So Minhyun has been thinking a lot.

With that particular 3 days without Dongho, he has been thinking and pondering and just, you know, contemplate. He’s back in track, continues his role as the caretaker and being part of the hyung line that everyone depends on, meaning that he’s back to the routine of being everyone’s cling target. Since he’s seen the videos from Guanlin, the recordings where he just went weird, he realizes that he owe everyone a lot for putting up with his own bizarre actions so for now, he’s okay with people gluing themselves on every part of his body. But anyway, he’s just been spending more time to… you know… sort his feelings.

Those 3 days with Dongho away was sort of a pain in the because Minhyun has never been apart from his best friend this long, not even when he went on that school trip for a week that Dongho’s class didn’t go to and that only lasted for exactly 4 hours before Minhyun comes back on the afternoon bus because he doesn’t want to leave Dongho alone (or he’s just pretty much scared to be somewhere else without his best friend), and to be completely honest, Minhyun is scared. 

He is scared because soon he realized that he depends on Dongho more than he liked, more than he imagined, more than he could think of. When he went for lunch with the rest of the group on Saturday, he kept on waiting for the tomato ketchup that Dongho would always bring to their table without being asked to and realized that, Dongho isn’t here to do that. He is scared because Dongho is slowly making a permanent spot in his life, his heart, his head, even in his home back in Busan. He stops for a second to see the bigger picture, look back on all those memories and adventures that had happened in the past and all he sees are Dongho, Dongho, Dongho, and well there are the five musketeers moments but Dongho always takes more space. Minhyun wants to think it’s because Dongho’s his first friend so he gets the special spot but that’s not exactly the thing, isn’t it?

Minhyun is scared because he also realized that he might feel a bit more possessive over his best friend more than he should. Sometimes he would think about it at night but he deems it’s okay because, hell, Dongho isn’t supposed to talk to just anyone and what if they meant harm to the guy? So Minhyun thinks it’s his way of protecting Dongho because that’s what best friends are for, right? But now that he thinks again, it’s just downright being jealous and slightly obsessed whenever his friends are way too comfortable with the presence of people without Minhyun by his side. This might not be a good sign.

Really, Minhyun starts seeing all the signs.

He starts thinking of his best friend more often than he speaks. He starts learning how to bake Dongho’s favorite cookies to welcome him back. He starts hallucinating the presence of Dongho in his room and calls his name out during talks to notice yet again that he is not there. He denies everything at first because, hell no, he’s just misunderstanding the strong bond of friendship for something more and besides, it’s too stupid to like a friend. But then he starts, for goodness sake, going to the gym to look decent (he told everyone that it’s part of his health-conscious self. No one suspects anything for now). He starts scrolling through his phone gallery to find the best selca and group photos to upload on instagram but deep down he knows the actual reason why.

And at the end of the day, after hours of fighting against his persistent ego and endlessly bargaining with himself, Minhyun finally admits that he indeed missed Dongho. A lot. No one needs to know for now. But are all these feelings for real? Does he only feel like this because he’s just guilty? Minhyun’s head is really messed up and , why is everything so complicated?

“Do you have a crush on someone?”

Minhyun snaps from his thoughts and sees numerous eyes gazing at him ever so eagerly like a group of baby wolves eyeing their first prey, eerily familiar. He also spots the empty Soju bottle on the floor that is used for the spinning thingy that Minhyun doesn’t give two s about, pointing at him. Looks like time for truth or dare.

“But I thought I could choose doing the dare?” Minhyun asks in defense.

As the previous spinner, Woojin thinks hard before snapping his fingers. “I dare you to tell us who your crush is!”

Daehwi applauds from the side while Seonho looks somehow hopeful.

Minhyun feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. He is not done mulling over his feelings, he’s not even sure if it is real or not. “I don’t know.”

Jonghyun clicks his tongue in distaste, “you’re no fun.”

“But this is serious, I don’t know yet! I don’t even know what I’m exactly feeling right at this moment.”

“That means you have someone in mind,” Seongwoo comments giddily as he elbows his friend nonstop. “I can’t believe that our resident heartless prince might have a crush on someone! I bet it’s your childhood sweetheart.” The male leans to Minhyun and drapes himself all over the confused male.

Daniel also seems excited. “Come on! Tell us who it is. We will help set you guys up. You know how we role.”

The younger kids holler loudly except for Seonho who looks depressed that instant. Minhyun heaves a deep sigh before answering, “you know what. I’ll let you guys know who it is once I sorted my feelings, be it a crush or not.”

Jihoon boos and Woojin follows. “I will personally spam you each and every single day, during the hours when you’re most vulnerable for you to spill the beans. You owe us one truth,” Jihoon threatens which is replied with an easy nod from the elder.

It’s two days before finals and everyone is just, you know, stressed. So courtesy of Daniel, the squad gathers in the apartment on a Monday night, and play some weird drinking games or just do whatever they can think of to release the piling tension (or it is just one of Daniel and Seongwoo’s many excuses to drink more than usual with those boxes of beers and soju on standby because half of the kids aren’t allowed to touch it yet). This time Minhyun is not part of the depressed team because he doesn’t need to attend any finals for his project had given him a perfect A for the semester, as promised by the professor. Lucky him.

The game continues as Sungwoon spins the bottle and Minhyun is once again back in his own little bubble of self investigation or more like stuck in his denial phase. Suddenly, the doorbell rings and Minhyun excuses himself from the ongoing game to get the door.

“Well, it’s been awhile Hwang Minhyun-ssi.”

“It’s been a pleasant few years away from you, Hwang Sujin-ssi.” Minhyun replies almost sarcastically to the visitor.

His elder sister doesn’t even feel bothered by his antics and offers a tight smile, a hint that she is used to his sneering nature. Her whole appearance is almost the exact reflection of Minhyun, save for the feminine features and shorter height, also long jet black hair. No wonder his mom used to dress him up with female clothes when he was a little. You know, for entertainment and looking like twins kind of stuff.

“I’ll only be away with some friends for tonight and maybe tomorrow? So I hope you can take care of Hana for a little while. She doesn’t cry much and you know that,” Sujin says as she passes the little girl in her arms to his brother’s awaiting ones. Minhyun immediately coos at the tiny creature now staring wide-eyed at him, bouncing a little on his feet as to make the little one feel comfortable. If Minhyun looks like his sister, the baby girl resembles him even more.

“Everything you’ll need is in this bag,” mutters Sujin as she slung a huge duffel bag on Minhyun’s shoulder. “And, please don’t make the milk for her. You know you aren’t that talented in making formulas. Ask someone to do it for you. I’ll call you before I pick her up.”

Minhyun snorts. “Yeah I get it, now shoo. Off you go. Send my regards to bro in law.”

Sujin screams out a ‘good luck on the finals, boys!’ through the open doorway and is replied with either grateful ‘thank you, noona!’ or miserable grunts there’s nothing in between. She kisses her daughter’s forehead before running off to the elevator.

“Now I know why I love moving out so much,” Minhyun whispers discreetly. “Isn’t that so, my cute little angel? Your mommy can be a devil too, can’t she?” He once again pretends that Hana, his one year old niece, can understand fully what he’s saying. She only stares at him almost emotionlessly without emitting a single sound. Minhyun carries everything inside the apartment and is welcomed with Jaehwan’s screech.

“Oh my gosh! A tiny Minhyun! WHY IS SHE SO CUTE?!!”

“Tone it down, psycho. You’re scaring the poor kid.” Jisung shakes his head and pats the empty spot on the floor to Minhyun. The tall guy plops down, legs crossed, and hands still wrapped around his niece protectively.

“I wanna hold her,” Daehwi pleads while blinking his eyes continuously.

“Babies aren't strong enough to hold another baby.”

Daehwi does not acknowledge Daniel’s presence the rest of the night.

Jaehwan crawls all the way from the other side of the room to the baby. “Let uncle Jaehwan hold you,” he coos. But as Minhyun is about to pass the little girl to his friend’s readying arms, the baby kicks Jaehwan’s face, effectively crushing the male’s nose, away before attaching herself back to her uncle without a word.

“You know me, Hana! We’ve met before and now you’re kicking me away? Manners, young lady, manners.” Jaehwan rubs his nose pathetically.

Minki laughs the hardest and was almost killed by a hurt Jaehwan with the empty soju bottles lying around the floor.

With Hana around, Minhyun’s attention is diverted elsewhere and he is kinda thankful for the distraction that he is desperately in need of.

 After having Sungwoon run around the house with his glorious out for the whole world to see while singing ‘Let It Go’ passionately as part of his dare and Jinyoung spilling the truth about his unbelievable eating habits, a series of knocks that sounds very similar to Twice’s ‘Cheer Up’ disturbs them once again and Guanlin volunteers to get the door, knowing well who is on the other side.

“Dad!” Guanlin shrieks and throws himself on the guest.

Dongho is forced to carry the younger’s weight all the way into the house, kicking the door close with his feet while dragging his suitcase with one hand and supporting the giant kid on the other.

“I thought I was your dad!” Jisung shouts from the living room indignantly.

“You didn’t stay up the entire night teaching me stuff until I actually understand something,” Guanlin shoots back and Jinyoung smirks at Jisung’s crestfallen face. “And you never bought me food.”

“I missed you a lot!” Guanlin confesses as he bounces back on the floor but still manages to latch on the elder. He receives pats on his from the elder, part of showing affection to one another. Minhyun’s eye twitches at the sight.

“Glad you’re still alive,” Minhyun says when, finally, their eyes meet. Minhyun was anticipating something when Dongho makes his first appearance today. Maybe the quickening of his own heartbeat? Butterflies in his stomach? These are the symptoms that Minhyun found on the internet for someone in love but right now he’s not feeling any of it. Does this mean he’s not having a crush on Dongho? He wishes it’s true.

“I still am?” Dongho playfully questions and drops all his stuff on the floor. Then his world stops. Dongho is smiling so happily that it is physically and mentally hurting Minhyun to some extent. No butterflies? Sure. Quickening heartbeats? Negative. But the shaking of his hands and feet is actually scaring the out of him because he is not weak for goodness sake. Hana isn’t that heavy and he’s literally sitting on the floor. Nothing makes sense because all Dongho did was just grin his boyish smile and that’s enough to sent shivers to Minhyun’s whole body. What kind of dark magic is he playing? Is he nervous right now?

Dongho was about to rant on how his relatives are promoting laser lights to erase all his tattoos when his jaw drops as he walks ever so slowly towards his friend. Minhyun stares weirdly at the male.

“Pa!” Hana shouts as loudly, as cheerfully, as sharply as she can while looking like she’s seen Santa with his full troops of elves, with a sleigh full of toys and ready to give her well-deserved presents. She struggles to break free from Minhyun’s strong grip and flails around her tiny limbs, making grabby hands to Dongho.

“I’m here, baby tiger.” Dongho chuckles, immediately running to her aid and picks her up, safely cushioning her in his hold with adoration lacing his voice. “Did you miss me, Kang Hana?”

Seongwoo chokes on his beer, eyebrows furrowed and completely speechless. “Am I the only one who’s suddenly hearing things? And I’m also suspecting that Hana is actually Dongho’s daughter? The last name and her actions are quite reassuring. And she just called him ‘pa’.”

Daniel and Jaehwan nods in agreement from the previous statement, face plastered with similar expression with Seongwoo’s surprised one. “She never even said hi to me? Like, is she legit talking to Dongho right now? The guy who can scare any kids with his looks alone? The guy with tattoos?!”

Daehwi snaps his fingers, coming with another deduction while screaming something along with ‘aha’. “What if, drum rolls please, Hana is Sujin noona and Dongho hyung’s child?” This earns him a hard shoe-slap from Jihoon and Woojin simultaneously on his head. Minhyun gives the two an appreciative nod and thumbs up.

“Or,” Minki speaks up after awhile. “Minhyun and Dongho decided to adopt a baby together. Explains a lot, doesn’t it? The last name, her familiarity only to Dongho and Minhyun.”

Seonho looks like he’s about to pass out any moment and the group laughs at the assumption before Jisung’s smile slowly drops. “That actually makes sense…”

Everyone turns back to Dongho as they hear tiny and almost inaudible giggles that belong to none other than the only girl in the house. She is currently playing with Dongho’s stubble and the guy is trying very hard to keep her hands away, although futile, to stop her from touching.

“I haven’t shaved, kid. Stop it or you’ll hurt yourself.” Of course the warnings come to deaf ears as Hana continues to do whatever she wants with a bright and mischievous grin. Even so, Dongho’s all smiley and eyes showing nothing but mirth as he stares affectionately at the girl and this somehow brings out everyone’s soft side. Jisung whispers something like ‘I want to have kids of my own too’. Minhyun pretends not to hear anything and stifles the laughter bubbling in his throat.

“Does this mean I have a sister now?” Guanlin wonders out loud.

Dongho laughs good naturedly, making Minhyun’s shoulder slack unconsciously (is it relief or just fondness?) because he has always been somehow addicted to his best friend’s laughter and found himself actually dwell on the happiness of Dongho’s voice. He signals Guanlin to come over.

When the younger is already standing only a few inches apart, Dongho carries Hana closer to Guanlin. “He’s your older brother, Hana. You don’t need to be afraid of him. Say hi.”

Although shy, Hana manages to wave her tiny hand at Guanlin and hides her face in the crooks of Dongho’s neck in embarrassment. Everyone squeals.

“Did you see that?” Guanlin questions everyone in the room. “I am an older brother and I have a sister!”  

Jaehwan stares incredulously and scoffs. “I still don’t understand how Hana can kick me on the face and act like that in front of Dongho… I am the cutest dumpling cheeks around here and she just had to kick me on my fuc-“

Before the guy managed to finish his sentence, Daniel was already stuffing bread into his mouth and Seongwoo effectively knocking him off the ground in a smack down.

“We have a literal baby in the house and I would not want her to be tainted by your foul language, understand?”Daniel’s whisper actually manages to scare the living daylight out of Jaehwan. Minhyun chuckles at the duo. Daniel can be pretty scary when he’s hell serious and stressed out.

“Come on guys, we need to finish the game!” Daehwi whines. So they continue playing whereas Minhyun stopped paying attention awhile ago as his eyes directed somewhere else. Or in this case, someone else.

Suddenly the room goes silent but then everyone starts laughing. “Minhyun hyung, today is not your lucky day.” Jihoon guffaws loudly as everyone witness how the bottle stops spinning , yet again, on Minhyun.

“Okay since you did the dare already, I’ll just ask for the truth.” Jisung shows mercy as he pats Minhyun’s back. “Who was your first crush?”

He doesn’t know why but in that moment, Minhyun turns his head around and immediately searches for Dongho. They are both involved in an intense eye-contact before Dongho breaks out into one of those mysterious smiles that makes him feel somehow uneasy. Minhyun watches him stand up, Hana still cuddling close to him, while walking to Minhyun’s room.

“Well, I think princess Hana peed just now,” Dongho announces with a tiny laugh. “I’ll get her changed. Jonghyun, get that bag.”

Jonghyun wants to protest why me? but obeys anyway as he struts unwillingly to follow Dongho’s steps while dragging the duffel bag. Minhyun feels really sick to the stomach as he sees Dongho’s back disappear behind the door and he doesn’t know why. Dongho had just kept his promise but why does it make Minhyun feel bad? Why is he suddenly so concerned on what Dongho thinks?

“So who was it hyung? Do we know him?” Jinyoung sounds so eager and Minhyun is sure that he sees everyone sharing the sentiment of pure excitement.

After taking a deep breath, Minhyun finally finds the courage to just say it out loud. “It’s Kim Jonghyun.”

Audible and loud gasps are heard and to be honest, Minhyun kinda expected that coming considering, you know, their close friendship. No one would have ever thought. “But it was only for what, 3 to 4 months, and I moved on as fast as I had a crush on him. But I was naïve and I did not know if it was even a crush.”

“Does he know?” Jisung asks carefully, face so scandalized that Minhyun has a hard time holding his laugh.

“I guess? I mean, Dongho is the only one who knew about my so-called crush and I somehow made him promise to prevent Jonghyun from knowing but I might be as transparent as a glass back then so who knows. I won’t be surprised if Jonghyun found out about it considering Minki is fast to catch unto things and they share everything together. But anyway, maybe I was just feeling guilty and he was too nice so the feelings are misunderstood and that happened. But it’s all in the past and ever since then, I never thought about Jonghyun in such way. He’s too full of himself nowadays it makes me sick.”

Jinyoung holds unto Sungwoon like his life depends on it as they both stare speechlessly at the guy they thought wouldn’t even have feelings for anyone.

Minhyun laughs aloud, “you guys continue the game. I’ll check on Hana.”

The boys, still surprised and completely taken aback, manage to play a few more additional round of truth or dare without Minhyun as the said male tiptoes almost silently to his bedroom. He hears high pitch squeals from the hallway and opens his door wide enough to peek without anyone noticing.

Inside, Dongho busies himself with entertaining Hana, tickling and making stupid faces to the little girl while Jonghyun looks literally lifeless while carrying a plastic bag that Minhyun suspects to contain the real ‘bomb’.

“Why do you look so normal with changing diapers?” Jonghyun bemoaned. “I have never seen a baby poo this much. In my whole life. Like seriously.”

Dongho chuckles, “I have been right by her side since she was born. She’s almost like my child. Why wouldn’t it be normal to change my kid’s diaper?”

The image of Dongho carrying kids makes Minhyun smiles. Dongho would be a great, dependable father who loves his kids unconditionally, who would scold his kids but ends up buying ice cream for them, who will kill anyone if his kids are hurt, who would give the kids the world. Look how happy Guanlin is.

But suddenly another image resurfaces and Minhyun feels his stomach churn in a very bad way. The thought that a woman, or a life partner, or whoever it is, who would be standing right next to Dongho as in a co-parent kind of relationship, makes Minhyun’s blood boil.

At the very thought of Dongho marrying, having his own family, with another person aside from him makes Minhyun angry, enraged wait what was the word, yes, furious.

And then it clicks.

“.”

Minhyun grabs his head, begins thinking again and bangs it on the nearest wall like a madman. “I must be crazy! What was I thinking?! NOnonononononono.”

He bangs his head a few more times to regain composure and get a grip.

“Dude, what the hell?!”

Comes Dongho’s panicked voice as he opens the door wider. He grabs unto Minhyun’s head to inspect any visible wounds before checking on the male’s mental state. “Look dude, you’re scaring everyone right here. I can even hear it from the room. Are you out of your mind? I’m the one who should be stressed out right now because I barely touched any one of my books considering finals are coming and-”

To be honest, Minhyun just zoned out the moment Dongho touches his face. Its that damned feelings again that Minhyun wishes to disappear cause best friends aren’t supposed to feel anything for one another. But somehow it feels nice and gosh, Minhyun’s in a dilemma. Dongho continues to babble and scold him but each word he said, none of it made it into Minhyun’s head.

Welp. Maybe it’s more than just a crush.

Minhyun wants to cry.