It's a rather quiet morning for Yuta. His clock is blinking 4:45 am. Usually around this time he'd be getting up and ready and making his way to Jaehyun’s house but the younger man had informed him, through a neatly punctuated text last night, that he's travelling to see his brother who lives in Jeju city, and that he'd be gone all day.

So now he has nothing to do but lay in his bed and question why his light fixtures aren't as pretty as Jaehyun’s. They manage to captivate his attention for about five minutes, after which he gets up to make himself coffee.  He follows his daily routine of staring at his blank notebook and brewing himself ty coffee.

He's had the same pattern for almost a year, nothing about it has changed, but today, for some reason, he feels - lost? No, and sad wouldn't be the correct word either, he feels as though something is missing. He goes about his day nonetheless. When he's stuck and his mind can't push out any words, though, he stares at the ceiling, hoping for inspiration to fall on him. By mid-noon he finds himself sitting in front of his bedroom window trying to relish his third cup of coffee. He had done everything to make himself feel better, listened to mediocre music, gone out for a run to exhaust himself, lain flat on his sofa and fabricated scenarios he'd never speak of but the sinking feeling still conquered everything. What is missing? he thinks. He has always been very good at recognizing the source of his anguish, why can't he figure out what's troubling his heart now?

Yuta gently places his mug on the floor and rests his head on his knees. For a while he just stares at the mug, crowding his mind with irrelevant details about its shape and backdrop. He almost, almost, forgets about the sinking feeling. Until he looks up and his eyes land on the gayageum sitting, as peacefully as an object could, on the mini stage. His eyes immediately search for something, an object or entity, he doesn't know. When he sees the chair, situated before the instrument, is empty, a pang of sadness hits him. Something moves inside his head, as if the gears of his mind had been stuck all day and are finally moving again. Could it be-? But why would he-?

"No no no." he says to himself, trying to shake the thought out of his mind.

When he enters the kitchen, he slowly picks up dishes off the counter. His eyes fall on a lonely mug sitting on the edge. He stops himself before he touches it. It's Jaehyun’s mug. While making coffee, a wave of fondness hits him. He remembers when Jaehyun had come over for the first time and claimed that mug as his and then had proceeded to make a horrible pun about how he was mug-ing him. Then he’d called the place, where the mug is currently sitting, it's home and made Yuta promise to not touch it without his permission.

The memory makes warmth crawl up his skin and he smiles to himself. The smile only lasts for about a second before his reminds himself, no. He takes his mug in one hand and his notebook in the other and moves to the living room. Out of habit, he sits on the right side of the sofa because Jaehyun had made a comment the other day about how he likes sitting on the left side, something about the atmosphere fitting him better. The entire time Yuta sits there he fills up empty pages while the thought of Jaehyun sitting next to him plays in his mind. He has to stop every five minutes and remind himself, no.

Around evening, when it gets too quiet and the silence starts ringing through his ears, Yuta connects his phone to his theatre system, puts his playlist on shuffle, sets it on the loudest volume he can and settles on his couch with a novel in his hand.

"Hey."

The voice startles him, he almost drops his book. It's Jaehyun's voice, he looks around and nobody's there. It takes him a second longer to realize that the sound is coming from his speakers. It's playing the voice message Jaehyun had left him earlier today.

"I hope you're having a very lonely morning without me." Jaehyun’s hushed deep voice, echoing through his entire house, brings back the warmth and replaces the ache he has been feeling all day. He listens to the rest of message with his novel tightly pressed against his chest and a wide grin on his face. Yuta listens to him talking again; in a hushed and quiet voice, not wanting his nephew to wake up because of him.

By the time the message is over, his jaw actually hurts from grinning too hard but the ache comes back and Yuta is more confused than ever. He forces himself to go back to writing but no matter how hard he tries to push out the pain, it just gets stronger throughout the evening.

At night, when Yuta can't fall asleep, he does miscellaneous things to tire himself out. When none of them work, he picks up the book he's reading from the floor. The cover is an earthy brown, he stares at it. An image of Jaehyun's mud brown eyes flashes in his mind… when did the colour brown start holding so much depth? He shakes himself out of his head and places the book back on the floor. He gets up and makes his way to the living room. He sits on his couch, turns on the TV and starts flicking through channels. He makes the horrible mistake of looking at the window next to the TV.

It's open and bringing in light gusts of wind. His curtains moving with the wind remind him of the way Jaehyun’s feathery bangs fall in front of his eyes every time wind blows past him. He turns off the TV and drops the remote on the couch. He goes to the kitchen but doesn't go in when he sees Jaehyun’s mug sitting on the counter. He backtracks and makes his way to the lawn and takes his single dining chair with him.

He stares at the open sky, peace finally taking over his mind, till he notices a pair of slippers sitting in the corner of his lawn. He promptly recognizes them, they're Jaehyun’s.

Panic starts rising inside him. Jaehyun is everywhere, there are traces of him all over his house and his mind, when did that happen?

He collapses into his chair. There’s an ache in his heart; his heart hurts because he misses Jaehyun. He actually misses him, but how can that be when he saw him just hours ago? What makes it worse is that he misses Jaehyun, whom he sees every single day, more than he misses his Hyung and Johnny, whom he hasn't seen or talked to in months? What fresh hell of emotional turmoil is this? Out of all the people that he's supposed to be missing, why is his heart aching for Jaehyun?

Yuta doesn't sleep that night. It takes him hours to convince himself that a year in solitude has completely messed up his mind and that's it. That's the only reason why this is happening to him.

T_T

Yuta remembers when punctuality meant everything to him, his nerves wouldn't leave him alone unless he arrived to his destination at least an hour early. Back when he was living in Seoul, he would go to the movies once every week and would show up 45 minutes before the movie started. He remembers sitting in the cold hall in a somewhat comfortable seat, trying not to give into temptation by not touching his snacks before the movie or the ads started playing. He also remembers how the light above the projector would illuminate a soft golden glow on the white screen before the movie started.

That's it; that's what Jaehyun’s glow reminds him of when the first rays of sunlight, peaking through the branches of the old tree, hit his face. That light combined with the sweat on his cheeks make a great mix. It's not too harsh and not too soft either, it's just perfect and balanced like everything else about Jaehyun is. Yuta has to stop himself from staring, he also has to stop himself from falling into such a deep thought process every time he discovers a new detail about Jaehyun.

In the last 14 months, Yuta has struggled for weeks to come up with a five syllable verse about literally anything. But now, he truly believes that he could write an entire collection of poems based on the movement of Jaehyun’s lips and eyes when he's playing. The way his lips part open slightly when he perfectly plays the of his piece and his eyes flutter open when he's finally finished, it's just so.....

"Beautiful." He whispers, but somehow Jaehyun hears it.

"Did you say something?" Jaehyun looks up.

"Huh?" Yuta fakes bewilderment to cover up his stupidity, "No."

Even though every time he's in Jaehyun’s company he feels as fresh and awake as an owl after midnigh, today he's sleep deprived and has exhausted himself to the point where everything is bleary to him. It's hard for him to control himself around Jaehyun. Period. But when he's like this, it's harder to control the words that slip off of his tongue.

"Let's watch a movie together." Yuta says when Jaehyun finishes his piece.

"Are you asking me out? On a date?" Jaehyun says slowly.

"Yes.” The surety in his voice takes him by surprise.

Yuta can't exactly read the expression on Jaehyun’s face. He doesn't say anything at first, for what feels like a while but is only a few seconds, and all Yuta can hear is the whistle of the wind and the sound of birds chirping. Jaehyun doesn't look at him as he takes off his finger picks, doesn't look at him when he places each of them neatly in the box. When nothing seems to be left to prolong the ultimate rejection Yuta is expecting, Jaehyun looks at him; directly into his eyes. If Yuta tries really hard, he'll probably be able to make out what Jaehyun's facial expression means but, given his current worn out state, he can't focus on anything but the feeling of dread that's getting stronger by the second. He thinks if the silence stretches out for a minute longer he might actually burst. He should've killed the question the second his mind birthed it and should've never brought it into reality.

"That depends."  Jaehyun says, with a flat tone.

"On what?", a light gust of wind causes a shiver to run down his spine.   

"On whether you're taking me to watch a rom-com and whether you don't have a problem with my live commentary on how stupid they are."

This time Yuta is the one who laughs, dread and exhaustion leaving his body immediately. He feels light as a feather. His eyes fall on a dead leaf on the ground. He picks it up and gets on one knee on his chair. He might be feeling dreamy and giddy right now but, even in this state of mind, he has to be wary of bugs.

"Jaehyun-ssi, will you bless me with your company this Sunday evening to engage in romantic endeavours?" It comes out so easily, and effortlessly, as if his lips have been itching to say this for a long time.

Jaehyun actually holds back his laugh this time as he walks over to him and takes the leaf from him."Yes, I'd love to."

The entire situation is so silly but it makes him feel so warm inside. He can't stop himself from grinning.

Somewhere between the flick and pulls of strings and the exchange of shy smiles, Yuta feels the ache melt away. The knot in his stomach, however, becomes tighter but this time he doesn't run. He stays and listens to Jaehyun's soft laugh.

T_T

They do end up watching a romantic comedy that neither of them care for-but their only other option was a ww2 epic which doesn't so sound romantic for their first date. The movie follows the same bizarre plot as all of them do. Guy meets girl, a series of unconventional events lead them to develop feelings for each other, then both of them have epiphanies at different points but not in front of each other. They hold in their feelings till one of them makes the brave decision to be vocal about how and what they feel and then they just connect.

Yuta had tried to mimic the feeling in his early years as a poet because, in his mind and given his circumstances as a 15 year old, romantic love was the only variation of love that would result in something either breathtakingly beautiful or tragically beautiful. Either way, it would be beautiful so he thought he couldn't go wrong, especially, when he projected that into poetry. He couldn't have been more wrong.

Now it's different, this particular variation of love requires a lot more than just a breathless "I love you" followed by a very needy kiss and a bland promise to stay together forever and to make up for everything.

"You have to be the most pessimist romantic I've ever been on a date with." Jaehyun says, his gaze fixed on the screen.

Yuta looks at him with a confident smile. "And you like it!"

Jaehyun moves his eyes from the screen and looks at him. "How did you know I was going to say that?" He quirks his left brow. Yuta shifts a little and directs his eyes and body towards the screen.

 "Because you sound more amused than annoyed."

He catches Jaehyun smiling and that, combined with the glow on his face, makes him brighter than the screen. Yuta feels jittery again but this time he doesn't have to make an effort to distract himself. He's on a date with Jaehyun. That Jaehyun knowingly and willingly agreed to accompany him on. No matter what happens, he will not question this or make a move till Jaehyun does something first.

He drops that plan a second later when he spots Jaehyun’s hand on the arm rest. He slowly reaches out, just to test the water and places his hand on top of it. It doesn't play out as he had imagined it would.

Jaehyun doesn't flinch to express any sort of discomfort neither does he pull away. In fact, he does the opposite. He flips his hand so it's easier for them to hold hands. Yuta hadn’t realized how much he had missed the touch, recalling the memory of when they first shook hands.

He relaxes into his seat but doesn't dare move an inch after that- he doesn't want to give off any implication that he wants to let go, having no idea why he doesn't want to let go. The movie ends but they remain seated till the credits finish rolling and all the lights in the hall are , making idle chatter about the movie.

Jaehyun is the first one to get up, he picks up his trash with other hand and doesn't let go. He doesn't let go when they walk out of the hall, out of the theatre onto the street. He doesn't let go on their walk back to their houses, which is relatively quiet but not awkward. He does let go when they arrive at his front door and Yuta has never felt loss so gravely. Jaehyun stares at him shamelessly.

"Do you want to kiss me now or do you want to wait till one of us has an epiphany?" Jaehyun says, his tone laced with pure amusement. Yuta lets out a breathy laugh.

"It would be such a shame to lose all that time to unnecessary thoughts and everlasting internal conflict," Jaehyun says, as he takes a step towards Yuta, "Nakamoto Yuta, you have my full consent to kiss me tonight and every night after this."  Too struck by Jaehyun's statement, Yuta doesn't respond. He knows his voice will come out shaky and unsteady and he doesn't want Jaehyun to know the impact his words have on him.

And then they kiss.

T_T