2007: “Taeyeon Debuts as Lead Vocalist for Girl Group Sonyeo Sidae”

2009: “Gee Takes the World by Storm”

2011: “Sonyeo Sidae Continue their Success in Japan”

2013: “I Got a Boy Wins Video of The Year”

2014: “SNSD’s Taeyeon Dates Exo’s Baekhyun, Receives Negative Backlash”

                “Jessica Kicked out of SNSD, Taeyeon Put Forward for Blame”

I watched it all, her rise to success, her transition from a girl to a lady, and her continuous evolution to greater vocals. I watched it all. No, I wasn’t a saesang, I was just a friend supporting a friend. Just like anyone else would do after knowing someone for so long. It was strange, at the start of her career, her smile had returned. Her chin dimple that lit the entire room with joy had resurfaced and her angelic voice was warming the hearts of millions across the world. For a moment, she was happy and that was enough to stop my worry. I also appreciated the girls she was grouped with, they seemed just as or even dorkier than she was and it truly brought her dorkiness out at times. That was her, the real her and I’m glad she didn’t feel the need to hide it. That was, until 2014. This year was set to be just as amazing as the last, with another early SNSD promotion at the beginning of the year.

Of course, by now I had an office job, just typing stuff out, taking phone calls, usual boring stuff, but that would never stop me from having a quick look at SNSD news when my boss wasn’t around to supervise. It was disheartening to discover that SNSD’s comeback would be delayed due to technical difficulties, but surely that wasn’t a sign that the rest of the year would be bad right? The comeback was successful, easily becoming one of the most loved concepts ever with their clean-cut suits and perfect choreography, it was easy to see why everyone loved it so much. Things seemed to be going well until the news came out that Taeyeon was dating Exo’s Baekhyun. Did I disapprove? No, she was a grown lady, she could make her own decisions whenever she wanted. Did I wish it could have been me? Well, that was a different story. My heart still chased for her like the long hand on the clock chased the shorter. Anyway, when the news broke out, some Exo fans began to bash on Taeyeon. Sending her death threats and other crude messages. It was disgusting that people could be so cruel to a couple, they were merely trying to date and everyone deserves to search for their happiness. I had no doubt that he would be very happy with her at his side, but I guess the small population of Exo fans just couldn’t see it that way Only a few months later it was reported that they had broken up and in that same month things just kept getting worse for her. A fellow member was kicked from their group, and everyone was quick to point the finger at little old Taeyeon. From when I knew her, she would never ever do such a thing. She was kind, caring and would do everything in her power to benefit others rather than herself. People didn’t know her like I did… like I did… is she still the same? Has this treatment she’s received truly turned her into a different person? Was the warm and joyful Taeyeon gone and replaced with this cold, lonely form?

It was early December and I decided to go back to the hometown and stay with my family for a while. Christmas was the reason for togetherness after all. One night, it was absolutely freezing and all I could think about was getting some nice hot toppoki to warm me up. I wandered around with my steaming cup of toppoki and stumbled upon my old school grounds. I guess once you’ve been somewhere so frequently the muscle memory to return there never leaves. I took the toothpick given to me and stabbed one of the little rice cakes and slid it gently into my mouth. It was hot, very hot so much so that it burnt the roof of my mouth. “Oww, damn that’s hot.” I yelped as steam huffed out of my mouth. I continued walking through the school, it had definitely received some extensions, but the major parts of the school were still the same as before. I finally made it to the bike rack to find I wasn’t the only one reminiscing my time here. The silence was eerie. It was silent enough that you could only hear the clocks ticking away inside the classrooms. This person, this girl who stood by the array of metal bike racks, I knew her, but… the question was, did she know me? I slowly made my way over to her, my steps aligned with the constant tick tock of the clocks. Closer and closer I drew toward her, she still stood motionless staring at one specific bike rack. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. One step, two steps, three steps, four. I finally made it to her, and in the distance, a faint sound of the town clock rung through the freezing winds. The hands had aligned and it was 3 am. This was the moment I had waited for over a decade to appear, to finally see my old friend. “Tae?” I asked without even seeing her face I asked bluntly. She turned towards me, without a doubt it was her, but it wasn’t her. It wasn’t the role model student Taeyeon, it wasn’t the Taeyeon that brightened the entire room when she entered, it was idol Taeyeon. The one that people blamed, the one that people hated on, the one that was silent and as cold as that night. It was that Taeyeon. She said nothing to me, maybe she didn’t remember me, but I didn’t care. This was my friend, surely that happy girl would resurface again. “Yeah and who’s asking?” She asked bluntly.

“You don’t remember me huh? Give me a second.” I wrapped up my black scarf all over my mouth to form a beard and picked a pine tree leaf as my umbrella. The roles were reversed, it was now my turn to explain to her how special she was. “You’re a wizard, Tae.” I smiled. Her dark expression had softened, she smiled, maybe even chuckled. She made O’s with her fingers and placed them on her face to form makeshift glasses. “I’m a what?” she questioned with a smile.

“A wizard and a thumping good one I’d wager. Once you…” Before I could finish, she came over with a warm embrace. It was strange, this exceeded all I could have hoped for. The happy Taeyeon, the one I fell for was still in there. Clearly, since she recognised my extremely terrible cosplay, but why did it feel so different. “I missed you. this year has been absolutely . I’ve had to deal with so many comments and messages judging me for things I didn’t cause. Bashing me for loving someone, why must the world be so cruel? Why can’t there be more people like you in the world? Who accept me, all of me, even my dorkiest, cheesiest cosplay side?” She asked while she buried her head deep into my scarf. I wondered why I wasn’t happy then, why I didn’t make the most of the moment, but just like clock it all made sense. I was the long hand, endlessly chasing for this moment in time. The perfect moment where I would finally align with the other hand I loved dearly, but much like the longhand, this moment was temporary. Once we ended this night, she would return to her life, I would return to mine. And then the chasing would begin again. But was the long hand really chasing? Instead of being the hand that chases the other, could I be the hand that moves forward time? The hand that leaves the past behind and embraces a new future. If I do this, then her destiny would change too. If I become the hand that moves forward, she too will progress at her own pace. As we know, the small hand can only progress if the longer hand does first. Only by putting the past behind myself would I ever truly move on. The Taeyeon I once knew was still there, but it surely wasn’t meant for me anymore. Out time together had past. I had to move on.

o do this I had to accept it. She and I would never be. Not now, now later, not ever. But one thing that would never change was our friendship. Our cheesy cosplays memories would never die, the flame of happiness and joy within her heart had merely dimmed. But through the power of makeshift cosplay, this moment, of this night, I would make sure that cheerful Taeyeon would return so she could progress through the rest of her career. Through the toughest moments she had yet to face and through the people that wished to hinder her progression, I want this night, this memory to be the long hand that allows her to persevere. “Want to do something fun?” I asked.

“Like what?” she wondered.

“Well, the charity store is still open, want to make some DIY cosplay?” I laughed. She took my hand and rushed forth. “ yeah I do.”