It occurred to me how strange the coincidences of meeting Kim Taehyung was – who preferred to be called ‘V’, simply because he thought that the name was simpler and cooler. He was the crazy kind of guy, to the point that his madness and sometimes philosophical question drove me on the edge with all this question and wonder about the future and his anxiety that someday, the vampires would completely take over the world, and human would be nothing more but history. I had laughed at him back then. Had his theory been true, our race would have conquered this place when the second world war occurred. But Taehyung argued that back then, human wasn’t ambitious and greedy as they were now, with more technology advancement and social gap. That was bound to be the downfall of his kin.

I admired his brilliance. Taehyung seemed shallow at first glance, with the smooth flirtation and sultry gaze, but beneath his façade was a man of deep passion and kindness. His idealism of this world – a tipping balance between our races, the good and the bad, was not shocking, but for someone to be so young and so driven, he had to have a good head and a good heart. It wasn’t as if I had never thought of this, but decades of suffering as slave, in poverty, wars, and seclusion had taught me a lot about survival. That it mattered not of this world whether the vampires became the true ruler and the human turned to dusts, all I wanted was my own peace.

Taehyung had come every autumn, and left before the winter. Sometimes, if he was free enough of his growing family business, he would come in the summer just for a few days’ visit. There was not a single year where I had missed him by the trekking path, where he would rush to me with a bright smile that was mirrored on my own face. We had both always missed each other terribly. I never asked him much about his life outside of this small, abandoned mansion, and neither did he prey too much into my past. We were both contented by the fact that we lived in this silence, only with each other, even just for a month or two.

During summer, we would swim in the lake and hike on the mountain path to watch sunset and sunrise. The water wasn’t warm, even with the sunlight, but Taehyung loved it, and it did not matter to me what temperature the water was, or that I had watched this scenery for years over and over again. For me, it would be alright if he was happy. This mansion wasn’t all too cold anymore after he came. Such was the effect of his presence to me.

Taehyung was my many firsts. Like the night we camped out to watch the stars – we both stared at each other for what seemed to be forever. His hand was holding mine, and I remembered my heart beating so loudly. It was just skin to skin, but his touch had always meant something more to me. Like how he drew close and kissed me gently. Passionately. Warmly. Lovingly. And all the stars in the sky suddenly seemed to pale in comparison. Waves of relief, of what seemed to be a finality, an end to all the waiting washed over me again and again.

“Are you sure you won’t regret this?”

“I won’t,” I assured him with moist gathering on my eyes. I was feeling a little shy, but the courage to be with him overtook all the rationality.

It was a symbolism of the relationship. Although both of us were always of few words to each other, he always seemed to have the upper hand in this. I was the fragile one, the one who was bound to love him more than he did to me. I hung onto his every words, of all his promises on the future and whatnot. I had given him my all, for the first time of my 100-years of living. My trust, my future, my love, my heart. It was great at first. Everything seemed to go smoothly. Until we realised that what we had was forbidden.

Although there wasn’t a law between human and vampires that the two couldn’t be together, the union was shunned by the society. While I had nothing to lose, Taehyung had to risk his all – his blooming career, his youth, his family and friends, and his potential. Of course, he hid all his worry from me as always. I was happy in my own ignorance. But six years into our relationship – six years of his frequent visit every summer and autumn, he changed.

“Do you think we should move to the city next year? Should we rent a place in London together?”

“Hm,” Taehyung replied, looking out the window with a complicated expression. His lips thinned and his eyebrows furrowed. “We’ll think about that later. I’m a little busy now. I have to leave tomorrow.”

“So soon?” I was a little surprised. He seemed to be rushing to go back to London. “But you’ve only arrived today.”

My question was met with a terrifying silence. Somehow, the distance between us had grown so much that it was suffocating. I told myself that six years in my immortal life was nothing but a speck of dust, and it would pass by with lightning speed. And yet, this ache that wounded me didn’t seem to fade. Six years, I thought. Six years of companionship and sweet lies. Were his words and promises nothing but a joke? Or was my existence too shameful for him to bear – the fact that I was vampire and he was not?

I wanted to tell him then, that in this life, I had feared many things. Fire, snails, sharks, open water, murky water, betrayal, lies – and yet, of all the things I had feared, losing him was what hurt me most. For the first time in my forever, I felt regret having been turned into vampire. This immortality and beauty was nothing but a curse when it came to the broken phases of a heart. Taehyung left that day, when the sun was shining a little too brightly, as if it was mocking me. He never came back.

***

So, two years later, I went to London to see him myself. I marvelled at the sight of the skyscrapers, its tip touching the cold blue of the unreachable. There were large screen, large windows – everything had changed too much since I last came out of my seclusion. I felt ashamed of myself – wearing the same loose style of the 40s, looking very much out of place in comparison to the human who lived here. Many looked at me sympathetically, others stared with unconcealable disgust.

Apparently, I didn’t need to ask around to find Taehyung. In fact, his face was the first thing I saw on the screen with flashy moving pictures. He was smiling, albeit he had aged a little – all human did, after all. He was mature, composed – every bit of a gentleman-looking unlike his former self. Beside him was a woman, always the same woman, blue-eyes, blonde, pale skin. Gorgeous. They matched well together as they strutted in their wealth and glory and all that confidence.

I didn’t even hear the shattering of my own heart anymore.

***

I looked at the flowers on my hand. Sweetpea – a perfect symbolism of the relationship we had. He wasn’t here anymore, but his grave was. Kim Taehyung died at the age of 56, gathering mass fortune for many generations of his family. He died peacefully, in the arms of his children and his grandson, as he well-deserved. I learnt to stop hating him after a while, because whatever hate I had was a sign of bitter love. I didn’t want to be stuck in the chapter where he was still that haunting shadow that followed me constantly as the seasons changed. Although I had to admit, some nights were hard when I started missing him.

The wind blew gently, almost caressing me as I knelt down in front of his eternal rest. His picture was outdated, and nothing much like the man I remembered him to be. It had been centuries since he left, and he had faded away with time. I dared not lie that he was still the first man I truly wanted, the first I pictured my eternal life with. But things didn’t work the way we wanted it. Alas, he left, and I was broken, but life went on all the same, albeit a little harder than it used to be, knowing that the scars only served as a reminder of what we were.

“Hey, V,” I smiled as if he was there in front of me. “I haven’t seen you in a while. Last time I was here, they were putting your coffin down the ground and singing praises of you. Must have been a long time.” Pause. Discomfort rose. “It’s a little ironic now that I think about it, because I used to tell myself that I wanted to be with you forever and more – in a really literal sense, because as you knew, I’m a vampire. Didn’t you envy me for that?”

“Well, I’m a little tired now. I have lived for close to a millennia, and I have watched many loved ones come and go, you included. So I’m forsaking this immortality,” I halted again, biting my lips hard, “Your grandchildren, and all your descendants are doing really, really well. The dreams you told me about finally came true at the hand of your beloved grandson, so congratulations. You have done a good deed for this world. I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

“Many times I used to wonder if we were both human then, would things have worked differently?” I in a deep breath, “And then I realised that it wouldn’t, not because of fate – I have shunned those things a long time ago. No. I just realised that if you hadn’t accepted me the way I was back then, you would never accept me even if I was human, or you were vampire. I would never be whole for you and you would never feel complete. But I don’t hate you for that. Truly, V, I don’t. It hurts all the same, but I love you too much to hate you for that.”

“You were that guy that I would sacrifice everything for. You still are, actually. Had you come back then, I would always welcome you with an open arm, but you didn’t. You lost me and my love, you taught me everything I knew about what a love really is and how painful it can be. That first cut you gave me still ached sometimes, because I do miss you a lot, even until now. Or at least I miss what we used to be. I wish things were simpler. That we could be that couple who live on the road, travelling and seeing the whole world,” I bitterly added, “But what good are wishes for? They never came true for me anyway.”

“I’m telling you one last goodbye, my Dearest,” I stood up, swallowing back whatever sadness had consumed me to madness and putting up the pretense that I was strong, because I had to be. “I still have a long journey to go, and more goodbyes to say. I’m wishing you peace and happiness wherever you go. May your soul be at rest for eternity.”