“Caramel Frappucino for you, and Iced Americano for me,” she said, settling both drinks on top of the table before taking a seat right across mine.  Our eyes met and her lips curved up into the silly goofy smile.

“Yongsun”

“Kim Yongsun,”

She shouted, trailing not so far away from me, her steps echoing mine and no matter how much i tried to fasten my pace, she would always be not more than two steps away.  Curse her long legs.

Seeing the van provided by my company in the distance, i felt my insides rejoicing.  A few more steps, and i could leave all this behind, regarding today as no more than a dream.

I grabbed the handle of the door and was about to push it open when she grt a hold of my arms, turning me around to face her, “Yong,” she huffed, foreheads shining with sweats even in the cold winter weather, “hear me out.  Please,”

That is how we ended up here, in this cafe filled with couples drinking from the same cup and laughing over silly jokes.

“Thank you, for coming with me,”

“Well, you technically force-dragged me here,” i deadpanned, and there it was again – that silly smile, one that she often flash every time she is on the winning side of argument.

“You could just leave while i was picking up our orders, but you did not.  And that is something i should thank you for, should i not?”

I hate how right she was.  True to her words, i could  have just left her earlier when i had the chance to, but i did not.  I stayed, watching her as she stood in line at the couter while fiddling with her phone.

Worst was i still stayed, despite the dangerous fluttering in my heart everytime she lift her head up, tearing her gaze off from the screen of her phone and our eyes met. 

“I just need the coffee,” I reasoned out, snatching the Frapucino off the table and took afew sips from it, just for the sake of the show.

A few minutes went by in silence, saved for the loud chattering from other customers and the sounds coming form behind the counter. 

“I’m sorry,” she uttered, low under her breath.  Her words caught my attention, I let go of the straw in between my lips before placing my drinks back on top of the round table between us.

“I was a jerk,”

“Still is,” i cut her off.  She sighed, toring her gaze from her fingers on the table and locking it with mine. 

“It has been two years since that day and not even a day passed without me thinking of you.  I regret it,”

“Regret?  What for? For walking out on me? For cheating on me? Which part are you regretting now?”

I was calm, unexpectedly.  I have imagined this situation thousand of times in my head, and every time, I would see me shouting and crying as i asked these questions.  Yet, I was not shouting and neither was I crying. I was just ... numb?

“Everything.  I regret going behind your back and I regret walking out on you that day.  I should not have swayed. Even if I swayed, I should have at least stayed when you told me to,” her hands on the table turned into fists, palms turning white as she tried hard to hold herself together, “I’m sorry.  I’m really really really sorry,”

Speechless – that I was, hearing to what she has to say.

Sighing, I leant slightly onto the table and played with the straw of my drinks, “but you did.  You swayed, and you left,” I said, not looking at her.  Another few moments passed with no one saying anything between us.

“Do you even know how I felt back then?” i asked, glancing up at her.

“You said your piece and you walked out of the door like the floor was on fire.  Pretty sure you went to her right after, and she most probably welcomed you with a hug and kisses on your face. I imagined it sometimes you know; how you went back to her and told her about us breaking up and all.  Did you buy flowers on your way?”

Hesitantly, she shook her head drom side to side.

“In my imagination, you did,  you know?”  I said, smirking.  I saw th light tremble of her hands before she pulled it off the table and hid it beneath.

“You opened her door, a smile on both yours and her face as you handed her the bouquet you have been hiding all along.  You were both sitting on the floor talking and laughing over some stories you told,”

“But i was just there, in my home, stting on the floor, crying over you who left.  And i hate you, i hate you so much that i broke every single frame of us, but it’s not enough – never was.  Because the memories did not just stay in the picture, but also in my mind and my heart,”

The air was getting depressing despite the thundering laughs from the couple sitting a few tables away.  My breath growing shaky as the memory of that day flashed in my head.  I took another sips from my drinks to distract myself, stealing a few moment to calm my breath and to stop my tears from flowing out.

“It is not fair.  Why is it always easier for those who left than those who stayed?  Was it a sin to love more?  Should i have loved you less? Because it hurts.  It’s so ing hurt that some nights i just lay in my bed thinking why am i still not dead,”

Concern flashed in her eyes as she heard the last few words.  Her hands came up to the table, searching for mine. 

Almost, she almost held my hand.  But the split second of her second guesing herself had ruined it all.  Her hand ended up a few inches away from mine, our fingers so close to touching.

“Is it so hard? To hold my hand, that it was easier to let go?”  I asked, staring at the few inches distance between our fingers, “For me, holding was easier than letting go,” and i took her hand in mine, shocking her.

“Y ... Yong,” she stutterd, eyes as wide as saucers.

“Now, tell me what you wanted to tell me.  And i will listen, just like how you listen to everything that i had to say,”

She lets out a shaky breath, tightenng her hold on mine.  Just like the old times, she ran her thumb in circle at the back of my palm, soothing my nerves.

“It was not easy,” she locked our gaze, “letting go of your hands and walking out, I mean,”

“But I was so stupid back then.  I thought if ... if i give myself some times, if i hold myself longer, tthen I’d stop.  I would sleep one night without seeing you in my dreams and I would wake up without thinking of you.  But that kind of night never came,”

“Days keep passing by, and suddenly it was already a month after our breakup.  When i woke up to the sound of someone cooking that day, I wished it was you.  Then I saw her, drinking from you favourite yellow mugs, and i just lose control,”

“We fought. I was talking to her nicely, i mean not nice nice kind of nice, but ...” she paused, seemingly in lost for words.

“She was shouting and I was shouting, then she threw the mugs across the wall.  I still hear it sometimes, the sound of it breaking,” then she chuckled, though her eyes were b with tears.

“Do you know what she told me when she left that day?”

She did not look like she was expecting any answers from me, so I just let her to have her moments.  Her thumb came to a top at the back of my palm.

“You should have just stayed if you love me less – and that was the last time that i saw her.  She did not even came to pick up her things, she sent somebody else instead,” she said, scoffing mockingly at the end.

I strared at our connecting hands. Her thumb at the back of my palm, grazing random patterns.

“Why now? Why not a year back, or few months ago? Why now?”

“Honestly, I don’t even know.  I was just passing by the area when I saw you.  I was just staring at you from few metres away, and somehow ... we ended up here.  Maybe, destiny is playing its trick?”

It was then my turn to scoff.  I pulled my hand out of her hold, collect my things that was scattered on the table, “If these are destiny’s play, then i wish no part in any,” I said and was about to walk away with the Frappucino in my hand when i was stopped by her voice.

“Should I give up now? Is there no more chance for me?”

You know how people say first love will always stay in your heart?  I wanted to portray Yong as someone who has moved on yet still attached to her first love?  Did i succeed?

So, i purposely kept this chapter with open ending so that you could decide if they should get back together and how.

P.s. Comment your thoughts below.  Thank you.