Undisputed;
Clarity
A/N: This is a first person point of view, please read this in your POV whether or not you seem unlikely to be in the situation or of the same personality. The main female protagonist is you after all. (Aaah I'm so scared, I hope you like it (//▽//)) Please read A/N at the end, too.
Shivers sauntered down my spine as I closed the window. It was cold, and raining outside and I felt really chilly. There are times I love the rain, and times I don't like it. I don't get it, though, isn't it supposed to be autumn?
I have been living alone for quite a while now. I'm getting used to the fact that I'm always alone, that I'm the one supposedly cleaning my own place, taking care of myself; shopping for groceries, and working your off for money to buy them plus other miscellaneous expenses. I thought it was easy, but it's not. I've suffered for long that I think I'm already immuned of its pain. Still, it beats having to hear your parents argue or scold you for still being too dependent on them. I miss my mom, though.
That night, I was pacing around the living room thinking how it'd be nice to have someone to hang with when the weather's like this. I grabbed my phone and plopped down the couch to check if anyone sent me a message. Voila! None. Not that I'm suprised. I rarely get calls and messages from friends, even though I do think I have friends. I'm really nothing special and most of the time I hang out with them out of not wanting to feel rejected. Well, I consider myself lucky, still. I do have a best friend, though, but he's not from my school. We knew each other since we were kids, we met at the school playground when he accidentally ran me and woke me up while I dozed off under the slides. But as we grew up, he eventually went to a private school. We kept in contact, though and he would usually send me messages and pictures of how his day went. Sometimes I think they're absurd, but I enjoy them a lot. He would laugh with me, at me and even cry to me whenever he had problems — especially when it comes to relationships.
"I— I got dumped again. During the rain, too."
His name is Jisung Yoon. He came ringing the doorbell, drenched in rain, almost drunk and looking unhappy. He said he got dumped again. Good for him, though. I didn't tell him that and kept it to myself because it might upset him more. But honestly, the girl he was seeing wasn't worthy of him — nor the other two that he went out with before. He's just as kind and pure as I am and he deserves better. Well, no, we're completely the opposite, too. He usually doesn't take things seriously and would always joke around, his laugh is seemingly adorable and it hurts to see when he looks down. He can sing too, and his voice is amazing whether he's sober or not. A lot of people don't think he's that handsome, but I just love seeing his face every time we meet. His eyes sparkle, despite the gloomy face he has on and his hands look like they feel relieving when you hold and interlock with its fingers. He isn't tall, but just enough for my head to fit unto his shoulders. He treats children well, and even those who are younger than him.
Every time I think about these things, I would always take a step back and realize how much I like him. I don't think it's infatuation nor an obsession, I know my feelings for him are genuine. Yet he cannot know.
"Here, drink medicine or you'll get really sick." I told him he shouldn't have been careless in the rain. I gave him colds medicine, hoping he'd drink them sooner and get some rest. He was almost warm, and at the verge of catching a cold as I let him rest down my bed. He's quite troublesome at times. It took awhile but he thanked me. I smiled a bit seeing his face and asked how he was feeling. To my surprise, he gave a grin.
"(Your name), I know I’m feverish, and probably half out of my mind from alcohol and medicine but oh my gosh… I love your face. I love it so... much."
The words that came out from his mouth sounded surreal. Whether it was meant to be a joke or not, it made me giggle a little. It was the first time that day I felt bona fide and happy, I had my heart beating fast as well. I gave his hair a light and I could see him smiling at my actions, I'd feel relieved. I stood up and asked if he needed anything but he didn't answer. That was a good sign that he was already fell asleep. I leaned down towards his ear and whispered ‘good night’ as softly as I could with a smile. I pulled back and walked towards the couch, plopping down again and lying my head carefully on its arm rest. With lovely thoughts, I know this time around, I loved the rain.
The sun gazed brightly upon the room as I've forgotten to put the curtains down the night before. I sat up and felt a sting on my back and lower hip. It was then that I remembered I slept on the couch because Jisung was on my bed. I managed to giggle as I yawned and stretched my arms up. I lightly scratched my head, not caring how my hair even looks like and sauntered towards the kitchen to make coffee. I'm both a coffee and tea person, but this time, I went with coffee for some reason. I was probably out of it, pouring too much of my preferred amount of sugar. Jisung likes his coffee sweet though, I've always wondered why. Grabbing the mug, I took a quick sip to taste and just as I thought, it was too sweet for me. I placed it down the counter and took a long stare at the stuff I have inside my fridge. I should've bought groceries yesterday, or the other day when I was free. I gave a soft sigh and grabbed the egg carton, thinking it'd be nice to have eggs and bread for breakfast. While I was preparing, I heard a rustle from my room. I bet Jisung has roused, and I kind of felt a little panicky that I started to move quickly.
"Good morning..." He greeted in a hushed, broken tone. He still seemed groggy and dizzy by the way he was swaying as he approached me. He smiled and thanked me again for letting him rest on my bed last night. He said he felt really comfortable that he had a good night's rest, and dreamt as if he was on cloud nine. I told him it was probably because the rain either got to him, or it was just snuggly cold last night. He chuckled, and I know that sound immediately made my day. He realized I was making breakfast and asked me if it was alright that he'd stay for it. I looked at him and gave a smile, I wanted to hug him badly but I just nodded in response. It would be too random if I did that, right? I asked if he could wait for a few minutes and offered a seat to rest or watch television as I cook. He grinned and asked me back if I needed help. For that moment on, I didn't recall responding because just as I think I was about to, he wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a backhug — I think that's what they call it. I could've lost it there and then, but he said he wanted to cheer for me as I cook in return of letting him stay and that a quick hug is only what he could think of. What exactly is this guy thinking? I thought it was kind of childish at first but his words honestly gave me assurance, and a bonus when I felt him smile behind me once again.
"Aren't you being a little under your age, right now?" I asked him unknowingly, but I was aware that I really wanted to ask him that. He broke from the hug — I regret what I said — but instead of walking away, he scoots to my side and beamed at me. I felt a shiver down my spine, he was too adorable. He apologized for his previous action when he needed not to, and told me he was already feeling a lot better than yesterday. I laughed, teasing him that he probably drank a lot to forget the girl that I didn't mentioned the name, and even drenched himself in the rain on purpose. I was probably being insensitive but I just wanted to somehow forthright tell him that what he did was a bit dumb. He gave the most adorable pout as he denied otherwise. He gave really predictable excuses and didn't stop mumbling until I told him to. Sometimes, I would ask myself if he was really older than me. Sometimes I just want to tell him to rely on me more, that he should let me worry about him, that I should be his..., instead, but no. Having him as a friend might be better than anything I'd imagine sometimes.
He probably noticed I spaced out for a few seconds and asked me if I was alright. I came back to my senses and maybe blushed a bit. I hurriedly prepared breakfast, even scooting the mug of sweet coffee I accidentally made earlier towards him. He shot a smile at me and thanked me before taking a good sip. He said it was good. What's so good about coffee that has too much sugar in it? I don't understand.
"Sweets are my favorite. They make me happy, for some reason. Everything that's sweet just makes me happy."
I was surprised when he spoke up. He answered my question without me even asking it. Did he read my mind or something, or was my facial expressions easy to read? He took a glance at me and asked if he could start eating and I let him. I couldn't explain it but at that moment I felt like time slowed down and it was just silence. Nobody talked for a few minutes, until, Jisung asked me if he acted strange last night. "U-uh, no? I mean, I don't think so." I stammered, I have no idea why and continued munching on a bread. He snickered, covering his mouth. I realized we don't communicate well when it comes to situations like these and it's probably because I'm socially awkward with people that even my best friend is not an exemption. Hence, why I'm usually alone. He moved a tad bit closer and apologized once again for barging into the apartment last night, drunk and wet from the rain. He explained how terrible he felt for being dumped by his girlfriend — that even the weather sympathized with him. I almost didn't want to hear him talk about it, but he still seemed to be overtroubled and I wanted him to stop feeling bad about himself because he wasn't the problem.
"If anything, I'll be here for you when you need me." I offered to him sincerely, as a friend. It's all I can do, right? It's what an unrequited love can only do. With a sudden smile, he pulled and hugged me. He asked if we could stay like that for awhile, and it made my heart race. It was almost as if I was melting, and this guy doesn't even know about it. He pulls me closer, and chuckled softly against my shoulders. It was probably just him teasing but he kept saying how he could hear my heart beating fast. How can your heart not beat fast when someone you like is embracing you tightly? This stupid guy doesn't get it. He pulled back and took a good look at me, wanting to tease me even more. I helplessly tried to look down as I felt my face heat up. He asked if I was alright, laughing in between, and still not realizing it. He placed his hands on my cheeks, cupping them gently and making me face him. His eyes widened — not that it could, but let's just assume it widened a bit — and I can tell he was surprised. He asked me again if I was alright, telling me my face was beet red and that I maybe caught tad bit of his colds. At that moment I felt emotional, I couldn't help it anymore. I shook my head, and off of his touch. I told him it was his fault when I think it really wasn't. He was puzzled.
I called him ‘dense’ because he always were. He shouldn't have had those girlfriends, I said... He already had me. I guess I wasn't good enough. How would I be when I'm not able to handle people well, I'm not socially skilled. I'm not pretty nor smart, and I badly when it comes to dating. I'm selfish and fell secretly in love with my best friend when he wanted to be happy with someone else. I tried looking away as I felt tears roll down from my eyes, I was being childish with what I've been babbling about. But it just started to hurt more realizing that I cared for him the most. "It pains me to think that we won't be together anymore after this, because I'm ruining our friendship."
I felt tears wanting to overflow, whether that's an exaggeration or not. But just as I was about to speak again, Jisung gave me another hug. This time I was determined to break off of it but he won't let me. He gave my hair a soft with his right hand, and for some odd reason, it calmed me down a bit. I heard him chuckle and whispered ‘Don't cry’ in my ear. At first I thought he was teasing me once again, but those words made me want to cry even more. I felt him smile and thanked me for confessing to him, and that it made him feel so happy. "Sorry you had to confess like that, but I'm thankful, and I always am. You want me to tell you a secret?"
For a second, I was lost there. I thought I was mishearing things but then I came back to my senses and asked him why he hid a secret to me when I had none. Well, technically, besides this emotional confession I just made. He laughed, and told me it was the only secret he couldn't really tell anyone including, and especially me — his first kiss. How could this guy have had his first kiss already? And why the heck is he telling me this now? I was very curious, and I think it was obvious with how expressions ran across my face. He smiled and held my hand.
"My first kiss. Well, I don't think it's big of a deal. I saw a kid sleeping under a big slide at the school playground. I wanted to be friends with her but she isn't waking up. I remembered reading fairytale books that say someone can be woken up with a kiss, and so I did. To my surprise, she did wake up and I felt sorry and afraid that she'd get mad at me for disturbing her. But she smiled brightly, and asked if she could be friends with me after. Right then and there, I had no regrets. She became the most important person to me... even when we got separated."
I wasn't entirely sure if I was hearing right, or if I was dizzy from lack of sleep and crying early in the morning. I felt Jisung hug me once more and told me everything was going to be alright. I don't exactly know what it meant, after that speech he just made but I hugged him back in response. He chuckled and pulled away only to look at me for a mere three seconds. I flustered and asked why, and he was just smiling. He pinched my cheeks gently and grinned as he was mumbling how I seem to look cuter these past few days — he was probably teasing. I pulled away from him and his touch, and took a few steps back. Without even realizing, I sighed and shook my head with thoughts that my unnecessary confession would change the way I'll be seeing him, that I'll be more aware of him now; and from the moment that this is over, I might not see him anymore anyways and I will be alone, like I always am.
"You can't get rid of me that easily. I'm staying with you." He spoke up again as if he has been reading my mind and thoughts. How does this guy do it, it's frustrating. He laughed, and asked if his thoughts was right as well. I had no intentions of replying, and remembered leaving the area to transfer to the living room as quick as I could. He followed me, and I felt him staring at me with sharp eyes and a curious expression on his face. I knew, because I glanced at him once or twice. Reaching the room, he grabbed my arm and made me look at him — how cliché. My face flushed red, of course, and my heart started beating out of its place again but I had nothing to say. Or maybe no words wanted to come out. He insisted that he will be staying by my side, and won't leave. He intends to, he says. He smiled at me as he lets go of my arm, and plops down the couch. He gave a slight pat on the space beside him as if he's offering me to take a seat, and out of habit, I just did. He pulled on my arm and rested his head on my shoulder like it was a natural thing. I felt myself froze for a few seconds, and questioned what he was doing only after, like, a minute or two.
"I'm surprised at how patient you are. Can I ask a little bit more of it from you?" His tone was so soft, and so unlikely to be coming from him somehow. I've never really heard of it before. I told him he was blabbering nonsense but he simply snickered at my remark and clinged on my arm tighter. I asked if something's suddenly running through his mind — because clearly, unlike him, I can't read them easily — and if he could tell me what he meant with me having to have a little more patience. I felt him smile.
"I'm heartbroken, right? And you've been patient with me all this time. I'm asking a little more of it from you, because I want you to wait for me. To be healed, and to be better. So I can be someone who you can strongly rely on."
Hearing those words, I realized I smiled. I really don't care much about waiting, because he was right that I seem to have been patient all this time. I'll wait, and eventually be able to be the one to heal his heart. I love him, after all.
A/N: Please don't hate me if the story's a bit... weird? I drafted this as fast as I could because I just realized it's fall already (I don't have the fall season in my country but I love it as much as I love Jisung!) and this draft was supposed to be finished by the end of summer so I really tried to finish this one-shot/drabble very quickly. There might be a few repetitive words, and wrong grammar, and typos. I love Jisung so much, he's my favorite member! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ Who's your favorite Wanna One member? Tell me in the comments!
CLARITY (YOON JISUNG ONE SHOT) SEPTEMBER 2017.
Number of words: 3.2k+
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