5. You have the wrong notion of bearing all the burden to yourself because you’re the leader, not even knowing the consequences you may face(Minkyung and Kyungwon)

 

She wanted to cry. Everything was going well, yes, but the stress of everything was beginning to kick in. Nayoung loved her job, she really did, but sometimes, she just wanted to curl up in her bed and cry until she fell asleep.

 

It was one of those days. Wake up at 5 am. Breakfast. Practice. Lunch. Practice. Sermon from their instructors. Doing a peptalk to keep her members motivated. Dinner. Making them take a bath before her. Sleep at 3 am. Repetition of the cycle.

 

Nayoung is tasked to facilitate the practice since the instructor is absent for some reason she'd rather not know. All she knows is that she wanted to scream, curse and break the mirrors just to show the managers that she was stressed out, but of course she can't do that unless she wanted to get kicked out of Pledis.

 

"Unnie!" Nayoung was pulled out of her reverie when Jieqiong called her. She looked up just in time for Jieqiong to sling her arm around her neck, successfully drawing her into a hug.

 

"Hey, there." She said with little enthusiasm. Nayoung was not up for socializing as of the moment. She wanted some time for herself, but she couldn't just turn the younger girl away. Jieqiong would feel hurt if she did that.

 

"Is there anything wrong, unnie? You don't seem well..." The younger girl furrowed her eyebrows in concern. She knew Nayoung was expressionless most of the time, but when it came to jokes, she knows that the leader would be more than glad to exchange a few of her own but as of the moment, Nayoung seems... off.

"I'm fine, Jieqiong-ah. I’m just a little tired." She smiled at Jieqiong in hopes of appeasing her concern. It seemed to have worked, fortunately, since Jieqiong just gave her a bright smile and hugged her again.

 

From afar, Kyungwon and Minkyung were speaking to each other about Nayoung.

 

"She can fool Jieqiong, but she can't fool me." Minkyung sighed as she eyed her leader and the Chinese girl. Kyungwon looked at her questioningly.

 

"What do you mean, Minkyung?" Kyungwon asked the older girl, taking a sip of the orange juice in her hands. She offered Minkyung some too.

 

“You’ll know when you get into THAT situation.” Minkyung said, gesturing subtly to the two as soon as she finished drinking. She handed the drink back to Kyungwon before joining the others in eating the rest of their food.

 

“Huh?” Kyungwon stared at Minkyung’s retreating figure, trying to ponder what the older girl had meant. It was only when Nayoung had called the girls for another round of dance practice that Kyungwon was pulled out of her thoughts.

 

~-~-~-~

It was 6 pm when the girls had finished practicing. They placed their things inside their respective gym bags and got ready to go. One by one, Pristin had dispersed from the practice room and as usual, Nayoung was the last to leave. She was always the one to take a double check on the whole practice room before leaving. She had to make sure that everything was in their proper place.

 

After scanning the practice room one last time, Nayoung shut off the lights and closed the door before following the girls out the hallway. When Nayoung got out, she was surprised to see Kyungwon and Minkyung standing by the hallway waiting for her.

 

“Hey, unnie.” Kyungwon said, approaching Nayoung with a smile. The older girl looked at her with a puzzled expression. She stretched out her hand to Nayoung’s direction for a hi five.

 

“Hey...” Nayoung greeted back and did a hi five with Kyungwon and this time, she made it more energetic since Jieqiong had almost seen through her stress earlier.

 

It would be bad if Kyungwon also noticed it. Knowing the sub sub leader, she would go through distant measures just to make Nayoung laugh again. She was like that to the other members too, so Nayoung knows.

 

‘Huh... Looks like nothing’s wrong with Nayoung-unnie though. Maybe Minkyung-unnie misread her actions...?’ Kyungwon mused in her mind as she retracted her hand from the hi-five. She quickly shook off those thoughts and started to walk with Nayoung to the company building’s exit.

 

~-~-~-~

“So I was thinking, unnie... Maybe we should get samgyeopsal for dinner and-“ Kyungwon’s sentence was cut off when a staff member called Nayoung.

 

“Nayoung-ah. Your manager is calling you.” The female staff member said. Nayoung and Kyungwon turned their heads to the girl’s direction.

 

“Did he say why, unnie?” The tall leader asked, completely stopping in her tracks and making Kyungwon stop and look too. The girl sighed and pushed her glasses up.

 

“I’m sorry... he didn’t say anything about it. He just told me to send you in.” The girl said apologetically.

 

“Okay. Thank you, unnie!” Nayoung sent a small smile to the staff member before turning to Kyungwon. The staff member bowed and left the two girls to their own devices.

 

“You go on ahead, Kyungwon. Tell Minky that they could get anything they want to eat since it’s Friday today. Oh yeah, and please tell them to fix the dorm a little when they get home, okay? I’ll be home as soon as this is done.” Nayoung said.

 

It was touching how Nayoung called their dorm her “home” rather than just calling it in a literal manner. It showed how much Nayoung appreciated and loved her members, since she considered a home instead of a house or dorm.

 

‘A house is not a home without the connection of its inhabitants’, Nayoung once said.

 

“Okay, unnie. Take care! Be careful on your way home!” Kyungwon said, patting Nayoung’s shoulder and sending her a small smile. The older girl smiled back before ruffling Kyungwon’s hair. She then parted ways with her third oldest member and made her way to the manager.

 

The sub sub leader watched her retreating figure with furrowed eyebrows. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t squeeze out the meaning behind Minkyung’s words earlier.

 

She shook her head, attempting to clear it of all the confusing thoughts she has as of the moment.

 

Maybe Minkyung loved playing riddles so much.

 

With another shake of her head, Kyungwon decided to head back to the dorm and confront Minkyung about it. She could not find ANYTHING that gives her a single damn clue about what was going on with her leader.

 

~-~-~-~

Nayoung stood outside the managers’ office, composing herself before she goes in. She doesn’t usually do this, but she figured that as of the moment, she really HAD to if she didn’t want to yell at her manager in case there was an extra task to do. It would be unreasonable and stupid if she were to lose her job because of a simple anger management problem.

 

After taking two deep breaths, she steeled herself, turning the knob and welcoming herself inside the office. She bowed down as a sign of respect. Nayoung was the type of person to show positivity first before proceeding into business. She knows that she may look cold and somewhat unapprochable, but she tries to make up for that by showing respect to anyone older or anyone of her superiors.

 

“Oh, Nayoung. We were just talking about you! Come sit!” Pristin’s manager said. Nayoung lifted her gaze to the other people of the room. She saw SEVENTEEN and NUEST’s managers also sitting by the sofa. She smiled slightly(and albeit forcibly) before settling down on the couch.

 

“So, we were talking about something.”

 

‘Oh, no’ Nayoung thought. When her manager talked in this kind of tone, she knew it kinda... meant... extra work or trouble. OR BOTH.

 

“This is about your goodbye stage. Remember the time when we had a few choreography changes during WEE WOO?” Nayoung merely nodded, sensing the need of not voicing out and letting her superior  talk first.

 

“We were thinking about doing that again for your We Like goodbye stage next week! How does that sound for you, Nayoung? I’m asking you because I think you know the capacity of your members, and I think that you would like it. Also, this is a suggestion by the other managers themselves.” Pristin’s manager sent her a smile which, in Nayoung’s point of view, screamed the ‘JUST SAY YES AND DON’T THINK ABOUT EMBARRASSING ME TO MY FELLOW MANAGERS’ expression.

 

‘NO. WE DON’T LIKE IT. AT ALL. WE’D RATHER REST THAN PRACTICE AGAIN OVER AND OVER.’ Nayoung said in her mind, and if her manager hadn’t added another sentence, she would’ve slipped those words out of and see her career fly out the window.

 

“Of course, manager. I know that my team could do this.” Nayoung said with a placid smile.

 

“Good, okay... come here. The choreographer will explain a few things to you so that you can start practicing tomorrow.”

 

‘Dammit.’ Nayoung thought to herself before sitting herself beside the choreographer.

 

~-~-~-~

 

Kyungwon lounged at the sofa, feet placed on the seat and her chin resting on her knees. Her fellow sub leader was in the kitchen cooking the food for dinner. The others were also in the living room, watching another episode of Running Man while waiting for Nayoung to come home.

 

The girl sighed, her eyes skimming the dorm. She spotted a lot of snack wrappers and crumpled papers, and was that a spilt carton of milk on the floor beside the counter? Kyungwon was scared. Not the normal kind of scared. She was TERRIFIED. Nayoung would possibly kill her if she were to see this. However, Kyungwon didn’t have the heart to disturb her fellow members who were laughing and talking amongst themselves, enjoyment very much evident as laughter filled the dorm. She smiled slightly. Maybe she could deal with an angry Nayoung a little.

 

Just maybe.

 

“Dinner’s ready! Time to set the table!” Minkyung called from the kitchen. Kyungwon heard the older girl shuffle slightly and finally come to view, carrying the pot of Army Base Stew for dinner. Her eyes trailed the older girl, and she saw her stare at the carton by the counter with a glare, as if doing so would cause it to go away.

 

Minkyung placed the pot on the table, gesturing for the girls to set it up.Yewon, Siyeon, Kyla and Sungyeon immediately got the plates and cups while the 98 line set up the utensils. The present eldest member of the dorm bent down to pick up the discarded stuff from the floor. She wanted their leader to come home to a clean dorm, after all.

 

“Here, let me help you.” Kyungwon bent down beside Minkyung, helping her clean the dorm. The older girl side eyed her before standing up to get a broom. She swept the floor until there wasn’t a speck of dust left. The two girls dusted off their hands and smiled at each other in understanding. They joined the others in setting the dinner table.

 

 

 

~-~-~-~

 

Nayoung was really hungry. She heard her stomach growl several times on her way home and she could feel the weakness of her legs as she took steps towards the dorm. However, it seems that Nayoung’s tiredness overpowers her hunger. She made up her mind that she would just tell the members about the news and head straight to bed.

 

She got home at 7:24 PM, and she already saw the members eating on the dining table. They must have been very hungry to not wait for her to return before eating.

 

“Oh, unnie!” Jieqiong stood up and ran towards Nayoung, wrapping the older girl in a bear hug. Nayoung returned the hug, figuring that she needed that too to calm down. She led Nayoung to the dining room where everyone was anticipating her return. Nayoung did a mental head count before deciding to avoid beating around the bush. She wanted to sleep already.

 

“Okay, I have an announcement to make. Starting tomorrow until the next day, we would be having a new choreography for some parts of WE LIKE for our goodbye stage, like what we did with WEE WOO last time, however this time it’s gonna have more revisions. We have two days with the instructor and the rest will be up to us. I know we can do this.” Nayoung explained the situation to her members. They needed to know about it. After 5 seconds of silence, she heard the girls groan in complaint.

 

“A new choreography? Why...” Siyeon groaned and rested her forehead against the table as Yewon and Kyla each pat her back from either of her sides.

 

Nayoung wanted to yell at them that “they-don’t-have-the-right-to-complain-because-she’s-the-once-who’s-stressed-the-most” but refrained. She didn’t want to spike up an issue between them after all. Bless her for her overflowing self control.

 

“I’ll just head to my room, okay? I’ll just change.” Nayoung said with a small smile before trudging to her room. Kyungwon and the rest of Pristin seemed to be convinced enough that she was okay, however, Minkyung didn’t miss the tiredness evident in Nayoung’s eyes as she headed back to her own room.

 

The leader didn’t live up to her promise, however, because as soon as she removed her shoes, she found herself being dragged in by sleep. She lay down on the bed, face first. Nayoung relished the feeling of the soft fabric she had missed all day. With that in thought, Nayoung drifted into dream land.

 

~-~-~-~

Minkyung was wondering why Nayoung was taking a long time to change. It has been thirty minutes and the other members were already done eating, all except Nayoung. She furrowed her brows in concern and got up. She headed for Nayoung’s door, which is slightly ajar. She knocked first, but after 2 seconds of being unanswered, Minkyung then pushed the door open and was surprised to see darkness surrounding the room.

 

She turned to scan the area, and her gaze eventually rested on Nayoung’s bunk bed. Her eyes softened at the sight. Nayoung lay there, face first on the bed. Her jacket was still intact on her body and even her socks were still there. Nayoung must have fallen asleep in the middle of changing.

 

Minkyung pitied Nayoung. She knew all the crappy schedules the leader had to deal with every day and all the sacrifices the elder girl pulled off for her team. She couldn’t even count using her fingers the number of times Nayoung actually got the girls out of trouble. Minkyung couldn’t even imagine how Nayoung copes up with the burden of becoming a leader. She remembered the time where she acted as the group leader since Nayoung was staying at the IOI dorm that time. She was even surprised she lasted 8 months acting as the leader while Nayoung... Nayoung has spent, is spending and will spend her whole idol life carrying the burden of becoming a leader on her shoulders.

 

The tall girl didn’t have the heart to wake the leader up, so she settled with just covering the older girl in a blanket.

 

With one last glance at Nayoung, she went out the room and shut the door softly behind her.

 

~-~-~-~

The next morning, Nayoung woke up with a massive headache. It was as if a ton of bricks had just fallen on her head. She groaned loudly and sat up, and a wave of nausea hit her like a train.
 

 

‘What’s wrong with me?’ she asked to herself as she got up from bed, wobbling slightly due to the headache. She glanced to her nightstand and it was already 5:30 AM. She should be waking up the girls at this time. Nayoung then started to freshen up and get into her practice gear.The leader groaned for the second time and ruffled her hair before trudging to the kitchen to find something to eat.

 

The dizziness was still taking over her and she could barely stand upright. She was stirring her coffee when her senses started to drop. Everything started becoming hazy and a ringing sensation made way to her ears, making her flinch. Her eyes felt heavy, her limbs were becoming jello one by one and the last thing Nayoung registered was two people frantically calling her name before she out.

 

~-~-~-~

Minkyung and Kyungwon woke up at the same time so together, they made their way to the kitchen to fix up some food. They stayed as quiet as possible in order to not wake up their other roommates and risk a rising octave combo by Siyeon. That girl hated having her sleep interrupted.

 

Minkyung was the first one to go out the room. She took lazy steps to the kitchen and found her leader fixing up coffee for herself. She observed her from afar and sensed something wrong. Nayoung was in an unnatural state and Minkyung could tell that even from a mile away. Nayoung was leaning to her side and everything happened in slow motion.

 

“UNNIE!” She sprinted to Nayoung’s direction and caught the leader. Had she been even a second late, Nayoung would have hit her head on the edge of the table. She cradled Nayoung in her arms and moments later, Kyungwon was running to her direction as well, calling Nayoung’s name frantically. The other members eventually materialized because of the commotion.

 

Minkyung felt up Nayoung’s forehead. She was burning hot. Her eyes widened and turned to the girls.

 

“Nayoung-unnie is sick. She has a high fever. Kyungwon help me get her to the bed. Siyeon, call Manager oppa and tell him that Nayoung-unnie fainted.” Minkyung’s leader instincts took over her as she and Kyungwon lifted Nayoung up.

 

Siyeon nodded and sprinted off to her room to contact her Manager’s phone. The others just stared at the two people carrying Nayoung off to bed.

 

~-~-~-~

 

“Nayoung has a case of fatigue. It seems like she’s been stressed for the past days.” The manager said to the girls currently gathered in the living room. Kyungwon was the most puzzled out of all the girls.

 

“Wait.. what? But I didn’t see anything wrong with her for the past days. How could that happen?” Kyungwon asked.

 

“Well, there are people who tend to keep everything to herself, even the most stressful of experiences. Those are the people who look okay in the outside, but are stressed within. Nayoung is one of those people.”

 

“But... I don’t understand... why didn’t unnie tell us?” Yewon was very confused about the whole thing too.

 

“Nayoung didn’t want to worry you girls. You should know that by now.”

 

“So you know that she was stressed, manager oppa? If so, then why did you keep dumping responsibilites on her shoulders then? Couldn’t you have been at the very least... considerate about how unnie must have felt?” Minkyung raised her voice to her manager, whose response was to look at her with an amused expression. That was when she had realized that she had screwed up a little. “I’m sorry” she said in a soft voice.

 

“It’s okay, Minkyung. I know how you feel and I know you are very much concerned for Nayoung, but she’ll be okay in  a day or two.” The manager said, and Minkyung sighed in relief that she wasn’t grilled by the man for her misbehavior.

 

“I left some medicine tablets on the table and some energy drinks on the fridge. I’ll be back at the company if you need me, girls.” With that the manager rushed out of the dorm, leaving the nine girls in the living room.

 

“Poor Nayoung unnie...” Siyeon said in a soft voice.

 

Minkyung and Kyungwon couldn’t agree more.

 

‘So this was what Minkyung unnie was talking about... Stress...’ Kyungwon pondered.

 

~-~-~-~

 

Nayoung woke up to the coldness settling on her forehead and to the smell of freshly prepared porridge invading her nose. She tried her best to open her heavy eyelids and scanned her surroundings. She saw Jieqiong beside her, holding a bowl of porridge. Nayoung was puzzled at first and she tried to recall the events that morning...

 

Then it dawned to her...

The last thing she remembered was preparing herself a cup of coffee... the ringing in her ears... the fading of everything into black.

 

She must have fainted.

 

“Unnie...” Poor Jieqiong was biting her lip and Nayoung knew that she was trying to hold back her tears. The Chinese girl quickly placed the bowl on the nightstand and subsequently held her leader’s hand. Nayoung felt the coldness of Jieqiong’s hand burning her skin. She hissed slightly.

 

“Cold...” She said with a hoarse voice. Jieqiong just looked at her in worry before touching her forehead.

 

“Unnie... You fainted earlier. Minkyung unnie and Kyungwon unnie were the ones who found you in the kitchen. Minkyung unnie said that if she were even a second later, you would’ve hit the table. Did you know how worried I was?!” Jieqiong was openly sobbing, tears trickling down her cheeks as she tried to wipe them furiously. She couldn’t bear the thought of Nayoung getting hurt.“Manager oppa said you may be stressed and fatigued!”

 

Nayoung contemplated Jieqiong’s words. She was right. Her MANAGER was right. Nayoung really was stressed and tired for the past weeks and it felt very heavy for her already as the workload still kept on piling. Her energy threshold eventually gave out and caused her to feel very dizzy this morning and this caused her to faint.

 

She reached out to hold Jieqiong’s hand and that made the girl look at her. Nayoung sent the girl a small smile.

 

“I’m okay, Jieqiong. I just need rest and I’ll be okay in no time.” She tried to reassure the girl. Jieqiong was about to respond when Minkyung and Kyungwon entered the room.

 

“Feeling better, unnie?” Minkyung sat on the edge of Nayoung’s bed while Nayoung settled on the bed accross Nayoung’s.

 

“Yeah... sorry for worrying you girls. Really.”  Nayoung said with a sad expression. She truly felt guilty for making her team worry about her. It is true that she had neglected sleep and she hadn’t been eating well for the past weeks. She never expected it to turn out like this though.

 

“Jieqiong, could we talk to Nayoung for a while?” Minkyung placed a hand on Jieqiong’s shoulder. The Chinese girl was about to protest since she wanted to stay with Nayoung, however the look Minkyung gave her told her she was pretty serious. With a nod, she proceeded to leave the room, well, not after giving Nayoung once last glance before she closed the door.

 

With only the three of them remaining, Minkyung turned to look at Nayoung with an unreadable expression.

 

“So I guess you know how you ended up here?” Minkyung said.

 

“Unnie. We were so scared when you fainted.” Kyungwon said. Nayoung gave her a look.

 

“I know, Kyungwon, Minkyung. I’m really sorry for worrying you. I didn’t mean to.” It wasn’t everyday that one heard Nayoung apologize to others, so this was a rare occurence for them. Minkyung and Kyungwon shook their heads.

 

“Unnie...” Minkyung scooted closer to Nayoung. “I know that you have been very stressed for the past days. You’re running on a max of three hours sleep and most of the times, you skip dinner and sleep right away. It must have been very hard for you to cram all your schedules, so if there is anyone who should be sorry, it would be us.” She gestured to herself and Kyungwon. “I already knew what was going on with you, but I chose not to approach you because I thought you valued your pride as a leader. I was wrong... I should have confronted you about it immediately, so don’t apologize because we are the ones who are at fault here....” Minkyung finished with a sad smile.

 

“Unnie... not to brag, but we are leaders too. Minky is the sub leader. I’m the sub sub leader. It’s not only you who has to face the responsibilities and bear it all upon yourself. The reason we were offered these positions in the group is because we are also supposed to help you lead the team. Nayoung-unnie...” Kyungwon got up from the bed approached the leader’s bunk to take Nayoung’s hand in hers. “Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. When you feel like it is very heavy for you to take, all you have to do is tell Minkyung and I and we will definitely help you. You don’t have to bear this burden all by yourself. That’s why we are a team. That’s why we are the unnie line. You can always count on us, remember that, unnie.” Kyungwon finished with a smile.

 

Nayoung felt tears pricking her eyes, and before she knew it, tears started streaming down her cheeks. At that exact moment, she felt all the stress from her body being lifted. She was truly grateful for two more responsible leaders in her group. She pulled her two sub leaders in a fierce hug. Who knew that a simple reassurance from her teammates would have that effect on her?

 

It is by then she realized...

 

That it’s not bad to ask help from your friends when you’re stressed out, no matter how embarrassing it may be. You don’t have to stress yourself out and bear all the burden on your shoulders. A team exists in order for people to learn to help one another, not for a leader to bear everything on his or shoulders. A team exists in order for multiple minds to become one.

 

That is the name of every “Team Leader” game.

 

A while later, Jieqiong came back to the room and complained(POUTED) about the bon Juk porridge going cold. The older girls laughed heartily before inviting Jieqiong in the now lighthearted conversation. She then proceeded to feed Nayoung the porridge while talking with the others.

 

Nayoung couldn’t be even happier.

~-~-~-~

 

“Minkyung, Kyungwon could you announce the schedule we have for the next few days?” Nayoung asked from her position in front of the computer, reviewing the new steps they have practiced for three days. They had four days left before the goodbye stage, after all.

 

“Okay.” Nayoung smiled to herself when she heard the simultaneous response of her two subleaders.

 

A/N:

Hey guys! Sorry for the two week delay of this update. School’s been really hectic and we were dumped with a load of writing works and projects that we needed to do so I didn’t have time to finish this chapter. Anyway, thank you for everyone who supported this story this far. I really appreciate it.

 

I hope you guys liked this chapter... This is technically the last chapter of 5 REASONS WHY BEING A LEADER IS HARD AND 1 REASON WHY IT’S NOT. The next chapter will be the epilogue a.k.a 1 Reason why being a leader is NOT hard.

 

Until the next update!! Thanks again! ^_^