I gripped my skirt tightly as I sat, alone, in the Library Monorail, headed back for our dorms. Sooyoung's words echoed in my mind, bounding across my grey matter with jarring fervor.

I don't know what the likelihood of Chaeyoung's survival is...

It replayed over and over, creating a sharp tension behind my eyes. 

Sooyoung was the smartest person on the planet. She'd been incredibly intelligent since she'd been a trainee, but the "Heart of Icarus" had given her an even more adept intellect, breaking whatever barriers had held back her brain power before, and allowing it to reach new heights. It did however seem to impact her social skills, and made her seemingly more stoic and aloof to some degrees. She was very logical, and that fact generally reigned supreme over her compassion centers, but she was working on it. Her true, primary superhuman ability however, was the ability to sort of "speak" with machinery, and computers. She was able to create and build and bend any and all types of machinery and technology to her will. It allowed her to do things such as create 2/3 of the revamped building of the  SM Complex, and provide various other repairs and tech for many other companies in the industry. She also creates conduits for the idols of her company. They were basically weapons, and extensions of their user that allowed for increased, and strengthened usage of their own innate abilities. Her own conduit was her Alpha/Omega Protocols. Which were a large amassment of nanites that she was able to use in the Alpha form to repair and create, and in the Omega form to transform into a giant Mech suit that would conduct combat with on a large scale, and was more than capable of dispatching foes. I'd seen her in action 2 years ago, during the war with Glyzuul, and it was certainly a sight to behold. 

For all this...with the knowledge on how adept Sooyoung was...how intelligent and experienced she was....for her to be unsure of something...it made my stomach turn with unbridled dread. To make matters worse, I had to return to my dorm, where not just the rest of my members, but all of GFriend and two members of SNSD would be waiting. 

This familiar dread took me back to last night. And many nights prior. Anytime I'd let myself think too much on Chaeyoung...two things would happen...the panic attacks, or the pining. Today I could feel the latter creeping into my frontal lobe. 

The Pining is what I called the painful cycle my heart would go through where it yearned so vehemently for compassion and companionship in another...and not just any other. 

Her.

Jeongyeon. 

It begged for her. It would make me do things I hated. It made me dote on her, and occasionally flirt. Worst of all it made me breakdown in a way that she'd always respond to. She'd always come to my aid no matter what. She wanted to be there for me. Even though we weren't together, she'd slept with me, spooning to calm my nerves, and dry my tears. She'd done this 38 times now, over the course of these past 2 years. At first it was many of us. All huddled together over the loss of our sister. But over time everyone returned to their own beds, their own significant others...but Jeongyeon always came when I called. She was always willing to hold me until the tears finally ceased and, exhausted, I'd drift into slumber. 

I felt awful about it. It wasn't as if we were having and being unfaithful to Mina, but it still didn't feel fair. It didn't feel right. But of course it did. Objectively maybe not, but in practice, it was all I wanted in the world. I tried to push it from my mind, but I always had fleeting thoughts plaguing my frontal lobe...visions of Mina waking in the middle of the night to see her bed empty, a barren place on her mattress, the sheets cold from the lack of Jeongyeon's body heat. 

I often wondered if she secretly resented me for it. Mina wasn't the kind of person to lay out her feelings on her sleeve. She was incredibly caring, and compassionate no doubt, but her often reserved nature would hide that fact from all but those who knew her well. She wasn't the type of person to initiate any public displays of affection, or to drone on about her romantic exploits. Jeongyeon was generally the more vocal of the two when they were together. But it was clear to any who watched the two of them how in love they were. Mina's heart belonged to Jeongyeon, and vice versa. 

And yet...

I couldn't wrap my mind around why Jeongyeon always came back to me? Why was she always so willing to be by my side, whenever I needed it? Even at the cost of leaving her girlfriend's side? Of course she loved me, that much was certain. We all loved each other. But...this seemed different. Surely it was just because I was the Maknae and my members always tried to show me the most TLC they could, but I honestly didn't always need it. I've been independent, or tried to be since I debuted. For a number of reasons. But Jeongyeon...she seemed to understand me in way other members weren't always able to. She was so protective of me. One looking from the outside in would say that she spoiled me. 

A faint ding rang overhead, denoting the monorail reaching it's resting point in front of the Interplanetary Flora Section. I'd have to walk to the dorms from here.

I stood and walked through the doors and out into the maze of shelves that greeted me. It was quiet, and there was nary a sound that could be heard in any direction for at least about a mile. My hearing was certainly more adept than a normal humans, and I had to admit it did seem a bit strange for there to be nearly no one in this area of the library. As large as it was, there were very few areas of the Library that were ever completely and truly isolated, devoid of all people. 

Then I heard it again. 

Her voice.

Chaeyoung's voice.

The Claymore.... came a breathy almost inaudible voice. 

It didn't sound like it was coming from inside my head, but rather actually wailing through the corridors of the library itself. 

I could feel myself beginning to panic. My mood wavering, and the anxiety that had stowed itself away in my subconscious beginning to breach the walls I'd built time and time again. 

What the is going on...? Am I going crazy? I said to myself, flustered. 

I began to run, top speed, towards the dorms to get away from whatever it was that was happening. 

What was happening? Was that truly Chaeyoung's voice? I'd heard it earlier during the induction ceremony as well. Surely it couldn't be. Was she really communicating with me from the Astral Plane? If so, why now, after all this time? And what did she mean? What Claymore? A sword? 

"Tzuyu, he-!" Came a voice that tore through my introspection as I barreled into someone, likely the one the voice came from, and toppled onto the floor, tumbling a few moments before slamming hard into a shelf, knocking the wind out if me. 

"Holy , Tzuyu, I'm sorry, are you alright???" Came the voice, once again. 

I caught my breath, after a few moments, allowing the aching to reach it's Apex before pulling out into a light smarting. I looked up to see SinB standing over me, with a worrisome expression fixed on her face, and her hand held out to me.

I reached up and took her hand, using her as leverage to lift myself, and she pulled me up in tandem. 

"You were running so fast, but I thought you'd have seen me. Haha." She reiterated. 

"No...no, you're fine...I just...I was in my own world. I should've been more mindful of where I was going. My reflexes are usually way better than that. I'm the one who should be apologizing. Are you ok?" I offered, rubbing the small of my back, which still stung a bit. 

"It's totally fine, don't worry. Just get me a drink sometime soon to make up for it." SinB responded with a small smile, and a wink. 

A drink.

That reminded me of Malik & Seulgi's wedding reception 3 months ago. The last time I'd seen SinB, when she offered me a Tequila Sunrise. My first drink since I'd turned 20. I'd be lying if I said a Tequila Sunrise didn't sound good right about now. 

"Rain check." I responded, plainly, but offering a smile of my own. 

"How was your talk with Sooyoung?" SinB prodded, looking at me expectantly.

Oh no. 

"Umm...it was....fine..." I managed to muster out, trying to keep my thoughts level. 

"Oh? That's...that's good then, yeah..." SinB muttered awkwardly, clearly trying to avoid the obvious question.

"The Gate is almost repaired...but...I've still got some time to wait before...going to find Chaeyoung." I exclaimed, surprised at my own candor, though I chose to leave out the part about Sooyoung not knowing if Chaeyoung's Astral body was even still surviving in the Astral Plane itself. 

"That's great!", SinB's face lit back up, no longer needing to walk on eggshells, "Progress is a good thing!"

"Yeah. More or less. Umm. What are you doing out here, by the way? I thought you'd be back at the dorms with everyone else. Don't wanna miss out on that Pyranithian Jokbal." I said offering a small smile. 

"Oh yeah...haha. I was with them, but I...it's gonna sound stupid, but I came to look for you." SinB stated, sort of avoiding my eyes. 

I was confused as to why she'd be out searching for me. Then it dawned on me.

"Did Jihyo send you...I wasn't even gone long, Jesus Christ..." I muttered, pinching the top of the bridge of my nose between my left thumb and index finger. 

"No, no. No one sent me, I was just...worried about you a little is all. It's stupid, I know. Haha." She stammered.

Was she blushing?

"A-anyway, you're here now, and of course you're fine, so let's just head back then, shall we?" She said hurriedly, trying to change the subject with less finesse than I'm sure she'd hoped for. 

"Yeah, sure thing, SinB. Let's go." I said laughing lightly. 

For the moment I'd forgotten about Chaeyoung and that voice...

_______________________________________________

I sat in the common room area of Momo and Nayeon's dorm, my feet up onto the couch, and criss-crossed. I was absent-mindedly flipping through a book, on hybrid animal transformation that Mina had suggested I read, as she was the only other idol I knew with an animal hybrid ability. 

I was finding it difficult to read, however, with the dull roar of clamoring voices and laughter that rebounded across the room from my other members, and the members of GFriend that had come to hang out. Taeyeon and Tiffany had just left several minutes earlier, as they had a dinner party planned the next evening, and needed to get things prepared, regardless of the time differences in the outside world, and in the library. 

I sighed heavily, trying to put the voice I'd heard earlier out of my mind. The more I thought on it, the more worrisome it became. As if it was growing stronger the more I paid attention to it. It couldn't possibly have been Chaeyoung's true voice calling out to me. 

Could it?

"Earth to Choukobo!" Came the voice of Sana, sliding through my left ear canal. 

"Hmm?" I said, jolting back to reality, and looking up.

"You're off in your own little world again, huh?" She said, her bright, toothy, smile too infectious to not reciprocate. 

"Yeah, I guess so." I replied, chuckling a little bit. 

"You know, you're allowed to take a break, right? You don't have to be so wrapped up in your research all the time." Sana continued.

"I suppose that's true....I just...want to be ready, you know? This Pilgrimage isn't a walk in the park by any means, and I don't want to handicap Mina by having to have her hold my hand the whole time because I'm having trouble with my powers..." I offered.

Sana sat for a moment, her brow furrowing slightly, as she seemed to be consumed by deep thought.

"You know that no one thinks of you as a burden, right, Tzuyu?" Sana said softly, yet with immense strength. Her words were powerful, and disarming. This was very out of character for the often bright and effervescent Sana that I'd come to know and love. It wasn't a bad thing...I was just caught off guard. 

"O-of course I do." I said with little confidence behind my voice.

The truth was, I did think of myself as a burden to my members, as of late. With Chaeyoung gone, on top of my already less than optimal control over my powers, I often felt like I was holding my members back, or keeping them from their own individual goals to try and take care of me. Especially Mina, Jeongyeon and Nayeon. The three of them seemed to worry about me the most. This isn't to say that Dahyun, Sana, and Momo didn't care for me as well, they just seemed to believe in my strength and resolve a bit more, and tended not to worry about me as much. 

"I can tell when you're lying, Choukobo. You should know better by now..." She said, her face barely wavering, as she stared into my eyes. 

"Look....I...I'm just trying to do the best I can on my own, Ok? I don't want you all to be worried about me....you've got your own lives to live..." I whispered, trying not to alert the rest of the girls to our conversation.

Sana's eyes stayed glued to mine.

"Jeongyeon, stop that tickles!" Mina suddenly burst out with an exuberant giggle.

I turned my head to see that she was sitting in Jeongyeon's lap, who was exploring her abdomen with her hands, poking and prodding her with hands contorted like faux claws.

As if responding to the upsetting stimuli of the present situation my own nails began to elongate and become claws. I could feel fangs beginning to excavate in my mouth, and I clenched my jaw. 

I felt Sana's hand softly grasp mine. 

I reflexively jerked my head towards her, and twisted my hand around with deft speed, slashing with my claws. A low huss escaped my throat. Sana's hand had phased through my strike, just as reflexively as I had been.

Damnit.

I sprang from the couch, avoiding the gazes that shifted to me, and fled to Nayeon's bedroom, jump kicking the door closed behind me, before pouncing onto Nayeon and Momo's bed, groaning into the pillow. My muffled and plaintive mewing was cut short by Sana's voice, who'd slipped in behind me.

"Tzuyu what the hell was that???" Sana pressed.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to try and hurt you it was just...a reflex...." I apologized, flipping over to face her.

"Tzuyu, what's going on with your transformation? Is it...?" She began.

She knew. She and Chaeyoung we're the only ones who knew. Nayeon was convinced that I'd end up with Chaeyoung, but that was never truly on my radar. 

"Of course it is, Sana....it always is....I don't know what going on...but it's getting worse...with Chaeyoung here it was easier...it was easier to tune them out...but since she's been gone...I just...that's half the reason I've been so distant. I can't keep being around the two of them together. It's involuntary at this point. I feel like I'm a stone's throw from a panic attack no matter what I ing do... it's exhausting..." I said, feeling a ball of dull, yet painful energy boiling in my stomach. 

"I know, Tzuyu....I know...and I wish that this wasn't so troubling for you..." Sana said, coming to sit next to me on the bed. 

"You have Dahyun, Sana....it's different..." I grumbled.

"Just because I'm dating Dahyun doesn't mean I don't understand your situation...or are you forgetting how in love I was with Momo...?" Sana said, her eyes playing a mixture of hurt, and melancholy, as she looked into the distance.

I'd almost forgotten. Before she and Dahyun had become and item, Sana was desperately in love with Momo. But Momo was so enamored with Nayeon, that she barely ever paid Sana's advances any attention. 

"I want you to be as open with me as you can, Tzuyu....do you think that Dahyun and I are a good pairing?" She asked suddenly.

Where the is this coming from?

"I...Sana what does that to do with anyth-..." I began.

"Tzuyu, just answer me...please." she interrupted, turning to face me. 

The truth was that whether or not I thought they were a good pairing didn't matter. Sana still loved Momo. I knew that. And she knew that. And despite us all being able to continue to promote and be together, it was quite telling that some of us wanted more from another member, and weren't always able to get it. I'd been lucky enough that my doting on Jeongyeon was nearly unknown to everyone. Sana only knew because she walked in(through the wall I might add), while I was talking to Chaeyoung about it. She claims it was an accident, but Sana is the type of person who wants to be in the know all the time. When you around a group of people as often as we're around each other, it's hard not to fall in love. It's almost inevitable I feel like. 

"Tzuyu." Sana reiterated, sternly, snapping me back into reality once again. 

I was getting lost in my own thoughts more and more these days it seemed.

"Tzuyu..." 

There it was again...that voice. 

Chaeyoung's voice...

Was it?

"Seek me at the Sounding...."

What? What did that mean? What did any of this mean?

I began to clutch my head in fear, and distress again.

"Tzuyu!! It's not that hard, just please answer me!" Sana exclaimed.

"AAAAAAHHHH!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, as hundreds of blades suddenly appeared around my body, catapulting from my slender frame and careening across Nayeon's room, burying themselves into the walls.

I ripped my eyes open to see a despondent Sana, who'd been quick enough to phase her body to avoid the blades impaling her.

"Sana....Sana, I'm sorry!" I choked out, before the door to Nayeon's room burst open.

"What the hell was tha- OH MY GOD! WHAT THE ??" Nayeon's voice came tearing through the room, shrilly. 

I feel the continued pain in my stomach reaching a white hot fever pitch. If anyone other than Sana had been in this room...I would have killed them with my outburst...

These panic attacks were getting worse. 

And I didn't know how to stop them.