我在家
"I'm home." [ONESHOT]The sound of engines roar outside every five minutes. I'm seated down on the bench with a cloth mask hiding my mouth, waiting for my flight. I start to recall everything that had happened between us. Flashbacks of the day we first met, when we fell in love, our random dates, serenading you with my songs and finally, our last meeting. Everyone already bid their goodbye's to me when they dropped me off here, but for me, the hardest was yours.
I grip onto my passport as I recall the words that came out of your mouth. Right after that day, I haven't seen the face that I love and admire so much; and it felt so empty. And just as when my mind was in the middle of heaven and hell, you decided to send me off at the airport.
"It's all for your dreams, you should go.."
"FLIGHT NUMBER XN654 for Seoul. FLIGHT NUMBER XN654 for Seoul. All passengers please be ready for boarding."
The announcement broke my reverie.
"You should get ready now." a voice spoke. I stood up, preparing myself to board the plane, it's my first time to go out of the country. I feel a little bit nervous but all of my senses are heightened at this point. I then noticed that the people have already formed a line right in front of me.
"_______..." Parting tears slowly fell on my face. I don't want to leave her. This will be the last time I'll get to see her face, my heart sank the lowest.
"Hey, you take care of yourself there. Okay!? Don't skip meals, Don't tire yourself.. call your parents once in a while.."
I bursted out a laugh on her, earning a glare after. "I will, I will." But deep inside my heart I want to hold her close and never let her go. She smiled one last time at me, I scanned her whole face trying to remember every bit of her and store it in my heart. Lesser people were now in front of me, there were a few of us left before the end of boarding time.
.... I guess this is it.
"Good bye..._____.."
"Do your very best, Yixing." She waved at me, smiling. I turned around, gripping to both my handcarry and my passport. Slowly the tears that have accumulated on my eyes fell down on my cheeks. My legs have become weak as I further walked in the hallway connecting to the plane.
"Don't look back." She shouted before I left her at the boarding gate. My eyes couldn't stop producing tears even that I'm already inside the plane. I hid my swollen eyes from the attendants, hoping that they'll not ask questions if I was okay. I wasn't.
The tall, skinny attendant wearing black, blue and white uniform smiled and asked for my ticket to accomodate me. Without looking up, I handed out my ticket and she led me to my designated seat. As I used the overhead cabin for my backpack and handcarry, I sad down with a heavy heart.
"She completely have broken up with me..." was all I can think of.
2012, March
I opened the door to our dormitory and there was no one around. I guess they all went out to enjoy the last freedom they have from the press. Today was very exhausting, everyone's preparing for our group's debut that will be on April of 2012. The name has been decided and intense research has already been done eversince 2008. Sluggishly, I took of my shoes and placed it properly inside the shoe rack before going in. I walked along the living room; where the television and the couch were there, and i threw my bag to where the couch was. I'll deal with that later. I walked further towards the room at the far end, near the bathroom. As I twisted the knob, a single computer set was there on top of the table for me to quietly utilize. It was not allowed for any of us to access our social medias hence our internet usage was heavily guarded. But today, I can get this exemption by sneaking into the room and quickly check on something. I accessed my Weibo account which was deactivated a year before our debut; you know, out of curiosity. I tapped "Enter" and it loaded up my profile again. I feel like a whole new member of this medium as their interface had changed. I began to hover around links and scrolling down my feed. Suddenly, I noticed an entry entitled "Today is your debut day."
Huh? Did someone knew that I was going to debut this coming month? How come? I scrolled down some more to see who the author was.
HER.
My heart stopped, it felt like it was a mistake to even get curious, but my gut feeling was now telling me otherwise. It tells me to read the entry because this was written by her. I clicked the hyperlinked title, and re-directed me to the whole entry.
标题: 今天应该是你出道的日子。
Title: Today is your performance day.
2011-12-29
"I just finished my work, so I decided to go to Weibo to write some words for you. I know you wouldn't get to see this because of your very busy schedule. You might not even see this at all because I don't see your account anymore. Are things okay there?
Few hours ago, your grandparents called me check how I was doing. They told me that, you called back home two weeks ago and mentioned that the company has decided the date for your debut. They told me that you were very busy that you only spoke with them for four minutes. I told them that it might be because of your intense training.After receiving their call, I felt so relieved so I decided to visit them. They cooked lots of delicious food for me. They said that no matter how our relationship went; they'd still treat me as if I was their grand-daughter. But you know? Deep inside my hear, I didn't want to talk about you. I just really wanted to take care of them for you, to do all the work you should be doing. I understand, very clearly. That the moment you decided that you wanted to be a singer, you can't stay by their side to watch over them. Because of this, I will do everything I could, and try my best to take care of them, making them happy.
We've known each other for six years, fallen in love for almost 3 years. I know I'm neither a beautiful girl nor an amazing person, but when we were together; I know that our feelings were the same. Up until now, I've always been thankful that I had the chance to meet you, to know you, to love you. You are such a lovely and caring person. Despite the sad things int he past, all the memories of us were so beautiful that I have no regrets. I still remember how silly you were when I didn't call you "Darling" that you began to act like a spoiled child wanting some candy. We were young back then, but I knew that you were the type of person who respected me as much as you cared for me. I don't know why I'm writing this now, but I did tell myself that it was better to move on with my feelings and remain as someone who is a friend to you so I could start a new life, however it seems that things always goes back to the thought of you.. "How is he doing? Does his stomach still hurt? He's not being bullied there is he?" I had these thoughts at random times of the day. Do you remember that future table plan I showed you a long time ago? Now I'm trying my best to fulfill that. I'll give myself five years to experience things; to grow up and enhance my knowledge. My mom doesn't want me to face difficulty, but work isn't that hard. I know I have a lot of things to do, but I have to stay strong. Whenenver I miss you, I would log in to my Weibo and read your diary until it was gone and read all of the letters you wrote for me. Maybe you don't love my anymore, or maybe what's between us right now is more than love... No matter what it was or what it is, I will still treasure you and every memory of us together. I placed all of the songs you wrote for me in my iPod and listen to them when I remember you as I sing every single line of them by heart...
It's just that I don't want to tell you but.. I didn't want to be a burden to you. I'm here, trying and trying to make you understand this. Remember what I always tell you? That someday, you will thank me for leaving you.
Zhang Yixing-ah. I hope that you're still doing well."
I read in silence as tears trickled down my cheek. My heart was bearing so fast, my insides are shaking from what I think was yearning for her. She was my everything. She was my motivation and now I look back to how she made me into who I am today; I, too, am thankful to her. I really do. I understand fully what her intentions where, and I knew too that this would hurt the both of us. I wiped off my tears and decided to create a private message to her before the rest of the team gets back home and discovers me violating dormitory rules.
After a few more clicks, I've established another text box to create a message;
"Hey..." my fingertips on top of the keyboard, hesitating to push these keys down to type more. "...how are you? I saw your post and all I want to say is... Thank You. Thank you for everything."
The end! :) I hope you liked it! <3 Leave down in the comments seciton below what you think! ^^
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