Sehun is having the worst week ever in his 24-year of life. He was late for work 3 days in a row, all thanks to the stupid old bus decided to break down in rush hour. None of his documents turned out well, his boss already gave up on pointing out those silly mistakes that Sehun never thought he would make, like typing the wrong information of the clients, of his own company and even spelling mistakes. Moreover, the electric company cut off the electric current on the hottest period, making both Sehun and his laptop useless the whole day. It didn’t stop there. Yesterday Sehun found out one of his close colleague spread false rumor about him. He couldn’t believe if he didn’t accidentally hear it himself. And to make a magnificient finish, just a while ago that colleague ditched him to have lunch with someone else. Sehun couldn’t understand. He was the one who invited Sehun, then five minutes later he abandoned him like Sehun didn’t worth a second to bother about. Dragging his exhausting body out, Sehun didn’t want to care anymore. Each problem seemed trivial, but when all of them turned up at the same time, it was enough to make him extremely tired. Sehun can consider himself as a tough young man who can deal with pressure pretty well, but now, frustration and exhaustion are all he can feel. What’s the point of giving your best when all your effort will be down the drain in the end? For the very first time, he hates this world so ing bad.

 

He wants to call his bestfriend, but then decides not to. Jongin is already facing too many troubles of his own, he doesn’t want to be another hassle. So here is Sehun, alone in the playground near his office under the heat of 35 degrees Celcius, sweat dripping on the back of his body. Some people passing by give him odd looks. But he doesn’t mind. He just wants to be alone. Being alone is good, he already gets used to it. Getting used to do everything by himself, to be a pathetic person in people’s eyes.

 

In fact, Sehun always feel useless about himself. At the age of early twenties, when everyone around started to do something or even achieve something, Sehun’s still here, feeling vague about his life, doesn’t have a proper dream to chase after. His bestfriend Jongin is miles away, on the way to follow his dream to be a profesional dancer. He has new friends and new life, Sehun feels left behind. He can’t figure what to do, or what’s he good at. He even doesn’t know why did he sign up for this job in the first place. Maybe it’s because everyone said it’s time to have a stable job and make money, and this boring job of stucking in the office 8 hours a day, doing nothing but copying documents and buying coffee for colleagues is the only thing good for him. All people care is how much money he will earn.

 

But the point is, Sehun’s only 24. People may say it’s a mature age, but the shoes of adult’s life don’t quite fit his feet. Unprepared, he’s pushed out to the cruel world, full of people with many faces and ready to hurt each other for their own benefits. Sehun can’t understand how can people live like that, being sweet to others on the outside, then talk horribly about them behind their backs in the blink of an eye. Sehun already had tough times in high school, but it was nothing compared to this. It makes him sick.

 

Sehun sighs, places his cup of coffee on the ground. He hates coffee, he’s more of a sweet tooth. He likes bubble tea, chocolate flavour to be exact, with chewy tapioca balls and occasionally random fruit jelly. But of course, he doesn’t want to share this to anyone, especially when he’s surrounded by nosy people and they definitely will give him a scornful response. He rather enjoys it alone.

 

If there’s something Sehun can be proud of himself, it’s the ability to keep his face stoic anytime. Some people admire him for being so calm, for not letting those craps leave any impacts on him. Little do they know, Sehun has no choice but to do so. It’s an instinctive reflection that had been trained through years of school bullying. He has to remain strong, has to show that he’s not easy to be defeated. But deep down inside, it hurts. Sehun is a living human, not a machine, he can feel the pain aching in his chest. The cruel words people throwing at him trace in his mind like bloody tatoos, ready to bleed whenever being touched. But he has to ignore all the pains heaping up yeas after years that make him wanna fall every night.

 

Because his father once told him: “A man should not cry in any circumstance”.

 

Sehun’s father is a scary and tough soldier. He never allows Sehun to shed a tear since a young age, from falling down while learning how to walk, how to ride a bike, to being spanked with a wooden stick when he was in trouble. “If you can’t bear this, how can you survive in this world?”, the statement that hunted Sehun throughout his childhood, left an enormous impact even till now. So Sehun compresses his emotions, gets used to the heaviness of different emotions stirring in his chest. He feels like dying everytime, but still doesn’t say a single word. “You’re annoyingly stubborn. You make me worried.”, Jongin once said, and Sehun just laughed. It’s true, but Sehun can’t help it. He doesn’t want to be anyone’s burden, so he just tries to solve everything on his own. It doesn’t work everytime, but at least he can console himself that he’d done everything he could.

 

“Hey, are you ok?”

 

Sehun raises his head and sees a young man about his age, deep brown eyes looking at him with concern. He’s definitely shorter than Sehun, wearing a white shirt with two sleeves button up and western style pants. He’s pretty sure this person just had lunch at McDonald across the road, there’s still a trace of ketchup on his lips. Sehun sniffs, he misses eating fast food so bad.

 

“It’s dangerous to sit like this. You’ll have a heat .”

 

Sehun remains silent. He really doesn’t want to be disturbed right now, and that stranger doesn’t seem to understand. He naturally sits down next to Sehun, like friends having a normal conversation.

 

“I don’t know what made you like this, but it’s not good to keep your frustration inside.”

 

Sehun is stunned by the stranger’s words. How can someone see through his mind just by glancing for a minute? Is he that obvious? Sehun looks at his hands, already formed into trembling fists. He feels annoyed, but surprisingly, not at the other.

 

“You know what would I do? Smash something or cry.”

 

Sehun would do the same, but not now. He’s been keeping his cold image for so long, he won’t let a stranger break down his defence in only nearly 5 minutes of knowing each other’s faces. Sehun doesn’t say a word, hopes the other would get a sign. He doesn’t need consolation. He can solve it by himself.

 

“What about I sing you a song?”

 

After a long silence, the stranger suddenly speaks up. He’s definitely not gonna give up and let Sehun get away with this. Sehun’s slightly amused by how stubborn this man can be. All of sudden, Sehun feels the stranger move closer to him. He twists his hands a bit, then starts humming a strange melody. Sehun keeps his head low, but his ears begin to listen. The melody is a bit broken and obviously won’t help, but Sehun still feels warm inside his heart. A random person, who just passed by after having lunch, could immediately regconise something’s wrong with Sehun. A stranger, instead of spending his precious time to take a quick nap, stubbornly sat here with Sehun, persuaded him to let all the frustrations out. A young man, who Sehun hasn’t met before, insisted singing a song for him. Maybe Sehun’s just really desperated and lonely, to the point that when a stranger gives him a small squeeze on the shoulder, he suddenly wants to cry so bad. He lowers his head, tears are already on the verge of falling down.

 

“Nobody’s here, just you and me. So cry.”

 

A tear drips on his face wakes Sehun up and he quickly wipes it. No, he must not cry. This is not him. Sehun doesn’t cry, not to mention in front of a stranger. Hold them back, a voice in his mind screams, but the gentle pat on his shoulder telling him it’s fine to explode.

 

“Have strength, close your eyes for a bit
How hard must it have been?
Just until the wind and rain pass
Wait a moment, then go”

 

Sehun is taken back. He raises his head to face the stranger, who’s closing his eyes and singing beautifully. His voice is breath-taking and Sehun immediately feels the lump stuck in his throat. His stomach is stirring, as if all the feelings are screaming and racing straight to the open exit.

 

“When things are hard, you can just cry in pain more sadly
When sadness leaves, when the tears are about to stop
With my thumb, I’ll brush across the bottom of your eyes”

 

The especial falsetto make his tears fall without hesitation. The lyrics hit the nail on his head, as if it was written for him, for his weakest point. All the frustrations had been bottled up in his chest suddenly spurt like a waterfall. Sehun rests his head on the stranger’s shoulder, feels the light taps comforting his fragile soul, lets the tears soak the other’s white shirt. Another turn of tears falls down as Sehun sobs quietly, his body’s shaking. A smoothing voice repeats the song all over again, reassures that Sehun can believe in him. They sit like that for a couples of minutes, until Sehun cries all his heart out and slowly calms down, his sobs are getting fewer. He awkwardly lifts his head, sits straight as he wipes his tears. The other’s hand doesn’t leave his back, rubbing gently.

 

“You’ve done an amazing job. You’re gonna be fine, ok?”

 

Sehun confusingly nods his head. He looks at the other with teary eyes, sniffs like a lost kitten. The stranger smiles, then brushes away the remaining tears with his thumbs. Sehun is taken back, but he doesn’t move, cause the other’s hands are too comfortable to resist.

 

They remain silent, the stranger plays with his sleeves while Sehun’s collecting himself completely. He hesitantly turns to his side, blushes a little when he catches the fond smile given by the stranger. Sehun suddenly feels so small.

 

“Are you ok now?”

 

Sehun nods. He feels so much better now.

 

“Good. Promise me you won’t be like this next time.”

 

“I…I won’t…”, Sehun stutters, “Th…thank you…”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

The stranger smiles brightly like sunshine, successfully blinds Sehun’s eyes. He gives Sehun one more pat on the back, then stands up.

 

“I have to get back to work, it’s almost 1:30. See you around.”

 

And then he quickly leaves, just like the way he came earlier. Sehun tilts his head in confusion, immediately regrets not to react quicker cause he has so many questions he want to ask, the stranger's name, his workplace, the name of the song, everything. Suddenly he catches a sign of a small yellow sticky note placed next to him. Sehun picks up, opens to read the words written with neat handwriting.

 

Keep smiling cause good days will come. Besides, a handsome face doesn’t have place for ugly sobs.
- JD :’3

 

Sehun chuckles at the drawing. Did he do this to anyone who had a slight signal of depresssion that he met? If yes then he’s either a freaking angel or a screwball. But who is Sehun to say something when he literally leaned his whole body on the other and cried like a giant baby? That was kinda embarrasing, but it felt good to be honest, when he didn’t have to fake his feeling and be able to pour all his frustration out. Not to mention he had a chance to hear the most beautiful singing voice ever, it’s not exaggerating to say his voice sounds like heaven.

 

Sehun looks at the note again and smiles. He’s right, Sehun’s gonna be fine. He’s only 24, still young and full of energy. Sehun still has a lot of time to search for his own la la land like a fool, to experience anything he wants and fail a couple of times. Better late than never. There will be days like today, when he has a nosedive and hits his rock bottom. But rainbows come after the rain, beautiful days will welcome him with a fond smile, being gentle just like the stranger’s thumbs wiping his tears a while ago. He will live for those days. For the days when the sun brightens his soul and the smile on his lips is not fake, as if he was just a five-year-old boy, running to the kitchen and excitedly watched his mom cooking his favorite dish for dinner.

 

Sehun looks at his watch, it’s about time to get back. He takes a deep breath, stands up and heads to the office.

 

Sehun’s gonna be fine.

 

 

***

 

 

Sehun pushes the door and walks in. The bar is surprisingly crowded, but he wastes no time to find his group of friends sitting at the table in the corner – their usual place. Sehun smiles as he sees Jongin cheerfully waving at him. His bestfriend just came back for a spring break, so they decided to gather at their favorite bar to celebrate. Sehun worms his way through a sea of people, pumps his shoulder to Jongin and does their lame signature greeting moves.

 

“Welcome back, bro. You still look stupid. I’m glad.”

 

“Same old Sehun. Can’t even say any nice words.”

 

Jongin pouts as he takes a sit next to his bestfriend and gives him a bottle of beer. Sehun takes a sip, a joyful sound slips out of his tongue. Turns around and faces the familiar endearing look given by the other, Sehun laughs. It’s a habit of Jongin, looking at others like he’s fallen in love, which had brought him into a lot of half crying half laughing situations. Jongin didn’t bother to care, he enjoyed them as unforgetable memories of high school. “Teenagers are stupid. They do stupid things and regret later”, Jongin once stated coolly, and Sehun admires him for accepting mistakes so easily. Sehun can’t be like that. He tends to overthink everything and take a long time to recover from his failure. Takes another sip of beer, Sehun turns to his left only to find Jongin still looking at him with that chessy expression, he chuckles.

 

“Stop it Jongin, it makes me wanna puke.”

 

“.”

 

They both laugh, and Sehun puts his back to the sofa, enjoys the familiar atmosphere he’s been longing for. It’s great to have Jongin back, to meet up with his stupid friends like they were in high school. Back to the good old days, they came to this bar every weekend and enjoyed awesome music to get rid of daily stress. DD Bar is owned by Dynamic Duo, the famous hip hop duo who retired from the music industry several years ago. They opened the bar to keep in touch with their fans as well as interact with anyone who loves music. Both Jongin and Sehun are big fans, so they started up a hobby of going here every weekend. It’s been 7 years, the bar’s employees had come and gone, but they all knew about the imfamous high school duo literally grew up with the evolution of DD Bar.

 

“Wassup everybody! How are you today?”

 

Gaeko’s greeting successfully catches everyone’s attention. No more chatters, everyone turn around to look at Gaeko and Choiza walking on stage.

 

“Today we have a special treat for you. We’ll reveal our latest song…”

 

The bar once again is filled with whispers and surprised gasps. Gaeko smiles, makes a sign for silence.

 

“It’s called Nosedive. It’s dedicated to all the people who’s having tough times in life, we hope that this song can console your soul and give you strength to move forward.”

 

“When we wrote this song, we wanted to find someone who can be the healing medicine to all the fragile hearts”, Choiza continues, makes everyone curious, “And we found one. He’s just a normal person among us, but when he sings, it’s breath-taking.”

 

The duo smiles at the impatient reaction from the audiences. They motion to the band to get ready, don’t want to make everyone wait any longer.

 

“Our boy’s name is Jongdae, please give him a round of applause when he appears at the chorus. Please, enjoy the song.”

 

A tormenting beat starts off. Gaeko does the first verse, the screen behind shows the lyrics for people who can’t catch up.

 

“Maybe work was hard today
Just a couple of drinks is getting to me
After letting out a long sigh in the empty space
I’m feeling a bit better”

 

Sehun closes his eyes, gently drowns himself in. The song’s just begun, but Sehun already feels the warm blooming in his heart. He thinks about his boring routine at work, about the fake smiles co-workers gave him, about himself falling into bed after exhausting days, about all the exciting activities he skipped because of his wearying body. He misses enjoying life, misses the times when he’s surrounded by genuine laughters.

 

“These days, life is like spring and fall
The good thing about that is everything passes by quickly
Some people turn me into someone who isn’t me
They put me up and down
Then they leave me”

 

The memory of that day’s incident rushes back to Sehun’s mind. He can still feel the heat of that noon, when his head burnt under the sun and whole body covered in sweat. He can still remember the mixed feeling of disgusted and hurt stirring in stomach, the desire to disappear to an unknown place where no one knows who he is.

 

“Maybe I got stronger
Maybe I got indifferent
I used to cry only once or twice a year
But now tears are coming on this hidden path”

 

A kitten smile of the stranger appears. It’s still embarassing to think about it, when a 6-feet-tall man like him rested his head on a 5.8-feet-man’s shoulder and cried. But Sehun has to admit, that stranger gave him a lot of strength afterward. The yellow note was placed in his wallet, he looked at it whenever he needed some support. Sehun thinks he’s obsessed with the man’s voice, the voice that calmed his soul and lulled him to sleep, even just in his imagination. He’s been searching the lyrics from his vague memory on the internet, but there wasn’t any song like that. Sehun wants to meet him again, at least to thank him more properly.

 

“When my heart heard that song
It melted a little
The reason is all stress
I don’t wanna break down
Should I just endure and disappear?”

 

Gaeko finishes his part, then the duo look at the backstage. The audiences follow, wait for the mystery singer. When a familiar figure steps out, an angelic voice begins to sing, along with a smoothing melody that still lingering in his mind, Sehun suddenly forgets how to breathe.

 

“When things are hard, you can just cry in pain more sadly
When sadness leaves, when the tears are about to stop
With my thumb, I’ll brush across the bottom of your eyes”

 

 

 

END.