I, Kim Seokjin, is broken.

No one listened. No one cared. No one bothered to know. No one did anything. No one stopped to help. No one-

You.

I never got your name. I never got your home address. All I know of you was your wide bright smile and your jet black hair. I remember you wearing a choker with a green bomber jacket and a white shirt. Your pants were leather paired with black boots. I remember your screams, your weird noises and the mesmerising manner when you dance.

As someone who couldn't dance, it was natural to be drawn to your skills. As someone who was broken inside out, it was usual to want to find someone bright to attempt to heal me. Call me selfish, but I'll not deny it.

Even if I approached with intentions, you welcomed me with open arms. Surprisingly unguarded, I noted. Your innocence shocked me, and I couldn't help that pang of guilt resonating as I pushed on. I didn't want to back out then, that's how desperate I was to fix myself. Even if it was at the cost of hurting someone that I may eventually care about. I started advancing, and you never refused. I took it as a good sign to go on, and somehow we ended up sleeping together. Almost every other day I'll be lounged on your bed, fast asleep with you. That was the most peaceful time in my life, where no nightmares invaded my dreams.

You, Jung Hoseok, was the key.

The days went by and I started healing. Somehow it was so fast that made me question myself, did I even break myself at all? Your hands and hugs seemed to be the key to my miraculously fast recovery. The thought of leaving never passed my mind. The memories with you were too great, too wonderful that I didn't want to leave. So I gathered up the courage and asked, "Will you be-"

I couldn't finish the sentence. I was so nervous that I kept tripping over the words. You just watched me in amusement, while beads of sweat grew on my forehead. Closing my eyes, I whined. "Why you, Jung Hoseok? Why are you ruining me that much? All because of you I've become this stuttering fool I didn't know I was capable of and I'm feeling so embarrassed. All because of you I-"

"Oh hush." you placed a hand on my mouth. "I'll say yes to whatever you're asking. But let me ask you, do you have anything I need to know?" I shook my head and smiled. But I knew I had too much, so many secrets that I can't say. One day, I promised myself. I'll tell you all of them.

Bits of myself came back when I am with you. It seems like it was you who is my treasure chest, filled with all my broken pieces that I'll glue back into the self I had before Kim Namjoon happened. I realised I'll always hold your hand when I'm with you, even unconsciously. I would be rubbing your knuckles or playing with your fingers. Your fingers seemed to be even more fascinating than your kisses that you would complain playfully about. In reply I'll peck your lips and smile, making your ears go red.

Nightmares still came even if I was in the state of eternal bliss. Some nights I would wake screaming, my hair a mess and my eyes wild. You would groggily wake up and be on the receiving end of my wrath, leaving reddish scratch marks on your skin. You would always try to calm me down, and eventually singing me to sleep with your lullaby and caresses. I would wake up guilty and apologise to you but you'll wave it away and asked the same question. "Did you not tell me anything?"

I, as usual, lied. I have too much to spill but I didn't want to risk our relationship. I knew you eventually realised it but never probed, yet I know it'll destroy us. I desperately wanted to tell you, but my past was too immense for you, for our relationship to deal with and not crack. You were too precious for me to lose as you fixed me, brought myself back and most importantly, you were the purpose to my life. You never asked more than you need to and patiently giving me time to tell you.

I used you, Jung Hoseok. I am such a selfish person. Kim Namjoon broke me but you, his friend pieced me back with your warm hands. Your bright smile, your pink lips, your everything - I crave for them so much it became crazily addictive - and your entire being. I want them. I don't want to miss them, I don't want to lose you and me-

You knew. You knew, yet you let me in. You let me tear down your walls. You let me heal, even if you knew you'll end up hurt. You let me hold your hands and bring you to where it hurts for me, for you to stitch those scars together. You waited patiently outside my walls, anticipating that day I'll bare my all to you. You never got angry when I clammed up, vehemently refusing to say anything. You waited and waited, but all you got was a wall that was still as high and as hard to cross over. Am I telling you, you were just a rebound?

I was the mirror that came to you broken with a thought of never being fixed back but you did the impossible. I thank you for your efforts, though I cannot reciprocate them. I am grateful you held my hand and brought me towards the light. I'll always remember the times we had and the memories we made.

You healed me but I hurt you.

It'll be okay once I'm gone, right?

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