The phone rings again and you swipe across your screen to snooze it one last time.

“Time to get up, babe.” You hear Jinyoung whisper as he caresses your hair.

You’re not real.

“Come on baby. It’s time to get up. You’ve got econ this morning. You know Professor Clint always gives out an exam before the discussion.”

Stop it. Go away. Please.

You feel your eyes water and you bury your head in your pillow, trying to ignore the fact that you’re probably going crazy.

“Baby. I’m sorry. But you know I won’t go away unless you really want me too.” Jinyoung says softly. You feel him slowly lower himself to the bed and you just know he’s waiting for you to look at you. Even though you know seeing him is going to hurt like hell, eventually you turn your head to look at him too. You feel the tears fall.

He’s right there, hands tucked under his head. He’s looking at you with that smile on his face, the dimple showing on his cheek. He reaches out to touch caress your face and you almost feel his hand. Almost.

“How are you holding up? Please don’t cry. I can’t stand seeing you cry.” He says it in a whisper, almost like praying. The tears fall even harder. “Are you really watching? Can you still see me?” you whisper back, desperate to know he’s still there, watching out for you. Because he was always the organized one. He was the one who reminded you of deadlines, date of exams or class schedules.

“I am. I will always be. No matter what. You know that.” He replies as he reaches out to hold your hand but stops inches away. You both look at the space between them and you wish for the millionth time that you could hold them again. Warm manly hands with callouses on his fingertips and the veins you sometimes find yourself tracing unconsciously.

Please be real.

Jinyoung just looks at you and with a sigh pulls you closer and you bury your face in his chest, inhaling that lingering scent you’ve come to recognize as a sign of comfort. “I’m sorry, I can’t. And I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry you have to see me this way. I’m sorry baby. I’m so so sorry.” He says as he plants a kiss on your forehead.

A kiss that you’re only feeling through memory. The man you love wraps his arms around you tighter but you know that he isn’t real. He isn’t really there. And you? You’re really all alone, lying in your bed in the little black dress Jinyoung always considered as his favourite. The one you wore yesterday when you said your last goodbye.