Amour De Ma Vie

Mina stepped in front of the mirror and glanced at her hair. She brushed away the strays and then she fixed the hem of her dress. There were so many emotions going in her head and that she was not sure what to feel. It was all overwhelming to let it all sink. She never thought that this day would come.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when she was raking her fingers down Nayeon’s hair while she was sleeping next to her. Nayeon’s body curled into her,  hugging her around her waist while the sun met the horizon at 5 in the morning. It seemed so comfortable. So sweet. So warm. This was what home felt like. Im Nayeon is her home.

She could still remember the days when Nayeon would complain about her endless hours of playing video games instead of cuddling her. The way Nayeon kinked her eyebrows or winked at her every time she’d over compliment her on her daily attires or on whatever she does. The way she hummed her favorite songs while she cooks their favorite food in the kitchen. The way her cheeks turned into crimson red after few soft kisses in the middle of the night. It was all the little things that made her miss her most and the way the used to be.

And now. . . . 

Nayeon is finally going to walk down that aisle.

Towards the arms of someone else. . . . 

--

The anticipation was cruel as she waited in the lobby area with the rest of the guests. Everyone wore their best outfits: men in suits and women in dresses. Some even had dates on their arms while she came in the ceremony with no one else. It did not upset her though because it was her choice to come alone. There was no one else worth bringing, especially to Nayeon’s wedding.

Besides, it would not be fair to her date. She’s expect her to cater her with glasses of wine and sweet nothings during the reception. She would want her to hold hands with her and slow dance with her on the dance floor to calming music. She would not do that.. . 

Because she would be too focused on another woman.

The bride to be.

---

She walked towards the display of photos by the entrance. It was their pre-nuptial shoot at Jeju Island. She wore a long strapless dress that stopped at her ankles while the other bride, Momo, wore a dress shorter than Nayeon’s. There were couple of photos where Momo had her arms wrapped around Nayeon’s shoulders with her chin close to her neck. And another set where Momo was holding a cluster of balloons while she held her hand.

There was suddenly a flicker in her chest as she stared at the expression on Nayeon’s face. She looked so happy. So incredibly happy that it ached her inside. It felt as though someone was pulling her hearstrings in all different directions: left, right, up, down. She hated that feeling. It haunted her everyday and she wished that it would disappear.

She wished she had done something different.

She regretted a lot.

She missed out.

became dry and looked away from the photos. She did not want to feel sad on this day. It was Nayeon’s day. And, she had to be happy for her because it was something she deserved more than anyone else and anything in this world.

While she was lost in thought, someone had tapped on her shoulder from behind.

“Mina, we have to find a seat. We still need to look for Jeongyeon,” Jihyo stated, motioning her to enter where the wedding ceremony will take place.

“Uh, I’ll be there in a minute.”

Jihyo furrowed her eyes, noticing the look on her face and placed her hand on her shoulder.

“You okay?” she questioned.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Jihyo was not very convinced with her answer. It was obvious that being there was not easy for her friend. The woman she loved and cared the most was going to get married and she could not do anything about it. She did not think it was a good idea at first because she was her ex. It would only make things worse, but she figured it was best for her to finally find closure. Maybe if she saw how happy she is, then she would finally move on.

Maybe.

--

Time had passed and all the guests were seated. Momo was already standing in front with her parents on one side and Nayeon’s family on the other. She recognized all those faces. They were once very close with Mina but everything went downhill when she and Nayeon broke up.

She remembered the times when Nayeon’s sister would cook strawberry crepes in the morning when she’d have breakfast at Nayeon’s house. No one else could beat it. Hers were the best. She also remembered when Nayeon’s father would lecture her on philosophy and science. Most of the time she wouldn’t understand a single word he was saying, but she would listen anyways. She can also still remember when Nayeon’s mother showed her all the cute baby pictures of Nayeon who are safely kept in a cabinet. 

Then, there were Nayeon’s best friends, Jisoo and Jennie. The girls who encouraged Nayeon to be brave when she was in doubt. They took up for her and kept her happy when times are bad. They were the perfect best friends for the perfect girl. And it saddened her that she had to let them go too.

Then it was time.

The pianist began to play the song that Nayeon picked out for her wedding march. It was familiar and sweet. She had mentioned this once before during one of their pillow talks. She missed those.

The doors opened. Rays of the light from the glass window in the foyer flowed through, displaying a silhouette of a woman. She could feel her heart racing as if she is the bride at the end of the aisle who was waiting for Nayeon.

Nayeon took one step forward and finally she came into full view. Her laced dress hugged her curves down until her mid-thigh where the skirt curved outward, leaving tail on the carpet behind her. Her hair was styled half-way up while the rest curled down and fell on her bare shoulders. Although her veil concealed her face, her beauty still radiated throughout the whole room. She could hear all the awes and oo’s from the crowd as she continued to walk down the aisle. She is so beautiful.

The closer she walk to her, the more nervous she became. She didn’t know why. It was like she was the one getting married. But to actually see her in her wedding gown, her eyes filled with tears and her friends and family there to see her, it just seemed unreal.

This was what Mina has always imagined seeing on her wedding day. Seeing Nayeon walk down the aisle towards her and finally vowing to each other that they would spend the rest of their lives together. She imagined blissful happiness with her in her arms every day of their lives.

But she wasn’t walking towards her.

This was not her wedding.

Nayeon was now inches away from her. Mina stood still, her fingers are trembling as Nayeon smiled at the people around her. She did not know what to do. She was frozen. But when Nayeon’s eyes finally met her, she felt a sudden warmth overcome her body as if her gaze relaxed her. Mina noticed something though. Nayeon did not look at her the same way she did to everyone else. It was soft and sweet. She could even see more tears well up in her eyes as she stared at her.

Then, Mina glanced at Nayeon’s lips and she read the words, “Thank You,” come from .

Mina could not help but smile and nod as Nayeon continued her way down towards her bride. Seeing only her back as she walked further away from her felt so wrong. She felt like a very important piece of her was missing from her body and she did not know how to fill it up. All she wanted to do was reach for her and tug her back towards her so she could keep her forever. But she could not do that. Nayeon had already crossed her path and there was no turning back. She was already on her way towards her destiny where the other bride was already standing.

Mina fought back the pain that was taking over her as she sat back down and watched the girl she loves exchanged vows with another woman. A woman that was not her.

--

Wine glasses and flutes clanked as Nayeon’s father finished his speech. Mina watched as he hugged Momo and Nayeon. She watched the couple carefully, envious of their interactions. Nayeon did one of her open-mouthed laughs, her white teeth gleaming in the artificial light