A/n : please listen to this as you are reading. Thank you .. ^.^

Kim Yongsun's POV

Leaning onto the kitchen counter, I folded my arms over my chest as I stared at her, the person who give me happiness, the person that I thank the God every single morning for sending her to me. She had set her hair into a low ponytail  and her sleeves were rolled up to her elbow while her brows were knitted close as she gave her full concentration into the pasta that she was cooking.

“Unnie, pass me the salt, please,” she said, still not looking at me and only her hand that was extended to me. I kept mum and stood still, waiting for her to turn her head and look at me because as stupid and clingy that I may sound – I miss her, even though she was standing literally just a few steps away from me.

“Unnie, salt,” she turned her head to me. I arched my brow up while mouthing, “magic word,”

The corner of her lips curled upwards, turning into a goofy grin with the muscles around her nose undoubtedly showed before she finally muttered the “magic word”, as I would quote.

“Please,”

I nodded, took the bottle of salt from my side and handed it to her. She smiled, but say no thanks; so unusual of her. But I simply set that aside, figuring that maybe the word slipped off her mind or maybe the pasta was more important at that moment, I went back to leaning onto the kitchen counter and folded my arms over my chest.

“Hungry?” she asked, in which I nodded, almost too excitedly while pouting slightly.  She then threw her head back, laughing before she turned the stove off, took two plates from the cabinet right above her head and set the pasta onto it.

“Dinner's ready,” she announced, setting that plate onto the isolated counter a few feet away. And just like any other night, we sat across each other, with our plates touching; thanks to the size of the counter.

“How was your week?” typical question that we often ask each other on every Friday night. She twirled the noodles with her fork and ate a mouthful of it, chewing it as careful as possible to avoid making any sound. I did the same, without tearing my gaze off her as I waited for her to answer and a few more seconds passed before she swallowed the food and opened to answer me.

“Hectic,” was all that she said. Seriously? After I have to wait literally seconds, “hectic” was all that she has to say?

“And?” I tried to fish for some details. I just don’t get it. If it was months ago, I would’ve gotten an answer with details that were enough for me to write a ten pages report. But today, all I got was one word answer and she didn’t even look at me as she speak. It got me wondering, what had happened to my Byul? My I should know everything Byul.

She placed the fork down, in a way that told me that she was done eating. After 4 spoonful (yes, I counted it) of the freaking pasta and a sip of her favorite cola, she was done? 

“Just hectic. Don’t pry into details, I’ll have too much to tell,” her voice was flat, missing the affection that it always had. 

“You know that I’d listen to it all and we pretty much have the whole night,” she smiled. But now that I’m staring hard enough, I came to realized that her smile is not reaching her eyes, like almost her every smile throughout the whole evening. Did something happen?

“I know that you’ll listen to my rant and I know that we pretty much have the whole night,” it was then my turn to grin, “but I just,” she took another sip of her cola before she added, “I just can’t wait to set all these plates away for now. The sofa look really inviting, you know?”

Chuckling, I wandered my gaze to the sofa right in the middle of my studio apartment before fixing it back onto Byul. 

“Whatever. We'll set all these plates away, but you’ll do the dishes while I go to our room and bring the blanket out. Deal?” I said as I extended my pinkies. 

“Deal,” and she connected her pinkies with mine before she took our plates and placed it into the sink, not forgetting to dump the remaining into the bin. She then wore the pink rubber gloves before turning the tap open and started doing the dishes.

“So, what do you want to watch,” she asked as she sat right next to me, our arms touching. I opened the blanket wide enough for both of us and draped it onto our  laps before leaning my head onto her shoulder. Her right hand instinctively went  around my shoulder, making sure that I’ll be real comfortable while her left hand was busy playing with my fingers.

“I’ve ran out of movie to watch, I’ll need to buy some new DVD soon,” I snuggled closer, placing my head closer to her nape, inhaling more of her Cologne, “so let's just enjoy a quiet cuddle night,”

“Sure,” she locked her left hand together with mine, our fingers interlacing each other right on my lap. The smell of her new Cologne was really good, it was strong yet mild enough to not irritate my nose nor to trigger my migraine.

“Did you change your perfume?” I asked, my eyes fluttering close. I felt her breath hitched and I took note of the few seconds that passed with heavy silence between us. Her arm suddenly felt heavy on my shoulder and her grip on my hand was almost too tight, that I had to clench my teeth to stand the pain.

“Byul,” I called.

“Huh?” she looked down to me, her eyes blinking profusely, as if she had just woken up from a trance and her grip on my hand finally loosened.

“Are you okay?” 

“Yes … sure,” she answered, looking at everywhere but me, “  I mean, I’m okay,” and she flashed me a small smile, a really small smile that lasted not more than two seconds, literally and figuratively.

I guessed whatever that she was facing right at that moment, she was not yet ready to tell me, so I let it slide, like I always did. She'll tell me when she is ready, she always does, this time is no different; or so I thought.

So I used my free hand to cup her cheek, running my thumb lightly in circles before I let it graced over her lips and said, “just tell me when you’re ready, whatever that’s bothering you. I’m all ears, I always did and always will,”

“Thank you,” and I went back to snuggling into her nape. The silence continued to linger and the sound of her breathing was as loud as ever, same goes to the sound of her beating heart.

I was about to drift off into sleep when I heard her voice calling for me, “unnie,” 

I sighed, not opening my eyes as I mumbled sleepily, “what’s with you tonight? You’ve stopped calling me unnie 2 or 3 years ago as far as I remember,”

A few more moment of silence went by, forcing me to snap my eyes open. I shifted my head slightly and looked at her from her shoulder. She was beautiful, indeed. I mean, handsome – as she’d prefer to be described as. 

She was still playing with my finger when she suddenly dropped the bomb, “let’s …” she tilted her head slightly to the side to look into my eyes, “let’s break up, Yongsun unnie,”

Thinking that she was just joking, like she once did, I smiled slyly, arched one of my brow and replied casually, “okay, let's break up. We've just recruited a few new designers few weeks ago and I’m proud to say that most of them are hinting me for a date and … oh, do you remember Eric? You thought he gave up on me already don’t you? But the truth is he didn’t, he's still hitting on me from time to time,” and I finished off with my signature dolphin laugh.

“Really?” my laughter died down, seeing the unfaltering  guilty look on her face.

“Good for you then,” she added.

“Isn’t it time for you to kiss my knuckles, saying sorry …”

“I found somebody else” 

“… for joking in a bad way?”

“I said, I found somebody else, Kim Yongsun,” she stated coldly while staring right into my eyes. All I could do was to blink – once … twice … wishing that I would wake up from this dream or for Byul to grin in her usual teasing way and say that she was just joking; but none of those happened. 

“I … who … I mean when or … or how long?” 

“8 months since I first knew her but it has only been 4 months since,” she hesitated, her dry lips, “since,” and it was my cue to cut her sentence off, since I kind of got a clue of who this “somebody else” might be.

“I knew that Sujeong is a trouble in the making, ever since she walked through that door of your office. And I’m not wrong, aren’t I?” I mocked, prying my hand away from her hold before I got out of her arm around me and distanced myself away from her.

“It was not her fault,”

“So you’re siding on her, huh?”

“It was mine, I swear,”

“So that four months are finally winning over our four years, huh?” I smirked and she turned her head away from me, keeping her gaze on the floor, “ why her, out of all people? Why her and not me?”

She sighed, hands curled into a fist, “I just … I love the fact that I can be myself around her. She didn’t nag at me when I was late for our date or when I got confused between brown and beige. I mean …” she turned to look at me, “ beige and brown literally came from the same family tree. But you always nag at me when I got you something brown instead of your favorite beige, pink instead of coral pink. I just …”

“But what matter is that I don’t have to be strong in front of her. I can cry a river and she'll just sit there, next to me while holding my hand. I’m tired of being the strong one for both of us and I’m tired of being the only one giving … trying while you just stay at the other end, receiving,”

I laughed, but it was hollow and not even once did I shrieked like a dolphin, a proof of how fake my laughter was. Tears were b at the corner of my eyes, but I quickly wiped it away with my thumb. I then stood up and walked to my TV, taking the picture of us that was sitting right next to it and threw it over, missing just a few centis from Byul's toes.

“ you, Moon Byulyi,” I started. And the shock on her face was evident, for I rarely curse, but when I do, it is a clear sign that I’m angry way beyond my limit; like what I’m feeling right at the moment.

“Unnie,”

“You know that nagging is my way, I repeat, it is my way to show my love. I don’t nag at just anyone. And for God sake, brown is definitely differ from beige,” 

“Well, I’m sorry if my field of work don’t require me to know the different between beige and brown. Unlike you, miss designer Kim,” she said, stressing the last three words.

I held my forefinger up, “stop right there, miss “beige is the same with brown” Moon. Don’t you dare to go all sarcastic on me,” and she raised both of her arms up in defeat.

“Who told you … to be the strong one for us? Didn’t I say that we should be strong, together, for us?”

She leant her back completely on the backrest of the sofa, arms folded over her chest and eyes glaring at me as she replied, “I have to be the strong one because you apparently can’t. Have you ever noticed that you cry over literally everything,” the last sentence was definitely more of a statement than a question.

“Will you believe me if I say yes?” she simply shrugged her shoulder, “I …” I paused and drew out a tired sigh, “I know I’m a cry baby. I mean, I cry when I’m happy, sad, scared or even angry. But … do you remember what you told me back then?” and she arched her eyebrows, “you said it’s okay for me to cry over everything. As long as I let you to be the one to hand me tissues,”

“Do you seriously think that I’ve done nothing for us? Seriously, after four freaking years?” she looked away, as if saying yes to my doubt, “ I’ve been putting on with your weird snore for four years and  not mention your greasiness. Are you sure that she can stand you being as clingy as a koala like I do? Or can she stand eating nothing other than kimchi fried rice for all three meals for days or maybe week, and not getting sick of it. You know you eat nothing but kimchi fried rice during your hormonal stage, right?” I snorted before a heavy breath slipped past my lips 

“What happened to us, Byul-ah? We used to be so happy with each other,” and I dropped onto the floor, back leaning onto the  TV cabinet  and my head tilted upward slightly to stop my tears from falling 

“We used to,” she said in quiet voice, “But our love has gone cold and it don’t feel like home anymore when I hold you close,” and a drop of tears went passed my barrier, falling from my eyes as it flowed along my cheek.

“For these past four years, all I did was to love you,” I wiped the tears away and bore a stare into her orbs, “I loved, and I loved,” my lips curled into a smirk, “and I lost you,”

“I’m … sorry,” and suddenly our distance seemed so big. The five steps that I took to get here, felt like a mile. The coffee table residing between us, seemed like a wall that I can never climbed.

“I love you,” it came out just a little louder than a whisper. But the silent of my home had helped the word to reach Byul's ear.

“I …”

“I love you,” I said for the last time, not to force her to stay, but just in case - Just in case that she would change her mind. 

“I’m really … really sorry,”  and she definitely don’t.

I waved my hand in dismissal, “if this is what you really want, then I guess … I don’t want your body if you’re wishing that you’re lying here with someone else. You know what I mean, right?”

“I’ll take my leave now. Take care, unnie,” she said. My brows drew close together, forming a straight line when I noticed that she was not standing up, instead she just sat there, eyes fixated on me.

“You know that you’re not skill enough to cook, so don’t, or you might burn the house down. Don’t even think of changing the burnt bulb yourself, you know your clumsiness, you might trip on the chair and bang your head somewhere,”

I didn’t move, neither did I say anything. I just stayed there, listening to her rant, taking in her feature and saving it right inside my mind.

“Oh, never use the knife too. God knows just how many times have you cut yourself while using it. Cut down on your instant noodles, that thing is not healthy. No matter how busy you got, remember to eat real food,”

“Byul,”

“Stop your midnight stroll, the world isn’t safe anymore. Drunkard are anywhere nowadays,”

“Byul,”

“The weather is getting cold. Remember to dress warmly and not provocatively. Stop trying to be y when you already are,” finally had enough of her rant, I decided to interject. 

“If you’re gonna be so worry for me, then why are you leaving me at the first place? Why are you breaking up with me? Why don’t you want to stay?”

“I …”

“Just leave. And please, close the front door as you did,” 

You promised me forever, but I guess even forever is a myth. 

2 years later …

“Thank you, Miss Solar, for accepting an interview with us,” the man said, smiling. He took a pen from his pocket and flipped his notebook open.

“You’re welcome, I guess?”

“Miss Solar, your book, ‘Forever Is A Myth” has been listed as one of the best seller for three consecutive months and even as I’m asking you this question now, demands are still flooding in. So, do you expect this kind of success?”

I smiled, and tucked my wild locks behind my ear before I proceeded to lace my fingers together on my lap and crossed my right leg over my left.

“I seriously never expected it. I mean this is my first book and not to mention my first time trying to write, but I guess at the end of the day … I’m just happy, thankful even, that people are liking it,”

“What do you think the charm of your book?” he asked, jotting down everything that I’ve just said on his book.

“Maybe, the reversal at the end. With the kind of fluff and the greasiness in almost every chapters, people would’ve thought that the characters would end up together. And so, the break up at the end really shocked the readers, I guess,” I answered calmly.

“It was a story of your past experience and you decided to write it into a book. Why?” he asked, tone laced with genuine curiosity. I took a breath, a really deep breath before I answered, “maybe I just wanted to give her one last gift, for the wonderful four years that she had gave me. Or maybe, I just wanted to tell the world on how I came to realize that forever is just a myth, which explained the tittle of my book,”

“Have you moved on? From her, the sudden break up and everything else,”

“I did,” and I lied, right through my teeth, without even tearing my gaze away from him. How can I say that just the thought of her pained me? How can I say that I can’t eat kimchi fried rice because it reminded me of her? But most importantly, how can I say that I still love her with all of my heart, even after that night?

“So do you have anyone to thank for the success of your book?”

“I do. I wanted to thank her, for making me realize that forever is nothing but a myth. And instead of just sitting there, waiting and hoping for forever, I should cherish every moment that we’ve spent together, every steps that we’ve took together and every future that we’ve planned together. Thank you, and I’m sorry, for whatever reason there is,”

I breath out in relief when I saw him closing his book and tucked his pen back into his pocket.

“That’ll be our last question for you, thank you,” he then stood up, extended his hand out for me to shake, which I accepted. I watched him leaving before I uncrossed my legs, folded my arms over the table and leant my head onto the forearm as I fluttered my eyes close, trying to catch the sleep that I’ve missed.

I heard a clear footsteps resonating all over the empty hall that I’ve used for my book’s autograph session. It was done over half an hour ago and nobody should be here aside from the few staffs that has been hired for this event.

“Unnie,” 

“Five minutes, Wheein,” I mumbled, not bothering to raise my head up.

“Whoever this Wheein is, I hope she was not the one responsible for your lack of sleep?”

“What …” I didn’t get to finish my sentence as realization hit me, forcing my eyes to be snapped open. That voice … it was too low, too deep for it to be Wheein’s. I let second passes before I finally raised my head up from my forearm. My heart pounded hard inside my ribcage when I was to be faced with her grinning face, sitting on the wooden chair across me, seemingly as attractive as ever.

“Byul-ah,” I muttered underneath my breath. She shrugged her shoulder.

“It was a month after you left, I woke up and suddenly missed the way you always cuddle up to me; your head would be tucked in between my nape, your arm around my waist and you leg over mine. Funny how we would sleep so far away from each other, only to wake up being in each other's arms the very next morning,” and she drew out a tired breath before she added, “I miss it, Yongsun-ah,”

“Ssi,” was all that I managed to say and she raises one of her brow up, thumbs fiddling with each other under the table 

“You lose the right to be informal with me ever since you walk out of my home 2 years ago. So I’d appreciate it if you can respect me some more and use the formal speech instead of the informal. We ain’t friend , just so you know,”

She sighed, “we broke up, exactly a month after you left,” clearing , she then added, “you were right. She can’t eat kimchi fried rice for all three meals,” she then let out a scoff, “she didn’t even last a day,”

“So, your point is?”

She bit her bottom lips, seemingly hesitant for a while before she finally voiced out, “can you take me back?” and I sat frozen there, blinking. Another heartbeat passed before she added, “please?”

“No,” I replied firmly. I stared at her for another second before I stood up and leave.

No matter how much I love … no matter how much it pained me … no matter how I’m dying to turn my heels back and hug the frozen woman … I didn’t. I’m not taking my revenge on her, but I just … I just thought that if she can let me go for somebody else once, she definitely can do it twice.

I deserved my own happiness. And I don’t want to live my life with the lingering paranoia, the constant fright that she might found another somebody else and leave me for another time. I wanted to be happy, but maybe not with her.