The first time Jaebum noticed Jinyoung, was in a class where Jinyoung modeled for them. Jinyoung was sitting in the middle of the room, looking at the window. His features looked soft, peaceful, and soothing. Jaebum had seen many beauties, yet no one managed to mesmerize him the way Jinyoung did. And he was grateful he got the reason he need to fix his gaze at Jinyoung as long as possible, taking in everything he could and immortalized it in the canvas before him.

Then he became aware of Jinyoung's presence at the library, when he started to realize that whenever he was there, Jinyoung was too. And almost every book Jinyoung read was the ones he did too just right before. Those things picked his interests. Is it just coincidence, or does he like me?

Jaebum knew he was being overly confident, but he couldn't help it. And it actually made his curiosity towards the other person grew deeper. Maybe if he asked Youngjae the younger would tell him, but he wouldn't take the easy way. He would ask him himself no matter how, along with finding some reason to talk to him.

Jinyoung was reading Murakami's Kafka on the Shore as Jaebum walked into the library. It crossed his mind that maybe he could made an excuse related with the book to talk to him. Would he see me as a weirdo if I do it?

Well, screw it.

“Hey, you're Youngjae's friend right? The one who modeled for us?”

He looked surprised, as Jaebum had expected. Jaebum just kept pushing until he got his name, and probably his number later with the book as an excuse, because Jinyoung had agreed to text him when he finished reading.

Jinyoung. It has a nice ring on my ears. Well done, Jaebum.

Then Jaebum exited the library after saying he'd got something to do when he didn't, and waited, never letting go of his phone even when he was hanging with his friends. When the text arrived, he almost jumped from his seat, earning him weird glances from his friends. He immediately replied to Jinyoung's text, and said bye to his friends, who was looking at him as if he was already insane.

Jaebum found Jinyoung at the library, waiting for him. Jaebum beamed as Jinyoung lifted his eyes from his phone to look at him, smiling nervously.

“Hey, did you wait long?” Jaebum asked as he sat on a chair in front of Jinyoung. Jinyoung just shook his head and pushed the book across the table to him. Jaebum took it, and pushed it into his bag.

“Thanks.” Jaebum smiled. Jinyoung nodded his head. Jaebum knew he was being shy and it was cute, but he wanted him to talk to him. He wouldn’t let the chance to get closer to Jinyoung went to waste. He didn’t want this chance to be just a passing encounter for Jinyoung. So he blurted out, “I want to treat you as thanks. Do you like coffee? There is a newly opened café near the campus, people says it’s pretty good. How about that?”

Jaebum could see his eyes sparkled before he nodded again.

After two cups of coffee getting cold in front of them over their heated up conversation about books, they started to get closer, much to Jaebum’s delight. They exchanged books, threw some recommendations to each other. They also talked more, as Jinyoung had went pass his shyness and opened up more to him. He brought Jinyoung to a park he occasionally visited. It was peaceful, quiet, and calming it made you forget the flow of time, a perfect place for reading. Not many knew this place, and Jinyoung was the first person he brought there. He was glad he did, as he could observe Jinyoung as long as possible, the beauty of his features being complimented by the scenery behind him. Jinyoung completely got caught in his books, he didn’t even aware that Jaebum would sometimes make a sketch of him on a paper hidden in his book.

Jaebum found himself getting drawn more and more into Jinyoung. He was drawn into the way Jinyoung smile brightly, with crinkles at the corner of his eyes. He was drawn into the way Jinyoung laughed, the sound ringing like some music to his ears. He was drawn into the way Jinyoung scrunching up his face, fully concentrated to the book he was reading without any awareness of his surroundings. He was drawn into the way Jinyoung would sometimes blushed, his cheeks and even his ears tinted red. He was drawn into everything Jinyoung did, and he knew he loved him.

Jaebum started to get greedy, he began to feel some kind of possessiveness toward Jinyoung. He could sense that Jinyoung felt the same as him, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up and showed his intentions upfront just to have Jinyoung ran away from him. So he drew a sketch on a plain postcard, and slipped it in the book he was supposed to return to Jinyoung. It was a form of his possessiveness, wanting to leave something of his for Jinyoung to keep, disguised as a thanks. He was delighted to find Jinyoung’s reply in the form of poem, and wondered whether it was because Jinyoung did have some feelings for him, or just out of consideration.

This exchange of postcards went on, along with the books. Every postcard he got from Jinyoung was taped on his cupboard door, so he could easily read it over and over again. He almost got sick of feeling his heart getting fluttered and his head spinning in confusion at the same time. It frustrated him. So he decided to ask Jinyoung bluntly if he liked him or not. And the result was just like what he had been afraid of.

Jinyoung ran away.

Jaebum was very much heartbroken. In his despair he blamed himself for being impatient and scared Jinyoung away. Everything had ended. It would be a miracle if Jinyoung didn’t avoid him after this.

However, he still wanted to see Jinyoung, even if it was just a glimpse of him. So he went to the library the day after. He had expected that the library would be the first place Jinyoung would stay away from if he were to avoid him, yet it still made his heart clenched. He sat on his usual spot and just started to read a book he brought when Jinyoung suddenly showed up in front of him, startling him. When he finally gathered his scattered mind, Jinyoung had gone. The only thing left was a book Jinyoung had borrowed from him.

Out of habit, he reached for the book and started skimming over the book, searching for a postcard. Maybe it wasn’t purely out of habit, it was also out of a little bit hope Jaebum still held on. And there was the postcard, with Jinyoung’s poem written on it.

‘What kind of fool getting their breath taken

By some beautiful stranger

Who doesn’t even know their existence?

What kind of fool longing for the sun,

When they are nothing but sunflowers

Always yearning for something unreachable?

What kind of fool getting filled with butterflies

Flying around leaving trails of blossoms

Just by a pair of beautifully carved lips curved in a smile?

What kind of fool believe that a flightless bird,

Could stay forever with an eagle

Gracefully soaring up the sky?

What kind of fool can’t even hide his love

When the only thing revelation brings

Just you getting further away?

Forgive me,

For this fool has selfishly falling in love with you.’

Jaebum was barely holding his tears in by the time he finished reading Jinyoung’s poem. He understood that Jinyoung was as heartbroken as him, thinking their love was unrequited. He rushed outside to find Jinyoung, but of course he was nowhere to be seen. He tried calling him, yet nothing went through. He sent him a million of text, none of it got replied. There was no way for him to tell Jinyoung that he felt the same. That he loved him.

The first week he was desperate to find Jinyoung. He even left his number for the librarian to tell him if Jinyoung came. He wanted to ask Youngjae for his help, but the younger was already busy enough with his first year assignment, which was far more than the second year, and Jaebum didn’t have the heart to add his burden. There was nothing else he could do.

After that, all that was left was waiting. The longer the wait, the deeper he resigned himself to self-blaming. If only I didn’t ask him that way… If only I tell him I love him first… Those thought kept swirling around his head, and he felt like he had fallen into despair.

A spark of hope came a few weeks later with the text he received from the librarian, telling him that Jinyoung was there. He quickly went to the library, and sat on his usual spot. He opened his book, pretending to read, feeling someone watching him.

Jinyoung.

Jaebum knew if he approached Jinyoung, he would run away again. So he stood up, putting the book he had prepared on the desk, and left. The book was Kafka on the Shore, the first book that connected them. Inside, were three postcards with sketches, as always. First, it was the park, because it was a place only they shared together. Second, it was the library, because it was the place they first had some interactions. The third was of course, a sketch of Jinyoung, because he was the subject of his feelings. And behind of every postcard was some quotes from the book that went with his feelings, that he used to help him telling Jinyoung that he loved him.

He then left for the park, since he knew that if Jinyoung were to search for him, he would go there. He sat on the bench, watching the leaves falling from the trees. It calmed his unsettling heart, kept him from wondering if Jinyoung would really come or not. Then he saw Jinyoung, running to him.

There were tears escaping Jinyoung’s eyes, but the smile on his face screaming happiness, spilling out from his small frame. The happiness spread to Jaebum, and his smile hanging from ear to ear as he stood to brace himself with the force of Jinyoung jumping into his arms, hugging him tightly. He could hear Jinyoung repeating the words ‘I love you’ to his ear, which he silenced with a kiss so he could tell him that he loved him too.

“Then the grief I endured for the last weeks was a waste? If I knew you love me too, I wouldn’t have to endure it.”

“That’s why you shouldn’t have avoided me then and in the future also. Just stay by my side, forever.”