“Wait!” he screams.

I don’t turn around. The cold seawater hits my feet rhythmically. There aren’t a lot of people at the beach; the wind has turned too cold for the tourists to crowd around on the sand, dressed in swimsuits with tubes in their hands. Even the lifeguard chair painted white, overlooking the beach is vacant now. The rough wind rips into icy pieces as it hits my red bare face and hands.

“Wait, Han Gyeowool!” His voice gets closer. I walk in deeper, and now the cold water shifts back and forth up my knees. I feel the sharp bits of sand swirling underwater, poking my bare skin. Flashes of memories. Him screaming. In the past, in the present.

It’s too hard to ignore.

But I keep walking. Because I have to.

Suddenly, a large wave hits, knocking me off balance. I stumble and fall face-first into the water. I shouldn’t breathe in. But stupidly, I do. Pain burns through my nose as try to scramble up for air.

The sensation is all too familiar.

-

The guy that just walked in. Yoongi. Min… Yoongi? He’s looking at Namjoon, Namjoon looking at him, no, looking away. Hoseok looking at Yoongi. Seokjin looking at Namjoon. Feeling like an intruder, I turn away from the scene and find Jimin observing the scene in the same posture as before. Body bent forward, elbows propped up against his knees, head on hands. I can’t read what he’s feeling. Not happiness, for sure. It’s just… an undecipherable expression.

“Are you ing deaf?” Min Yoongi’s voice snaps me back to reality, snaps me back to this situation I find myself stuck in the middle of. He’s talking to Namjoon. Jimin’s old friend, Namjoon. Jimin’s old friend, Yoongi.

Namjoon’s old friend… Yoongi?

Namjoon doesn’t say anything, fidgeting with his uniform vest. Yoongi turns to Hoseok instead for an answer.

“Tell me, Jung Hoseok, what is this bastard doing here?” He coughs once into his fist, maintaining his stare at Hoseok.

The pain in my lips make me realize I’m biting them hard. I stop. The air in the room is stiff. I look at Min Yoongi, who’s glaring at Hoseok. Hoseok’s excitement and happiness suddenly vanishes, Seokjin is back to his emotionless state, and Namjoon is red. I fidget uncomfortably. I look over to see Jimin, the silent and invisible bystander of the confrontation.

“I… I can explain, Yoongi, if you’d calm down—”

“I’m not going to calm down with him here.” Min Yoongi cuts off Hoseok’s words. “You said you were coming with Seokjin.”

“Technically, he never said Namjoon wouldn’t come,” Seokjin mutters under his breath. Yoongi shoots him a frigid glare, but doesn’t say anything.

“Yoongi.” Namjoon speaks in the most shaky, uncertain voice I’ve heard from him yet. “Yoongi, I can…I can explain.”

“I don’t want your ing explanation!” Yoongi’s voice rings in the convenience store. I look away from them, pretending to be on my phone. But my ears are alert, missing not one syllable, not one shaky breath taken between them. My heart is pounding, but I doubt Yoongi even cares that there’s another customer in the store.

“Yoongi, just give him a chance.” Hoseok stands up, his voice calm and collected, a drastic change from the excitable man he was a few minutes earlier. I glance at the group of men and see Yoongi quickly turn his head to face Hoseok.

“He lost all his chances months ago.” Yoongi says in a low voice. “I gave him many chances, in fact. And what did this ing do? Ignore us, Hoseok. He ignored all of us.”

“Yoongi, l-let me explain…” Namjoon stammers.

“Explaining won’t do anymore, Kim Namjoon. Explaining won’t turn back time. Your ing explanation won’t undo what you did to the kid, to Jimin.”

At the mention of his name, Jimin sits upright, fists clenched on his knees.

Namjoon glances at me. I turn to look at Jimin. Namjoon’s eyes follow my gaze to where they lay on the ghost.

Namjoon returns his gaze at Yoongi. “Yoongi, I...I understand you’re mad, but if you’ll… at least, give me a minute or two to explain…”

“I gave you minutes, Kim Namjoon. I gave you many minutes to explain yourself. So what did you do? Ignore our calls, ignore our texts, ignore our visits to your house. Hoseok had a ing cast, but we still went. For you. Because I thought you were my ing friend.”

Silence. The air is so thick, I feel like crying, but I don’t know why—I have nothing to do with these people. Aside from the fact I can see their dead friend.

Who I probably shouldn’t mention right now. Not with this atmosphere.

“I… I’m still your friend.” Namjoon carefully puts his right hand on the counter. Then his left. “That’s why I wanted to… to say sorry, Yoongi.”

“Too bad, I’m not yours anymore.” Yoongi spits his words viciously. “I wouldn’t have come if I knew it meant seeing your disgusting face.”

“Yoongi.” Hoseok puts a hand on Yoongi’s shoulder, but Yoongi flicks it away in one aggressive move.

“I thought we were friends too, Jung Hoseok.”

“We are,” Hoseok says quietly.

“And you lied?”

“Yoongi, Namjoon is still our friend,” Hoseok says. It’s only then I realize that Yoongi is noticeably shorter than anyone else in the room. His posture, aura, the way he presents himself makes him appear taller and more intimidating.

Yoongi looks at Hoseok, then Seokjin. He glances at me, and I force myself to remain still and not meet his eyes for more than a second. His eyes skimming through the space where Jimin occupies. He, of course, doesn’t see Jimin. He finally looks at Namjoon. Namjoon doesn’t say anything as he looks up at his friend. Ex-friend. Enemy. Whatever their relationship is now.

“Maybe he’s your friend,” Yoongi finally utters to Hoseok. It’s almost a whisper, but sharp like a blade glistening silver against the light. At this, Yoongi storms out of the convenience store.

The door jingles with the same happy chime sound.

The store is now silent, punctuated only by the ticking of the clock.

Namjoon buries his face in his hands, making a sound somewhere between a sigh and a cry. Hoseok reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder, just like he did to Yoongi a moment ago. Namjoon doesn’t shake it off, though. He stays this way for too long, making me worry that he’s crying for a few moments. But when he finally looks up, I see he isn’t. His face is awfully red, but his eyes are empty.

His eyes meet mine, and I look away quickly. I feel the heat rising too my face. Maybe I was staring, was too involved in a scene I didn’t have any right to witness.

“I…” Namjoon swallows. “I knew it would go something like this.”

“We all did.” Seokjin’s voice cracks a bit at the end of the sentence.

“Maybe...maybe we could wait a bit for him to cool down,” Hoseok offers, but even though I don’t know any of these people well, I don’t think that option’s available.

“Hoseok, you’re reaching now.” Seokjin’s voice is stone cold. “You know Min Yoongi. He’s not going to change his mind just because we gave him some time.”

“Seokjin, Yoongi is our friend.” Hoseok’s eyebrows crease. I’m assuming it’s concern that heavily weighs on his shoulders, turning the shadows under his eyes darker.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you need to be doing all… this.” As Seokjin says this, he looks around the convenience store. “It’s not your fault.”

“Then whose fault is it, Seokjin?” Hoseok’s voice is a bit raised now. Seokjin doesn’t say anything, but I don’t miss him glancing at Namjoon for a second or two before he answers the question.

“Not yours. Not mine,” is all Seokjin says.

Hoseok sighs.

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon says to no one in particular.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Hoseok pats Namjoon’s shoulders reassuringly. “It’s just… unfortunate, that’s all.”

“But I’m responsible.” The way Namjoon says this remind me of how he cried in front of Jimin, saying sorry over and over. Jimin said it’s a Kim Namjoon thing to blame himself for every misfortune that knocks on his door.

“If you say so,” Seokjin mumbles.

Hoseok mouths something as he raises his eyebrows at Seokjin, then turns to Namjoon.

“It’s really not your fault,” Hoseok tells Namjoon. “You were hurt, but in a different sense.”

“You still have a limp,” Namjoon says out of nowhere. Hoseok freezes for a second, but manages to continue.

“Yes, but I’m going through rehab. I’ll be perfectly fine in a few months according to the doctors.” Hoseok shrugs.

“Have you talked to your dance crew?”

Hoseok smiles at Namjoon. Something about the smile doesn’t look very happy. “Yeah. they’re willing to leave my position vacant until I get better. I’ve worked with them for years, Namjoon. They’re not going to fire me over a temporary injury.”

Namjoon looks down and fidgets with the vest fabric. “How’s Jungkook?”

At this question Seokjin and Hoseok look at each other. They don’t say anything for a bit as they stare at each other blankly. After seconds that feel stretched to infinity pass, Hoseok answers him.  

“He’s… his condition hasn’t improved much,” says Hoseok.

“Oh,” says Namjoon. Another silence engulfs the store.

“So your dance crew… must have replaced him,” Namjoon says.

The silence seems to be something physical, actually pressing down on Namjoon’s shoulders as they wither more like old flowers with each passing moment. When Hoseok answers, his words feel like they just add to the heavy silence.

“...Yeah.”

Unsurprisingly, another silence follows. This time, though, Seokjin’s the one who breaks it.

“Kim Namjoon,” Seokjin speaks, and Namjoon looks up. Seokjin sighs. Then continues. His arms are crossed. 

“If you’re sorry, you go apologize.”

Namjoon doesn’t say a word. All he does is stare at Seokjin as if he’s blind to everything else. 

“You go tell Yoongi, you go tell Jungkook.”

A beat passes.

“And you go tell Jimin at his grave or something.”

As Seokjin says this, Hoseok snatches Seokjin’s wrist as if he’s about to say something to him. Seokjin looks at Hoseok, his lips sealed tightly in a straight line.

Hoseok lets go of Seokjin, and Seokjin storms out of the store. The chime sounds. Hoseok leans across the counter, whispers something quickly and follows his friend. Limping.

When Hoseok exits, all that remains is the faint aftersound of the chime as the hollow metal bars clash weakly against each other.

When I look back at Namjoon, I realize he’s staring at me. I don’t know what to say. I look at Jimin, hoping he’d give me an answer. He sits in the same posture I saw him assume minutes ago. Back straightened, fists clenched. He looks to Namjoon.

“Han Gyeowool.” I haven’t heard Jimin speak once during this whole ordeal. How soft and high his voice is for a grown man throws me off once again. “Go tell him he doesn’t owe me an apology.”

“Namjoon?” I call his name carefully. Namjoon blinks. No verbal answer.

“Jimin… Jimin just wants to let you know that you don’t owe him an apology.” My voice sounds so pathetic and small. I can almost hear Yoongi’s angry shouting ringing in my ears as I speak feebly.

No answer, again.

“It… it really isn’t your fault, you should stop blaming yourself, that’s what Jimin is saying…”

“You don’t have to lie.” Namjoon’s words are blunt. “Don’t have to lie to make me feel better. I’ll still feel like either way.”

I want to say something. But I don’t know what to say.

“I..” Namjoon looks straight at me. “I know what you think, Jimin.”

I look at Jimin. He’s still looking at Namjoon silently.

“I know you blame me,” Namjoon continues. “I know you hate me.”

Jimin’s fists clench tighter.

“I know… I know I killed you.” Namjoon’s voice wavers. I try to swallow the lump in my throat. It doesn’t disappear.

“Dammit, why can’t you just say it to me? Why can’t you say you hate me?” he yells at me. Not at Jimin. Because he can’t see Jimin. Because my existence is Jimin to him.

“Just say off, say you blame me, say I was the one that murdered you!” Namjoon points at me, his eyes teary. “Go tell her that, tell her how much you despise me so I can feel better about hating myself! Just say it!”

Jimin says nothing.

He sits.

“What does he say now, Han Gyeowool?” Namjoon’s scaring me but in a different way from how he scared me when we first met. Back then, I was afraid that I was going to mess something up, was going to make a mistake. This time, it’s more worry. Worry that this man, this fragile man, is completely destroying himself from within.

“Nothing,” I mumble, because that’s really all I can say. “He says nothing.”

Namjoon opens his mouth as if he’s going to yell out something. But nothing comes out of his mouth. He closes it, and rubs his eyes. When he looks at me again, I feel as if something has been permanently broken inside of him.

“Thank you for coming, Gyeowool.” Namjoon’s voice is calm again. The calmness after a vicious storm that tramped around, stomping on everything it could lay its eyes upon. “I mean it. You can go home now.”

I awkwardly stand up. Should I say something? What should I say? I’m sorry? I… I hope things get better?

How is anything going to get better?

“Bye,” is what I end up saying. Because that’s just who I am. Someone who at all this. Someone who can’t say comforting words to calm people down. Someone who runs away from her problems rather than dealing with them. A coward, that’s who I am.

Not my problem. Not my business. I shouldn’t have involved myself this deeply in the pink-haired ghost’s problems. Should have stayed away. Should have ignored him.

But what’s the point of thinking of should haves now?

I bow at Namjoon. He nods back.

He doesn’t say bye to Jimin even as I push the glass door of the convenience store open.

When the door swings shut behind me, I turn to look at Jimin, to check where he is, what he’s doing, how he’s doing.

And I find him, the man I still cannot decipher, sobbing into his hands silently.

I don’t try to pat his shoulder and tell him it’s okay.

Even if I try, all my hand will do is helplessly pass through his ghostly figure.

_{im sORRy i've written a lot of sad stories in the past but i've never felt physical pain writing any of them}

_{this one really was painful to write i knew this was going to happen since i finished planning all the chapters for ephemeral knew what would happen but writing them out actually hurt}

_{i wasn't going to write today bc too much hw but then after 5 hours of calculus i thought to myself 'hey why don't u finish the sad chapters'}

_{and this is what happened.} 

_{on a lighter note, i'll suppress the curse of my hands and write a happy chapter!!! next chapter is gonna be called Be Happy so!!!! please look forward to it!!!!}

_{thank you always for reading, you're all amazing!! thank you for the comments as well :')}