Jongin remembers the anticipation of sitting among the other fledgling guardians, eagerly listening to older angels revisit stories of their own wards and the lessons they learned and wanted to pass on to future guardians. Everything sounded so beautiful and exciting.

A guardian’s job is to guide their ward closely until they reach adulthood, intervening when the child most needs it and otherwise following them on whatever path they pave for themselves.

Jongin’s still a fledgling when he’s assigned his first ward, a toddler named Do Kyungsoo. He’s round-eyed and chubby-cheeked and loves to run around his parents’ legs, making up games and laughing. When they present Jongin—dubbed Kai, a black-furred kitten—to him just after his second birthday, it’s love at first sight. Kyungsoo is so proud of his kitty that he carries Jongin everywhere and makes a special bed of a pillow and blanket and stuffed toys right next to his own pillow—Jongin entertains him when he first crawls into bed, curling up on the pillow and burrowing under the soft blanket, but he always slips down to the mattress and sleeps under Kyungsoo’s arm.

They pass many happy years together learning piano and befriending the neighborhood kids and surviving the girls have cooties! phase, and Jongin can’t be prouder of how Kyungsoo’s growing up.

But he is growing up.

Their time together is shortening every day.

Every full moon, fledgling guardians meet with a veteran. Jongin lies awake between Kyungsoo’s knees, watching the white being rise higher in the sky. If Jongin can rely on his whiskers, Kyungsoo would still stay asleep for a while.

He gathers some clothes and slips out of the open the window. Shifting outside, he dresses quickly and hurries to their usual meeting place, a bus stop with a bench.

"Jongin." The soft voice seems to come from the shadows. "Kyungsoo's turning eighteen, soon."

"I know."

"Are you prepared to move on?"

Jongin swallows and looked at the ground. His borrowed clothes don’t hang on him, anymore; he's broader than Kyungsoo, a bit taller, too. "I don't want to leave, Joonmyun hyung."

Joonmyun sighs, stepping from the shadows and rubbing the back of his neck. He's Kyungsoo's height, Jongin notes. His pale skin stands out starkly against the black of his hair and the darkness of the night. "You know you have to leave. You spend a life guiding a child, and once they're an adult, they don't need your guidance anymore. Another child does."

"I've been with Kyungsoo since I was born, hyung. This is my first life, and I'd be happy if it was my only life. I love him."

"Good. That's your job."

Jongin ignores the remark, looking at his hands. He has long fingers. His paws never look so large. "No, hyung ... I-I want to spend all my lives with him."

The experienced guardian drops his chin to his chest, rubbing his neck and grumbling something. Eventually, he sighs again and parks himself on the curb beside Jongin. "Listen, Jongin. It is hard to say goodbye. It's not a bad thing, though. You can do just as much good for another kid who needs you."

"But—" He sighs.

“Your work is almost over. There are others who will need your guidance.”

“I can’t just leave him, hyung. He worries about me— He loves me.” Somewhere along the way, his own love changed. Kyungsoo iss no longer just a ward or precious son. Jongin wants to be an active part of his life for always and be involved as he becomes an adult and eases into old age.

Joonmyun’s sympathetic. “That love won’t go anywhere. He’ll remember you, and the memories of you will comfort him and remind him of what you’ve taught him.”

Jongin wonders what’ll happen if he can’t move on. He wants to do the best job he can, but if he does leave Kyungsoo’s side yet continues to stay close and neglects his new ward… He couldn’t forgive himself. "Do you think you'll be able to leave Sehun?"

Joonmyun hesitates, masking it with a thoughtful squint at the moon. "Yes. He's not my first and won’t be my last. I want to help others. If I can get him to stop being so damn awkward around girls, I'll consider him a success."

It’s unimaginable, to Jongin. Living with someone for so long, getting to know them as well as knowing himself, and then just...leaving. Jongin wonders if Joonmyun ever visits his past children. All the guardians checks on their wards, from afar. He’s heard a few sad stories about the ones who died too soon or lost their way after childhood. Guardians have to watch it all, the good and the bad, from a distance, and that’s what Jongin doesn’t think he can do.

The older guardian sees his distress, even without Jongin admitting it. He has the potential to be a really great guardian. Given time, he’ll have the experience and collected the strength to fulfil the lifestyle and duties and be proud.

The heartbreak and lovesickness don’t go away, but they are easier to manage after a couple lifetimes.

They chat about their wards and share funny stories. Jongin boasts about Kyungsoo’s piano skills, and Joonmyun recalls Sehun running away from a recruiting agent while taking Joonmyun—living as the family dog—for a walk.

“I hadn’t had to run before then. It was awful. He could’ve just faced her like a normal person, although, I suppose we are teaching him to be wary of strangers, but being wary and flat out running away are two completely different things!”

The moon’s falling behind the city when they say their goodbyes. Jongin leaves his borrowed clothes in the downstairs laundry room, dragging them through the pet door Kyungsoo’s dad installed just for him.

Kyungsoo’s still sound asleep, curled up tight around his pillow. Jongin jumps onto the bed and noses at the boy’s arm until he relaxes, weaseling between the pillow and Kyungsoo’s body.

This is what wants to return to every night.

Kyungsoo has his bad days, days of tantrums and sulking, as a toddler, but middle school brings problems from classmates, and public tantrums are too juvenile, so he tries to hide his feelings. Grunts and shrugs placate his parents, who smile at one another once their youngest is out of the room, but Jongin follows him until he sits down or picks him up, taking in Kyungsoo’s anxieties and frustrations with simple purrs and no judgement. They’ll sit together for minutes to hours, usually at the piano, playing whatever songs come to Kyungsoo and whatever improvisations Jongin can reach the keys to add.

Sometimes, though, even Jongin doesn’t seem to be enough to help Kyungsoo, and he feels like he’s failing as a guardian. Those times, it’s Jongin who’s throwing tantrums and sulking, refusing to come out from under Kyungsoo’s bed or climb down from a high shelf. Those times, Kyungsoo is patient and waits for him, playing music with intentional pauses, waiting for the guardian’s contributions, or reading quietly across the room.

When Kyungsoo’s fifteen, his grandmother dies unexpectedly. It’s the first family death he’s experienced, and he doesn’t know what to do. This precious woman is just gone; nothing will bring her back. People—family, friends, people he’s never met, and people he doesn’t care about—pass him and his family at the funeral. Their sympathy feels fake. He wants to go home and is allowed to leave early.

Jongin follows him from the front door to his bedroom, meowing to get his attention. He barely manages to catch the bedroom door with his paws to keep it from closing all the way. Kyungsoo ignores him for the first time, all stressed energy and confusion. When Jongin jumps onto the bed and nudges him, Kyungsoo pushes him off of his bed. He lands on his feet, and he’s stunned, but he’s more worried. He meows at his boy, begging him to say something, and he finally sits on the floor beside Jongin, wrinkling his suit, and his head falling back to allow the growing wail to crawl out of his throat. His face is wet with tears within moments, and he can't find the energy to stop.

Jongin nudges at his ankle, dodging a swiping hand, and hops to the side just to fall over and roll onto his back.

The boy sniffles. "Stop being cute. I’m not in the mood."

Jongin curls to his right, then his left, blinking at Kyungsoo with wide, gold eyes. Kyungsoo snuffles and rubs his eyes with the heel of his palm, frowning as it becomes wet with tears. Without further comment, he straightens his legs and lays on his side so his forehead rests on the Jongin's fluffy abdomen. He purrs, filling Kyungsoo’s head with comforting vibrations. Jongin lifts his back and crunches enough to the boy's bangs, earning a little bit of a smile and a congested sniffle.

"I'm sorry, Kai. I'm just ... tired."

He cries himself to sleep. Jongin watches him for a while, catching a couple stray tears with his tongue or cheek, but he escapes when Kyungsoo rolls in his sleep. The guardian pushes a messy blanket off the bed onto the boy's hip, checks to make sure he didn't wake, and noses open the door enough to slip outside and lie in the doorway. He dozes until he hears a car in the driveway, footsteps on the porch, and the clicking of a door opening.

Jongin smiles as Mrs. Do ascended the stairs, but he swats her ankle—without claws—when she reaches for the door. Kyungsoo hates crying; he hates when anyone sees him cry even more.

"What the—? Oh, Kai. Goodness. Are you a guard dog, now?" Jongin yawns, subtly showing off his teeth. "What's the matter, is Kyungsoo napping?" Jongin stretches, tail arching over his head, and rubs around her shins. "Alright. I'll let him sleep. Keep an eye on him, alright? I know he’s taking this pretty bad." She reaches down to pat Jongin's head, which he stands on his hind legs to reach sooner.

Jongin watches her walk to her own room, shoulders falling more and more, but her husband is up the stairs next and goes to comfort her, so Jongin returns to Kyungsoo’s bedroom and nudges the door shut.

Kyungsoo wakes up to use the toilet and climbs into bed with Jongin when he returns, simply undressing to his underwear and leaving his suit on the floor.

When he sleeps again, he dreams.

He sees Kai hurrying somewhere and follows, feeling like Alice when he passes through large bushes and struggles to wade through waist-high grass. Ahead, Kai winds around someone’s ankles. As he gets closer, they just get bigger and bigger until Kyungsoo is right next to Kai and barely taller than him; he’s larger than any wild cat.

The cat greets him with his usual lazy smile. His purrs are as noisy as an idling truck and vibrate through the ground and up Kyungsoo’s legs.

The giant someone crouches down, looming over them both but casting no shadow. Kyungsoo thinks he should be scared, but he’s totally calm. If Jongin likes this person, they must be good.

They pick up Kai, cradling him in their arms. Beams of light stretch out from their back, like wings, giving off a comforting warmth. Kai crawls into their chest to curl up where their heart beats.

“Who are you? Where’s Kai?”

“Kai is here,” they gesture to their heart, “and here.” A fingertip gently touches Kyungsoo’s chest, fanning out to four fingers and a thumb. A boy around his age smiles, his hand warm over Kyungsoo’s heart. “I’m—”

Kyungsoo wakes up. His consciousness is foggy with the dream. “Jongin?”

Beside him, Kai murps and stretches with a soft whine. He’s waking up but isn’t ready to acknowledge it, yet. The cat rolls over and looks at him with a quiet meow.

“I had a weird dream, Kai. You climbed into someone’s chest and became their heart.” He nudges a finger beneath the cat’s chin and scratches him until he stretches out his neck for better access. “It was really bizarre. I can’t remember the rest of it, now.” It’s forgotten as he wakes up more, and after a night of crying and swollen eyes, he feels better. It hurts, but he can revisit the happy memories of his grandma through the extensive albums his mom put together. Jongin curls up with him on the sofa, looking over the photos and admiring how much Kyungsoo has grown. From a tiny, helpless infant to the boy he is now, Jongin’s job has been made easier by the Do family, and even with an important person gone, their lessons and love aren’t forgotten.

When friends come over, they’re in awe of Jongin. Chanyeol, who is actually allergic to dander, is the most fond of him and will immediately make a beeline for him once inside the house.

“How old is Kai, now? You’ve had him since forever.” He squishes a paw, smiling at the retractable claws.

“My mom brought him home when I was two, and he was a kitten, so he’s about sixteen?”

“Wow. No wonder he’s so relaxed all the time.” He laughs at Jongin, stretched out on his back on his lap in front of his guitar, and takes either hind leg to gently pull in a kitty-exercise. “He’s just an old man!” Jongin purrs. He likes Chanyeol. He’s good for Kyungsoo, who’s naturally quiet.

To that awe, Kyungsoo feels pride but growing fear. Cats can live quite long, but he’s not sure of Kai’s exact age when he was brought home. He could be older than he looks or lets on. He starts watching his friend more closely, taking note of the rise and fall of his side while he sleeps and laying on his abdomen just to hear his strong heartbeat and purrs.

Eventually, however, he realizes that Kai’s sleeping more than usual. He doesn’t always greet him at the door when he comes home from high school. It finally strikes him that his cat, his precious friend, is old, and old things—people, toys, books, food—have to go.

He finds his friend on the pillow bed he’s had since Kai came into his life. The cat barely opens his eyes and starts purring.

Kyungsoo cradles Jongin in his arms and cries softly into his fur. “You’re my best friend. You can’t leave me.”

Jongin meows softly and draws his cheek across Kyungsoo’s face. He feels himself fading,even held so tightly against his boy’s chest, and it’s scary. If it’s like this every time, he’s not sure he wants to be a guardian, although the rewards are comparably great.

Loving a boy like Kyungsoo once in a lifetime is worth it.

Jongin’s wings drag wherever he goes. Other guardians give him sympathetic hugs and smiles, but nothing helps. He’s cold all the time, bored, and sad. Kyungsoo, from what he can see, isn’t doing much better. At least when his grandma died, he had Kai; now, he has no one. Even his parents, who’ve known him for longer than Jongin did, try to reassure him with He was just a cat, Kyungsoo; cats don’t live forever, but he wasn’t “just a cat” to Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo wasn’t “just a boy” to Jongin.

Joonmyun must’ve put in a word to Someone, because Jongin’s taken aside after failing yet another evaluation for a new ward and is told his position will be put on hold. His new station is down among mortals, so he folds his wings and sets them aside, kinking a couple feathers in his haste.

It takes Kyungsoo a while, but he returns to his music classes and keeps to himself, holed up with his music. One day after arriving, Chanyeol catches him in the hall and hitches a thumb over his shoulder. “Just a head’s up: There’s a guy in your usual room.”

Kyungsoo frowns. He always uses the same room; he came early just to reserve it, and it’s become such a habit that other students refer to it as his room. “Who is it?”

“No idea.” Chanyeol shrugs. “He plays violin, though, and he sounds really good. At least he’s not goofing off, right?”

“Yeah…” He holds his music folder tighter and stalks down the hall. Outside his room, he doesn’t hear violin, but someone is playing a familiar song on piano. His piano.

He’s quiet, slipping inside like a cat. The music is pretty, played by a boy a little taller than Kyungsoo but broader, so maybe older. They jump when Kyungsoo accidentally brushes against a music stand, sending the music sheets to the floor.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do that.”

“It’s okay.” Kyungsoo’s forgiven with a smile, and they gather the papers. The other boy looks over them to put them in order. It doesn’t seem like he’s in any hurry to leave, now that Kyungsoo’s there.

“Sorry, but I usually this room to practice. Are you...staying?”

“Oh. Oh, I can leave, if that’s what you want.” In short minutes, Kyungsoo has learned two things about this boy: He has a pretty smile, and he can do an amazing imitation of a kicked puppy.

“I guess I don’t mind. You were playing the piano earlier, right? You’re really good.”

“Thank you. I grew up with it, but I switched to violin, because I like how they sound together.” Kyungsoo’s only ever played solo, except when sharing the bench with his cat.

“Do you know the song you were playing on violin?”

“Of course.”

“Would you play it with me? We’re supposed to be practising, anyway, so…”

“Sure.” He picks up his violin and bow, not touching the music on the stand.

“You have it memorized?”

The boy grins and makes a couple adjustments to his strings. “I’ve played it so often that I could probably play it backwards.”

“Well, let’s just play forwards, first.” Kyungsoo sits on the bench, leaving his folder beside him. He’s had it memorized after playing it so often, too, but he’s never played it with anyone else but Kai. “My name’s Kyungsoo, by the way.”

“I’m Jongin.”

---

a/n: Written as a pinch-hit for Kaisoommer 2017. I kind-of sort-of combined two of the prompts. The gist and the vibe I got from them, anyway. The POV is kind of confusing, unfortunately, because it's an omniscient narrative but with selective focus within the scenes. So Kyungsoo thinks of Jongin as Kai, his cat, while Jongin thinks of himself as Jongin before Kai.