Every night, the solitude of darkness becomes his friend.

How are you to love if there is but a shell of your lover?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Jinyoung found it painful to look at the body in front of him for longer than a few seconds.

Not a person, not anymore.

A wasted shell of what could be, what had been.

So desperately he wanted to see movement, even a twitch, a sign of life.

Not blank eyes, staring at nothing endlessly.

Bony shoulders poked through fabric, hand skin and bones beneath his hand.

Hair he had endlessly combed through, making sure each strand was perfect.

It was painful, indeed, searing the image into his eyelids, to look at him.

But when the nurse came to usher him out, Jinyoung found it hard to take his eyes away.

——————

Love is a fickle thing, fleeting from one to another, betraying some, helping others.

It changes mind in an instant, making and remaking, breaking and healing.

Matching and rematching, a game of gambling.

Finding, lying, binding, tying.

Jinyoung pondered this, allowing thoughts to rule him.

How he ended up here, in the smell of disguised sickness and fading hope.

There wasn’t much he remembered, that night, walking with a small amount of pain in his foot, the streets they crossed.

He remembered clearly, though, the sicking the car made as it collided with the body.

Blood mixing into dark hair, eyes blank and lifeless.

Arms bent, legs lying unnaturally.

The screams, many his.

It felt like a lifetime had passed.

The injuries healed, the blood washed away.

But the eyes stayed the same, lifeless.

And the screaming stayed with Jinyoung.

At night, they seemed to come from all around him, within him, drowning him.

They echoed during the day.

He felt like he was going insane, maybe he already had.

Jinyoung didn’t know the difference between sanity and insanity anymore.

His memories were getting mixed up, terrifying situations fixing themselves in his head. 

The worst part was the alternative truths.

They made him imagine things he didn’t want to, thing no human should imagine.

He remembered their meeting, not with kindness, but trying to kill each other.

The tussling, both seemingly able to predict the move before it happened.

Pressed up close, feeling his stomach moving as they fought under the bright lights and cheering, feeling something he had only once before.

In a life before this.

It was a long time to get to were they were, patience and effort breaking down the walls.

He was the hardest person to understand Jinyoung had ever met.

Usually, like most people thought, he would be able to read a person with a glance, manipulate them too.

But he was unmoving, requiring not strength, but kindness, to move him.

It was many more times that they met, and not one, but many in a row that brought them closer.

And then, a story not meant for this, another tale for another time.

He couldn’t concentrate.

Mind slipping, the void reaching to claim him again.

Dark tendrils twining around his mind, taking without asking.

Urging him to follow them, they retreated, and he resisted yet again.

Still, they left his thoughts tainted, as they always did.

Then, the doubt.

Jinyoung was not deaf, not matter what he wished.

He heard the muttering, the rumors passed around at night, the empty words by day.

Jinyoung was not blind, either.

He saw the pitying glances, the sympathetic stares thrown his way as he walked the halls to take his place.

Right at the dead man living’s side.

The nurses would as well, bring him comforts, and offer up words of consolance.

But he saw no sincerity in their eyes, nothing behind the mask of sadness.

They were there to do their job, nothing more.

He wanted to rage at them, yet he knew they had no obligation to help.

They were just another sad love story, one that would be forgotten in a few months, if not weeks.

Even those close would forget eventually, he knew.

He’d seen it before, how the one forgotten about struggled while the others moved on.

He’d watched, not understanding, not then, when she had committed suicide, only after a few months.

Jinyoung was naive then, not having felt what he now knew was the strongest emotion in the world.

In her last words to him, a day before she died, he would always remember her advice.

”If you ever love someone, Jinyoungie, don’t take them for granted. Love them as if it’s their last day, because it just as well may be.

If anything ever happens to them, fight for them. You will always regret it if you don’t.

And finally, don’t let others forget.

Because that’s what I let happen, and that was my mistake.”

He understood now.

Yet understood too late.

He watched the moniters on the side, nothing changing.

Jinyoung knew then.

Maybe... it was time to let go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

————————

And then, when he stood up, he saw something.

A flicker of movement.

Not enough to make him stop, but enough to make him hesitate.

And then the hand in his hand, the one he had just been about to drop, tightened around his hand, slowly.

“Jinyoung?”

”........Mark?”

 

A/N

hey y’all

So I wasn’t gonna release it and then FK screamed and me and you don’t upset your gf when it comes to fics so

She doesn’t even ship it this is just my payback to her writing an angst for them

Heh

I’m sorry it’s

But omg I forgot what it feels like to release stuff wow

I hope y’all enjoyed

pls comment it’s the only thing that gives me motivation 

Ok byeeEEE

 

-WingedWarrior