Saudade

 

…

 

“Mingyu,” his name left your lips in an airy whisper.

 

You missed him to pieces; the two of you hadn’t seen each other in over six months. He had been gone on an extended business trip that required him to live elsewhere for an indefinite period. At this point you had forgotten what exactly was keeping him away from home, but it didn’t make you hate it less.

 

You felt empty, alone, and worst of all the memory of his soft voice by your ear, the feel of his skin on yours, and even the scent that clung stubbornly to his side of the bed was fading.

 

All of a sudden you felt the great urge to cry, you really didn’t understand why missing someone would cause so much pain. Even though you were able to see each other via video call or text each other, it just wasn’t the same.

 

And nothing could possibly replace the spark that the two of you would ignite within each other.

 

You slumped over the kitchen table; a home cooked meal that had long gone cold rested near your arms. “Mingyu.”

 

…

 

You somehow summoned the strength to clean up dinner and found yourself tucked into your side of the bed. The normally crowded bed seemed so desolate and void of comfort even as you hugged Mingyu’s pillow to your chest.

 

You sighed heavily. His pillow was a very poor replacement.

 

As you reached a heavy arm towards the dresser on your left, you couldn’t seem to muster the strength to get your phone. The constant missing was so incredibly draining, you didn’t know what to do to make it better. You never stopped trying to get rid of your moping, but even as you woke every morning, all you could feel was that emptiness.

 

Nowadays the excitement and happiness that you would get after getting a new project at work was dulled. You had always been passionate of what you believed and what you worked towards; this was only one of the many reasons Mingyu fell in love with you.

 

But you felt as if you were withering away, but the only antidote was tens of thousands of kilometers away.

 

You heard your phone ding and sudden energy suffused your being as you snatched your cell from its resting place. It was a short text from Mingyu, ‘Goodnight love, sleep well :)’. You typed a quick reply, but while his message soothed the hurt a bit, it was naught but a single breath of relief.

 

…

 

The days seemed to just blur one into another, you couldn’t help but to think that time both moved so quickly but so slowly. It was a contradiction that you never truly understood until now. On one hand, time was slippery. You didn’t cherish it and simply let it flow through your fingers, perhaps it was because the thing that made your days significant wasn’t here. But on the other hand, you counted each individual part that slipped through your hand, willing it to flow quicker, hoping that as each second ticked by that it would bring him closer to you.

 

Had it already been a year?

 

Why couldn’t you get used to it? Everyone consoled you, “It gets better. The feelings will fade, soon you’ll feel fine.”

 

You weren’t fine.

 

“Mingyu.”

 

He hummed through the phone, “Yes, love.”

 

“I miss you.” You tried to keep your voice from shaking every single time, but to no avail.

 

There was a heavy pause on his side before a husky voice whispered back, “And I you.”

 

…

 

You always had to choke the question back whenever you talked to him.

 

“When are you coming back?” had never once crossed your lips or typed on your keypad. It was silly perhaps, he likely knew how much you wanted him to come home; you still wanted him to focus on his job though, you wanted him to succeed and worrying about you wasn’t going to help him do that.

 

…

 

“Are you feeling ok?” Concern coloured Mingyu’s tone. You could envision him now, hand rested tightly against a low window sill, completely tense, while his eyebrows were furrowed over a pair of worried eyes. He was always like this whenever you fell sick, it was something that would never change.

 

You smiled wanly, not having the energy to say everything you wanted to say to him. You settled for a “I’ll be ok.”

 

You could hear him let out a sound filled with frustration and distress.

 

There was a silence before his voice crackled over the line. “I wish I could be there to take care of you.”

 

You chuckled a little, a sound that felt too fragile in Mingyu’s ears. “’Cause you’re my healing?”

 

A little huff of laughter escaped him when he heard what you said. You could feel his smile as he replied, “Because I’m your healing.”

 

…

 

You woke up that morning feeling better than you have been in a long while. You weren’t sure exactly what the reason was, but it most likely had to do with Mingyu somehow. When you looked at your phone however, there was nothing there, no notification at all with his name attached.

 

You began to feel worried. Because of the time difference, he would usually be the one to send you a good morning message before he went to sleep, so when you saw that he hadn’t done so, it was slightly concerning.

 

No one else had contacted you so you were positive that he was fine, but because of your overactive imagination, you had to give him a call.

 

One ring, two rings, three rings…until voicemail.

 

Just as you were going to work yourself into a panic, the doorbell rang. You jolted, dashing out of bed before throwing on a random piece of flannel that lay conveniently on the doorknob of the closet. You were completely frazzled, trying to smooth down your hair while silently cursing whoever was there outside. Who comes calling so early in the morning?

 

So it was to your complete and utter shock that when you opened the door, looking like a madwoman, that the person that had taken your heart with him had finally returned.

 

You clapped your hands to your mouth, unsure what feelings were exploding inside you at the moment. All you knew was that it was overwhelming and earth-shattering.

 

At first neither of you moved, both were drinking the other in, and when your eyes met, it was the like sweet relief of the most delicious nectar. You weren’t sure who’s lips began to curl first, perhaps you, perhaps him, or perhaps both together. All you knew was that as soon as his smile made its appearance you dove towards him, or maybe it was he to you?

 

It didn’t matter at all because he was here, with you, not separated by distance, not by a screen, not by anything.

 

And it was joy. It was joy to be finally able to wrap your arms around him. It was joy to rest your cheek against his chest. It was joy to hear the quick thump of his heart strumming beneath his chest. It was joy to breathe in the familiar scent you had always fallen asleep with but you had somehow forgotten in the past year and a half.

 

Mingyu was reluctant to move from the embrace but he had missed seeing your face too much to have it be hidden and tucked against his torso. He gently moved a hand to cup your cheek, and he felt the familiar trill of his heartbeat quicken as you closed your eyes and leaned into his hand. He slowly moved his hand so his fingers were in your hair before softly tilting your head back.

 

He watched as your eyes opened; the look of yearning and want doing little but augmenting his already burning emotions that threatened to burst forth.

 

With a gravelly groan, Mingyu held himself back no longer and dipped his head down to give you the most searing and heart stopping kiss you’ve ever had.

 

When the two of you finally broke for breath, the same words left both of your mouths. “I love you.”

 

…

 

a/n i hope you enjoyed this one-shot. hehe i was feeling mingyu feels so this happened~ thanks for reading.

sidenote: im thinking of doing an extended ending.. not sure what to put in it tho.