I feel a gentle caress on my already wet cheeks and quickly, I snap my eyes open. As I’ve expected and have strongly prayed for, I open my eyes to see Chanyeol staring down at my lovingly, his lips curled into a small, sad smile. “You’re crying again, love,” he says with a small click of his tongue and a slight shake of his head.

I smile through my tears, getting up quickly to tackle him into a hug. “I missed you, baby,” I whisper, my eyes shut tight, more tears seeping through and running quickly down my cheeks. He chuckles in a low rumble and circles his arms around me too. He inhales my scent as he rubs my back up and down with his big hand. “I’m always with you. You know that,” is what he replies with.

I don’t say anything. I can’t, not when my tears are choking me up like this. Chanyeol sighs at my sobbing, not that he is tired of me being like this but because it hurts him and makes him sad when I shed so much tears. He pulls away then, hands automatically coming up to cup my cheeks. He wipes the tears away for me.

I immediately lean into his palm, loving his gentle touch, missing it, savoring it. I am always such a mess when I see Chanyeol but I can’t help it. I missed him so and night time is the only time I get to see him, the only time I get to be with him. It has become my favorite part of the day, a time I always look forward to.

At night, the world is quiet. Everyone is asleep and it feels as though it is only reserved for the two of us to enjoy. Often times, Chanyeol and I go out to watch the stars. We go to the beach no matter the long travel and we sit on the sand, listening to the calm waves, whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears and staying warm in each other’s arms until the sun rises and it’s time for him to go again.

I don’t like this arrangement. I think it’s sad having to wait the entire day until the sunsets again for him to come back to me but there is no other way. Time seems to tease us, moving much faster when we’re together than when we are not, so every moment with him is a moment I always try to remember, to etch into my brain, into my very soul. Every tiny moment we spend together now is ultimately more meaningful than the last.

Once I’m calm and have finished my tears, Chanyeol gently carries me up over him lap and he takes my place on my bed. He’s staring at me with that deep, meaningful gaze of his big shiny orbs and I feel a flutter in my stomach. He has his hands on my hips, fingers caressing when he sighs and says, “It’s raining tonight…”

He doesn’t at all take his eyes off mine and it is making it hard for me to look away but I didn’t notice that it was raining so I had to make sure. Slowly and reluctantly, I move my eyes to stare out the window. The rain isn’t strong but it’s still enough to be heard from the inside and coat the windowpane with droplets.

I sigh too as I look back at him. “We can’t see that stars tonight.” I pout at him, making his eyes flick down to my jutted-out lip. He chuckles a heart fluttering chuckle and quickly leans in to kiss my pout away. I smile immediately.

“It won’t rain all night, baby. Hopefully… We can just wait for it to stop then we can leave for the beach.” I light up, nodding my head excitedly and wrapping my arms around his neck. I press my lips against his, gently but desperately at the same time. I miss his lips. I miss how soft they are against mine, how sweet they taste and how perfect they are for mine.

I can feel him smile against the kiss just before he reciprocates it. He moves his lips against mine like how I always like it, exactly how he’d drive me crazy with it. His hands are already in my shirt and feeling skin. I have one arm around his neck, my free hand on the left side of his chest to feel his heartbeat. It is beating fast, ramming against his ribcage excitedly and it matches the rhythm of mine.

I could kiss him forever if I have to but my body is in need of oxygen and I have to pull away. We’re both breathing heavily when our eyes open to look into the other. A warm smile immediately spreads on his lips. He takes his hand out of my shirt and my cheek with the back of his fingers. “I love you so much, baby. Always remember that, okay?”

No matter how sweet and sincere his words are, I can see the sadness behind his orbs and it pierces right through my heart. He has always reminded me of his love, whether he says it out loud like this or just shows it through the things he does. My heart always feels like exploding with joy, melting at the heat of his affection but now… I don’t know why, but I feel scared all of a sudden, of him saying this.

I blink in confusion, all the more that my eyes are suddenly stinging and I feel like I will cry any moment. My brows start to furrow, my heart now beating anxiously in my chest. My vision of Chanyeol becomes blurrier every second until I feel the first of my tears rolling down my cheek. I blink again and sniffle, wiping it away quickly, still baffled that I am acting and feeling like this.

Chanyeol pauses and wrinkles his nose at me though I can already see how glassy his eyes are, shining with unshed tears. “I always make you cry, don’t I? I’m horrible.” I chuckle and shake my head, wiping more of the tears that escaped. “You’re not.” I assure him. I hold his face between my tiny hands and stare into his brown orbs then I whisper, “I just love you so much it hurts.”

His eyes become even glassier for some reason. They’re darting around my face as his lips quirk slightly, as if he wanted to smile but couldn’t. I gulp, fear just bubbling away at the pit of my stomach. Chanyeol is not one to really cry in our relationship. He is strong and never really wanted to look vulnerable, even if it’s just me but now, at this very moment, I see a tear slip down his cheek.

I am stunned but before I can say anything he quickly pulls me into him, hugging me tight. I really do not like this. There is something wrong. I can feel it.

Chanyeol is right. It doesn’t rain all night and the sky is crystal clear again. I can see the stars twinkling brightly above my head as we walk hand in hand along the coastline. I love the sound of the gentle waves kissing the shore but I love the sound of Chanyeol’s low voice even more so.

We don’t speak of him crying when we were still at home. As much as I want to ask him what was wrong, I respect him enough to wait for him to just tell me when he’s ready. He’s so much happier now anyway. His smile is as bright as the stars and he’s being playful.

He swings our arms as we walk and occasionally bumps his shoulder against me. I laugh, shaking my head at him and bumping him right back with my hip. When I stare up at the beautiful night sky that seemed to fuse with the deep sea, I feel his eyes on me. I turn to him briefly, just to see him staring at me with that loving, heart melting, butterfly inducing gaze of his. I blush each time.

When we’re tried, we sit on the sand, him behind me and encasing my body with his. He has his arms and legs wrapped around my frame and I am leaning my back against his chest. His warmth feels heavenly against the cold evening wind and sea breeze. We speak in hushed tones as if afraid that our soft voices would disrupt the quiet world around us and pierce through the calmness.

We stay like that for a long time. We watch the night grow old and the day start to come. This is the time when dread grips at my heart because when that sun peeks out from the horizon, Chanyeol will leave me again.

The dark sky is changing and all I do is turn my head to watch Chanyeol’s face under the warm glow. He looks beautiful, completely breathtaking and my heart pounds hard against my chest. He doesn’t seem to notice me staring at him, his mind clearly elsewhere as he simply watches the ni