritating, he thought, or most irritating, out of all different ways Jiyong could be irritating. "Abuse doesn't have to be exactly the same to be called as abuse," he said. "I meant, they hurt me when they had the duty to take care of me, and I did the same thing to you. Or at least, I should have treated you decently like a human being,"Seungri added, when he saw Jiyong opening his mouth. "Not losing control and pinned you down on the floor"

"You didn't think I was a human being at that time," Jiyong murmured, provocatively. "You didn't think I was someone you had the duty to take care of at that time."

"No, but that just makes this situation worst." Seungri wondered for a moment how they seemed to have switched positions and be arguing each other's side, but he knew Jiyong was trying to undermine his position now by quoting his original feelings back to him. "Youngbae hyung tried to tell me what a great honor it was to have a Veela bond, and --"

Jiyong blurred into the air. Seungri tossed his head back, trying to see where he had gone, and found Jiyong's hand resting on his shoulders and his face bent down to Seungri's neck, as if he was seeking for answers in the folds of skins there. 

"Listen to me," Jiyong whispered. "I know what I want. I should know, since I had to actually struggle and think about it instead of just settling into the perfect, mindless bond I've always expected. And after all that, I knew best... and all I ever want is you Lee Seungri."

Seungri caught his breath, but he remembered how much he had struggled to get Lucas to love him back as he used to, even long after he should have given it up as hopeless. And that he felt remorse now and the Noahs never would change their respective positions. He had still had hurt Jiyong. He didn't deserve a chance after that. 

"I have to let you go," he said after a long pause, and he move away from Jiyong. "You'll have a mate you can dominate, someone who can never hurt you like I did."

TBC...