The first time Jinyoung saw Jaebum, had also been the first time he stepped foot into the college library, since he just got accepted in their literature major. The then stranger Jaebum was sitting beside the window, reading a book. The sunlight fell upon his features, made it seemed like he was shining. And the sight was so strikingly beautiful. Maybe Jinyoung had already curious about the other person at that time, but didn't find it necessary to try finding who he was at the time and treated it just as a passing interest.

However, the interest grew further as he often found Jaebum at the same spot, reading mostly either a book he already read or he was interested in but not yet to read. They were not always the library book. Maybe about half of the books were something he brought himself, because he couldn’t find it between the books on the library shelves. He wanted to ask about the books, but couldn’t find the courage to talk to the stranger.

He only found out who Jaebum was when a friend of his, Youngjae, who majored in Fine Arts asked him to be a live model for a class. Jaebum was among the people trying to capture him into the canvas while he was trying hard not to move for hours, especially looking at the man who had caught his curiosity and didn't expect to meet there. He then braved himself to ask Youngjae about Jaebum, found out who he was and that he was a year above him.

The first time they talked, it wasn't him who initiated it, to his surprise. He was reading Murakami's Kafka on the Shore at some spot in the library when Jaebum suddenly approached him and started talking to him.

“Hey, you're Youngjae's friend right? The one who modeled for us?”

Jinyoung was too startled to form a word, he just nodded as an answer. He must've looked dumb, staring at Jaebum with a slightly gaped mouth.

“My name is Jaebum, what's yours?” Jaebum asked, sitting next to him. And Jinyoung further made a fool of himself by stuttering, almost forgetting, his own name, still with a dumb face.

“Okay, Jinyoung, so here's the thing. The book you're reading now is one of my favorite and I'm really, really aching to read it now. I've read it a few times, so I actually want to let you peacefully read it and wait until you finish it. But I have to go now, and I really want to read it as soon as possible. That's why, can you text me when you finish reading it? So I can read it right after and won't risk it getting borrowed by any others. Please?”

Jaebum was looking at him with hopeful eyes, and Jinyoung would do anything for those. So he nodded.

“Thanks!” Jaebum smiled brightly, his eyes squinted, and Jinyoung’s heart skipped a beat.

“Here's my phone number,” Jaebum reached for his pocket and pulled out a paper, “Please text me anytime you finished the book. I'm counting on you!”

And he was gone. Leaving Jinyoung processing their conversation and convincing himself that wasn’t a dream. Wait, not only he talked to me, he gave me his number?

For a few minutes he stared at the small piece of paper, forgetting the book in his hands until he remembered the purpose of those numbers lining on it. He considered to just text him right away and gave the book because he didn’t think he could continue concentrating on what he was reading while his heart still hadn’t stop beating crazily against his ribs, and his mind filled with Jaebum. But Jaebum seemed to love the book so much, and maybe, there was a slight possibility Jinyoung could strike a conversation where he didn’t look as dumb as he was before, bringing the book as the topic as he gave it to Jaebum. So he forced himself to focus, and continue reading.

Jinyoung finished it and glad he did, because it was such a wonderful book. No wonder Jaebum likes it so much. Then he sent his first text to Jaebum that went through the process of being typed, deleted, and typed again only God knew how many times. His reply came quite fast, and appeared in person a moment later. Jinyoung was still too nervous to start a conversation that he almost gave up and about to just let Jaebum go, but fortunately Jaebum wanted to treat him for guarding the book, which led to their first hanging out together at a café near the campus. Only then he found his courage to talk about the book. Jaebum responded enthusiastically, his eyes shining with excitement, showing his love for the book. Then the conversation flowed to the other books they also liked, going for hours, leaving the two cups of coffee in front of them cold. As he thought, to his delight, they had almost the same taste of books.

After that, they started to recommend books and lend them to each other. They often met up at the library just for the purpose of lending and returning them. Sometimes, they would sit somewhere in a cafe, talking about anything and everything. And Jaebum also took him to his favourite spot for reading beside the library. It was a bench under a tree at the small park. The park was quiet, and calming. The sense of time seemed lost within the park, gently blown away with the wind. Instead of talking to each other, they got immersed with the atmosphere the park brought and whatever book on hands in a comfortable silence. Sometimes Jinyoung would take a glance to Jaebum, admiring the sight of Jaebum, stunning in his peacefulness, the scenery of the park as the background. It was breathtaking, and he didn’t know what kind of deed he had ever done before to get blessed with the view.

One day, Jinyoung found a postcard inside the book Jaebum just borrowed. There was a beautiful sketch of scenery on one side, and Jaebum's handwritten thanks on the other. Jinyoung was grinning from ear to ear like a fool. His heart beamed with happiness he never felt before. Then he bought a pack of plain white postcard just like Jaebum’s and wrote a poem on it, slipping it to the book he was about to return to Jaebum.

This went on, and the postcards started piling in Jinyoung's room. It was something he looked forward for, beside his meetings with Jaebum. They weren't always sceneries, it could be flowers or animals. He covered them with plastics so the sketches that were only drawn with pencil won't fade. He then hanged them in his room with wooden pins and a thin rope, so he could stare at them before he slept.

The first time he admitted his feelings for Jaebum to himself was when he refrained from reading books not related to his exams for about two months. It took long for him to apprehend it, because it was his first love after 18 years not even having a crush for anyone. He lost the purpose for meeting Jaebum at the time, so they didn't see each other until his exams ended. He missed him dearly. He missed the spark on his eyes, excited like a kid whenever he talked about his favourite books. He missed his smile, brighter than sunshine. He missed his voice, he missed his laughter, he missed the moment their shoulders would slightly brush when they sat next to each other at the park, he missed everything about Jaebum. And then realized maybe he liked Jaebum a little bit too much. Maybe he loved Jaebum. This realization made him started to feel nervous everytime he met with Jaebum. He could hardly look at him in the eyes, his cheeks blushed and he felt so embarassed he wanted to run away and hide.

It was just like another meeting with Jaebum before he asked, “Do you like me?” out of nowhere, like a thunder in a sunny day. Jinyoung was flustered, his face burning red. How does he know? Am I too obvious? He thought in his anxiety. He was afraid Jaebum would avoid him if he said yes, yet he couldn't deny his feelings. So when the hurricane in his head became too much, he chose the easy way out.

“Sorry, I think I have to go.” Jinyoung barely mumbled, gathering his things in a rush, and ran.

Good job, coward. Fabulous.

Jinyoung didn't stop until he stepped into the safety of his apartment. He was panicked, walking back and forth beside his bed. What should I do? He must've thought that I'm a weird person. He must’ve feel disgusted to be liked by me. Maybe he already hates me now. Maybe he doesn't want to see me anymore.

The thoughts made his eyes sting, and he collapsed to the bed. He stared at the lining sketches Jaebum had slipped in between the pages of his books, hanging on the wall beside his bed. He felt hopeless, despaired.

If I'm gonna be hated anyway, I might as well tell him my feelings.

A moment later, he was sitting before his desk. The white surface of the postcard in front of him started to get stained with words written from the tip of his pen, filled with the feelings he couldn't say to Jaebum. Tears was rolling to his cheeks as he poured it all into words, thinking it might be his last chance to convey his feelings, to get it all through. Then he slipped it in the book he had yet to return to Jaebum, thinking of ways to do it.

The next day, Jinyoung went to the library and sat hidden from their usual spot, waiting for Jaebum. When Jaebum finally came, looking around, and started reading, Jinyoung approached him. He could see him surprised, and before Jaebum could say anything, he muttered, “Thanks for the book. Bye,” and rushed to the door.

He spent the weeks after avoiding Jaebum, ignoring his calls and messages without even reading it. And he never came to the library anymore, let alone the park. He was afraid of seeing how Jaebum would react to his confession, afraid of rejection. But one day, he couldn’t contain his longing anymore, so he went to the library, again hidden from Jaebum’s usual spot. He saw him coming, observed him from between the shelves and the books. He tried to be satisfied, but now that he finally see him, he got greedier. He wanted to sit in front of Jaebum like he always did before, talking to him. When Jaebum finally left, he came out to where Jaebum was sitting before, only to find a book with a sticky note, ‘To: Jinyoung’ written by Jaebum on it. He would recognize Jaebum’s handwriting anywhere. The book, it was Kafka on the Shore. He was dumbfounded, wondering why would Jaebum left the book for him. Then he sat down, skimming through the pages.

And he found the postcards. Not only one, but three.

The first postcard was a sketch of the park they always visited. On the other side, as always, there was something written.

‘Time expands, then contracts, all in tune with the stirrings of the heart.’

Jinyoung was confused, wondering what it meant. Then he looked at the second postcard. It was the library, the spot they were always sitting at, the spot he was sitting on. Behind it, was the words.

‘What do you think? I’m not a starfish or a pepper tree. I’m a living, breathing human being. Of course I’ve been in love.’

Only then Jinyoung grasped that those words were quoted from the book he found those postcards in. His heart started beating faster as he looked at the third postcard. Then it stopped.

It was a sketch of Jinyoung, scrunching his face, concentrating, like he always did when he was reading. He let out a deep breath when he realized he skipped his breathing, and turn the postcard over.

‘In ancient times, people weren’t just male or female, but one of three types: male/male, male/female, female/female. In other words, each person was made out of the components of two people. Everyone was happy with this arrangement and never really gave it much a thought. But then God took a knife and cut everybody in half, right down the middle. So after that the world was divided just into male and female, the upshot being that people spent their time running around trying to locate their missing other half.

And I believe my other half is you, Jinyoung.’

Tears started crawling out from his eyes, his hands gripping the last postcard. Jaebum loves me. Then he stood up, pushing the book and the postcards to his sling bag, and ran outside. He frantically looking around for Jaebum, but he was nowhere to be found. His last hope was the park, so he went there.

And there Jaebum was, sitting on the bench, waiting for him.

Jaebum stood as he saw Jinyoung running to him, pulling him in his warm embrace. Jinyoung whispered ‘I love you’ over and over again to Jaebum’s ear. Then Jaebum pulled himself a little, silencing Jinyoung’s chant with his lips, stealing his first kiss.

“I love you too, Jinyoung.”

 

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What do you think? I'm so embarassed when I read this again hahaha anyway thank you so much for reading! The next chapter would be in Jaebum's POV.