"Kyunghoonie! Taeyeon is coming to our show today. I heard you really wanted to see her. Come here!"

Kyunghoon complies with the urgent command from Heechul as he gets up from the couch in the waiting room. He knows how close Heechul is with Taeyeon so he just blurted out that he wanted to see her for fun because of his wild character, but he doesn't really have any interest in her.

He could sense Heechul's urgency and laughed as the other tried to prank Taeyeon by knocking on her waiting room door and then running away. Heechul is so childish but it's what makes Kyunghoon likes him. Their characteristics were pretty similar.

"Yah Kim Heechul!" She yells when she realized it was Heechul playing a prank like always. Her hair and makeup were done and now they were just waiting for the director to call them out to film Knowing Brothers.

Heechul lets out a ridiculous laugh as he pulls Kyunghoon's hand into Taeyeon's waiting room. Kyunghoon feels his face heating up (especially his ears) from the sudden contact and he couldn't keep his eyes off of the hand holding onto his. Heechul notices Kyunghoon's reaction and laughs, "Don't be so shy Kyunghoonie! Taeyeon wanted to see you too."

"Huh? O-Oh hello Taeyeon-ssi" he bows and she bows back. He is technically her sunbae in the industry so he thinks he's acting ridiculous here.

"Little Kyunghoonie here is always shy around girls. Don't scare him too much Taeyeon." Heechul says.

She slaps him on the shoulder, "Why would I scare him? You're holding his hand like you two are a couple."

"He's trembling right now. Anyways after the shoot today, you guys should go get some dinner together and get to know each other more."

Kyunghoon is taken back by the comment, trying to shake off the delirium as he looks at Heechul with widen eyes. "W-Will you come along hyung?"

"Why would I come along?" Heechul uses his index finger to push Kyunghoon's head playfully. "You are so bad with relationship."

"I think he wants you to come" Taeyeon replies absentmindedly, her attention on Kyunghoon. "He might be too nervous to talk to me."

"Ok we will all go together after today's shooting." Heechul squeezes Kyunghoon's hand tighter and Kyunghoon knows that Heechul is probably up to something. His expression quickly settles back into a calm concentration regarding Heechul's hand never letting go of his.
 

--

The shoot was fun as usual and there were moments of whispering between the two maknaes making all the hyungs yell at them for constantly flirting and in their own world. Kyunghoon likes when they are shooting because of the fanservice Heechul gives him, always back hugging him, or holding his hand. It makes shooting go quickly and the nervousness he had for variety shows always disintegrate with Heechul.

“Yah Kim Heechul! Min Kyunghoon! Taeyeon is here and you two are flirting even more than usual.” Hodong screams out.

Within a second of the statement, Heechul sticks out his tongue at Hodong and dance around like a psycho, “I’m trying to make a scandal between these two but Kyunghoonie is so nervous. He’s always like this around girl guests.”

Janghoon gives a proud smile as he taps on Kyunghoon’s back. “Actually Kyunghoon and Taeyeon would make a great pair, both loves to stay home. I approve of her for my son.”

Kyunghoon’s ears turns red as he laughs to himself, a method he always does to hide how nervous he is. If Heechul were a bit sharper he would realize his feelings. Despite Heechul being a quick-witted guy, he is oblivious to Kyunghoon’s crush on him.

When their shoot is over, Heechul sneaks into Kyunghoon’s waiting room while the latter is trying to change. Kyunghoon yells when he sees Heechul enter and close the door like it’s no disturbance.

“Why are you so shy for? My gay act is only for show.” Heechul plops down on the couch and Kyunghoon swallows the lump inside his throat, the stuttering inhale is the evidence of his suffering heart.

“Hyung you are close to many female idols” Kyunghoon changes the topic and fidgets with his shirt, not bothering to change anymore in front of the other. He sits down besides Heechul and stares at the other.

Heechul goes through his phone, realizing the amount of idols phone number he has in there, he really does know mostly everyone in the industry because of his outgoing personality.

Heechul always been protective about other male idols asking for female idols phone number from him because he feels like they are just using him, but with Kyunghoon, he adores the younger, even if he is always imitating him. There's a special place in his heart for Kyunghoon that he is willing to share his connections with, because he knows Kyunghoon well and he knows that his female friends will be happy if they date Kyunghoon.

In the midst of playing with his phone, he looks up and sees the younger still staring at him. “Hurry up and change” he commands, eager to get moving. “Taeyeon will be waiting for us.”

“It’s hard to change with you here...”

“I’m playing with my phone! Not watching you. You already know I have interest in woman's body. Besides you are known as being trashy in this show anyways.” Heechul jokes and Kyunghoon bites his lips and stands up. Back then Heechul wouldn’t dare speak to Kyunghoon like that, Kyunghoon is a year younger than him but still his sunbae in the music industry, but now they developed a closer bond where Heechul isn’t afraid of Kyunghoon anymore- besides what is there to be afraid of? The other man is so timid and no one is afraid of him, that’s why Yeri had the nerve to before about his song.

While Kyunghoon is changing, he turns back to see Heechul still looking through the photos in his phone, he had so many selcas with female idols. Heechul has a big sneer on his face as he looks at some of the funnier pictures.

When Kyunghoon is done changing out of the uniform, he looks at his watch, “Hyung, if Taeyeon isn’t interested in me we really don’t have to go to dinner. I have games to play at home.”

It was an excuse but Heechul looks at him this time with an upset look, one that Heechul rarely show. Kyunghoon gets taken back when Heechul walks closer to him. “Yah you told me you found her attractive and wanted to invite her to join our Sweet Dream music video. She is giving you a chance here and she is also my best friend so you better not play around with her. How dare you say something so stupid like wanting to play games when I have set this up for you? Are you usually this ungrateful?!”

Kyunghoon doesn’t know what to say and the atmosphere turns cold because Heechul knows he had just uttered the worst possible words. Before he could say something, there was a knock on the door. Youngchul comes in with his toothy smile, not realizing the situation that just abrupt here.

“What happened? Why do you two look so serious?” he uses brighten eyes and high tone pitch voice to lighten up the mood.

Kyunghoon feels like his heart is permanently wounded by the words that Heechul just said. However, before he could say anything Heechul grabs his jacket, “Youngchul hyung I’m leaving, I have plans with Taeyeon.” Heechul pats Youngchul on the shoulder and leaves without any further ado.

After Heechul leaves, Youngchul spares a glance back at Kyunghoon and could see the other is looking at the floor. He could see the small “tells” that something isn’t right. The shine and bright Kyunghoon wasn’t there earlier like when they were shooting. People usually play a fun character on variety shows but Kyunghoon is really the same on and off television. He is usually not smart but very sincere, despite his fun trashy image.

“Min Kyunghoon is something wrong?” Youngchul feels that Kyunghoon’s shoulder is stiff. However the younger just looks up and smile with his dimples showing. A second pass and Youngchul’s brain understand that he shouldn’t push on the subject.

“Everything is good hyung, don’t worry about me. By the way my manager had to leave early because he thought I had dinner plans tonight…so hyung could you take me home?”

“Of course!” Youngchul pinches the younger cheeks and Kyunghoon pushes his hand away, both laughing at the silliness.

--

Heechul is a straightforward person and this is one of the time he wish he wasn’t that straightforward. Kyunghoon isn’t like the other members of Super Junior whom he has known for years, Kyunghoon is someone he used to look up to and admire, that’s why he knows how to mimic Kyunghoon’s voice and he even knows all the of Buzz’s performances, even the one Kyunghoon makes a mistake in and forget the lyrics.

He cannot believe he just went that harsh on the other.

“You are drinking a lot instead of talking.” Taeyeon grills the samgyeopsal in front of them but sees that Heechul is talking less and just drinking the whole time. “Are you upset about Kyunghoon? You know he’s an awkward person. He’s the same on Knowing brothers. I knew him years back when snsd first debuted and he was a solo artist. We were on the same radio show, Tiffany and I laughed at him a lot because of how awkward his speech is, that’s why everyone always tells him to learn Korean. He is probably awkward to come tonight because we are best friends and he didn’t want to disrupt the atmosphere.”

“That’s why I didn’t want to come remember? But you told me he’s nervous so that’s why I was worried. Come to think of it, I did all this for him and he was being such a brat about it. How dare he talk about playing games in front of me like that? I put in so much effort for him.” Heechul takes another bottle of soju and chugs it in anger. “At first I felt sorry for yelling at him but now thinking about it, it makes me even more upset to know the flaws of him. I play games a lot too, we even play games together, but he couldn’t take like 3 hours away to have dinner with us? He’s so high up on his horse now that he is relevant in Korea again.”

Taeyeon gasp as she slaps Heechul on the shoulder, hoping he would come back to his senses. “Don’t say that! You guys are good friends. Why would you argue over something so silly? You know that Kyunghoon isn’t arrogant either, he went through depression before Heechul.”

Heechul runs through his hair in anger. “I’m so frustrated I’m saying nonsense.”

Taeyeon looks at her mess of a best friend and rolls her eyes.

--

“Yah Min Kyunghoon you didn’t tell me that I had to sit here and watch you drink!” Youngchul complains seeing the younger on his third bottle of soju. Instead of going home like Youngchul expected, Kyunghoon wanted him to take him out drinking, apparently without the manager he had more freedom and using it recklessly. “Wait until I tell your father Janghoon.”

Youngchul is just playing around but when he looks up at Kyunghoon, he sees tears starting to form in his eyes. The fact that Kyunghoon hardly cries in front of them makes Youngchul taken back. “Oh god is Janghoon that scary? Look I apologize for that stupid remark. Don’t cry.” Youngchul pulls the younger closer to him and hugs him. He has a special sense of protection for Kyunghoon because Kyunghoon always laughs at his joke, no matter how unfunny he is.

Kyunghoon doesn’t know why he’s behaving this way but at the moment there were too many emotions running inside of him. All the past struggles he has gone through is slowly coming back and pilling all on top of each other, the weight on his shoulder felt so heavy. His chest feels constricted and his breathing becomes a bit labored.

Youngchul doesn’t say anything, he knows that Kyunghoon has been holding everything in for too long and now letting it all fall out. It is just strange that it happened today when everything went well, the shoot was amazing and Taeyeon showed interest in Kyunghoon too, like what Heechul wanted. Truth be told, he has only seen Kyunghoon cry during the show Hidden singer, something Kyunghoon didn’t even want his parents to even watch TV and see. That’s the extent of how Kyunghoon feels about people seeing him cry.

“If you want to cry more, then cry. Hyung won’t stop you. Let it all out.” Youngchul pats the other on the head. He is in no position to stop the younger, only to lend a shoulder for him.

--

To: Heechul my brother<3

From: D.A.N.G Youngchul

Heechul-ah, have you talked to Kyunghoonie? Yesterday I dropped him off at home after we went drinking. Today I tried to check up on him but he hasn’t picked up his phone. It’s already 4p.m and I know he doesn’t have any schedules today. I’m worried about him TT

Heechul looks at the rest of the Super Junior practicing for their comeback and then at the sudden text message. Suddenly he feels anger rise inside of him and stomps out of the practice room.

He takes his phone and dials Kyunghoon’s phone number. He closes his eyes and take a deep breath, ready explode if Kyunghoon doesn’t pick up. Surprisingly, the younger did pick up, his voice sounded tired but Heechul isn’t having any of that.

“Hyung-about yesterday I wanted to say I’m sorry-”

Heechul cuts Kyunghoon off before he could continue, his voice scowls, annoyed with heavy anger. “Sorry doesn’t cut it. You said you wanted to play games and then you went out with Youngchul hyung to drink instead? What the hell were you thinking? Especially when you ditched Taeyeon and I, and then you went out anyways. You are seriously the worst. God I am so frustrated right now!” Heechul is always known as a person that cannot keep things inside or beat around the bush, even if it’s hard or cruel, he has to say it.

He doesn’t hear Kyunghoon say anything so he knows that he is right. Sadly enough, this distrust has proven to Heechul that Kyunghoon isn’t needed in his life. “You know what? Just forget it. Right now lets just think of each other as co workers, I won’t contact you outside of work.”

“Hyung-” Kyunghoon pleads, a desperate voice over the phone. Heechul could image how pitiful Kyunghoon looks right now, but at the moment, he doesn’t even care.

“I’m going to hang up. I have a comeback to prepare for and you are the last thing I want to think about.”

He hangs up the phone and goes back inside the practice room. His face is stone cold and no one dared ask anything. Everyone in the group knows him too well and is extremely careful that if they ask or say anything, they could cause another argument so it’s best to keep quiet and pretend like nothing happened.

When practice was over, as much as Heechul hated to admit: he was nervous. When he opens his phone he had hopes that maybe Kyunghoon sent him a text even though they just ended on bad terms.

To: Heechul my brother<3

From: D.A.N.G Youngchul

Kyunghoonie contacted me so ignore my earlier message ^^v

Good luck with your comeback Heechul<3

Super Junior Fighting!

To: Hee-babo

From: TaeTaeyeon

How was practice? Don’t get too stressed!

Seconds later he regretted his thoughts of hoping for a message from Kyunghoon. He doesn’t need someone like that in his circle of friends.

--

The day of Knowing brother shooting, everyone is sitting together in the waiting room. Heechul has one leg on top of the other while playing with his phone. At first glance it seems like he is normal, but his breathing was accompanied by a rapid heartbeat.

“Everyone let’s start the shoot now. Kyunghoon cannot come today because he is sick so we have to shoot without him.”

The news is so sudden that it draws an odd emotion now displayed clearly upon his handsome features. Heechul snaps out of his icy gaze when he feels Hodong’s hand on his shoulder. “You are the maknae today so let’s do our best like always. Then after the shoot we should check up on Kyunghoon.”

He tries to hide his emotion behind a mask of indifference but unable to. “Kyunghoon isn’t even sick. He is probably playing games or something because that’s all he does. I cannot believe how immature he is being by ditching us on the day of the shooting.”

Maybe sometimes he should learn how to choose words nicely because everyone stares at him. It to have a personality that is so straightforward at times like this. The air feels a lot heavier with Janghoon approaching him. “What are you talking about? How do you know he isn’t sick? Kyunghoon's lazy but he isn't that type of person that refuse to show up because he’s playing games.”

“He did that on the first episode.” Heechul is unable to take hold of this situation any longer.

Soogeun, who is always known as a calm and a funny man could feel something was up. His lips curls and he walks closer to Heechul. "Did something happen between you and Kyunghoon? You seem a bit angry with him." He himself is pleasantly surprise by how everyone is so quiet.

It is strange seeing all the hyungnims staring at him, waiting for him to confess what happened. His neck grows stiff and his ears draws taut in alertness. Heechul doesn't want to let anyone down so he shakes his head. "Nothing. I was just being sensitive. Kyunghoon always shows up so it's rare that he doesn't come just because he got sick."

Youngchul looks at the clock and could see that they have to be shooting soon but he couldn't keep it in anymore. In this moment, he tries to explain to everyone even though confusion is written all over their faces. “Actually last week Kyunghoonie and I went to drink together after the shoot. He cried a lot that night and I still have no idea why. I took him home and I didn't receive a text from him until later, I even asked Heechul if he heard from him the next day because I was so worried. We didn't talk much after so I think he got sick from that incident.”

It takes Heechul a moment to realize that he has been staring almost too intensively. His annoyance before is quickly replaced by worry.

Hodong tries to calm everyone down but Heechul couldn't stay calm. Kyunghoon is such a frustrating puzzle that is impossible to solve. This is exactly why it's hard to deal with introverted people because they never express themselves.

"Guys we have to shoot now." The director makes everyone move out of the waiting room.

Heechul feels an affectionate nudge on his shoulder by Hodong when they walk out together. "Don't think too much. I'm sure Kyunghoon is fine. He is strong."

--

After their successful filming, Sangmin pulls Heechul aside. Sangmin didn’t mean to negatively pinpoint the matter but Heechul’s expression distorts into surprise. "Heechul, I'm sure you know more about Kyunghoon than any of us here. The guys all want to see Kyunghoon now but I think it's best if only you go. You two probably have matters to resolve."

Heechul eyes widen and he opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

“I know about ups and downs in life. I know that Kyunghoon is probably going through more than just being sick right now. I trust you Heechul to bring him back to the happy carefree guy like before. He is so introverted and cannot make friends at all but when he talked to me, he said he feels that you are more than just a friend to him. He's very comfortable around you.”

Heechul feels that maybe he did get a bit too childish over this whole situation. He gives Sangmin a smile, “Okay hyung. I am Kim Heechul, a happy pill. Of course I can cheer him up.”

--

The room is dark with all the curtains closed and his own sensitive ears hear disconcerting noise in the kitchen. His parents haven’t stopped begging him to come out of his room to eat. Recalling the previous week, his life hasn’t been this dark ever since Buzz hiatus, it feels like another obstacle but this time wasn’t his career but his love life.

When he first met Heechul, he had no idea he would be this hurt by the other. Heechul was always shy around him at first but that distance shrinks easily the way Heechul smiles at him sears his soul. The impression of familiarity and humor drives them both to be the closest within the brothers. He opened up to Heechul and when he finally caught glimpse of happiness, the chance is taken away.

“I have a comeback to prepare for and you are the last thing I want to think about.”

The words that Heechul said so easily to him has brought back a reminder that he isn’t important for people. He has no friends for this very reason. Years of desolation are nothing new to him but why does it feel so painful? If he wasn’t such a coward and told Heechul about his feelings, would he avoid this suffering?

A cough escapes his throat as he holds onto his chest, his heart thumping rapidly. He tries to close his eyes but falling asleep is nearly impossible because when he closes his eyes, he could only see Heechul. It’s so pathetic how he’s thinking so much about the other man when the other doesn’t care for him at all. Who would care for someone so useless? Kyunghoon alternates his thoughts between past and present and he regrets everything. He regretted joining this variety show and meeting Heechul. Some tears runs down his eyes when he hears a knock on the door.

“Kyunghoon, someone is here to see you. Your father and I will step out and let you two talk.”

Who would want to see him?

Suddenly a familiar voice makes his stomach clench. "Kyunghoon, it's me. Are you okay?"

Kyunghoon holds onto his blanket even tighter, the last thing he wants to do is see this person. Like a coward he is, he throws the blanket over his head and shiver under it, embarrassed to look pathetic in front of a person whom considers they to be strangers.

The familiar voice outside speaks again. "Everyone at work is concerned about you. I will come in."

Kyunghoon coughs under the sheets when he feels a warm embrace on top of him. The sudden interaction causes more tears to form in his eyes. He would understand the circumstances if they weren’t in bad terms but they were so he doesn’t understand why Heechul is hugging him.

“I’m sorry Kyunghoonie. I was being so stubborn over something so childish. I don’t even know why I got so angry at you.” Heechul doesn’t move from his spot and stays on top of the other. “You’re really important to me and I think I just got jealous that you went to drink with Youngchul hyung but not me.”

One wrong word could monopolize everything so Kyunghoon doesn’t say anything- for fear that he could make Heechul angry again. His heart beats frantically when he feels Heechul get up and try to take the blanket off of him.

When they look at each other, a discounted expression overtakes Heechul’s bright smile. “You’re so pale! I had no idea you were so sick. Why didn’t you send me a text? You look so much thinner too. Don’t tell me, this is all because of me?”

Kyunghoon doesn’t speak and looks at his blanket, his fingers playing with each other on top of the blanket.

Heechul definitely feel like now. He doesn’t want to discuss that particular point further but they had to resolve things. “Kyunghoonie…I’m sorry. I-”

“You shouldn’t be sorry hyung. It was my fault.” His gaze drops, “You don’t have to apologize for the way you feel. I apologize for wasting your time as well as Taeyeon’s time. I hope this is put behind us…you are free to leave now.”

“Why do you want me to leave? You are sick and I should be taking care of you.”

“Why would you want to take care of a mere stranger?”

Perhaps it was that confrontation that takes him back. He had to admit Kyunghoon did mess up by the cancellation but after that it was him that made the mess even bigger. Was it his fault to be causing this discontent in Kyunghoon? Maybe he should retreat sometimes and think before he talks.

“Hoonie, I said that because I was so upset. You already know that I think of you as my really close friend.” Though it feels easy between them before, this hidden feeling brings a heavier tension between them.

When Heechul grabs onto his hands, Kyunghoon chest constricts with anguish. His hand trembles under Heechul’s hold because the skinship when they are not shooting is much different than the one on camera. He tries to pull his hand away from Heechul but Heechul refuse to let it go.  

“I treasure you a lot Kyunghoon. You know I’m a social person and I have many friends, but you are one of the ones I really love.”

Kyunghoon is a coward because as much as he wanted to confess because the warmth of Heechul’s hands on his felt so right, he finds his neck tightening. His coward-ness causes him to once again step back.

“I am sorry for hurting you and I am now desperate to have you by my side again.” Heechul pulls Kyunghoon closer to him and hugs him tight. “Don’t get mad at hyung okay?”

Kyunghoon feels his sickness getting the best of him and uses that as an excuse to remain a coward. “Hyung, I’m sick. You shouldn’t get so close to me.”

“Your whiny voice is so cute” Heechul laughs as he lets Kyunghoon go. “I missed you a lot. This whole distance really made me realize how much I like you. I was angry with you but I kept waiting to see if you would text me. I was dumb trying to preserve my pride but now I realize that it’s stupid to think that way because you are way more important than my pride. Just next time, tell me who you are interested in and don’t ditch them for games…please Kyunghoonie.”

Kyunghoon smiles genuinely, and the sight nearly stops Heechul’s heart. He missed those dimples so much.

“I don’t want to go on any dates. I just like being by your side and hanging out with you alone.”

Heechul pinches Kyunghoon’s cheeks playfully. “Now rest up and eat more. When you get better we will go back to being crazy maknaes. If you don’t want to go on dates then that’s fine too. We can play games together. But are you really not interested in Taeyeon?”

“She’s beautiful and I can see why she’s so popular with everyone but hyung…can I tell you this?” his heart was beating rapidly, maybe trying to tell him to retreat before it’s too late.  

That being said, his statement already caught Heechul’s curiosity. “What is it?”

Kyunghoon purse his lips and then narrows his eyes. “I…I like guys. I play a role of a flirt for girls for fun because I’m not interested in them, but I like guys…I hope you don’t look at me differently hyung.”

Heechul is surprised to say the least. Never did he expect Kyunghoon to be the one that isn’t straight. That’s why they play with each other because he thought at the end of the day, they are both straight, so skinship doesn’t mean anything. Heechul knows that saying the wrong words could intentionally make Kyunghoon turn away from him again so instead he tries to pick out the right words because Kyunghoon trusts him if he is willing to confess on being gay.

“Of course I won’t look at you differently! I never had problems with gay people. I’m just surprised you like guys but that’s all. I’ll support you no matter what. I know you probably want to keep this a secret so don’t worry and I will also not hook you up with girls anymore.”

A small burden feels like it’s lifted off Kyunghoon’s shoulder, but his feeling for Heechul seems to be hidden away. His heart had much healing to do so once again he couldn’t put his friendship with Heechul on the line for his stupid unconditional love.

He forces a smile, “Thanks hyung…for not judging me.”

--

A/N: This is so long so I think I’ll make a two-shot out of it. I was going to end it like this because it matches more with the song lyrics, how the words are left unsaid but then I feel guilty towards Kyunghoon. Idk…what do you think? I love this couple too much but I think I’m better at writing angst? TT