The railway station was crowded. It was a few days before Christmas, and everyone was hurrying to go home for the holiday season. Crowds of families were gathered on the small platform with huge amounts of luggage and the speaker overhead was almost constantly making announcements about various trains leaving.

Cho Hee followed Jinyoung silently as he weaved through the crowd, making way for them while he dragged her luggage behind him. She had only been in Seoul for a few months and she wasn’t used to how crowded public places could get during peak timings. The railways station in their little town almost never had more than ten people in it at once. Cho Hee would have gotten claustrophobic if Jinyoung hadn’t been carefully leading the way and forcing people to move aside to give them room.

“Is this the right platform?”

She didn’t hear him because of all the noise, and Jinyoung had to turn around and ask Cho Hee again. She jumped, checking her ticket and then looking up at the platform number sign. It was 5. They were both 5. She nodded and gave Jinyoung a thumbs up. His handsome features twisted into relief as he moved them into a slightly emptier space against the wall. Cho Hee took a deep breath, relieved to not have people bumping into her anymore.

Jinyoung leaned down closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder gently. “Are you okay?”

Cho Hee looked up. His eyes were looking down at her worriedly, his expression gentle. Jinyoung’s fingers felt warm and comforting on her shoulder. He rarely ever touched anybody unless it was needed, and the sudden contact of his skin made her flustered.

“I’m fine,” she reassured him. “I just didn’t think it would be so crowded here. I guess it’s the holiday rush, huh?”

Jinyoung nodded. “I told it would be like this if you tried to go home for Christmas.”

“I know, but I just couldn’t stay in Seoul for Christmas. My mother would have gotten really upset and I was starting to feel homesick. It’s okay, I can manage a little crowd. Let me know if you need anything from back home, oppa. I’m coming back on the 30^th so I can bring you something from home if you want.”

“My mother will probably send you back with a bunch of food for me. Don’t let her give you too much, you’ll have a hard time carrying it all in this station.”

Cho Hee nodded and smiled. “That’s okay.”

Jinyoung nodded, his hand dropping from her shoulder as he took a deep breath and looked around the train station distractedly. Cho Hee merely blinked at him. She could tell that there was something wrong. Jinyoung was often quiet without reason but today he looked tense. His shoulders were stiff and his fists were clenched tightly. She tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

“Oppa?”

He whipped his head down to look at her. “What?”

She cleared . “It was really sweet of you to see me off at the station. But you can leave if you have somewhere else to be. The train will come any minute and I can just get on it, so it’s fine. I don’t want to keep you.”

Jinyoung shook his head. “No, I…” he bit his lip. “I have something to say to you before you leave.”

“Okay.”

He hesitated for a long moment, looking down at his shoes before he suddenly lifted his head up to meet her eyes. Cho Hee was flustered when he took a step closer to stand right in front of her and when his hand suddenly reached out to take hers. His warm fingers closed around her cold ones lightly, gently. There was a soft but nervous look in his eyes as he said softly.

“I don’t know if you already have me figured out,” he admitted. “If anyone does, it would be you.”

Cho Hee stared at him, startled. “Oppa, I have no idea-“

Jinyoung chuckled a little humorlessly. “Of course you don’t, you’ve always been largely oblivious to everything around you. That just makes this harder. Okay. The truth is… I’ve been having feelings for you recently.”

“Feelings?” Cho Hee repeated. She suddenly realized where this was going.  

Jinyoung nodded. Cho Hee suddenly realized that his palm was sweaty, that his eyes were darting across her face in a nervous manner. She had never seen Park Jinyoung nervous before. He was speaking so quietly that she had to lean forward to hear him.

“Yeah, feelings. I wasn’t sure what they were at first. I’ve always thought you weren’t my type, that I liked… a different sort of girls.”

“Smarter?” she asked suddenly.

Jinyoung looked at her with large eyes. “Different.”

“But now you like me.”

He gave her a tight smile. The disbelief in Cho Hee’s eyes was evident, and he couldn’t say that he didn’t deserve it. He had known what he was in for, when he decided that he was going to confess to her today. Either way, whatever happened next… Park Jinyoung decided that he would say whatever he wanted to say and then let things take their natural course.

“Just let me finish before you say something.”

Cho Hee waited, silently.

Jinyoung took a deep breath. “Ever since you came to Seoul for college, I’ve… I’ve been seeing you differently. At first I thought that it was because you changed, that you became more beautiful and more mature and that’s why I kept feeling attracted to you. But you haven’t even changed that much. I think I’m the one who changed. I’ve realized some things that have made see things in a different light.”

Jinyoung looked down at Cho Hee and noticed that she was silent, her lips pressed together tightly as she listened to him. He couldn’t tell what she was thinking. Her expression was rather blank and meaningless. He pressed on, deciding that he needed to get everything out before her train arrived any minute.

“I want you in my life,” he told her honestly. “I know how absurd this sounds. I wouldn’t blame you if you laughed, because we both know that I don’t have a good record of treating you very well. I should have been better to you. I should have realized that I was hurting one of the most precious people in my life. I should have realized that you are one of the few people in this world who understands me and cares for me… and that’s not as easy to find as it seems. It’s really not. Especially when I’m this unbearable.”

She couldn’t help it; the corner of Cho Hee’s lips twisted up slightly. Jinyoung sighed in relief. At least she was laughing. He had even prepared himself for a scenario where he got slapped in the middle of the railway station, even though he knew Cho Hee was incapable of doing something like that.

“You are a handful, oppa.”

Jinyoung chuckled drily. “Yeah, I know. But I’m going to shamelessly ask you to put up with me for longer. Give me a chance to make it up to you. I’ll give back twice as much as you’ve given me, because I want to keep you by my side. I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy, Cho Hee. Give me a chance to try and love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

 Cho Hee stared at him for a long moment, when they were interrupted by the loud noise of the train arriving. It entered the platform and people rushed to board it. She turned and looked at Jinyoung, her eyes widening.

“Oppa, you have to understand. I don’t think I can-“

He cut her off. “Don’t answer now. Please. Take some time and think about it, okay? I want you in my life, but I don’t want you to do this because you feel bad for me or something. I want you to do this because you want me and trust me enough to be in a relationship with me. So take however long you want. We can talk about this after the holidays.”

She nodded. “O-okay.”

Jinyoung handed Cho Hee her suitcase before suddenly leaning forward. She froze in surprise, as he gently placed his hand on the back of her head to hold her steady, and then pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Cho Hee felt the spot on her skin burn. Jinyoung gently her skin once, before dropping her hand.

“Have a safe journey. Text me when you reach, and wish your family a merry Christmas for me.”

Cho Hee bit her lip. “I-I will.”

“Bye.”

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Ages 7 and 9

“Cho Hee! Come quick, everyone’s eating already! Don’t you want lunch? Dear god, the child has dirtied her dress again,” her mother complained, sighing as she saw the 7-year old girl run up to the tables in the garden where everyone had gathered for lunch. Cho Hee’s yellow sundress was stained with dirt and her hair was in tangles, spilling out of the neat pink ribbon it had been tied back in.

“I’m here, eomma!” Cho Hee said brightly, sliding into the only empty chair. A 9-year old Jinyoung was sitting beside her, eating his noodles silently with his chopsticks and focusing on not spilling anything on himself. She nudged him slightly. “Oppa. Want to see what I found in the garden?”

Jinyoung didn’t look at her. “Nobody cares if you found a rock, Cho Hee.”

“It’s not a rock. Look.”

She opened her palms to reveal a small green lizard the length of her hand sitting inside. Jinyoung leapt out of his seat, yelling out loud in horror as he scrambled to get away from the creature. “What is that? Cho Hee brought a lizard to the table, eomma, do something!” he complained.

Both Jinyoung’s and Cho Hee’s mothers came running. “What’s going on?”

“She has a lizard!” he pointed at Cho Hee in disgust.

Cho Hee pouted as she showed the creature to the older women. “But it’s just a lizard. It’s not even dirty, it’s really cute! I found it sitting on the tree, and-“

Cho Hee’s mother grimaced as she stepped away from the lizard as well. “Dear God. Cho Hee, how many times have I told you not to pick up dirty animals like that and bring them near the food? Go put that lizard back on the tree and wash your hands with soap, or you don’t get any lunch!”

Cho Hee bit her lip and trudged back to the garden miserably, to put the little creature back. She’d been hoping that Jinyoung-oppa would be impressed by the lizard. Why didn’t he seem to like it? It was really cute and well-behaved. She sighed as she gently released the lizard back onto the tree and tapped its back with her finger.

“I’m sorry nobody likes you,” she told the lizard quietly, before running indoors to wash her hands.

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Ages 12 and 14

“Oppa, please? Just this once. I never ask you for favors, oppa, please!”

A 14-year old Park Jinyoung clenched his jaw as he held the phone against his ear. He had known when he got a call from Cho Hee that it was probably going to be unpleasant. He had almost positively decided not to answer the call but curiosity had gotten the better of him. The moment Cho Hee explained to him that she had fallen sick and needed a favor, he regretted answering.

“It’s raining,” he complained as he balanced the phone against one ear and held up his umbrella with the other. The rain was too hard and his shoulders and legs were still becoming damp. “I can’t believe you’re making me do this in the middle of a storm. What if I fall sick too?”

Cho Hee sounded worried. “Oppa, please wrap up tightly and don’t fall sick.”

“Yes, because that’s going to stop me from getting a cold because of your stupid kittens.”

“But oppa, I don’t know what else to do. Eomma won’t let me leave the house because I have a fever. And I didn’t have anybody else to ask. Imagine how miserable they must be in the cold rain. What if they fall sick or starve? What could I do then?”

“I’ll tell you what to do,” Jinyoung told her sharply. “Make some friends of your own to do you favors and stop bothering me with stupid things. I’m hanging up now. I’ll text you after I’ve fed them.”

Cho Hee pouted. “Thank you, oppa. I’m really sorry…”

“Forget it. Bye.”

He hung up as he reached the small alley where somebody had abandoned a pair of kittens a few weeks earlier. Cho Hee had stumbled upon them on the way to school and had started to take care of them; she spent almost her entire pocket money on milk and food for the little felines. Jinyoung remembered literally having to drag her to school because she refused to leave the kittens.

Cho Hee had been right; they were huddled in a corner behind the trash can, two of them curled up with each other and clearly trembling in the cold. Jinyoung sighed and snapped his fingers to get their attention before taking out the canned tuna that he had brought and a bottle of warm milk. He watched as the little creatures hesitantly came over to him and began to eat the food eagerly.

“You must be hungry, huh,” Jinyoung mused, reaching out to one gently. He was surprised at how cold it was and how it eagerly curled against his warm hand. “Damn, you guys are freezing…” 

He waited silently while the kittens finished up the last of the food. He suddenly wished he had brought more, but there was nothing he could do now. Jinyoung sighed and glanced at the trembling kittens before setting down his umbrella and taking off his jacket. He placed it on the ground and put the two kittens inside, before wrapping them up in it.

“Stay warm. If you die, Cho Hee might just lose her ,” he told them quietly, before picking up his umbrella and shivering. , it was freezing. He was just going to run home and hope he didn’t catch a cold himself.

That didn’t work out very well.

The next day, Park Jinyoung was lying in bed and feeling miserable as he sniffed. He’d caught a terrible cold after running home with only an umbrella in the freezing cold rain. He’d had to miss an entire day of school and was almost ready to murder Cho Hee for making him go out and take care of her stupid kittens.

There was a knock on his bedroom door.

“Come in!” he called out, his voice muffled from under the sheets.

Cho Hee peeped into his room and bit her lip nervously as she entered. Her mother had told her about Jinyoung falling sick and she felt terrible; mostly because she knew it was her fault. “Oppa,” she greeted him hesitantly. “I heard you caught a cold…”

Jinyoung scoffed. “Did you? Congratulations.”

“I’m sorry. I asked Mom to make you some chicken soup; it made me feel better when I was sick,” she told him, setting a small flask down next to his bed. Cho Hee turned to look at him with bright eyes. “I went to see the kittens today, they were really healthy and happy! I know it must have been a pain but thank you for taking care of them. And… I figured you fell sick from walking in the rain because I found this behind the trash can.”

She held up his jacket and gave him a small smile. “It smelled like trash so I washed it for you. Thank you. You’re a lot more caring than you let on, oppa.”

Jinyoung flushed and shifted around under the covers. “Yah. It’s your fault I’m this sick. Get out so I can sleep.”

Cho Hee nodded and smiled. “I’m going! Take care, oppa!” 

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Ages 15 and 17

“Jinyoung-oppa!” Cho Hee chirped, as she trailed along beside him. The fifteen year-old girl was wearing a school uniform that was a little too loose on her; somehow, she always seemed to be wearing clothes that were too large and didn’t fit her badly.

Jinyoung bit his lip and sighed. For most of elementary and middle school, he had been tasked with the responsibility of walking her to school. Both his and Cho Hee’s mothers took it for granted that since Jinyoung was responsible and always studied well, he should also have to take care of the slightly wild younger girl. Jinyoung had been relieved when he finally entered high school and Cho Hee was still in middle school; he didn’t have to walk her anymore since the buildings were in two different places. But Cho Hee had finally started her freshman year of high school along with him, and now she’d resumed following him back home.

“What?” he asked her with a frown.

Cho Hee was undeterred by his cold expression. She’d learned to be used to it, and she wasn’t scared of Park Jinyoung the way a lot of other people were. “Oppa, we’re having a bake sale in school this weekend! It’s to raise funds for the animal shelter.”

“So?”

“Oppa, you have to come and buy cakes!”

“I’m busy. I have to study.”

Cho Hee bit her lip and jogged slightly to keep up with him. Jinyoung wasn’t particularly tall but he always walked fast and Cho Hee had been cursed with short legs. “But it’s for a good cause, oppa! And I heard that all the senior students come because it’s their last year in school, it’s a tradition.”

“Yeah? You know what else is a tradition? Hardly anyone from our school getting into a good university.”

“But oppa, you study so hard, you’ll get into a good university anyway…” she trailed off, her voice becoming quieter. “And I told my classmates that I would get you to come.”

“Your classmates? Why would you say something like that to your classmates?” he demanded.

“Because I heard some of them talking about you, and they said Jinyoung-sunbae has a bad reputation, and he never talks to anyone, and he’s kind of scary because he glares at people, so I told them that I knew you and that you weren’t like that. They said I could never convince you to come somewhere like the bake sale, so I said that I would get you to.”

Jinyoung felt irritated. “Do your classmates have nothing better to do?”

Cho Hee was silent, biting her lip. She knew that Jinyoung wasn’t really as harsh as he made himself out to be. He was just hard-working and didn’t like anything getting in the way of his efforts. She hadn’t liked listening to her classmates badmouth him and wanted to prove them wrong.

“Oppa, just come and buy a couple of cakes, please? I’ll pay for them myself. It’s all for the animal shelter anyway!”

“It’s not a matter of money!” Jinyoung insisted, annoyed. Why did Cho Hee never seem to understand that he couldn’t afford to waste time doing stupid things? “I’m in my final year of high school; I have to give the college entrance exam in a few months. I barely have time to sleep, okay? This is my life on the line and your animal shelter honestly couldn’t matter less to me. Nor could your stupid classmates. You know why? Because they’re all going to live unfulfilling, miserable lives in this stuffy little town while I get the hell out of here.”

Cho Hee blinked. “What’s wrong with this town?” she asked quietly.

“Everything.”

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Ages 15 and 17

Jinyoung frowned as he tapped his notebook with his pen, glaring down at the math problem that was in front of him. He knew how to solve it but the correct formula escaped him and he scrunched his eyebrows together as he tried to remember it desperately.

Wonpil chuckled. “Dude, you’ll give yourself a seizure.”

Jinyoung frowned at his friend. Wonpil was one of the only other boys who he talked to on a regular basis. He was an outgoing, friendly boy who seemed to enjoy Jinyoung’s company and didn’t mind hanging out with him. Wonpil was from a poorer family near the outskirts and most of the other boys shunned him so they didn’t have anyone but each other.

“Then help me so I don’t lose my mind. Why do I even have to study all this ? I want to be a lawyer. I don’t need to integrate algebra,” Jinyoung complained as he pressed his temples. He got excellent grades in all his other subjects but math was where he had a tough time. “What formula do I use for this?”

Wonpil leaned forward to look at the question, when they heard loud voices from downstairs. Jinyoung’s mother was speaking loudly and there was the sound of a female giggle. Wonpil paused and raised an eyebrow. “Who’s that? Do you have a sister?” he wondered.

Jinyoung sighed and got up to close his bedroom door. “No, it’s probably that Kang Cho Hee. Let me lock the door so she doesn’t come in and bother us about some stupid stuff.”

“She comes to your house?”

“She’s everywhere. Her mom probably sent her to deliver something.”

Wonpil chuckled as he pulled Jinyoung’s notebook towards him to look at the math problem better. “She’s always running around after you in school, huh? Apparently she’s nice to everyone but she doesn’t have a best friend. I think people take her for granted.”  

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow. “How do you know that?”

“My brother has the biggest crush on her.”

“Your brother? Dowoon? Are they in the same class?” Jinyoung mused. He couldn’t imagine anybody liking Kang Cho Hee. The girl was clumsy and too loud, often making a mess of whatever she tried to do. There was nothing attractive or admirable about her. “Why? What does he see in her?”

Wonpil chuckled. “Apparently she shared her lunch with him once. She gave him half of her sandwich when she found out he forgot to bring his lunch and he didn’t have money to buy any. Dowoon’s told me the story a million times. It’s not like it’s anything serious, though. The kid can’t look her in the eye without his ears turning fiery red.”

“You should tell him to ask her out. Maybe she’ll get out of my hair if she has a boyfriend.”

Wonpil hummed. “Dowoon asked me if he should. I told him not to.”

“Why?”

“Dude? Are you kidding? That girl is madly in love with you. I’m not going to tell my brother to confess to her so he can get his heart broken,” Wonpil said with a laugh. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed that Jinyoung looked startled. He poked him with a pen. “You don’t think I’m right?”

Jinyoung faltered. “She’s… she’s just annoying. She doesn’t have any other friends. It’s not as if she likes me. If she could just find someone else to spend her time with, she wouldn’t follow me around so much.”

Wonpil shook his head. “No way. That girl has a crush on you. I know it when I see it. She probably just thinks you’re the tsundere type and she can break you eventually. That’s what most girl think about guys who act cold to them.”

Jinyoung made a face. “But Cho Hee’s like an annoying little sister. In fact, I’m glad that she’s not my real sister because I might have lost my . She’s not my type at all.”

“Yeah, I know. You like older women, you !” Wonpil laughed. He shook his head. “I feel bad for her, though. She probably doesn’t know that she has no chance with you. Same way my brother has no idea that he has no chance with her. Life’s cruel, huh?”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay, let’s get back to math. What formula am I supposed to use…?”

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Ages 16 and 18

Cho Hee stood silently in front of Park Jinyoung’s house, her mind whirling. She wasn’t even sure how to feel. Jinyoung had gotten his college entrance examination scores and the whole town had been buzzing with the news that he’d gotten into a top university in Seoul. Jinyoung himself behaved the exact same way he always had, besides that fact that there was usually smug smirk on his face.

She was proud of him, but it suddenly struck her that Jinyoung going to college in Seoul meant he was leaving this town. He would hardly ever be here except for maybe during holidays. Cho Hee would miss him more than anything and she suddenly wanted to give him a present to take to Seoul. So she spent the last few days working extra shifts at her part-time job so she could buy an expensive sweater that she’d seen in a store window. It was a dark, navy blue and made of extremely soft material; the sort of thing that Jinyoung often seemed to wear. Jinyoung would love it. She knew he would.

Except when she went to the railway station to give it to him, she found out that he had left.

His train had been at 5 pm. She was sure of it, because she’s texted him earlier that day to ask when he was leaving so she could see him off and he had texted her 5 pm. But Cho Hee stood on a deserted platform until the railway employee informed her gently that the train to Seoul had left at 3 pm and the next one wasn’t until late at night.

She ran all the way back to his house, alone and banged on his front door. Jinyoung’s mother opened the door, looking startled.

“Cho Hee! Dear, what are you doing here?”

She bit her lip. “When is Jinyoung-oppa’s train? He told me it was at 5 pm so I went to the station, but he wasn’t there and there was no train…”

His mother looked concerned. “Oh, dear. Jinyoung left already. His train was at 3 pm, he must have made a mistake. We all saw him off. I’m so sorry you missed him, dear. Don’t worry, though. He’ll be back for Christmas and you can see him then!”

Cho Hee was left standing alone on the doorstep after Jinyoung’s mother closed the door, clutching the neatly wrapped sweater in her hands and holding back her tears.

Park Jinyoung didn’t come home for Christmas that year. He didn’t come home during the summer. He never came home because he was busy studying.

The next time Kang Cho Hee saw him was two years later, when she had arrived at the Seoul railway station with her own luggage in one hand, and an admission letter to the college of veterinary studies at Seoul Central University in the other.

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Cho Hee felt her heartbeat thud as she sunk down onto her seat in the train. She had never imagined Park Jinyoung confessing to her, not even in her wildest dreams. Her hands came up to clutch her hair as she tried to process what had just happened. Had he just said that he wanted her in his life, that he wanted to love her and take care of her?

It felt like a dream. Like a weird, unusual dream that was so absurd, you knew even within the dream that you were dreaming and this was too unlike reality.

A few years ago, the idea of Park Jinyoung confessing to her would have made her ecstatic. She had harbored feelings for the handsome, intelligent and well-spoken boy for most of her childhood. He was just so cool and the occasional bursts of compassion or attention from him in between the coldness and irritation, made her feel like she was on top of the world.

But Cho Hee had since grown up. She knew that had only been childish fantasies, that it was an extremely unhealthy relationship where one person practically worshipped the other and was taken for granted. Cho Hee had no interest in worshipping Jinyoung again. She knew how she deserved to be treated, and she knew that nobody was perfect, especially not Jinyoung. He was cold and bad at communicating his feelings and had a desperate desire to control situations around him even when he had no right to.

All the same, Jinyoung was a good person. He was hard-working and intuitive and had a moral compass well beyond most men of their age. Cho Hee couldn’t imagine him doing any of the things men usually did wrong in relationships; like cheating, or lying, or getting aggressive. She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. Truth be told, Park Jinyoung could be an excellent boyfriend if he wanted to.

And he did want to. Or at least, so he said.

Cho Hee couldn’t help but laugh. She had no idea what she was going to say to him.

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The beer bottles clinked across the table.

Jinyoung took a long sip of the beer, relieved. He’d been dying for a drink all day and it had taken way too long to convince Mark and Jaebum to come out and get one with him.  

“Hey, hey. Slow down there, buddy.” Mark clapped Jinyoung on the back and laughed as he downed half his beer bottle in one shot. Jinyoung’s hands were shaking and he set the bottle down, feeling a little better. He noticed that both Mark and Jaebum were giving him concerned looks.

“I’m fine,” he told them.

“You don’t look fine.”

He took a deep breath. Jinyoung wasn’t good at expressing his feelings and he hadn’t talked to his friends much about Cho Hee. Something about his feelings for her had seemed too personal to share, too precious unlike the usual (and generally comedic) relationship stories that the others shared over drinks. But something inside Jinyoung was unsettled and he felt like he needed to get it out. He looked up at his friends and blurted out. “I dropped Cho Hee off at the railway station this morning. I confessed to her.”

Jaebum nearly spit out his beer. “You did what?”

“I thought I would feel better after telling her about my feelings, but she hasn’t given me an answer yet and now my mind is on overdrive. I never should have told her to take time to think about it. I can’t focus on anything else. I feel like I might lose my mind.”

Mark chuckled. “Yeah? Welcome to the world of love.”

“Yeah, you should listen to him. This guy’s been in love with the same girl since high school, that’s some serious loyalty there,” Jaebum joked, gesturing to Mark. “How did you confess, Mark? Did you write her a love letter on a sticky note? Or was it one of those tick whether you like me, yes or no kind of letters-“

Mark raised an eyebrow. “Very funny. Who’s the who literally went job and apartment-hunting in Busan over the weekend because his girlfriend might possibly want to move there? Am I really the whipped one, Im Jaebum?”

“Guys…” Jinyoung cut them off, weakly.

“Sorry, sorry.” Mark set his beer down and turned to look at the frustrated Jinyoung. “Let’s talk about you. Do you seriously like this girl, Jinyoung-ah? I’m only asking because before she came, you kept saying that she was really annoying and followed you around everywhere and that you hated the fact that she was even coming to Seoul to stay here.”

Jaebum shook his head. “Nah, that was just Jinyoung being an idiot. Cho Hee’s great. But I never thought she was your type. I thought you liked girls like… well, you know. Nari-noona. Remember her? From when we were in first year? That really smart older girl who dumped you because she got a job in London?”

“Yes, I remember my own ex-girlfriend, Jaebum.” 

Jinyoung could hardly forget his relationship with Nari. It was in his first year of college; he had been stupid then and thought that the best girl to get into a relationship with was a girl exactly like him. He’d asked out one of the smartest girls in the law department and struggled his way through a rather boring 4-month relationship with her. Nari was always studying, never made time for him and usually treated him as though he was one of the painful chores in her day and an obstacle to her work. He suddenly remembered how she never wanted to go out to dinner because she didn’t eat at night (apparently eating late at night hindered concentration) and never wanted to go to the park because she might catch something, and she had an exam next week, how would she manage then? It took a while for Park Jinyoung to realize dating Nari was like looking in a mirror. And hating the reflection that stared back at you.

Cho Hee was different. She went out of her way to accommodate others, and was always worried about whether the people around her were comfortable. Jinyoung suddenly remembered the first day she’d come to Seoul, a few months ago.

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“I’ve never lived alone before,” she admitted softly, giving Jinyoung a small smile. He had gone to pick her up from the station at his mother’s insistence and helped her carry her luggage to her new apartment. Cho hee fumbled with the keys in the lock as she opened the door. “I’m kind of excited.”

Jinyoung had been shocked when he first spotted her at the railway station. His first thought had been that this wasn’t Cho Hee. The girl was too graceful; she was wearing a pretty white sundress that covered her knees and had long hair which was tied back to expose a slender neck. Yet, as Jinyoung narrowed his eyes, there was no denying it. It was true that this girl looked extremely graceful and pretty and almost angelic- but it was undoubtedly Cho Hee. She had the same big, brown eyes, the slightly pouty lips, and a nose that was a little too angular for the otherwise round face.

Jinyoung grunted as he pulled her luggage inside before looking around. It was a pretty decent studio apartment; One corner had a queen-sized bed and mattress, and the other was a small kitchen with a breakfast bar cordoning it off from the rest of the room.

Cho Hee grinned brightly. “It’s pretty, isn’t it?”

“There’s nothing in here,” Jinyoung pointed out bluntly. Besides the bed and the empty kitchen, there was literally nothing in the room. “Exactly how do you plan to live here? You only have a bed to sleep in. I thought the room would come with some furniture; don’t they usually?”

Cho Hee shook her head brightly. “I asked for an empty one on purpose. I wanted to decorate it myself. I have it all planned out. I placed an order for a bookshelf, which is going to go here, and then my desk will go over there- I plan to put a little television on that wall and I’ll put a cute little loveseat in front of it… and here, I’m thinking like a fluffy rug and maybe a beanbag next to the bookshelf? Oh! And I plan to go shopping for curtains. I want those cute cartoon ones. And I’ll have to buy utensils for the kitchen…”

“Relax, you don’t have to tell me the whole layout.”

Cho Hee smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I told you I was excited about living alone.”

Jinyoung held in a scoff. He couldn’t imagine Cho Hee living alone. She had been the most irresponsible person as a child, barely managing to put on her uniform straight before making it to school. It was impossible that somebody like her could live by themselves. Jinyoung was positive that he would end up having to take care of her and clean up after her, like he had back home.

“That’s a lot of shopping,” he told her.

Cho Hee blinked and nodded. “Yes, but I thought it would be fun because my friends back home told me how nice the markets in Seoul are. I figured I would go tomorrow and get everything I needed.”

“You don’t know your way around Seoul.”

Cho Hee looked flustered. “That’s okay. I always wanted to explore the subway and Seoul’s a really organized city so-“

“Both our mothers will kill me if I let you go shopping by yourself. I’ll take you tomorrow. But honestly; you should make some friends quickly because I don’t have the time to be doing little things for you all the time. My apartment isn’t even that near here,” Jinyoung told her bluntly.

Cho Hee blinked at him, suddenly going silent. “Oh-okay.”

“Anyway, I’ll leave you to unpack.” 

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“Oppa, what do you think? I like this one because it’s softer but that one has a prettier color and matches with the bedcovers I bought earlier.”

Jinyoung frowned as he glanced between the two rugs that Cho Hee was pointing at. She had been apprehensive about going shopping with Jinyoung at first. She had a bad feeling that he would just be irritable the whole time and constantly complain. But Park Jinyoung had surprisingly good taste in almost everything. He was blunt, but still skilled at warning her when she was about to pick something that wouldn’t look nice. Those colors will clash, he had told her frankly when she was buying curtains. And you already bought a table cloth in a different shade of blue, that cutlery will look awful with it.

“Depends on whether you plan to sit on the rug,” he replied. “This one’s pretty rough.”

Cho Hee nodded. He was right, it was too scratchy. “I’ll take the softer one, then. I might not sit on it myself but I’m thinking of getting a pet.”

He glanced at her and couldn’t hold back a smile. Why was Jinyoung even surprised? Kang Cho Hee loved animals. Jinyoung remembered that the only time Cho Hee had ever seriously fought with her mother was when she wanted to bring some stray animal into the house and her mother regularly lost her .

“No wonder. So that’s why you’re so excited to live alone. Because your mother would never let you bring animals into the house when you lived with your family.”

Cho Hee nodded. “Yup! My apartment’s too small for a dog, but I might go to the animal shelter and adopt a cat. Or maybe I should get a rabbit. I’ve always wanted a rabbit.”

Jinyoung watched her eyes brighten at the thought of getting a pet. Cho Hee had changed a lot in appearance and behavior, but she still had the same childlike excitement. He watched as she eagerly paid for the rug and added it to all the other things she had bought. She had finally crossed off everything on her list and Jinyoung felt exhausted as he called for a cab.

“You should wait for a while before getting a pet,” he advised, once he’d told the cab driver the address and leaned back into the seat. Jinyoung wasn’t used to shopping and walking around the markets all day had tired him out. “Start your classes and get settled in first.”

Cho Hee nodded. “I will. My classes start tomorrow.”

He suddenly remembered something. “Oh yeah. Speaking of which, my mother has this weird idea that you got admitted into Seoul National University. Probably because she thinks all universities in Seoul are SNU, some mothers are like that-“

Cho Hee smiled at him, confused. “I did get admitted into Seoul National University. Why else would I take an apartment so close to campus; ah- but it’s not the same department as you, oppa. I’m attending the college of veterinary sciences under SNU. It’s a separate building near the medical science department.”

“Veterinary sciences?” he repeated. Jinyoung stared at her for a moment before letting out a short laugh. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. I should have asked what you were studying. It suits you so well, I’m not sure why it didn’t occur to me. What would Kang Cho Hee become other than a vet?”

Cho Hee seemed amused. “That almost sounded like a compliment, oppa.”

Jinyoung chuckled. “From me? Unlikely.”

“True; what was I thinking?” she joked. She glanced at Jinyoung and noticed that he was watching her with a piercing gaze. She felt a little flustered under his eyes. He had usually avoided looking at her throughout their childhood. It was a slightly different feeling to have him speak to her like an equal, looking into her eyes and joking about things like they were old friends. “I think you’ve changed a bit, oppa. You used to be a lot less tolerant of me before but you just spend an entire day shopping with me.”

Jinyoung blinked. He hadn’t expected her to put it so bluntly. “Uh…”

“Thanks for coming with me. It feels good to know that I’m not completely alone in Seoul. I’ll make some friends of my own soon and be out of your hair,” she reassured him.

Jinyoung suddenly felt a little guilty. Yes, he had said that, but did she have to be so accepting of it? He cleared his throat. “I mean… yeah, you should make friends but you can let me know if you need any help or anything. I wouldn’t leave you on your own if you didn’t have anyone else to rely on.”

“That’s nice to know.”

He leaned back in his seat and watched out of the corner of his eye as she pulled out her cellphone and began texting someone. Jinyoung couldn’t help but let his hands flicker down to her perfectly manicured nails as she typed a message; they were neatly painted a light shade of pink. Since when did Kang Cho Hee wear nail polish? He seemed to remember that her nails were always too short and uneven from her habit of nervously biting them.

“Oh- your mother texted me,” she said lightly, as she opened a new message and smiled. “I’m telling her that you took me shopping all day, oppa. She’ll be glad to hear that, right?”

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow. “Ecstatic.”

Cho Hee hummed lightly as she typed a message to his mother. Jinyoung couldn’t help but lean over and peek into her phone; she had a lot of message history with his mother. Why did these two people text each other anyway? It’s not like he ever texted Cho Hee’s mother.

Jinyoung suddenly felt uncomfortable. “What do you and my mother talk about, anyway? Not me, right?”

Cho Hee looked at him in surprise. “I mean…”

“You both do talk about me.”

“Your mother misses you, oppa,” she told him bluntly. There was a tinge of irritation in her voice that Jinyoung might have missed if he hadn’t been listening carefully. It was probably the first time in his life that he’d heard any judgement in Cho Hee’ tone. “You haven’t been back to our hometown in two years. And our parents are getting older; they want company and they want the people they love to be around them. Your mother always wants to talk to you but she’s worried about calling you too often and taking up your time because you’re so busy. You’re her only son. She’s proud that you’re fulfilling your dreams but she doesn’t like that they take you away from her. It’s a bittersweet feeling.”

Jinyoung frowned. “She talks to you about things like this?”

“Sure, sometimes.”

“But it’s not…” he trailed off, feeling the need to defend himself suddenly. “It’s not like you’re any different. You came to Seoul to study too, you’re going to be extremely busy. You won’t have time to talk to your mother or go home. It happens to everyone.”

Cho Hee gave him a brief look. “I’m going home for Christmas.”

“What?”

“Christmas. In December. I already booked my train tickets to go home for a couple of days. I know we don’t have a very long winter break, but I might take a day or two off classes.”

Jinyoung bristled. “How can you book tickets in advance without knowing whether you’ll be busy that weekend? What if you have an exam or you have to write a paper or something like that? Shouldn’t you be putting your education first?” he demanded.

Cho Hee looked at him for a long moment before shaking her head. “I don’t put anything first or second. I don’t think that’s how you should live life. I how you spend your time is a constant re-organization of priorities; you need to be able to balance all the things you love, otherwise what’s the point?”

Jinyoung was silent. He suddenly felt nauseous. Since when had Kang Cho Hee been more mature than him? He knew how to treat his mother just fine. He frowned as they arrived at her building and he helped her carry all the things she’d bought up to her apartment. Jinyoung noticed that some of the furniture Cho Hee had ordered had arrived. There was now a desk in one corner and a tiny dining table for two next to the kitchen.

“This place is starting to look better,” he pointed out.

Cho Hee nodded and smiled. “Yup. It’ll be better once I’m done decorating all of it, although that’s probably going to take me a few days.”

Jinyoung nodded. He set down the shopping bags in a corner and then rubbed his palms on his jeans uncomfortably. He noticed that Cho Hee was humming slightly as she set one of the shopping bags on the kitchen counter and began rummaging around in it. He cleared his throat to get her attention. “So if you don’t need anything else, I guess I’ll go…”

She turned and smiled at him. “You don’t want to stay for dinner, oppa?”

“Dinner?” he repeated.

Cho Hee nodded as she extracted a pan from the bag of kitchen utensils she’d bought. “Yup! I have utensils to cook now, and I bought groceries last night. I’ll make you dinner. You did come with me to the market and help me shop even though you didn’t want to.”

Jinyoung shrugged. “No, that’s fine-“

“Are you sure, oppa? I’m not a bad cook, really. And your mother kept telling me to remind you to eat proper meals. She even gave me a bunch of her spices when I was leaving. I can try one of her recipes if you want? What are you in the mood for?”

Jinyoung wasn’t sure exactly why, but he suddenly wanted to stay. Maybe it was because he hadn’t had one of his mother’s recipes in a long time, or maybe because Cho Hee was giving him a really hopeful look, as though she really wanted to cook for him.

Jinyoung relented. “Okay, I’ll stay for dinner. Maybe some meat?”

“Oh… I don’t have any meat. But that’s okay! There’s a grocery store just downstairs! I can go and get one in a few minutes while the vegetables cook!” she decided brightly.  

He half-expected that Cho Hee would be a mess in the kitchen and that all her claims of being a good cook were just a bluff. But as he sat at the tiny dining table and watched her work in the kitchen, a delicious aroma began to waft out. She was extremely organized as she chopped vegetables neatly and the hand that flipped over the meat was undoubtedly skilled. She turned around to glance at him suddenly.

“You must be bored,” Cho Hee said with a laugh. “It can’t be any fun watching me cook.”

Jinyoung cleared his throat and quickly grabbed his phone, pretending to have been looking at it rather than staring at her. Cho Hee had tied her hair up and Jinyoung had been staring at her slender neck and the soft tendrils of hair that stuck to her skin from the cooking fumes. He had never found Cho Hee so attractive. Jinyoung snuck a glance at her again once she turned away. Wearing an apron that failed to hide her curves, and brushing her hair back with the back of her hand… Kang Cho Hee looked like any man’s dream wife.

, what am I thinking? He clenched his fists and forced himself to look away from her. This was stupid. He wasn’t attracted to her. He wasn’t attracted to girls like her. But he couldn’t deny that Cho Hee was extremely beautiful and was suddenly making him nervous. Jinyoung rubbed his temples. He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to stay here or run out of her apartment. Before he could make a decision, he realized that Cho Hee was trying to talk to him.

“Oppa, can you grab those plates for me? I’m done cooking.”

Jinyoung nearly leapt out of his seat to grab the plates and hand them to her. The food smelled great and Cho Hee had made a lot of it. She put a generous helping of meat into his plate and served some for herself. They sat down at the dining table and Cho Hee watched nervously as Jinyoung took a bite.

“Is it okay? Do you like it? Do you want some more salt?” she asked.

Jinyoung swallowed, surprised. It tasted amazing and was extremely similar to his own mother’s cooking. He looked up at Cho Hee with wide eyes and nodded. “This… this tastes great. I didn’t really believe that you could cook. I never saw you doing it before.”

Cho Hee flushed. “Ahh… I kind of had to learn when my mother had a knee replacement surgery last year. I realized that I kind of liked doing it. Well. Not the cooking itself, but it’s just a really nice feeling when you make food for somebody and they enjoy it,” she admitted lightly. “My own style is a little different from this, but I thought you would like something similar to what your mother makes.”

Jinyoung nodded, listening to her while stuffing more food into his mouth. The first few bites had made him hungrier than ever and Cho Hee laughed.

“Slow down, oppa. You’ll choke.”

“It tastes almost exactly like my mother’s,” he admitted. He noticed that she hadn’t eaten yet and raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

She was busy gently picking pieces of meat out of her serving and setting them onto a small plate next to her. Cho Hee gave him a small smile. “I’ll eat. Do you want the extra meat, oppa?”

He stared at her. “Why?”

“I don’t eat meat. I decided to become a vegetarian a year or two ago.”

Jinyoung hesitated. “Yah, you should have told me, I made you cook meat.”

She laughed and shook her head. “That’s fine. It’s nice to see you enjoying it. I’ll just eat it without the meat, it doesn’t make a difference to me. You should eat well, oppa.”

“Fine. You eat too.”

Cho Hee nodded, pulling out her phone and suddenly angling it to take a picture of her own plate. “I will. I wanted to send a picture to my mother to prove that I’m eating well. And-“ Without warning, she tilted the phone up and quickly snapped a picture of Jinyoung putting food into his mouth. “I’ll send this one to your mother so I can show her that her recipe was a success, and that I’ve fed her son.”

Jinyoung flinched as the camera flashed. “Yah.”

Cho Hee noticed the slightly annoyed look in his eyes and laughed. “Sorry, oppa. I had to do it. Your mother told me to.”

“Don’t send that picture to anyone,” he ordered, lunging across the table to grab at her phone. Cho Hee only laughed and held it out of his reach. There was a flicker of mischief in his eyes and she he wasn’t really angry so she continued to hold the phone away from him. She was surprised when Jinyoung suddenly scraped his chair back and leapt out of his seat. “I’m serious, Kang Cho Hee, you’d better delete that picture-“

“Not before I send it to your mom!” she giggled, getting out of her seat to move away from him too. Jinyoung’s long arms were constantly lunging for her phone so she kept pulling it away from him. Cho Hee finally turned her back to him so that she could send the picture, but Jinyoung kept reaching for it. She squealed as he cornered her against the dining table, his chest pressing into her back as he tried to see what she was doing.

“Yah, seriously, you can’t just take pictures of people without telling them-“

Cho Hee giggled. “It’s okay, oppa, you look cute!”

Jinyoung growled as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and tried to snatch the phone out of her grip. Cho Hee was laughing, and it took Jinyoung a few seconds to realize the position they were in. Her back was pressed against his chest, and he could smell a soft flowery scent that was probably her shampoo. Jinyoung suddenly came to the realization that he had Cho Hee pressed against the dining table; her soft and warm body was in his arms.

“Too late; I sent it,” Cho Hee said gleefully, taking advantage of Jinyoung’s flustered state to press send. She held the phone up and turned around to look at him; but they were standing too close and she found herself inches away from Jinyoung’s face. His dark eyes were fixed on her and Cho Hee’s breath caught in . “Uh…”

Jinyoung stepped back suddenly and cleared his throat. “Sorry. I uh, I think we spilled some water on the table.”

Cho Hee bit her lip and glanced back to see the spilled glass of water. She nodded, trying to hide her flustered expression as she stepped around the table to move further away from Jinyoung herself. “I’ll, uh, I’ll get a cloth to wipe that. You sit down, oppa.”

Jinyoung nodded and sat down, relieved that he had a moment alone to compose himself. He felt overwhelmed; Cho Hee’s scent, the feeling of her body wrapped in his arms and her soft laugh had his heartbeat thudding wildly. He took a deep breath and tried to push his thoughts aside as Cho Hee returned with a rag to mop up the spilled water. She wiped it away and sat back down, giving him a soft smile.

“Sorry, oppa. Your mother asked me to send her a picture of you eating.”

Jinyoung merely rolled his eyes. “You need to stop talking to my mother so much. You could have at least let me pose nicely; my mouth was half-full in that picture.”

Cho Hee smiled. “I didn’t think you were the type to care how you looked in pictures.”

“Everyone cares how they look in pictures.”

Cho Hee merely shrugged apologetically. She turned her attention back to her plate. “We should eat, the food is getting cold,” she pointed out.

Jinyoung nodded, taking a deep breath and looking down at his own plate. He had a bad feeling that things were only going to get more complicated from here. But watching Cho Hee’s bright eyes as she finally began to eat and the way in which she smiled at him gently, Jinyoung suddenly didn’t mind anymore.

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“Maybe you should talk to Youngjae about this,” Mark suggested. “He might be able to give you some idea of how she feels about you. Maybe they’ve talked about you before?”

It had turned out that Youngjae and Cho Hee lived in the same building, and the pair had gotten closer over the simple reason that Cho Hee always had food and leftovers while Youngjae was always hungry. Not to mention that they were both ridiculously happy people. Jinyoung might have almost felt jealous of their neighborly friendship if he wasn’t sure that Youngjae was madly in love with another girl. He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“You really think Youngjae is the best person to ask about this? He told a girl he loved her within a week of meeting her. He’s hardly the sharpest of the bunch when it comes to relationships.”

Jaebum snickered. “Yeah. Let’s not bring poor Youngjae into this, the kid has his own set of problems that require a whole new conversation to get into.”

“Yeah, okay, never mind. Youngjae’s not the best idea. But the question is whether Cho Hee has any real reason to reject you. For example, having somebody else in her life. Do you think there’s anybody else? Somebody she likes in college or maybe a boyfriend back home that she still cares about?”

Jinyoung hesitated. “I… I never asked her about stuff like that.”

But as he said it, he suddenly remembered. A couple of months ago, for Mark’s birthday, the whole bunch of them had gone out bowling and gotten drinks later to celebrate. Youngjae had ended up inviting Cho Hee to come along even though she didn’t know anybody in the group besides Jinyoung and Youngjae. Jinyoung clearly remembered what had happened that night.

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Cho Hee held back a little as they entered the bowling alley, suddenly looking nervous. She tugged at Jinyoung’s sleeve and pulled him back, whispering to him quietly. “Oppa, this is kind of awkward. I’ve never even met the birthday boy before and I don’t have a present or anything. Are you sure I should be here?”

Jinyoung glanced down at her fingers wrapped around the sleeve of his button-down shirt briefly. The slight worry in her eyes was adorable, and he couldn’t help but smile down at her. “Listen. Jaebum’s been roommates with Mark for three years, and I know for a fact he hasn’t gotten him a present either.”

Cho Hee still looked worried. “Are you sure, oppa?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure-“

“Oye! Are you two lovebirds coming or not? We’re deciding teams without you; you’ll get stuck with Bambam if you don’t hurry up!” Jackson yelled out to them. When Jinyoung and Cho Hee looked up at him in shock, he waved at them with a grin. “Hurry up, hurry up! Life is short!”

Jinyoung understood how nervous Cho Hee must have been feeling with a group of people that she didn’t know, so he grabbed her hand gently and pulled her over to where everyone was standing. He joined the group and waved his free hand to get everyone’s attention.

“Guys, this is Cho Hee,” he introduced her, deciding that she might feel more comfortable if everyone knew who she was. “She’s a friend of mine from back in my hometown, and she’s just started college here.”

Cho Hee bowed at them politely. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you all,” she greeted with a sweet smile. She turned to Mark and looked at him with big eyes. “Happy Birthday. I’m so sorry I came empty-handed, I didn’t really know that I was going to be here…”

Mark laughed. “It’s all cool. Watch this. Jaebum-ah, where’s my birthday present?”

Jaebum, who had been busily wiping at one of the bowling balls, flushed slightly pink. “Yah. Would you guys quit bothering me about this? I told you I’ll give it to you later, it hasn’t arrived yet, okay? Cut a guy some slack and let’s divide teams already?”

Jackson snickered. “Of course it hasn’t arrived yet. I watched him order it this morning,”

“Okay! Teams, people, teams! Preferably before my birthday ends?”

Cho Hee sat silently as Jackson and Miran each picked people for their teams. She wasn’t sure exactly how those two had been chosen as team leaders but there seemed to be come sort of understood agreement that they couldn’t be on the same team. Cho Hee decided that she liked Miran when the older girl promptly chose her for her team and waved her over with a welcoming smile. She was joined a few seconds later by Jinyoung and Yugyeom; the latter of whom looked worried.

“We’re screwed,” Yugyeom informed them in  low voice. “Miran-noona is crazy competitive. She growled at me for not making a spare, once.” 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “We’ll be fine. Jaebum-hyung’s on our team too so he can handle her. I pity the other team. It’s going to be crazy awkward over there with both Mark-hyung and Yeojung-noona. Those two barely make eye contact.”

Cho Hee felt lost. “Why?” she asked.

“They used to date in high school,” Yugyeom replied, but offered no further explanation. He froze in fear as Miran walked over to them and started to enter their names into the system. Cho Hee leaned back against the cushiony seat and sighed. She was a little tired from having attended classes all day and she was suddenly starting to feel sleepy. Jinyoung glanced at her and nudged her lightly.

“You okay?” he asked her quietly.

Cho Hee blinked and nodded. “I’m fine. I’m just a little tired. But your friends are a lot of fun.”

“If you want to leave at any point, you can tell me. You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to,” he told her. Cho Hee nodded before turning to watch Yugyeom, who had stepped up to go first. Her white lab coat was bunched up in her lap and her cheeks were flushed a slight pink because it was warm inside. Jinyoung felt the sudden urge to put his arm around Cho Hee. He wanted to hold her close and press his lips to her cheek before whispering into her ear, just like Jaebum and Miran were doing next to them. Jinyoung wanted to say something that would make Cho Hee blush and look up at him with her adorable face.

“How good are you at bowling, Cho Hee?” Miran turned to ask her with a smile. “Because I remember Jinyoung was when he was a freshman. He could barely hold the ball straight until Mark taught him.”

Cho Hee smiled. “I’m not bad.”

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow and turned to her. “Really? I’ve never seen you go bowling the entire time I’ve known you. The closest bowling alley we had back home was in the next town.”

“Yeah, I know. I went there pretty regularly in my last two years of high school. It was kind of a long bus ride but my boyfriend lives there and it was the only place we could really go on dates, so…” Cho Hee trailed off. “I can’t do spins and stuff like some of you guys but I’m not gutter-ball level.”

Jinyoung froze. Boyfriend? What boyfriend? Cho Hee had definitely not had a boyfriend back at home. The idea was so unfamiliar, but Jinyoung felt like slapping himself. What had he been thinking? Cho Hee was gorgeous, guys in Seoul were all over her so she would surely have had takers back in their hometown. Jinyoung suddenly felt sick; was this boyfriend the reason she had changed so much? Started taking care of her appearance and behaving more politely and focusing on her studies?

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “What boyfriend?” he asked. He tried to keep his tone cool, but the irritation slipped out.

Cho Hee looked up at him with big eyes. “Uh, Dowoon. You might know him. He’s Wonpil-oppa’s younger brother?”

Jinyoung stiffened. He remembered Dowoon. A rather young boy with a handsome face and an unusually deep voice came to mind. It suddenly hit him that Dowoon had often asked about Cho Hee whenever Jinyoung went over to Wonpil’s house. Jinyoung hadn’t bothered with it then, the idea that anybody could like the clumsy, irritating girl was only mildly amusing to him. He was struck with a strong burst of jealousy as he imagined Cho Hee taking to bus over to meet Dowoon, the two of them holding hands and walking along the streets, even kissing…

Miran cooed. “Oh, that’s sweet! Are you guys dating long-distance now, or is he in Seoul too?”

Cho Hee’s eyes widened in surprise and she shook her head. “Oh sorry; did I call him my boyfriend? He’s actually my ex. We broke up around the time I moved here for college. I’ve never referred to him as my ex so I guess it came out wrong…” she trailed off uncomfortably and forced a smile. “But yeah. He taught me how to bowl so I think I can do okay. I’m definitely better than Youngjae-oppa over there.”

Miran rolled her eyes. “Sweetie, everybody’s better than Youngjae.”

Kang Cho Hee was not an idiot.

She noticed how Jinyoung had become quiet and distant from the moment she mentioned Dowoon. He went to the bathroom and when he returned, he took a seat as far away from her as possible. She couldn’t understand what had gone wrong. Just when Park Jinyoung had begun to be nice to her, and to treat her like a human being, he took a 180 degree turn and went back to his cold, irritable ways. She only stayed because Miran wrapped a friendly arm around her and insisted Cho Hee join them as they went out to get drinks.

The group had a loud, raucous time at the pub but Jinyoung couldn’t get the thought of Dowoon out of his mind. How had he not known that Cho Hee had a boyfriend for the past two years? Had Dowoon treated her well? His mind was whirling with jealousy and curiosity the entire time he watched Cho Hee try and match the speed at which Miran was taking shots.

“Yah. Don’t you think Cho Hee’s too far gone?” Yeojung suddenly asked. “She keeps leaning on me because she can’t sit straight.”

Cho Hee blinked and straightened up a little. She cleared . “Sorry. I’ve always been kind of a lightweight…” she hiccupped cutely, looking apologetic. “Don’t mind me, I’ll sober up in a bit.”

“I think you should head home if you’ve had too much. Youngjae, don’t you guys live in the same apartment?”

Youngjae looked down at his unfinished beer. “Yeah, but…”

“I’ll take her.”

Jinyoung stood up and helped Cho Hee get to her feet and gather her things. She was rather unsteady on her feet and giggled when he put his arm around her to help her balance. He managed to get the tipsy girl out of the pub and into a cab, quickly telling the cab driver her address as he got in beside her.

“Oppa, I’m sleepy,” she mumbled suddenly.

“Take a nap, I’ll wake you up when your apartment comes. This is why you shouldn’t drink too much. What would you have done if I wasn’t here to take you home?” he scolded. But Cho Hee ignored him. She merely leaned to the side and placed her head on his lap comfortably, pulling her knees up so she could lie down on the seat. Jinyoung stiffened in surprise.

“W-what are you…?”

“Your lap is nice, oppa,” she mumbled as she shifted and made herself comfortable. Her dark hair spilled over his legs and had fallen to one side to reveal her slender neck. Jinyoung felt his heartbeat thud as she beautiful girl slept soundly in his lap. He was only relieved that her apartment wasn’t too far away. He shook her awake quickly when they reached and helped her out of the cab.

“Be careful, don’t hurt yourself,” he scolded her as she almost tripped over her own two feet. Once they made it upstairs, Cho Hee fumbled with the lock and opened it, revealing her neat apartment. Jinyoung barely had to do anything; she kicked her shoes off herself and plopped straight onto the bed. She hummed happily.

“Oppa, my bed is really soft and comfortable. Want to see?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Not particularly. Do you want water or something…?”  

“Nope.”

“Fine, then I’ll get going-“

“Can you hand me that sweater?”

He noticed a navy blue sweater that was slung over the back of a chair. Jinyoung picked it up and handed it to her, noticing instantly that it was much too big. As Cho Hee pulled it over her head and the shoulders drooped beyond her small frame, Jinyoung felt a sudden ugly feeling arise inside of him.

“Isn’t that a men’s sweater?” he demanded.

Cho Hee hummed as she cuddled into it. The sleeves went past her hands and hung uselessly as the ends. She looked adorable in the oversized sweater and with a sleepy smile on her face. Jinyoung wasn’t sure what made him ask the next question. Looking back, he realized that it couldn’t have been anything but pure jealousy.

“Is it Dowoon’s?”

Cho Hee didn’t open her eyes. “No. Dowoon doesn’t wear sweaters like this. That idiot roams around in short sleeves even in winters,” she mumbled irritably.

“Is it your Dad’s or something?”

 “No.”

“Then-“

“It’s nobody’s,” she mumbled. Her head was pressed against the pillow and her voice was muffled. Jinyoung had to lean closer to understand what the drunken girl was saying into her pillow. “I bought it as a gift for someone but I never got around to giving it to them. So I just wear it myself because it’s comfortable.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “Yah. If you buy someone a gift then you should give it to them-“

To his surprise, Cho Hee suddenly sat up a little and pulled the sweater off herself. She tossed it at Jinyoung and cuddled back against the pillow. He caught the crumpled sweater in surprise, as Cho Hee blinked at him drowsily. “Fine, then you should take it, oppa. It was meant for you anyway.”

“For me?”

“Mm. I bought it to give you when you left for Seoul. As a college-going-away present. But you told me the wrong time for the train and you weren’t there at the station…” she paused and yawned slightly. “And you never came home at Christmas-time either, so I just kept it. You should take it. You like sweaters like that, don’t you? I’m sorry I stretched it out.”

Jinyoung stared down at the sweater in his hands in silence, stomach churning.

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Park Jinyoung trudged back home alone after drinks with Mark and Jaebum. He was feeling miserable and anxious, the alcohol having done very little to soothe his nerves. He hadn’t realized how nerve-wracking it was to confess to somebody and then have to wait for their response. Especially when that somebody was Cho Hee. The more he thought about it, the more positive he was the she hated his guts. It was possible. He’d never treated her well in the past.

To be honest, Jinyoung had never even realized how much his cold and insensitive behavior had hurt the girl until she’d told him herself. Cho Hee had always smiled, had always greeted him so pleasantly that he hadn’t the slightest suspicion that she could ever have been hurt by him. Until the night she had blurted it all out.

He entered his apartment and took off his shoes, only to find Jackson spread out on his couch, watching television. Jinyoung merely raised an eyebrow at his friend.

“You finally moved out then, huh?” he asked.

Jackson nodded silently, his eyes fixed on the television. He’d been going through a hard time lately, and had to get rid of his luxurious apartment that his father paid for. Jinyoung would normally have thrown a fit and refused to let Jackson live with him; but he was proud of his friend for trying to make it on his own. He sighed and plopped down next to his friend on the couch.

“How’s the business thing going?” Jinyoung wondered.

Jackson nodded. “Not bad. It’s hard work but Haeun’s great at making decisions, so it’s progressing. Thanks for letting me crash here while things work out. I know I’m probably getting in the way of your studying at night.”

Jinyoung chuckled. “Nah, I wasn’t going to get any studying done today anyway. I keep thinking about Cho Hee.  Suddenly I remember why relationships are such a pain. You end up so stressed that you can’t focus on anything anymore.”

“Except when they’re going well, then they help you relieve a lot of stress.”

Jinyoung merely hummed and nodded.

“I think things will work out with you and Cho Hee,” Jackson told him honestly, giving his friend a reassuring smile. “She makes you a better person. Not to mention-“

He was cut off by the sound of Jinyoung’s phone ringing. Jinyoung shifted and pulled it out of his pocket, checking the caller ID. It was Cho Hee. He looked up at his friend, wide-eyed. “She’s calling me. Jackson, why is she calling me right now? It’s practically midnight. You don’t think she’s going to say that she’s made up her mind and she doesn’t want to date me, is she? Maybe there was nothing for her to even think about in the first place-“

“Yah, answer it before it stops ringing, or you’ll never find out.”

Jinyoung hurriedly answered the phone and moved away from the couch, his heartbeat thudding as he spoke. “Cho Hee? Hi.”

Her voice was soft. “Oppa, did I wake you up? I’m sorry for calling this late.”

“No, I was awake. Why… why did you call?”

“I don’t know, I was just thinking about what you said to me at the train station earlier, I…” she took a deep breath and cleared . “I don’t really know what to say. It’s been driving me crazy. You haven’t… you haven’t changed your mind about what you said, have you?”

“What? Of course not,” he reassured her firmly. “Why would I change my mind? I didn’t just confess to you on a whim. You know I don’t do things like that. I put a lot of thought into what I wanted to say. I’m not going to change my mind.”

She was quiet for a long moment before she finally asked. “What would you do if I said no?”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. “I’d try to convince you to give me a chance.”

“And if I still said no?”

“Then…” he trailed off and took a deep breath. “Then I’d accept the fact that I was too late and leave you alone. I don’t want to push you into doing something you’re not comfortable with. I want you to be happy. If you’re sure that you can’t be happy with me then there’s nothing I can do about that.”

Cho Hee bit her lip and smiled lightly. “Most girls would like to hear that the man would fight for them.”

“I’ll fight for you. But I can’t fight against your feelings if you don’t want me.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you. I just…”

“You just what?” he pressed.

“I’m scared.”

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Park Jinyoung hated places like this.

It was mostly because he was already slightly drunk, and because Jaebum was missing his out-of-town girlfriend and because Jackson was well… Jackson, that he had agreed to come to this strip club. Personally, he thought it promoted a sort of culture of using one’s body as a tool to make money that he objected to on a principled level.

Also, women just made him really, really nervous and uncomfortable.

Jackson greeted the waitresses with his usual friendly manner, seeming to know them all by name. He got the trio of boys a special table near the corner that had a perfect view of the stage. Apparently it wasn’t the table Jackson usually sat at but THAT table had been pre-booked by a group of women who were on a bachelorette party. Jinyoung rolled her eyes at the sight of the drunken girls giggling and tucking dollar bills into the male strippers’ underwear. He wasn’t being ist; he just didn’t like this sort of debauchery as a whole.

“But like… it’s not cheating if none of them touch me, right?” Jaebum pressed, as he moved away from one of the strippers, looking worried. It was all he had been talking about on the ride there. “I can look at them, right? How is it MY fault if a woman strips in front of me? I just can’t TOUCH them, that’s all. I won’t touch them. Nobody touch me!”

Jinyoung resisted the urge to smack his own forehead. “Jaebum, just tell them you’re not interested-“

Jaebum panicked as one of the strippers approached him and tried to sit in his lap. She was actually rather pretty and had an extremely large chest but Jaebum scooted away from her in panic. “No, no, you can’t sit in my lap! Don’t touch me! I have a girlfriend, I’m only allowed to look!”

Jinyoung glanced at Jackson in disbelief. “Yah. Was it really necessary to bring him here? He looks more stressed out than relaxed.”  

Jackson chuckled. “He’ll get there, don’t worry.”

“I don’t think he will.”

“How about you worry about yourself? I’m going to call Sparkle over here, okay-“

Jinyoung winced. “What the hell is Sparkle?“

“Jesus Christ, Jinyoung. It’s her stripper name. Don’t you know anything? Look at that bachelorette party over there, huh? They’re GIRLS and they’re having a better time than us. Don’t make me embarrassed to be here with you. Or maybe you don’t want to start straight off with a stripper. Maybe you want to flirt with one of the bachelorette party girls to get you warmed up. Let’s go talk to them, that one sitting alone there looked kind of lonely and… OH MY GOD!”

Jinyoung jumped and frowned, looking for what had startled Jackson. “What, what?”

“Isn’t that Kang Cho Hee? Like your childhood friend; cooks-really-nice-beef-stew-and-has-a-pet-rabbit Kang Cho Hee?” Jackson demanded, letting out his usual, high-pitched laugh in amusement. Park Jinyoung felt his stomach twist as he narrowed his eyes and frowned at the girl Jackson was pointing at. It was Cho Hee. She was wearing a pretty black top and a skirt that barely got past her thighs; her hair was curled and pinned over one shoulder as she sat among the bachelorette party and sipped on a drink calmly.

“,” Jinyoung whispered.

Jackson laughed. “Dude. It’s been like, four months since that girl came to Seoul from your dingy little town and look how well she’s settled in! What the hell is your problem?”

“What is she DOING here?” Jinyoung snapped.

“Having fun, clearly-“

He laughed drily. “Yeah? Not anymore.”

Jackson yanked Jinyoung back down as his friend stood up and moved towards the group of people. Jackson looked startled and confused. “Dude? What are you doing? Let her have her fun, she’s here with her friends. She hasn’t seen us anyway. I’m going to go call Sparkle over here and I’ll-“

Jinyoung wasn’t listening. “I don’t want to talk to your bloody Sparkle. I have no idea what Kang Cho Hee is thinking coming to a place like this, but I’m about to set her on the right track. You and Jaebum do whatever you want to do, okay?”

“Dude, don’t. In my experience, girls don’t like it when you-“

Jinyoung wasn’t listening. He was seeing red; he couldn’t believe that Cho Hee would come to a place like this. Was this why she had come to Seoul? To play around and have fun in bars and strip clubs and get drunk and fool around? Didn’t she have a conscience? He marched straight over to the group of girls, some of whom looked at him with interest.

One of the older girls smiled at him. “Hi, there. Are you-“

Jinyoung ignored her. He turned his gaze sharply to Cho Hee. “Cho Hee, come outside.”

She stared at him, her eyes wide as she realized who she was looking at. It hadn’t even remotely occurred to her that she could run into somebody like Park Jinyoung at a strip club. Her heartbeat thudded in panic as he glared at her sharply, ignoring the confused looks that her friends were giving her.

“Oppa-“

His tone was firm. “Come out, right now.”

One of the girls cut in, looking a little annoyed. “Excuse me. I don’t know who you think you are, but you can’t order our friend around like that. She’ll come out if she wants to come out. So I suggest you leave before I call one of the bouncers and ask him to remove you-“

Cho Hee’s eyes widened in panic. “No! No, unnie, don’t do that, I know him-“

“Cho Hee, I don’t care if you know him, he’s behaving in an extremely rude manner right now.”

Jinyoung glared at the older girl who was acting as though she was the boss of everyone. He gave her an irritated look and then turned back to Cho Hee. “Who the hell are these girls? Is this the sort of company you’ve been keeping since you came to Seoul? Dressing like that and coming to strip clubs-“

The older girl looked furious. “I’m sorry, dressing like what?“

Cho Hee’s eyes were darting in between Jinyoung and her friend, filled with panic. She didn’t know what to do and she had a bad feeling that a serious argument was going to break out. She quickly squeezed herself out from behind the table and grabbed Jinyoung’s arm. “Oppa, let’s go outside, don’t create a scene here-“

Her friend protested. “Yah. Don’t leave just because he wants you to leave-“

“I’m fine, unnie, really. Congratulations on your engagement, I’ll see you at the wedding and I hope you have a great night-“ she was babbling in a panicked manner as she gently pushed Jinyoung away from the rest of the group and out of the strip club. Cho Hee hated confrontation and she could never handle when people got upset or lost their temper. She usually ended up crying before being able to fight back and the last thing she wanted was a scene. Once they exited the strip club, Jinyoung turned and frowned at her.

“What the hell were you doing here?” he demanded.

“It was my friend’s older sister’s bachelorette party, we just came to mess around,“ Cho Hee explained, upset. “Seriously, oppa, it’s not a big deal. It’s perfectly safe, we’re a big group of people and most of them have been here before. It’s really all okay-“

“It’s okay?” he demanded angrily. “Are you sure about that? If I called your mother and told her what you’re doing and sent her a picture of how you’re dressed, do you think it would be okay for her? Do you think she’d be able to sleep peacefully at night if she knew this was what her daughter was doing in Seoul?”

Cho Hee was quiet.

“No,” she whispered.

Jinyoung leaned closer to her suddenly, taking a sniff near her neck. “Are you drunk-“

She flinched away from him. “No. But I think you are.”  

He ignored her and moved towards the road, holding his hand out to hail a cab. Cho Hee watched him in stony silence as he stopped the cab, told the driver her address and then opened the door for her to get inside. Cho Hee gave him a hard look but Jinyoung merely held the door open and stared at her expectantly.

“Get inside now, Kang Cho Hee. I wasn’t kidding about calling your mother.”

She sat inside the cab and folded her arms across her chest. Jinyoung got in beside her and they sat in a long, stony silence as the cab driver moved towards Cho Hee’s home. Jinyoung could feel his head spinning from the alcohol and he ran his fingers through his hair in a frustrated manner. The car motion was making him feel sick and he almost missed the quiet whisper that came from Cho Hee.

“I hate you.”

He turned to look at her sharply. “What?”

“I hate you,” she told him softly and calmly. Cho Hee wasn’t even looking at him. She was staring out of the window and he could see the shine of tears in her eyes. “I hate you so much. I hate you because you make me hate myself. Do you even know this?”

Jinyoung frowned. “If you hate me for telling you that you did something wrong-“

“Everything I do is something wrong to you. I didn’t spend all my time holed up in high school trying to get into a prestigious college so I was an idiot. I was stupid, I was clumsy, I had no aim in life. You always made it abundantly clear what you thought of me. So I worked hard, and I managed to get into the SAME university as you but you’re still not satisfied. I’m supposed to sit and study in the library all day and night, I’m supposed to be the top of my class or else I’m a useless idiot that’s wasting my time. Wanting to have fun with friends and roam around because I came to a big city to study is normal, Park Jinyoung. Everyone does it. But somehow you make me feel horrible for wanting to do it.”

Jinyoung bristled. “Going to strip clubs isn’t something that all girls do-“

“What were you doing here, then?” her eyes were red as she turned to stare at him. “Weren’t you here with Jackson-oppa? I saw you and your friends. Why do your ing double standards apply only to me? You’re not my boyfriend. You’re not my brother. You have no right to tell me what to do.”

“Then why did you come out of that club? Why didn’t you let your friend argue for you?”

Cho Hee scoffed and looked down at her hands folded in her lap. Her voice became quieter. “I don’t know. I don’t know why I keep trying to meet your high standards. I don’t know why I keep seeking your approval. It’s kind of pathetic, isn’t it? I thought I grew out of it but here I am again, feeling miserable because I don’t live up to your idea of how a person should be. Because you don’t admire me the way I foolishly admire you.”

Jinyoung was silent. His head was spinning and he clutched in irritation. “…”

“It’s not healthy,” she whispered to herself. Cho Hee took a deep breath and glanced at the man next to her. It suddenly struck her that Park Jinyoung was not the perfect, excellent man that she’d always thought he was. He had flaws. He was petty, and jealous, and he expected everyone to climb up to the high moral ground that he lived on.

The car stopped outside Cho Hee’s apartment. Jinyoung moved to get out, but she put her hand on her arm and stopped him.

“Go home. I can see myself upstairs. Clearly you’re the one that’s drunk.”

“I’ll come see you until your door, it’s late-“

“Please don’t,” she said with a dry laugh. “It’s these stupid little things you do that make me fool myself into thinking you actually care for me. I’d rather you were an all the time so I could hate you completely. I’ll see myself upstairs. Go home.”

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Jinyoung couldn’t stop thinking about her words all night.

Cho Hee’s voice echoed in his mind. Had he done this to her? Had he made her feel bad about herself, pushed his own high standards onto her? Sober Jinyoung suddenly realized that he had no right to drag her out of that strip club, had no right to tell her to do anything. She was an adult. Cho Hee had never once tried to tell him what to do.

Park Jinyoung hated apologizing, but something dragged him to Cho Hee’s apartment later that evening. He had to talk to her, had to explain his behavior. When he knocked on the door, Cho Hee opened it a crack and frowned when she saw him.

“Oppa, I don’t really want to talk to you,” she told him honestly.

He frowned.

“Look. I came here to apologize for last night. I was drunk, and-“

“Yes, thank you.” Her voice sounded irritable. Jinyoung noticed that she didn’t have her usual smile on her face. The bright and cheerful Cho Hee was giving him a tired look. “I know that you were drunk. All my friends gave me about an hour’s worth of counselling this morning because they believe I have an abusive boyfriend.”

He paused. “I didn’t mean to come off like that.”

“Well, you did.”

He bit his lip, sighing. She really wasn’t making this easy for him. Jinyoung placed his hand on the doorframe. “Can I come in? Let’s talk about it. I know I made a mistake. But you really shouldn’t have been in a place like that, Cho Hee. You’re barely legal and we both know you’ve never set foot in anything like a club before, so-“

Cho Hee let out a frustrated laugh. “If you’re here to lecture me then I’m in no mood to take it. Go ahead, tell my mother whatever you want. What’s the worst she can do? Drag me back home? That’s probably where I’m going anyway.”

He paused. “What?”

“I-I can’t do this anymore,” she admitted quietly.

“Do what?”

Her voice was cracking and there were tears in her eyes. Jinyoung stared at her in concern. Was she crying? Because of him? He stared at her in shock. “Yah. Cho Hee…”

Cho Hee blinked back her tears and leaned against the doorframe. Her voice was shaky when she spoke. “I’m not cut out for this. I had the tiest day. We were shadowing one of the senior doctors and he let us scrub in on an operation for this little kitten that had a damaged heart, and…” she covered her face with her hand as she struggled to finish her sentence. “And it died on the operating table and the doctor said there was nothing he could do, and he pointed at me and told me to sew the kitten shut again and…”

Jinyoung stared at her eyes wide.

“And?” he questioned.

Cho Hee scoffed and blinked back her tears. “I couldn’t do it. My hands started trembling and my eyes got all blurry because I got teary and I just couldn’t look at the thing. So obviously I got yelled at, because what kind of vet starts crying when she has to sew up a kitten? I can’t do this. This was all a big mistake. I’m not strong enough.”

Jinyoung frowned.

“That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard.”

Cho Hee stared at him. Her eyes were wide before her shoulders slumped slightly. “Yes, I know-“

“No, it is. Because you can’t give up that easily. If there’s one thing Kang Cho Hee has, it’s resilience,” he told her firmly. “How many times did you keep bringing animals into your house despite your mother screaming at you? How many times did you follow me home in middle school even though I repeatedly told you that you were a nuisance? Yes, you were annoying as hell but I admired that you never gave up, you never let anybody stop you from doing what you wanted to do. And you’re telling me that you’re going to give up your career because some ing doctor yelled at you?”

“But..” she blinked at Jinyoung miserably. “Oppa, this is different. It’s not just the doctor yelling at me, I couldn’t even manage to sew up the kitten-“

“Yah. When those kittens in that alleyway died during winter, weren’t you the one who buried them in the park? Don’t tell me that you scare easy. I won’t believe it. You panicked a little. It was your first time seeing an animal dying in front of your eyes. I refuse to believe that doctor didn’t get a little shaky when he picked up a surgical instrument for the first time.”

Cho Hee bit her lip.

“Do you really think-“

“Yes. I think this is a hiccup, and we both know you’re not really going to give up your studies and go back home because of this. You’re just having cold feet. Things get difficult sometimes, you can’t just give up. You don’t need me to tell you this. You know. You’re more mature than I ever gave you credit for, Cho Hee.”

Cho Hee was silent, staring down at her feet as she processed Jinyoung’s words. She opened to speak but before she could, Jinyoung had stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her into a tight hug and her back gently to calm her shaking.

“You are an amazing person. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel differently. You didn’t deserve it.”

Cho Hee smiled lightly, letting herself inhale Jinyoung’s familiar scent and enjoy the feeling of his arms around her. She pressed her face against his sweater and took a deep breath.

“I never thought I’d hear these words from you.”

“You’ll hear them more often if you stay here.”

“I will,” she promised quietly.  

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Cho Hee took a deep breath as she finally zipped up her bag. It had been a wonderful Christmas at home; her mother’s cooking and seeing her family had lifted her spirits slightly. She had even met Jinyoung’s mother and taken an entire bag of food and other things to carry back to Seoul for him. It was tucked safely in a corner of her suitcase.

“Darling! Are you done packing?” her mother’s voice called as she came up the stairs.

“Yeah, I’m done!” she reassured her. Her mother entered the room and gave her a rather sad smile. It bothered her that her daughter was studying in a different city. Cho Hee knew that her mother was lonely and she suddenly felt bad for Jinyoung. She had always blamed him for not visiting home enough but now she knew how hard it was.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for New Years’, dear?” her mother asked hopefully.

Cho Hee smiled. “I wish I could. I have a really important lecture to attend on the 2^nd and I’d never make it back in time to prepare for it. We both know I could never get any studying done here among all the neighbors and their celebrations.”

Her mother sighed. “Ahh, always studying. You must be spending a lot of time with Jinyoung.”

Cho Hee bit her lip. “I wouldn’t say so, eomma. Rumor has it Jinyoung-oppa goes to clubs with his friends now and then,” she told her with a giggle. “Don’t tell Mrs. Park.”

Her mother raised an eyebrow. “Oh, as if you’re some little angel. I almost forgot to tell you. Dowoon came here to see you off, he’s downstairs. Come down and talk to the poor boy.”

Cho Hee’s eyes widened. She set the bag down on her bed and hurried downstairs, smiling when she saw Dowoon sitting in the living room. He gave her a cheerful grin when he saw her and waved happily.

“Dowoon-ah!” she greeted him. “I tried calling you on Christmas Day but you didn’t answer!”

“Sorry,” he apologized sheepishly. “I was with my girlfriend.”

Cho Hee blinked at him and raised an eyebrow playfully. “Ouch,” she joked. “Shouldn’t you soften the blow a little bit if you’re going to tell me that you’re seeing someone else? I am your ex.”

“As if you don’t have scores of guys dying to date you in Seoul,” he retorted.

Cho Hee’s mind flashed back to Jinyoung and she forced a smile on her face. It was rather painful to think about his confession and she had no idea what to do about it. She’d been avoiding thinking about it by keeping herself busy at home. But surprisingly, the knowledge that Dowoon was dating someone else didn’t bother her much. He was sweet; he was bound to find someone else.

“Who are you seeing?” she asked.

“Ah… it’s this girl that works at our local convenience store. It’s going kind of well. She didn’t insist that we spend our Christmas at the animal shelter.”

Cho Hee bristled. “Well, excuse me-“

Dowoon laughed. “Yah, yah. I’m kidding. It’s all fine. How are things going for you in Seoul? You were nervous about going to meet Jinyoung-hyung. Don’t tell me you’ve started crushing on him and becoming blind to all the other guys around you again. I suffered for three years because of that.”

Cho Hee smiled awkwardly. “He confessed that he wants to date me.”

Dowoon raised an eyebrow. “No kidding.”

“You don’t sound that surprised.”

“I always thought he liked you. He was just kind of that tsundere type. And to be honest, he needs someone like you to pick him up. You’re bright and cheerful and he’s kind of… gloomy. No wonder he’s drawn to you.”

“He’s not gloomy-“

Dowoon held his hands up defensively. “Sorry, didn’t mean to insult your prince.”

“He’s not my prince-“ Cho Hee protested, eyebrows raised.

“Yah. Are you seriously going to pretend like you haven’t always adored Jinyoung-hyung? Let’s face it. You grew up with him, you know everything about him. Sometimes there isn’t an explanation for why you like someone. You just do. And Jinyoung-hyung is a good person. You know he’s a perfectionist when it comes to things he cares about and if he says he cares about you…”

Cho Hee was quiet.

Dowoon shrugged. “All I’m saying is, it would be a shame to not even give him a chance.”

“What if it doesn’t work out the way I want it to? What if I end up hurt?” she mumbled.

“That’s a risk you have to take. If he does hurt you, then he’ll be out of your system. But turning him down on the off-chance that he might mess up? Come on, Cho Hee. You know you like him too much to do that.”

Cho Hee took a deep breath.

Maybe Dowoon was right.  

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Park Jinyoung forced a smile on his face as he helped Jaebum pour the drinks.

He hadn’t been in the mood to come out at all, but Jackson  had dragged him out of the apartment. Jackson had started on his standard pitiful rant about how he was poor and out of house and home and if he could make it out to celebrate New Years’, then so could Jinyoung. So Jinyoung ended up going out for drinks with the others.

He had always been good at reading the mood and he could tell that most of the smiles across the table were fake. Jaebum and Miran both seemed tense… clearly they were having come sort of relationship troubles. Jackson was being overly cheerful and refused to talk about anything except his new-found, self-imposed poverty. Yugyeom looked particularly miserable; he was barely touching his food.

Bambam and Ah-Reum were the only ones that were behaving normally. They were having a deep conversation about how to guess the size of men’s . Jinyoung could barely believe it, but theirs was the only conversation that he could bear to listen to. Everyone else seemed out of spirits or were forcing their enthusiasm.

Jinyoung nudged Jaebum and raised an eyebrow before asking, “What’s wrong with Miran?”

Jaebum merely shook his head, indicating that he didn’t want to talk about it.

Jinyoung nodded and withdrew, suddenly feeling extremely lonely. Everyone had their own troubles, their own lives to worry about. What was he doing? He glanced down at his phone. Would Cho Hee call him? She had gotten back to Seoul yesterday; he remembered that some friend of hers was throwing a party on New Years’ Eve. Was she at that party? Was she thinking about him?

Or did he not even matter to her?

The sort of empty feeling didn’t disappear as Jaebum suggested that they all call it a night. Jinyoung occupied himself with calculating how much everybody owed for the bill and collecting the money. It distracted him for a few seconds, until the group began to split up. Everybody hurried out of the pub, going their own way.

Jinyoung trudged out as well, shivering in the cold air that hit him outside. He felt completely sober despite having had a good number of beers. It was freezing cold and Jinyoung mostly just wanted to go home and sleep through the new year. He carefully avoided Jackson and slipped out, making his way down the street. It was cold and dark and he barely heard the female voice calling out to him.

“Jinyoung-oppa!”

He whirled around in surprise and noticed that Cho Hee was hurrying over to him. She was wrapped up tightly in a large jacket, her nose slightly pink from the cold. She waved an arm to signal him to stop walking as she breathlessly ran over to him.

“Cho Hee?” he demanded surprised. “What are you doing here-“

“I called and asked Youngjae where you all were,” she admitted quietly. “I just came back to Seoul last night. I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner. I wanted to, but I didn’t know what to say, so I…”

He bit his lip. “It’s fine.”

“Do you… want to take a walk?”

Jinyoung nodded, his heartbeat thudding. They both began to walk down the street, heading in no particular direction. They were actually walking further away from his apartment but Jinyoung didn’t have any intention of asking Cho Hee where she intended to go. She seemed nervous and was taking slow, deep breaths.

“I thought a lot about what you said to me,” she explained quietly.

Jinyoung nodded. “Okay.”

“I wasn’t sure what it was that was making me hold back. Because I’ve always liked you. Oppa, you know I’ve had feelings for you since we were kids. I didn’t follow you around for no reason. I admired you. I liked how dedicated you are, I like how you do everything perfectly. Even the smallest praise from you makes me happy and… and I’ve tried dating other people but I always come back to you.”

Jinyoung reached out and grabbed her hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner-“

Cho Hee shook her head and smiled. “That’s not your fault. I wasn’t your type. And I’m still not sure that I am. I guess what scares me the most is that you’ll realize I’m not what you really want and I don’t know if I could deal with that kind of heartbreak.”

He lifted a hand to her cheek. “I’m confident that you’re what I want.”

“It’s just-“

“Have you ever seen me go back on my word once I’ve decided something?” he demanded.

“No, but…”

“Please trust me.”

She looked up at him, her eyes shining. Jinyoung saw the adoration in her eyes. Cho Hee had always looked at him like that. How had he never seen it? How had he not known that such a wonderful girl had cared about him and loved him? Jinyoung had no doubts that Cho Hee was what he wanted. He just didn’t know how to prove it to her.

Cho Hee took a deep breath. “So if we do this…” she began slowly. “You can’t treat me like a child. You can’t scold me, you can’t drag me out of clubs just because you feel like it. We have to talk things out like adults.”

He nodded quickly. “I can do that.”

She nodded and took a shaky breath. “Then let’s try this, oppa.”

“It’s what you want?”

“It’s what I’ve always wanted. That was never in doubt.”  

Jinyoung leaned forward and kissed her gently, his arms holding her close to him. He had never imagined that Cho Hee’s lips would taste so sweet, would move so gently against his. She sighed softly against his lips and they melted against each other, hardly caring that they were in the middle of the street. Cho Hee’s cheeks were flushed as she pulled away for breath.

“Why are you so good at everything?” Cho Hee wondered quietly, as Jinyoung pressed gentle kisses to her cheeks and forehead. His warm lips left a soft tingle wherever they touched her skin.

Before Jinyoung could respond, they were interrupted by a loud, exploding noise. Both of them jumped slightly and glanced at the sky to see that the fireworks had begun. Bright colors filled the sky and as Jinyoung looked down at Cho Hee, he could see them reflected in her eyes.

“It’s a nice way to start the New Year,” he pointed out with a small smile.

“Learning from the past and looking forward to the future. It does sound wonderful.”  

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