Seeing the white door close on him, Jongsuk dropped his head as he slowly shuffled to the end of the hallway, turning back to the ajar door, he heard your giggle once again before he dropped his head and headed back out to the couch. Feeling pushed away, Jongsuk slowly sunk into the cushions on the couch. Lowering the volume on the movie, he pressed play just like he agreed. Watching the movie scenes play across the screen while he focused on your giggles, and your replies back in the bedroom.

The credits began to scroll across the screen even though Jongsuk’s eyes were locked on the dark hallway leading back to the soft light bleeding out from the door propped open a crack. Turning back to the movie, he turned off the movie and all of the electronics. Picking up the bamboo breakfast tray with all of the untouched treats, he shuffled back into the kitchen before placing the drinks back in the refrigerator, the small candies were left out on the counter along with the popcorn.

Laughter radiated from the master bedroom as you continued to laugh harder, hitching your breath once the laughter lost your lips just to gasp for some air so you continue. Taking his time, Jongsuk slowly made his way around the apartment, locking all of the doors and windows and closing up for the night while several soft sighs escaped his lips. Passing by the television, Jongsuk moseyed over to the mantle where several pictures of the two of you sat side by side.

Picking up his favorite, he brought it down and rested the edge of the frame within his hands while his thumb grazed over the brushed steel frame. Thoughts of inadequacy, doubt and jealousy bombarded his mind. Hearing your voice turn soft and kind, to laughter then to compliments, Jongsuk placed the frame back with the others. Seeing his favorite smile upon your lips, in his favorite picture of the two of you, he clenched his jaw wondering if he even made you happy anymore.

Taking his time, he walked back to the bedroom slowly allowing the dark apartment to wrap around his figure. Easing himself down on the hardwood floor, he reclined back against the wall, resting his head against the painted plaster watching the time slowly slip through his fingers.

Drifting in and out of sleep as the hours continued to tick on, Jongsuk closed his eyes continuing to listen to your multi houred conversation.

“Thank you for calling, I really enjoyed tonight” You began to wrap up the call, exchanging goodbyes, you ended the call.

Climbing off of the bed, you opened the door to a darkened apartment, with no sound other than soft breathing. Seeing a mass sitting against the wall right outside of the door, you knelt down slightly to see Jongsuk’s head hung over his shoulder, his chest moving up and down as his body balanced between the upright wall and the hardwood floor.

“You want to sleep here for the night, or come to bed?” You whispered in question, your fingers slowly tangling in his hair to try and wake him without startling him.

“Who was on the phone?” Jongsuk questions, rubbing his eyes in his rustic morning voice

“Casey, don’t you remember him?” You answered, your fingers slowly retracting from his black locks.

“Your old crush, Casey?” He probed with a puzzled look on his face.

Jongsuk reflected back to when the three of you were Juniors and Seniors in high school Remembering the three of you joined at the hip, always doing everything together until one day Casey asked you out to Homecoming, then Junior Prom, the Winter Ball, another Homecoming and last but not least Senior Prom. After each and every single event that Casey took you to you always managed to find your way back to Jongsuk, usually in tears, over the evening and the guy you spent it with. Dumping you right before Senior Prom and showing up with another girl was more than you could bear. Yet Jongsuk was always there, having to pick up the shattered pieces of your heart, wiping away tears of frustration and holding you until you fell asleep so that you knew that you weren’t alone. Over the course of two years, there were more nights with you sobbing over what Casey had done than laughter when you were with Jongsuk.

“Yeah, we just had to catch up” You smiled, snapping Jongsuk back to the present.

“You had to, or you wanted to?” Jongsuk wanted to clarify, giving you a curious look while he anxiously awaited your answer.

“A little bit of both, he is doing so many great things!” You began to talk excitedly about all of the things that Casey had told you over the multi houred call, for which Jongsuk began to fade out of the conversation. “Aren’t you happy for him?”

“Yeah..” Jong suk’s single worded answer was all that was spilled from his lips before he stood up and passed you in the doorway. Closing the door to the closet with a touch of frustration and jealousy, he changed in the closet before retreating to the bed for the night. Pulling his book from the night table beside the bed, his fingers relocating the place he left off at as his eyes moved over the black letters on the ivory pages..

Turning your attention to Jongsuk from your spot at the doorway, his brow furrowed while his fingers held onto the book tighter than normal. An odd feeling began to creep into the room, eventually enveloping everything and everyone that reside.

Taking your time, you changed into your pajamas and did your nightly routine, before you came out to see Jongsuk turned over. His book placed back on the night stand and the lamp on his side of the bed was dark, his back facing the middle of the bed and the covers pulled over his shoulder. Sitting on the bed, you pulled your glasses from the bridge of your nose and folded them before placing them on the bedside table. Turning over you saw Jongsuk’s body lay next to you, thoughts of cuddling him escaped your mind before you turned your back to his and faced the side edge of the bed.

“Are you mad?” Your cutting words sliced through the unsettled yet quiet air hanging in the room..

“No” He whispered, letting the air sit for a minute maybe two, “Why did you answer…?”

“He called and it is rude to not pick up your phone,” You reasoned softly feeling your heart begin to pick up in pace.

“It is also rude to ignore your boyfriend on date night when he tried to hard to get off work just to spend some time with you” Jongsuk passive aggressively whispered, “I can understand a five maybe fifteen minute call but three and a half hours… that seems a little much talking to an old crush of yours. Even after all that he did to you, the history between you two.” A disappointed sigh left his lips as he reached out and pulled the chain, turning off the lamp on his side of the bed.

“I didn’t mean for it to come off that way…” You whispered back, looking over your shoulder at his wide shoulders.

“I just wanted some of your time…” Jongsuk whispered as tears clouded his eyes.

A tension tightened around your heart as you could almost hear his voice crack and break with each word that he whispered so thoughtfully to you.

“You get a lot of time with me” You tried to reassure him, not wanting to go to bed with him like this.

“Not really, I get to see you sleeping when I have to wake up early. I get to see you sleeping when you are fast asleep because I got off of the set late. Even if we did have some time when you are awake, it is usually only an hour and we don’t do anything, we usually sit in the same room while I read a script and you are on your laptop or phone.” Jongsuk paused, “I just wanted two hours of your time to watch a movie and hold you in my arms. I am sorry that you didn’t want to do the same…”

In that moment your heart ached like none other, remembering all of the nights that Jongsuk listened to your heartbreak stories with Casey, remembering how many times he ghosted you, ditched you and dumped you just to take you back to get something out of you. Turning over, you slowly moved yourself closer to your boyfriend, placing your hand on his arm, you curled against his back.

“I’m sorry” You whispered against the cotton fabric of his grey tee shirt, tucking your arms against you, you soaked in his warmth for the moment before your eyes closed.

Feeling your body pressed against his, he waited a moment before he heard your slightly heavy breathing. Carefully rolling over, he wrapped his arms around you as you adjusted your body so that your head rested on his strong chest. Feeling warm droplets of water run off your cheek and soak into his shirt, he tightened his arms around you and kissed the crown of your head.

Pressing another kiss onto your head, he held you tighter and pulled the tangled covers up on you a little more. “I love you so much sweetheart, I am sorry the tears you are spilling are over me this time…”

A few more tears fell from your eyes as your breathing became irregular for a about a minute.

“It’s okay sweetie, I know you didn’t mean to. I just want some time to show you how much you mean to me. I don’t want you to feel like you aren’t good enough or that you aren’t loved.” Jongsuk whispered softly as his lengthy fingers lightly played with a few strands of your hair. “I just wanted to do better… cause I’ll never stop improving or trying to wind your love, every single day of every week of every year in our lifetimes. You’re too special to me to lose you.”