Tiffany knows something is wrong the moment Taeyeon comes home. Her steps are sure and slow, nothing like how they’re meant to be.

Taeyeon gets like this when the weight of the world is too overwhelming and she cannot handle any more. They are her burdens and hers alone.

Tiffany knows Taeyeon better than anyone else, except perhaps Jessica. Even then, there are times where she cannot comprehend the labyrinths of Taeyeon’s being.

They get lost Jessica and her, in Taeyeon’s mind and Taeyeon’s eyes. There are monsters that dwell within. She keeps them under lock and key and never lets anybody close enough to see. They’ve heard the snarling, the screaming and see the edges of pain and hurt. They are not frightened of Taeyeon. They are terrified for her.

But she won’t let them in. Won’t let them out.

Tiffany thinks she knows what the problem is. Taeyeon had just dropped Seungwan off at Jess’s place after all. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? She thinks Taeyeon is too selfless, too set in her ways, too afraid to make herself happy. She doesn’t know that she’s hurting all three of them.

There’s a quiet creak as the bedroom door opens and Taeyeon pads inside, hair obscuring her face.

Tiffany turns to face her. “Tae?”

She rushes to the edge of the bed when Taeyeon staggers forward. She makes it just in time. She settles back and cradles Taeyeon to her chest.

“Babe? What’s the matter?”

Taeyeon melts against her, smaller that she usually seems and Tiffany can see the anguish in her eyes. It’s raw and it’s potent and all she wants to do is take the hurt away. And she knows that she can’t. Because Taeyeon won’t let her. Not this time.

Taeyeon never lets her. Not when it’s about Jessica.

Tiffany suspects that she’s punishing herself. It’s been years, why can’t you let this go? Why can’t you let yourself be happy?

She runs her fingers through dark tresses and hums. Humming has always had calming affect on Taeyeon. It’s been that way since they met, that much hasn’t changed, even though everything else has.

“Do you— Do you think she’ll like Seungwan?”

When Taeyeon had first introduced her to Seungwan, Tiffany’s first thought was that she was adorable. Her second thought was that Jessica would like her.

They’re both like icebergs. There’s so much depth and people never bother to look beneath the surface, never see the danger that lurks beneath. People only ever realise when they collide, when it’s far too late, when nothing can be salvaged.

She leans forward to brush her lips against the side of a bowed head. Taeyeon presses closer.

“I think they’ll get along great. They’ll be good for each other.”

She knows that Taeyeon is terrified at the thought of them losing Jessica to someone else. And that she’s been subtly undermining the people they’ve been setting Jessica up with. Taeyeon doesn’t know that Tiffany knows what she’s been doing. What she’s been letting her do.

Tiffany thinks that she shouldn’t be worried. Because she knows that Jessica is theirs. She was theirs from the start and she’ll be theirs til the end.

Sometime she wants to give Taeyeon a hard slap to the back of the head, wants to make her see what Tiffany had known from the start. An idiot. Our idiot.

Jessica has been theirs all along. Theirs to reject, theirs to hurt. And Taeyeon does not see it. Tiffany wonders if she’s really that blind, or if she’s just willfully ignorant.

“Do you think she’s going to give up on us?” A shaking hand curls into the fabric of her shirt.

Jessica is building their relationship, slowly, steadily, like a house of cards. And whenever she begins to make progress, Taeyeon makes it all fall down. And Jessica will start all over again. It’s a vicious cycle and all Tiffany wants is for it to stop.

She wants Taeyeon to stop rigging the game. She wants Jessica to stop letting Taeyeon  win.

The knows that if they meet on even ground, if they both play fair, nobody has to lose. They’ll all win, herself most of all.

"I don’t think she ever will.”